


Out of the Frying Pan

by TMT_OB_Fan



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Language, F/F, Humor, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2018-07-26 22:46:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 160,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7593130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TMT_OB_Fan/pseuds/TMT_OB_Fan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This fanfic work was started in October of last year (2015) after I binge watched Season 3 and got dropped into an angst-hole by the cliff hanger at the end... if you're reading this, you know which one! Since my only way out of an angst-hole is to wallow in it (as I am an angst-oholic and once I'm off the wagon I might as well enjoy it before I hop back on again:), it was my response to where Season 4 COULD go at the time.  Story is Cophine, BUT I did let my imagination go to work on other story lines in it as well.</p><p>I posted it on FanFiction.net starting in December I am up to Chapter 14 now (not done yet).  I am re-posting here at the request of a reviewer, but the work was formatted to fanfic.net and I have not adjusted format for AO3.  Chapters have authors notes at chapter starts.</p><p>Warnings:<br/>Rape/non-con: I am not a fan of graphic depictions of this type of thing, so it is mostly implied.<br/>Violence: more than just implied.  Lots of shooting and blowing Sh...stuff up.<br/>Major Character Death: I have not decided but marked it so that I reserve the right to do so if that's where the story goes</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Warning: Violent content towards the end of this chapter.

A/N: This chapter picks up at Alison's party after Delphine drives away. The first scene is a bit slow, but it's setting the stage so to speak.

Updated A/N: For those who are following the story, I am going back through my old chapters and cleaning up some spelling/grammar errors and altering some of the wording of a few scenes. There are no major changes to these chapters unless otherwise stated in the updated Authors Notes. For this chapter, there was a significant continuity issue that either no one caught or no one wanted to point out. I fixed it from the original. It changed a bit of the interaction between the characters in the last scene, but the overall content has not changed.

Chapter 1

Cosima watched Delphine drive away. "What the hell….?" she whispered to herself. That kiss definitely said, there's still something there. But obvious from her departing remark, Delphine still felt the need to keep the distance between them. Ok. The hard decisions. Right. Like breaking up with me so that she could keep her promise to love all of my sisters equally. But Delphine's inconsistency over the last few weeks still left her adrift with questions.

Like is it really all about protecting us, or is it about liking the power your new position gives you and needing to walk a tightrope between keeping us mollified and keeping your new job?

Like is this push-me-away, pull-me-back to you thing just you struggling with us being separated when you don't really want to be? Or do you do the pulling when you realize I'm slipping out from under your influence?

And is there any chance of a future for us? Between their separation and her illness gaining ground, Cosima was very afraid of that answer.

She wanted to take it back, tell Delphine to love her more than her sisters, because in truth, she felt Delphine was loving her less and less. But her sisters needed Delphine's protection, too, and she was doing that.

With a slow turn she returned to the party. Just listening to the conversations going on around her was soothing. There wasn't any talk of Dyad or Topside or …anyone associated with them.

"So what did Delphine have to say?" Scott asked. "Are we still fired?"

Sigh. Someone was peeking. "I think now that we have samples of the original DNA before they monkeyed with it, we have to stay fired, don't you? Otherwise, Dyad gets access to it and Neolution through them. And, yes, Delphine agrees. She said keep Kendall and her DNA far away. And, point of fact," she said waving her hand in a circular motion at him, "we resigned."

"You resigned," he muttered under his breath. She heard him anyway and gave him a look.

"Well how are you going to run your analysis without the lab at Dyad?" Allison asked curiously.

"I don't know. Universities or hospitals are our best bets," Cosima replied a bit despondently.

"Forensic labs have a lot of what we need too," Scott added. "Art, any chance of you getting us access?"

"There isn't a whole lot I can do to help you with that, other than give you a contact in the lab to send your CV. But Cosima can't be seen there. Too many people knew Beth and saw us bring in Sarah. Plus, D'Angeles seems to have let go of her investigation for now. But all she would need to put her back into bloodhound mode is another clone sighting right under her nose. I can make some calls to see if anyone who owes me favors is owed favors by someone higher up the food chain who can pull some strings to get you hired. Don't hold your breath though."

"It's something at least," Cosima added. "I don't think we can be choosy at this point. Time to update our CVs and litter the city with them. It will be interesting to see the results of this interview process, huh?" Cosima's eyes held something seldom seen in them before. Skepticism. "The bad guys know we have what they want, and they have long arms and a lots of influence. Any lab that takes us will be suspect."

"I have another question," Sarah added. "If Delphine is saying keep Kendall's DNA hidden away, does that mean she's working against Topside, or that Topside told her to keep it away until they clean house of Neolution, or vice versa?"

"Does it matter? If she said 'bring her in' would we do it?"

"Not my point. Delphine is a still a big question mark for me."

"I trust her," Scott offered, somewhat defensively. "Anytime your ass has been on the line she's been there. That's all that matters, isn't it?"

"No, no, no!" Felix jumped in. "Has everyone forgotten she runs Dyad now? How can you trust her? And what about Kira getting taken? That was on her!" He also genuinely believed Delphine was just using Cosima, the straight girl out for political gain manipulating his poor little love struck lesbian sister.

"That wasn't intentional. She thought you had a mole working with you and came to warn you." Cosima answered. "She tried to protect us, only this time it was a setup."

"Yeah, you believe it wasn't intentional," Felix retorted.

"Hey, I have been the least trusting of Delphine of all of us the last few weeks. But when she came to tell me about her part in Kira's abduction, she was genuinely devastated. That was real."

Allison looked thoughtful. "I tend to agree with Scott. I mean, she has to be in some hot water, what with losing the book to the Castor party without ever knowing you had it, letting Rachel escape, and then letting Cosima walk out of Dyad where they were able to keep a constant eye on you. And most of that happened because you were working behind her back. Despite all that, she still called Sarah to tell her not to give Kendall's samples to Ferdinand. I would have thought getting Topside those samples might have offset some of her losses in their eyes, even if Neolution got them too. Instead, her waving you off probably counts against her as another failure. When you spoke to her earlier, did she blame you for any of it?" Allison asked archly.

Cosima looked down at her half eaten plate of food. "No. Instead she was… I don't know. Still vague. Still holding things back. Then again, I certainly haven't been shy about keeping things from her."

Until Allison had pointed it out, she hadn't considered how any of the things that she had done might affect Delphine, only how Delphine's actions had, and might in the future, affect her and her sisters. What did that say about her? Delphine always seemed to rise above each of Cosima's misdeeds, and come back to her…and kiss her senseless…and then walk away again. Fuck! Well, at least if Dyad fired Delphine, she would know one way or the other. If they cut her loose there wouldn't be anything to stop her from switching sides.

"I don't know about trust. But I do like having someone in the upper echelons of Dyad who seems to want to keep you all alive and healthy. And doesn't seem to want to lock you in a cell to achieve it. Those are alliances you may want to keep," Mrs. S offered up with a slightly chiding tone as she looked at Sarah.

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Well, yeah, hindsight being perfect, maybe the plan to break Rachel out of Dyad wasn't the best idea. But don't forget, Delphine was just as tricky with letting us. She played us." Sarah's pride still stung.

"And that's a far cry from the love struck monitor she passed herself off as at the start of all this, yeah?" Felix offered his opinion.

"Sometimes a person learns to swim when tossed in the deep end. If you had been working together, instead of against each other," Siobhan replied reasonably, "you might still have the book, and the translation, and Delphine might have kept it from Topside anyway. Only that last is really in question. And weren't we planning on giving them Ma's blood and tissue samples our own selves?"

"That's our choice, not hers," Sarah retorted hotly.

Listening to the exchange, Cosima was surprised at Sarah's vehement distrust of Delphine. Scott was right about Delphine's support of them. She had helped Sarah out of tough spots time and again. Not outing Sarah at the Dyad party where she had been pretending to be Cosima was the first. Then alerting Cosima to Rachel's planned, and definitely involuntary oophorectomy for Sarah. And then drafting Sarah to prevent the elimination of all three self-aware clones by Ferdinand and Rachel. And yet, Sarah was still almost angry at her. That's it exactly. Sarah's distrust was rooted in her anger at Delphine about Kira's kidnapping. And mine is rooted in my anger at her withdrawal from our relationship, she thought to herself. She shook her head. Only one thing was coming clear… we need to try to look at our situation more objectively.

"Why is it our choice?" she asked philosophically. "It's our biology, yes, but the synthetic sequences are someone else's science. Do we own that just because it was used to make us possible? There are huge questions out there we haven't bothered to answer among ourselves. And without that frame of reference, it's impossible to judge the accuracy of our own actions much less Delphine's."

"You don't trust her either."

"You're right, I didn't. I think my hurt feelings over her dumping me may have influenced a lot of that," she looked down, self-consciously. "But trust is something a person chooses to do." She looked up again. "Done objectively, you choose to trust after weighing the pros and cons of a person's actions and what you know, or think you know, about them. Delphine's actions, even the ones I disagree with, can all be traced back to trying to protect us or to find a cure. The fact that some of those actions also benefit Dyad with the science are what help her stay in a position to continue to help us. And whether letting them get the science is wrong or not depends on the point of view."

"Is that what she's doing? Protecting us? Or is she just protecting the Leda project, as one of the lead scientists and now as the Director?" Sarah parried.

"To Mrs. S's point, she could do that by locking us away in a cell". She took a deep breath. "So I am choosing to trust her motives from here on out. It doesn't mean we have to share everything with her all the time," she offered hurriedly as both Sarah and Felix started to protest. "And each of you is free to draw your own conclusions. But," she paused and swallowed, "even though we're not together anymore, and may never be, wherever I am, Delphine will always be welcome."

"How can you say that?" Felix demanded. "She dumped you right after she got her promotion. Slept her way to it, no doubt, with you the cherry on top. And once she got you where they could keep you under their thumb, and the big boss chair became available, you're out like yesterday's garbage."

"Felix," Siobhan scolded. Even Sarah looked uncomfortable with that blatantly cold characterization of Delphine's motives. She had seen Delphine and Cosima together enough to know not all of their relationship was fake on the doctor's part. But some of it, maybe? Delphine had seemed cold towards Cosima since taking over for Rachel. And Sarah felt very protective of Cosima.

Cosima shook her head, hurt by his harsh summary of the very thing she had worried over. "Well, I may be wrong, but one thing I've taken away from my recent interactions with Delphine…," she started.

"Chlamydia?" Felix interrupted cattily.

Cosima glared at him, while a few of the other tried to hide smiles. "If I'm wrong, there will be consequences. All I can do is deal with them as they occur."

Felix just rolled his eyes, "Lesbians. Always wanting to be friends once it's over. You do remember she's not a real lesbian, right?"

"If she is not to be trusted we should kill her," Helena added her two cents, sounding reasonable about it.

"No!" Cosima pointed a finger at Helena. "No killing, no thinking about killing, no talk of killing."

"It was joke, I do not do this any more," Helena tried a tentative smile to diffuse her sister's irritation.

"Iduno, I think Helena may be on to something with that," Felix smirked.

"Speaking of the future," Alison stretched to change the subject. "What are our plans for that? I mean, Mrs. S and Sarah are going to take Kendall into hiding, and Cosima and Scott are going to try to get lab access somewhere and keep working on a cure. Is there something else we should be doing to keep ourselves safe?"

"Probably," Sarah replied. "But I'm still too focused on getting us out of the country to think that far ahead. As long as nothing goes wrong, once we have time to take a breath, maybe we can put our minds to that."

"I agree," Cosima said tiredly, wanting to make her excuses and head home. "But something to think about? In addition to basic survival, we have been focused on trying to keep the science out of Dyad's hands. But is it realistic to assume we can stop it? I mean, if they don't get Duncan's synthetic sequences or Kendall's DNA, they'll just keep working to figure it out themselves and eventually, yatzee. Or Neolution will get there with the bogarted book the Castors took, because you know they have that by now. No, trying to control the science is, like, trying to bail the Titanic with a tea cup. It's a losing game. So maybe, to Alison's point, our efforts would be better spent on protecting the results…us, our sisters, and our brothers, and any other human clones that might already exist out there."

"And how do you propose we do that?"

"Well, the laws on the books now are all designed to prevent us from even existing – making human cloning illegal. There are no laws that protect a theoretical human clone, no rulings that say we're even human, worthy of the existing protections for normal people. And that's because most of the world doesn't know we are no longer a theoretical. But Dyad and those others, they are lobbying to get laws on the books that would make us their property, or at least make it easier to argue when the time comes. We aren't doing anything to fight them on that front. I'm not proposing we do it today, or even in the next few months. But I think eventually, we will have to blow the whistle, come out to the world and let the chips fall where they may."

"No," Sarah interjected, "The second we start to move in that direction, Dyad, Topside, Neolution, and whatever remnants of Castor remain out there, including the military, will come for our heads, and our families, just like Helsinki."

"I know," Cosima stared back at Sarah seriously. "But how long can we keep doing what we're doing without them coming for us anyway?" Cosima offered reasonably. "It's the only way I can see to get the legal protections we need in place before Dyad figures out how to duplicate their results and make us slaves."

She looked apologetically at Allison. "Sorry. Didn't mean to be a big downer for your party."

"Well, I did ask."

. . . . .

Cosima had gotten home from Allison's party several hours earlier. Unable to sleep, she stared at the ceiling from her pillow. Her mind had been bouncing from Delphine to Shay to Delphine to Shay, with guilt layered in between. Ultimately, she hadn't been honest, literally, or emotionally with either. And the internal mirror she had been gazing into over the last few hours did not return a reflection she found at all flattering. But damn, if she couldn't think of a thing to do to try to make any of it right.

Her cell phone began to vibrate on the nightstand. Her bedside clock read 2:11 a.m., as she reached to see who was calling. It was Shay. Her heart started to beat a little faster. The only solace she had had in the last few hours of soul searching was that there was nothing to do about Shay. Shay was out of the picture by her own choice, and rightly so. And now she's calling. Cosima was tempted not to answer, to keep her life simple and avoid re-opening an emotional entanglement she really couldn't afford right now.

But, she had been the asshole who had sent Delphine to interrogate Shay when she thought she might be a Castor mole. She owed Shay something for that screw-up. She pressed the "answer" button.

"Hi," she said quietly, once she was sure the connection had been made.

"Hey," Shay said softly in return. "I'm sorry it's so late. I have been staring at my phone off and on for hours trying to decide if I should call, or just let it go. I finally decided I didn't want to let it…you, go just yet, but if I waited until morning, I might chicken out and change my mind."

Cosima's heart warmed at the words. While she harbored some guilt for having started the relationship in the first place, Shay had been a huge comfort to her in the upheaval of Delphine's withdrawal and the resumption of her illness's progress. She could easily see this relationship developing into something serious. If it wasn't for her illness. If it wasn't for the secrets she would have to keep from Shay. If it wasn't for Delphine and their lack of anything resembling the closure she had begged the woman for in her office yesterday.

"I…think….," Cosima started, hesitantly, "that it would be better for you if you did let it go." She couldn't drag Shay back into this. Her warning to Sarah and the others that someone would eventually come for them and possibly their loved ones was not just hand wringing paranoia. Probably. She had been far too selfish lately, and it was time to change that.

"Yeah, that had been my thought too. Until Delphine showed up on my doorstep earlier tonight."

"What?" Cosima got up from the bed and started pacing, her free hand going to her head as if to keep the top from coming off of it. "Why? What happened?"

"She was, surprisingly different this time. I could almost believe she felt as contrite as she acted, but I don't want to give her that much credit."

Cosima could believe. Hard choices had consequences, lingering injuries to the heart and soul. When Shay had told her what Delphine had done, she had been shocked, like a slap to the face. Never, in a million years, could she picture the gentle woman she loved doing such a thing. And finally, Cosima had realized what Delphine had been trying to tell her. "To do that, I can't do this," she had said. She couldn't be the gentle, loving Delphine and still protect them…her. And a core of ruthless steel had been revealed. That was when Cosima had truly recognized the magnitude of what she had asked of Delphine, and that Delphine had accepted. But this new action told Cosima the Delphine she knew was still there as well, ashamed of the choices she felt she had to make in the name of efficacy and expediency.

"What time was she there?"

"Early, around 6, maybe." So, before Delphine had come to Bubbles, she had gone to Shay to apologize.

"She, uh, gave me something to give to you. I don't understand what it means, but, can we meet and talk and maybe try to figure this out together?"

Cosima's brow furrowed. Why would Delphine give Shay something for her, when she was coming to see Cosima just an hour or two later? "Uh, yeah…sure. I've been having a sleepless night here, too. Why don't I come over now?"

"Yes…please."

Cosima started throwing on extra layers over the sweat pants and tank top she had been not-sleeping in, topped it with her red coat, and ran out the door.

. . . . .

Shay let Cosima into her apartment, closing and locking the door before turning and enveloping her in a hug that lasted just a bit longer than lets-just-be-friends. Cosima didn't hesitate in returning it. Shay really was a wonderful person, beautiful, smart, philosophically complex, and cute as a button. The hug lasted long enough that Cosima thought she felt the smaller woman's body heat starting to seep through her layers of clothing. And that thought led to some physical sensations a bit lower. It had been nice, after Delphine, to have a lover who was experienced with women. Not that Delphine had not been able to get her where she needed to go – ever and easily. But her lack of sexual experience with women had manifested a surprising insecurity in Delphine, one that Cosima had found endearing early in their relationship, and had then used to wound her with during the argument preceding Cosima's flight from Minnesota. Shay, as a contrast, was not at all shy in the sex department and had no need of any reassurances. Much less effort required.

As Shay started to pull back from the hug, she tilted her chin up and kissed Cosima with a passion that felt like it should melt her dreads. Cosima could feel her resolve to keep Shay out of the mess that was her life start to deteriorate. In her defense, Delphine's kiss from earlier had both lifted her heart and revved her engines, only to be shut down a second later. Now with Shay's encouragement, her libido was shifting back into high gear.

No. She pulled back from the kiss trying to catch her breath. "I thought we needed to talk," she gasped.

Shay smiled and returned a sly "Yeah, after…after…" as she tried to steer Cosima towards the bed in a re-creation of one of their earlier encounters.

Cosima laughed and let herself be led half way across the room before slowing Shay's progress. "No," she said with a sorrowful smile. "I think this time, it should definitely be before, before." Shay groaned at her denial.

And I need a cold shower, Cosima thought to herself.

"Kill joy."

"Hey," she pulled Shay into a loose hug, expression no longer playful. "You've had a taste of the kind of serious shit that goes on in my life. I genuinely do not believe Delphine would have hurt you, could have hurt you. But the people I work for, the company intrigue…people have disappeared and people have died. That's why she was so ruthless. Some of what we are working on…people's lives are at stake. I need you to just trust me on this."

Shay searched her eyes closely, trying to assess the truth in them. "Ok," she said quietly. "That's a good starting point for our conversation." With that, she withdrew from the light embrace. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out a business card, handing it to Cosima. She curled up in one corner of her sofa, eyes never leaving Cosima, waiting for her to finish her examination of the card.

Cosima scanned the card and, flipping it over, scanned again, locking on the only hand-written portion. It was Delphine's clean, crisp lettering – and her id tag number. She felt the bottom drop out of her world for just a moment. She looked up quickly from the card and found Shay watching her reaction closely. She even knew what Shay was seeing. Her, with her eyes wide and mouth hanging open in complete shock. Definitely not what she had been expecting.

"What exactly did Delphine tell you?" she asked as she stumbled her way to the opposite end of the sofa and sat heavily. "I need to know everything she said to you."

Shay's eyes narrowed a bit at her tone. "You are still in love with her, aren't you?"

Cosima closed her eyes in frustration. Her feelings for Delphine were so complicated right now, one single word, not even the most powerful, four-letter word in the history of language, could adequately describe it. But Shay's question did not allow for the ambiguous aspects of what she was feeling, so she stuck with the simplest truth. "Yes."

"So why aren't you two still together? Because she obviously still loves you."

Cosima's eyes teared a bit at Shay's words.

"Rewind to 60 seconds ago, when I told you why you should stay away. I am neck deep in one pile of shit," she waved the business card half-heartedly, "and I think Delphine is neck deep in another…maybe. We can't make a relationship work under those conditions and they aren't likely to change any time soon. And to get it out on the table, I don't see a relationship working with you either, for the same reasons. I'm just trouble for anyone right now."

"Well, Delphine does not agree."

"What?"

"She said she thought you and I 'fit'."

Cosima shook her head in disbelief. "Please…tell me what she said to you?"

"Well, she apologized. Said what she had done was unforgivable, which it was. She said that you genuinely cared for me." Shay paused and looked at Cosima expectantly.

Cosima smiled despite herself, "Which I do."

"Hmm," Shay preened with a slight smile. "And that's when she said she thought you and I fit, and she wouldn't be standing in the way anymore, but that it had to begin with the truth. Then she handed me that very vague business card and said to give it to you. And to tell you to…tell me everything, if you wanted, it's your choice," Shay finished in a tone that indicated a verbatim recitation.

And then she came to Bubbles and kissed me like she meant it…or like a goodbye? Closure, she thought to herself. This is her way of giving me what I asked for. Again. Her stomach felt like it was twisting itself in a knot.

"Well," she said, knowing she sounded stunned. "I did demand that if we couldn't be together she had to let me go. I guess she just did."

"I'm sorry," Shay looked genuinely sympathetic. After a pause, "But I'm still here."

Cosima eased back on the sofa and pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms around them like a shield. She really should cut this off now and leave. But a part of her was grieving, the loss of Delphine feeling permanent now, in a way it never had before. She didn't want to be alone with it, knowing it would consume her.

"Yes, you are. Thank you."

"Cosima, you know I was in the military. I don't talk about that part of my life. But just know, I'm not as delicate as I may appear. If I know trouble is coming, I'm not afraid to face it."

"Now, while that is sinking in, I'm going to make you up an herbal tea, maybe with some chamomile and mint – something soothing. And I think you need to decide if you want to tell me whatever you think I should know."

"No, that decision is already made. There really isn't a choice. I like you too much to drag you into this. I would be the most selfish asshole on the planet if I put you in the middle of this just so I can have someone to help me fight my demons." She had to be strong, and a little bit ruthless too, "And to hold my hand while I die. That's not something I'm going to do to you."

Shay looked back at her sadly, having stopped half way to her kitchen.

"Are you leaving then?"

Cosima looked back at her, her eyes tearing. "Would it be ok, if I just sat here with you for a bit?"

"Of course. As long as you need."

Shay put the tea kettle on the stove and turned it on. "Can you at least tell me what the code on the card meant, I mean, you know, without getting me killed?"

Cosima thought about it for a moment. How to answer, without answering.

"Do you remember when I offered to show you the lab and you made a joke about seeing the mutants?" She waited for Shay's nod. "Well, I'm sort of one of them. That's my ID number."

Shay stared at her for a moment to determine if she was joking. She wasn't.

"Your illness," she said with sudden understanding.

Cosima, letting Shay fill in the blanks with her own logical conclusions, simply nodded. After all, her illness was a part of being a clone, so it wasn't an outright lie.

"Ok. I'm good with that," she said as she sat down next to Cosima. "But something feels left undone with us, and you don't owe Delphine anything." She wrapped her warm hands around Cosima's cold ones. "I would like to get us both naked, and over there," she used her chin to indicate the bed, "and not come up for air until the sun is rising. And if I don't see you again after that, I will always remember you with fondness," she smiled.

Cosima looked down at their joined hands, not able to form a response. Silence rang in the apartment for several minutes until the tea kettle started to whistle. Without saying anything, Shay let go of her hands and went to take it off the burner.

Cosima stood, hesitating, then turned towards the bed. She stripped off layers of clothes and doubt as she walked. It wasn't perfect, and it wouldn't be fair to either of them, but she needed this and maybe Shay did too.

. . . . .

With sunlight streaming through the windows, Cosima slipped from the bed and began to dress. Shay rolled over to watch her.

"You're not coming back are you?"

Cosima stopped dressing and looked at her. "No."

"Ok. No strings. No blame. But keep my number? You never know. You might want to reach me one day."

"I will definitely keep your number," Cosima said with a smile. Then she finished dressing and headed towards the door.

"Cosima?"

She turned to look back towards the bed.

"I have held more than one person's hand while they died. I can do it again…and would do it for you without hesitation."

Cosima's throat closed around any response she might have made. She let herself out of Shay's apartment without a kiss goodbye.

Shay laid in the bed for a minute looking at the ceiling and then smiled softly. Getting up, she threw on her clothes from the previous evening and hurried out. She drove across town to a strip mall still under construction. Pulling around back where it couldn't be seen from the street, she parked her car next to a white one with a bloody streak on the trunk. She would have to get rid of that car sometime today.

An armed guard let her in the back door of what would, eventually, be a shoe store, she made her way to a large store room, and the makeshift hospital bed in the corner. There, Delphine Cormier lay, hands and feet strapped down to a narrow cot. Her complexion was almost as white as the paint on the store room wall.

"How is she doing", she asked the other occupant of the room.

"All things considered, reasonably well," the medic replied. "I'm glad you are here to spell me though. I could use a nap."

"Me too. But I can watch her for a few hours." With that, the medic snatched up his coat and left the room.

The blood bag hooked up to her patient was almost empty. She checked the woman's pulse and, satisfied with the results, moved to a refrigerator in the opposite corner of the room. Pushing aside a tray containing multiple vials of medications, she pulled a fresh bag of blood and began to change out the old one. As she worked, Delphine's eyes slowly opened and aimlessly moved around the room.

Blood. Transfusion. Her fuzzy brain was trying to make sense of what she was seeing around her. Another bag hanging above her, this one clear. Saline? She also felt a familiar pinching sensation that said she had been catheterized. And then her eyes focused on the nurse changing out the blood bag. No. Not a nurse. What was her name? Cosima's new love? Shay.

"Où suis-je?" her voice cracked weakly. Where am I?

Shay looked down at her and smiled sweetly, "En enfer." In Hell.

"Pourquoi?" she replied, still too confused to understand the mockery in the response. Why?

"I'm guessing you are suffering from traumatic amnesia. You don't remember me shooting you?" Delphine's mind struggled, at first, to translate what she was saying. Once she had, it still took a moment for meaning to register. And then the memories leading up to the pain began to return.

They were coming for her, had been waiting in the parking garage…no, she had been waiting. Delphine had not been overly surprised when she had turned and found Shay, in a hooded coat and with a gun. But she had hoped, for Cosima's sake, at worst Shay was simply a new monitor. She had been very wrong. Agonizing pain, trying to catch her breath, looking up into Shay's face smiling down at her.

"You know, I don't hold your threat to suicide me against you," she had said then. "That was business. But killing my father, that made it personal," she had said, still smiling softly. She had sounded so completely reasonable.

There was a gap in Delphine's memory, for the next thing she remembered, was looking up at Shay from the trunk of a car. "You want to know what will happen to her? Well, since she is so desperate for affection even on a good day, you kicking her to the curb pretty much guarantees she's going to fall for that card you gave me. She's going to let me into her confidence and into to those cute little lace panties of hers. Oh, I promise you, I will take very good care of her, up until the day she dies. Which will be soon, because they've written her off. Decided to let nature take its course and work with less troublesome clones. But on that day, when she's dying, I will tell her in graphic detail how I killed you tonight, chopped your body into pieces, and fed you to an industrial meat grinder."

Delphine remembered reaching out of the trunk, to try to stop her or to beg her, she wasn't sure which. But she had nothing left, no strength, no breath.

"Tonight though….Once I'm done with you, I'm going to use that card to get her to come over. I'm going to get her into bed, and I am going to run my hands over every millimeter of her skin that you ever touched." Shay's face and voice had been soft, intimate, stroking Delphine's outstretched fingers with the barrel of the gun as she spoke. "But don't be jealous. All the while, I will be thinking of you."

Another hiccup in her memory and she was watching Shay speaking on a cell phone. "I haven't finished yet, but she's well on her way." She listened again, a look of anger crossing her face. "Understood. I'll need a medical team standing by, and lots of O-neg."

After hanging up, she had grabbed Delphine's outstretched hand and pressed it to her bullet wound. "It seems the resource we sent to get us the original genome has gone dark. They want you for leverage now." A flash of rage crossed her face. She pulled back and raised her gun at Delphine, only shifting the barrel minutely at the last second to put two slugs into the trunk behind her. Then the lid had slammed down.

Her attention returned from her memories to see Shay, smiling down at her once more.

"Are you remembering?"

Delphine nodded slightly. "Dr. Nealon… your father?"

"And the top geneticist with Neolution." She didn't sound angry, in fact she had sounded nothing but calm and quiet the entire time. "You made more than just my hit-list by killing him. When you came by my apartment last night, I so wanted to kill you then. But I was still awaiting approval. I got the call right after you left."

Shay sighed. "Shooting you felt so good. I wanted to watch you bleed out, but I was forced to try to save you instead. I thought that part would really suck. But operating on you without anesthesia turned out to be entertaining, too. You were unconscious for most of it, but you woke up towards the end. Do you remember any of that?" she asked curiously.

Delphine shuddered. No, and she wasn't going to try. The human brain, she knew, had protections build in to it, fail safes, so that the worst memories, those that were unbearable to carry, were stored and then blocked from the consciousness. But they were still in there, somewhere.

Shay raised the hospital gown covering her patient and ran her hand slowly across Delphine's abdomen, stopping at the bandage where the bullet wound and surgical incision were. She gently brushed a finger down the bandage. Delphine flinched at the light pressure.

"Do you remember what I said to you after I shot you? When you were in the trunk of the car?" Shay asked, leaning closer. She reached a hand up to grip Delphine's chin, and brought her face to within a few centimeters of her own. "I didn't get to kill you last night… But, just for you, I didn't shower this morning." She smiled softly and whispered, "Can you still smell her on me?"

Delphine didn't move, didn't respond at all, simply looked into the gentle expression so at odds with her words. But a different pain awoke along with a wave of fear, sweeping away the confusion and lethargy. Because the answer was yes.

"While I was sexing up Cosima, all night long," Shay said, as she began to apply increasing pressure over Delphine's bandaged incision, "you were here…not dying."

Delphine moaned in pain and tried to shift away from the force of Shay's fingers pressing into her wound, but with her wrists and ankles restrained, all she could do was try to move her torso. The strain that put on her abdominal muscles only served to increase the pain with her movements. She cried out when the pressure and pain became too much. She couldn't help but remember her own thumb, pressing into Rachel's eye socket not so very long ago, making Rachel scream.

Hell. She understood now. Thankfully, her consciousness fled to where the agony could not follow.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Angst is ramping up in this chapter. Minor violence in the description of Delphine's "murder".

Updated A/N: Again, this chapter is a repost, with only minor changes to fix typos and the like.

Chapter 2

Sarah woke up slowly, curled up against Cal's side, a warm harbor in a cold room. Whose idea was Iceland anyway? But Kira would be up soon, so, with a quiet groan she shifted the warm covers aside and let the cool morning air envelop her.

After a quick run through her morning rituals she went downstairs in search of coffee. Or tea. Any caffeine would do. First one up. Wonderful. She set the coffee to brewing and opened her laptop. After hitting send/receive on her email, she set to work on the tea and poured a glass of orange juice for her soon to arrive daughter. Hiding out in a house with 4 adults and one child left a lot of beverage preferences to be met. They were all on their own for food, her work was done.

Finally sitting down in front of her computer with a fresh cup of coffee, she noticed her email was still downloading. Given the time elapsed and left to go on the download, there was obviously a very large file coming through. She felt a slight stir of anxiety at the thought. She wanted to think they were safe, that Dyad and Neolution would not find them, and after all, they had only been here a day. But nothing in her recent experiences had given her any reason for optimism on that point. So she waited, sipping her coffee, and watching the progress bar near completion. A video was the only thing that could be in the email. And a long one by the looks of the file size.

Finally, a tone sounded and several new email messages appeared in her list. Ignoring the spam items, her eyes immediately went to the only email with attachments. The email address showed the sender as DC-324B21 and the subject: "Retirement". Sarah's heart began to beat faster at the veiled reference to Cosima and opened it immediately. The short message read simply:

Sarah,

Watch the video. I'm sorry.

Delphine

There was also an address at the bottom of the email, but no explanation.

"Oh God, what's she done now", Sarah thought, thinking of Kira. Looking at the attachments, one titled "Watch This One First" and the other one labeled "Cosima", she double clicked on the "First" video and leaned forward as Delphine's image appeared.

She was sitting in a car, it was night, and she was obviously using her cell phone to make the video. The expression on Delphine's face focused Sarah's attention even more. It looked like a combination of fear and resignation.

"Sarah,…" Delphine paused a moment and sighed. "I have it on good authority that my…retirement" she said with mild sarcasm, "has been set in motion for tonight…sometime. And yes, I believe they put me on the Aldous Leekie retirement plan." Delphine gave a sad, crooked smile and Sarah's chest contracted. While it was true she had never been entirely certain of Delphine's ultimate loyalties, the discussion of all that Delphine had done, and not done to them since assuming control from Rachel at Dyad, had left a nagging doubt that her distrust might be more personal. But the woman only shared information she wanted to, and only when it would lead them where she wanted them to go, which meant she still had all the power. That pissed Sarah off. But Delphine being killed… the emotions that blew through Sarah were too complex to wade through before the image on the video started to speak again. And then the send date on the email registered in her awareness.

Sarah slammed her laptop closed, cutting off Delphine's voice, and ran upstairs with it.

"Cal, wake up. I'm going to need your help with something."

The urgency in her voice drove the sleepy confusion from his face as he sat up and swung his legs out of the bed.

"What's up?" he asked as she opened her laptop and restarted the video. She let Delphine's voice be her answer.

"I knew, when Leekie was permanently removed, that accepting any promotion offer from Rachel, and later from Topside, might end with my murder as well, but the advantages seemed worth the risk at the time. Even now that I know they are coming for me, I still believe that to be true." Cal's eyes widened at the words, but he didn't speak. Instead he opened his laptop on the table next to Sarah and began to type.

"Search for Delphine Cormier" Sarah murmured to him, never taking her eyes from her own screen.

"I know you will think I should have come to you when I learned of this. But if I did that, or if I tried to run, the first place they would look for me would be wherever Cosima is. The second place would be wherever you are, or if they couldn't find you, then Alison, who has always been in plain sight. I can't lead assassins to your doors. I can't risk triggering a new Helsinki Event actually sanctioned by Topside this time. So," She drew in a shaky breath but her gaze was unwavering, "I am going to go back to my office and wait for them to come. Maybe I am wrong? Maybe no one will come. But if they do, 24 hours from now, the email containing this video will be automatically sent to you. Because I am no longer around to cancel it.

"I wish now that I had the time to tell you all that I have learned about Topside. But the discovery that Neolution is truly running everything makes most of what I thought I knew moot anyhow, so maybe that part doesn't matter so much." She looked uncertain on that point.

"What does matter, is what I have done to prepare for the day you and your sisters separate from Dyad. I suspected that day would come, but had hoped it would not be this soon. Cosima and Scott are out of Dyad, and they must stay that way. Now that Duncan's data on the synthetic sequences is out of our hands, the best chance at a cure lies with the blood and tissue samples from Kendall. And they can't do that work at Dyad without handing those samples over to Neolution. I did not ask Cosima how she planned to continue the work and she didn't offer that information. The less I know at this point the better. I cannot divulge what I don't know. So I guess the secrets on both sides had their value?

"When I first began assuming Leekie's responsibilities, I was worried about the politics at Dyad interfering with our pursuit of a cure, especially when Rachel was still in charge. So I began creating contingency plans, which I continued when I took over the Directorship from her."

Delphine paused in her serious narrative to offer a genuine smile that reached her eyes. "I think you and Felix would have been proud of me. I managed to…em…appropriate, a rather impressive array of very expensive equipment. Enough to create a lab outside of Dyad. Any time a purchase order crossed my desk for approval that included equipment necessary for our purposes, I simply incremented the quantity for what we would…" she stopped, her voice losing some of its energy, "for what Cosima and Scott will need in order to continue the work. When the extra equipment would arrive at Dyad, I had it intercepted before it was entered into inventory and shipped back out again, ostensibly, back to the manufacturer due to an "ordering error". In reality, I would have those shipments rerouted. And then rerouted again. I made sure each shipment changed to different shipping companies two or three times before being delivered to a safe house. The house is not a Dyad holding and it is not in my name either. I made the arrangements as secret and secure as I could. The address is at the bottom of the email."

"Sarah, I know you don't completely trust me. But trust that I would do anything to protect you and your sisters. This is not a trick or a trap, at least not that I am aware," she offered a sardonic smile, knowing Sarah would understand the unspoken reference. "In addition to the lab, I stocked it with all the medical supplies that might be need to…" she swallowed and quickly moved on, "that might be needed." Cosima, Sarah thought without surprise.

"And now the hard part", Delphine paused. "You cannot tell Cosima any of this. Sarah, her latest test results are showing a frightening decline in her condition. Based on the trend data we have assembled from the others and on her own data before her… remission, for lack of a better word… I don't think she has much more than a month left. So it is imperative that she stay positive, optimistic, and focused on finding a cure. She literally has no time to waste. If she knows I am dead, or if I go missing without a word, it will only distract her from that objective. Tell her the safe house and lab equipment is something Mrs. S's contacts were able to arrange. I don't know, maybe make up a better story than that."

Another sigh, this time obviously resigned. "And she has a new lover…Shay. Cosima needs someone…intimate… to lean on, to share her fears. I couldn't be that for her and still be effective at protecting all of you. But I have seen them together, and I believe Shay can be that for her. I do not know if Shay is a monitor or not. If she is, I was not told about it. All I can hope is that Cosima's beautiful heart wins her over. If she is not a monitor, I can virtually guarantee she has already been won over." Delphine offered up a sad smile. "Cosima has that way with people, yes? Encourage her new relationship when you can. Cast doubt on the truthfulness of my feelings for her, if you need to, in order to get her to move forward. To this end I may have made things more difficult. I had to see her one last time, so I came up with a ridiculous pretext to speak with her earlier tonight. Despite my best efforts to be business only, I'm afraid I sent her very mixed messages…again.

"I have done what I can to rectify that situation. At the same time this email goes out to you, another email will reach Cosima. In that message I tell her that I am being called back to Europe by Topside for meetings and that I will be gone for several weeks. That should keep her from worrying about my disappearance for a while. If a time comes when she starts to worry or look for me, find a way to send her the second video I have attached to this email." Delphine's tone flattened. "In it I tell her that Topside has fired me, and I am going into hiding to protect myself, just in case. I tell her that my feelings for her are not enough for me to risk their wrath by switching sides as she had once asked me to do." Tears finally escaped Delphine's eyes revealing the pain behind the lie.

"In reality," she paused again, obviously trying to hold her composure, "only my love for Cosima gives me the courage to do what I have to do tonight. And knowing that she once loved me too, makes it all worth it." Delphine cocked her head, as if imploring Sarah to understand and believe the truth of those words. She can't say them to Cosima, but she needed to say them to someone, Sarah realized.

With a short laugh and a sniffle, "I didn't mean to cry and I don't have time to re-record this message. One last thing. I have been trying to contact Marion Bowles all afternoon and have not been able to reach her. If Topside has sanctioned this, she may just be avoiding me. But if it is Neolution, as I believe it is, they may have eliminated her as well. She was our highest ranking benefactor in Topside. Good luck, Sarah. I wish I could do more. If anyone can keep you all safe, I know it is you. I truly do love you all. Even Felix," she concluded with a sad smile. The image tilted as Delphine lowered her phone and ended the recording.

The video went dark.

Sarah angrily wiped away the tears that had started to fall at Delphine's declaration of love for Cosima. She only has a month? Can't we get a fucking break! Yeah, if this was true, no way can Cosima know about it. It would crush her. And with a sudden insight she realized Delphine had passed to her the task of withholding information, of providing only what was necessary to get the job done, even lie… to her sisters…just as Delphine had done.

She turned to Cal. "Anything?" she asked a bit harshly.

"No. I started with publicly available information sources. No one matching Delphine's description has been reported by morgues or hospitals in the past 4 days. I've also pulled data on her cell phone and credit cards. There is no activity for the last three days. Friday night was the last time her cell phone shows any activity."

The night of the Alison's party, Sarah thought. "Well, Dyad doesn't work that way. They would keep it quiet, dispose of the body, then make up a story about her dying in a crash…something like that"

"She said she was going back to her office at Dyad," Cal continued, "The last time I hacked their system I left a couple things behind so I could get back in if I needed to. I'm working my way into their security systems to pull up videos from Friday night. IF she made it back there, and IF they haven't screwed with the imagery, we might get lucky. But it could take a bit of time" he looked up apologetically from his typing.

"I'll go get you coffee" she said, acknowledging he was doing what he could.

What to do now. What does losing Delphine mean to us? Definitely a huge loss as a source for information and an arms-length ally. And on a personal level? Delphine was not a friend of hers, but she still couldn't stop the feeling that she had owed Delphine a debt, a loyalty she had never actually delivered. And maybe that was what got her killed, us kicking her legs out from under her one time too many? With an effort, she turned her mind away from the emotional reaction she could feel building and back to what she might still be able to effect.

She walked down the stairs again, thinking furiously about all of the possible ramifications if Delphine was dead.

Mrs. S, Kendall, and Kira were all sitting at the kitchen table.

Siobhan was the first to look up, and her smile at something Kira had been saying slid from her face.

"Trouble, is it?"

Casting a glance at Kira, Sarah merely said "Delphine."

"Oh?"

"Maybe retired from Dyad."

"Permanently?" Siobhan asked, seemingly unconcerned.

"Cal's checking on that possibility. But likely."

"Delphine left?" Kira asked.

Sarah hesitated. She tried never to lie to her daughter. But she had to worry about whatever truths she told Kira making their way back to Cosima. The two did video chats every few days and she would never ask Kira to lie to her beloved Aunty.

"Delphine said she was being called away by Dyad. To Europe somewhere. So she may not be around for a bit," true as far as that went. Passing on Delphine's lie wasn't really a lie, right?

"Does Cosima know?"

"Delphine said she was going to let her know, so I suppose so". Sarah's light tone with Kira was at odds with the serious look she gave to Siobhan. Mrs. S simply nodded and went back to sipping her tea.

Kira sighed. "Cosima will be even sadder now, then".

None of this exchange is missed by Kendall, but she has no idea who this Delphine was, much less what her death would mean to the complicated pile of shite they were all swimming in. She kept quiet.

"Well, I hear Cosima has a new friend, so maybe she won't be as sad as you think."

"She does? She didn't tell me that."

"Well, she told meeee about it ages ago," Sarah teased. "You'll just have to ask her about that the next time you talk to her, won't you Monkey?" Sarah asked with a smile, all the while chastising herself for ever having condemned Delphine for her secrets and half-truths.

. . . . .

Felix sunned himself in the window of his flat. It was still cold outside, but finally some rays to cook him out of his winter blahs had appeared through the cloudy grays. "And no tan lines", he thought as he pivoted on his feet to shift his naked ass away from the window and provide the world outside with a full Monte. "Cranky neighbors though." He laughed as he waved out the window. Shocking anyone who happened to be walking by was a favorite hobby. His phone rang from over by the bedside. With a swish, he left the window and went to answer it.

"Felix's Tanning Salon, how may I help you?"

"Felix." he recognized his sister's voice immediately. Either the international call had come through as "unknown" or Sarah was calling from a different phone. "We're in it again. I need your help. Sorry, Fe."

"I'm used to it by now. What's up?"

"Delphine may be dead, killed by Neolution or Topside or both." She waited a beat to let the news sink in.

Felix sat down on the bed. "What happened?"

"We don't know yet. She sent me a video in an email set to auto-send 24 hours after she made it, if she didn't cancel. She said they were after her the night of Alison's party. I didn't check my email the first day we got here. I just wanted one day without worry. Fat chance. Anyways, Cal's searching for any information he can find about her on his computer. But there's something you can do to check out part of her story. She said she set up a safe house for us, with lab equipment and medical supplies.

"I can't believe it. None of it. This is a trick, Sarah. She's crafty, that one."

"You don't really believe that, Fe. And neither do I. What Allison said at the party about her having to be in the shit with Topside rang true then and makes this more than believable now. Besides, the video? She's very convincing. She also said she hadn't been able to reach Marion and was thinking they might have got her too. I have been trying all morning to get through to both of them. No luck."

Felix reached for the rumpled blanket and pulled it over his legs and lap, suddenly feeling exposed. "Christ, Sarah, do you think they're coming for all of you?"

"I don't know. But it makes it all the more important to check on that safe house. Do you have a pen and paper? I don't want to text you the address. And I don't have to remind you to be careful getting there and in, right?

"Do you want to wipe my nose and scratch my ass for me too?" He scoffed. "I'm on it. What's the address?"

. . . . .

Helena was sitting in the living room of the Hendrix house learning history with Gemma on one side of the dining room table while Oscar worked on math homework on the other side.

Frustrated at a problem he was working on, Oscar threw down his pencil. "I hate math! I won't ever use it." he pouted.

"No, math is good. Math is necessary, all the time."

"Like when?" he challenged.

Helena thought for a moment. "You use math in this game you play on the television."

"No I don't."

"How many bullets does one magazine hold for gun in game?"

"12."

"So, if there are 48 targets at your final objective, how many magazines do you need to load when you are preparing? And if you usually miss 1 out of every 5 targets," she looked at him knowingly, "I have seen you do this, you must add that as well. So, how many magazines?"

"As many as I have! I don't have to do the math."

"No. Well, yes, this works in game. But in real life you must travel to this place where targets are. You must carry water and food, shelter and sleeping bag for warmth. And you must carry gun and magazines. If you take all magazines, too heavy. You go too slowly. It must be just so, with a little extra, but light and fast."

"Did you kill people?" he asked, suspicious.

Helena returned his stare, evaluating. "Who tells you this?"

"I heard Mom talking to Dad once, when they didn't know I was awake."

"I do not wish to talk about this. I do not think this is right."

"But you're not in the army or anything. So, if you killed people, you should go to jail." Oscar delivered his edict with the righteous assurance of the very young.

"Not Helena!" Gemma cried. "She's our Auntie!"

"People who kill people should go to jail! Everyone says so, except for bad guys!"

"She's not a bad guy! Tell him you're not a bad guy Helena!" Gemma was becoming upset.

"It is all right little one. I have done very bad things, that I cannot fix. But I think I have good things as well? My baby? I do not want my baby to go do jail. Do you?"

Oscar looked concerned at the thought. "No."

"Then I must stay out of jail and try not to be bad guy anymore, yes?"

Her argument seemed to satisfy Oscar, but Helena's own eyes remained troubled. Was she bad guy?

. . . . .

Felix waited until dark to leave, having mapped the address and written down the turn-by-turn directions. No need risking some cyber snooper pulling it from the mapping software on his phone. Then he pulled the battery from his phone. If it was a legitimately safe safe house, he wanted to keep it that way. The safe house turned out to be an actual house out in a remote area, not an abandoned warehouse like he had half expected. It was situated on a large lot, with trees along the road obscuring it. He passed the drive without turning in, looking for a place down the road where his car would not be conspicuous. He then hiked back up the empty road to the drive and started to walk up. There was a lot of room all around the house, with no neighboring houses in sight. The building itself was in good repair and looked, uncomfortably like it was occupied. The lights were on, and there was a vehicle in the drive.

Pausing to fix his story in his head, he then approached the door and rang the bell. No sounds came from the house. No drone of a television, no music, no patter of footsteps. He knocked.

"Hello?" He yelled. "My car has shut down on the road and I forgot my cell phone. Hello?"

Still nothing. He tried the door gently, to avoid rattling it. Locked.

Working his way around the house, he checked in the windows. No one appeared to be home and the windows were closed and locked. When he reached the back door, he found a note taped to it, with his name on it. Opening it, he read the note out loud:

"Felix, this is the place. Let yourself in, I know you know how –," he tried the door, locked, "Delphine."

"Bitch," he said out loud, but he could not help but smile. She knew Sarah was gone and that he would be the errand boy sent to it check out before trusting it.

Pulling out his picks he went to work on the door. In under a minute he was in the house. The front room looked like a standard living room, furniture nice, but not overly pricey. The kitchen was stocked with dishware, cookware, and dry food stuff. Nothing that would spoil. On the dining room table there was an envelope with three sets of keys in it and another note:

Felix,

The keys enclosed are to the house, the garage out back, and the car in the driveway. The garage contains lab equipment and medical facilities. This house has 4 bedrooms, in case you all need another place to hide. Since I made these arrangements, you and Sarah seem to have made contacts who can take care of that for you instead. But redundancy is not a bad thing.

I set up the lab equipment myself, as well as stocking all of the medical supplies. None of the delivery people knew what was in the containers they were delivering. I don't know what else I could have done to cover my actions.

On a personal note, Felix, you and I are more alike than you know. Two things.

The first: it is my sincerest hope that one day you find someone who loves you so completely, he heals the places in you that you don't even realize are broken.

The second: I will always be prettier than you. You know it's true.

Love, Delphine."

Felix snorted a laugh and the vanity taunt, it was something he might have said to her, had they been friends. He really did hope she was not dead. He felt an uncontrollable need to retaliate, in kind of course.

Pocketing the keys, he continued his tour of the house. There was one bedroom downstairs, and three on the second floor, all modestly furnished. He opened the drawers in the dressers, half expecting clone sized clothes to already be stocked there. Apparently, Delphine had fallen down on the job in the clothing department. The drawers were empty.

The driveway wrapped around the back of the house to a separate, two car garage. Using the key to enter the side door, he flipped the light switch. The lights were bright, the walls unmarked and painted a sterile white. One half of the room was set up with lab equipment, tightly packed in, with work tables situated between the larger machines. Felix had no way of knowing what the equipment was, but it looked impressive. The entire back wall was lined with storage cabinets containing the promised medical supplies and bed linens. There were also two refrigerators with bottles and vials and bags of various liquids. The other side of the garage had 2 hospital beds, unmade, with I.V. stands. Between the beds, more equipment sat ready to be used. Again, most of it was beyond him, but he did recognize defibrillator paddles. He imagined the rest was various life support or monitoring devices.

He turned himself in a circle in the middle of the room, mouth hanging open. "Holy shit. Watch Delphine pull a rabbit out of Dyad's ass!"

He hurriedly locked up and ran back to his car. Only when he was well inside the city limits did he pull his cellphone out, replace the battery, and dial Sarah.

. . . . .

Sarah came into the house, shedding her heavy coat and boots at the door. Kendall was in a chair reading to Kira, who was curled up against her on a loveseat.

"Felix, says it looks good. Maybe too good. But everything she said she had arranged is there."

"So, do we find a way to get Cosima and Scott out there or let them go the way they are going?" Siobhan asked

"Safer to get them to this lab of Delphine's, but that's going to take some work on our story. Let me check in with Cosima and see where they're at with getting their own access to a lab."

She started up the stairs for her computer just as Cal was coming down. He looked pale. "You need to see what I've found." Responding to his tone, Siobhan followed them both up the stairs.

He rotated his computer on the table so they could see the screen. On it, was a frozen image of a woman with blond hair walking away from the camera across a parking garage. Without another word, Cal clicked on the play button and lowered his head into his hands, elbows propped on the table. He had watched the events once already, and that was enough. The camera that had captured the images was slightly above, and to the left of the activity. There was no audio. A figure entered the frame from under and to the right of the camera, following the blond. He had a gun with a silencer hanging from a hand held slightly behind his right leg to hide it. Delphine stopped, so did the figure. She slowly placed her purse on the ground, and turned. She said something to the person standing in front of her, and was slammed back against the car behind her by the force of the bullet fired into her body, leaving a blood smear on the trunk as she slid to the ground.

"Oh God," Sarah whispered, moving closer to Siobhan, unconsciously seeking comfort. Her mother wrapped an arm protectively around her shoulders.

Delphine's assailant approached. The camera had only captured his back, black coat with hood pulled up. No identifiable features, the gun hanging loosely now against his right leg. But the resolution was good enough to see Delphine raise her eyes briefly, gasping, before lowering her chin to her chest. The gun disappeared into the coat. The trunk of the blood streaked car popped open, and the gunman bent down over Delphine. Reaching under her arms, he lifted her, getting her hips over the lip of the trunk and then letting her body fall sideways into it. He scooped her legs up and folded them roughly into it as well. The gun came back out of the coat, to hang once more at his side. It almost appeared like he was speaking to her, but it was impossible to tell. Then Delphine's gloved hand emerged from the trunk, shaking, reaching out for her killer. He brought the gun up, brushing it against her outstretched, grasping fingers, obviously taunting. Then he stopped. Reaching into his left pocket, he pulled out a cell phone. The cell phone disappeared into the hood, but less than 30 seconds later, it was back in the assassin's pocket. He then grabbed Delphine's outstretched hand and pushed it back into the trunk, leaning over her for a moment, blocking the camera view. Suddenly, he stepped back again, pointing the gun into the trunk. Two muzzle flashes and he slammed the lid down.

"Well, that's done it," Siobhan said quietly, as the assassin got into the car and drove it away.

"Were there any camera angles that caught his face?" Sarah asked Cal, shaken by the images of Delphine's cold blooded murder.

"No, but I'm not sure it's a him. Comparing the height of this person to the height of the car, and correcting for the camera angle, I would say that person is 5'3", maybe 5'4". It could be a really short guy, I guess."

"We've got to get Cosima to that safe house. Now."

"Yes, but there is no way we can convince her I set up that safe house in 3 days, Sarah." Mrs. S looked skeptical of the proposed story.

"Maybe you can convince her that I did," Cal offered. "I have the money. And while I'm not a geneticist, I have the background to be able to come up with a list of equipment and supplies she might need. Just say I had a lot of time on my hands to worry about you," he said looking at Sarah, "and I put all this together in case everything went to hell."

Sarah stared at him for a few minutes, "Yeah, yeah, we can work with that. Mrs. S, can you get Benjamin or some others you trust to do some heavy lifting?"

"What kind of heavy lifting?" she asked suspiciously.

"We need to have them go to the safe house and remove all the lab equipment and store it in a truck somewhere safe for a day or two. Have them leave all the medical supplies where they are. But they have to do it tonight."

"I'll make some calls."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Have I mentioned I am an angst-aholic? No violent content in this chapter.

Updated A/N: Again, this chapter is a repost, with only minor changes to fix typos and the like.

Chapter 3

"Yes, thank you for getting back to me so quickly," Cosima said into the phone. "I really appreciate the offer and it is quite generous. But I'm still going to need a few days to think about it. Would the end of the week be ok for an answer?" She listened for a moment. "Great! Awesome, thank you again."

Hanging up the phone, she stared at nothing for a moment. Too good to be true. What university would offer her a student position with lab access in the middle of a semester? But they really had no option but to collect offers, accept whichever one seemed the least suspicious, and hope for the best. Or go back to Dyad. Or do nothing, which would leave her six feet under, pushing up daisies. But it was an option, if keeping the science away from Neolution and Topside was more important.

Her laptop buzzed at her indicating an incoming video call. It was Sarah.

"Hey, Cosima! We finally have some good news…no great news," Sarah jumped right in. "Well, Cal does anyhow."

"I could use some. Hi Cal."

"Hey, Cosima. So, when Sarah got here, she happened to mention you needing a safe place to work." Cal tilted his head and ran a hand through his hair with a sheepish expression. "It just so happens I have one."

"Say what?" Cosima asked.

"Well, a couple weeks ago, when I figured out what was going on and how quickly it could all go to shit with both Sarah and Kira in the middle of it, I decided to put together a backup plan. I figured eventually Dyad would screw you guys over. So, I set up a safe house outside the city in case it came to an actual fight with Dyad. Knowing how Sarah fights, I also had it stocked with medical supplies in the garage."

"Wow, that is good news," she said slowly a bit confused as to why they were calling her. Unless they were saying she could go there if her health started to fail?

"Cosima," Sarah jumped in, "there's room out there for a lab. How fast can you get us a list of the equipment you'd need to get you and Scott up and running?"

"Why?" she asked suspiciously.

"Because we are going to steal you a lab," Sarah concluded with a flourish. "What good is having a couple of thieves in the family if you don't use us?"

"Oh. Ooooohhhhh," Cosima said, showing some excitement for the first time during this call. "Holy crap, Batman! Seriously? Can I help with the B&E part? I always wanted to learn how to use a lock-pick."

Sarah laughed at Cosima's enthusiasm. "Whoa, whoa, slow down. First you need to get us the list. Then we are going to have Cal bounce that list off of medical equipment suppliers to see who has what. Then we plan the heists. But no, you're not going!"

"Ok, fine, no newbies on this ride. I get it," she pouted. "A list… Yes, in fact, I have an email Delphine sent me when we were setting up the lab at Dyad. It had an attachment that included an equipment list she and I put together. It has everything already on it."

"Ok, then. Get it to us as soon as we hang up. Cosima, listen, I'm worried that Dyad will make a move on you or Scott because they have to know you are the ones we would give the samples to for analysis. They might think the easy out is to bag one or both of you to get it. I'd feel a lot better if I knew you were someplace they couldn't find you."

"Oh, uh, yeah ok," Cosima replied uncertainly.

"You don't like the idea?"

"Of them coming after me or Scott? Nope, not at all."

"I meant the relocation idea."

"It's just coming out of the blue is all. Let me think about it."

"Of course. I had forgotten there might be someone you might want to stay in the city to be close to" Sarah smiled. "So how's it going there?"

"It's not….going, I mean. I decided it isn't fair to get anyone else involved in this shit. Not when I can't guarantee the simple things in life, you know, like safety, security, the truth about myself, or even that I'll be alive much longer. I ended it."

"I'm sorry, Cos."

"Right thing to do. I would like to see this place though, if we are thinking of putting a lab in it," Cosima changed the subject.

"Absolutely," Cal jumped in. "Get with Felix tomorrow. He was there last night checking things out and he has the keys. I still need that equipment list before I can do anything else."

"I'm on it. You'll have it in 5," Cosima smiled once more and signed off.

Sarah gave a huge sigh. "Well, that went over well. I need to get myself on a plane headed back their way. Mrs. S, you ok staying here and keeping an eye on things."

"No, I think you might be needing me back there too. I'll go with you. I think Ma'll be happy to stay around here with Kira and Cal. It's not like she can run away with the nearest town 60 kilometers of ice and snow away."

Sarah gave her a searching look. Siobhan still had her own secrets, but Sarah found she trusted her still. She hadn't trusted Delphine, and been so very wrong. Be a real pisser if she was wrong about Siobhan too. Leave her with Kira, or take her with, where they could keep an eye on each other? No, the trust was still there. She would let it be Siobhan's call.

"Ok. Let's go."

. . . . .

Just over 2 days later, under cover of night, they pulled up in front of the garage behind the safe house in a semi-truck with Benjamin driving. Cosima and Scott opened the garage door, smiling.

"You did it? Seriously?" she laughed, grinning broadly.

The day had started with her and Scott packing up clothes for a long stay and moving into the safe-house. After a brief argument over who got what room, ended by Cosima claiming the downstairs bedroom since (cough, cough) the stairs might become problematic later, Scott had offered to check out the pantry and make a grocery run while Cosima unpacked. In just 2 hours, the formerly clean downstairs bedroom looked like a clothing bomb had gone off in it and Scott had unloaded groceries in the kitchen.

"Where do you want all this crap," Felix asked with aplomb, leaning against the truck, as Benjamin lowered the fork lift attached to the back end of the semi.

"Start bringing it out, but leave it outside until we see what's what, and where it makes sense to put it all," Cosima instructed. Once the equipment was spread out, Cosima and Scott began their inspection.

"That's going to need to be filtered and vented to the outside, so it may need to go towards the garage door," Scott noted.

Cosima, inspecting the garage, was checking out the ceiling. "Huh, there's a vent in the ceiling back here that would work too, looks like. There's no vent cover on it or anything and it looks like it's an outflow, not inflow. The previous owners must have had shop equipment out here that required a vent hood."

Looking at the floor, she saw indentation marks in the polymer coating on the floor were something large and rectangular had been placed under the vent, evidently before the flooring had fully cured.

"Hey, come look at this," Scott called, distracting her. "This is a capillary sequencer, definite upgrade from what we using at Dyad."

"Nice," Cosima was impressed. "You guys steal top shelf stuff!"

And with that, they proceeded to set up the lab in a logical sequence of equipment, placing all of it back in exactly the same places Delphine had put them originally.

Cosima and Scott were up and running calibrations by the morning.

. . . . .

"All right. While that runs, I'm going to take the opportunity to get a few hours of sleep. How about you?" Scott asked as he threw on his coat for the short walk back to the house.

"I'm not tired. Too jazzed over our clepto'd Clone Cave. I'm going to go ahead and do an inventory of the medical supplies. But, I'll follow you back to the house to get a coffee reload. We'll have to get a spare coffee pot for out here and maybe a microwave."

In the kitchen, she began her first inspection of the pantry supplies. It looked like Scott had gotten all of her favorite brands. Coffee, tea, soda, chips. She had not realized he had been paying that close attention. Sweet, though.

After making a pot of coffee and filling her cup, she headed back out to the Clone Cave (she was determined to make a sign) to start the medical inventory. That's where Sarah found her less than an hour later, typing supplies and quantities into a spreadsheet on her computer.

"How's it going, Cos?" she asked. "Got everything you need?"

"We could always use more stuff, but we have the big things, so I think we're good."

"Why aren't you looking into microscopes or typing away on a computer of something?" After unloading the equipment last night, Sarah had feigned being tired so she didn't have to face Cosima just yet. Knowing that her sister had loved Delphine and was unaware she had been brutally murdered sent spikes through her heart every time she looked at Cosima. She had needed the night to set her "con face" back in place.

"Ah, well, a lot of what we do is wait while the machines do their thing. We set them up, add chemicals, and let them run. It's down time that can't be avoided." She coughed. "I'm just making myself useful in the meantime."

"Are you alright?" Sarah asked, concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she waved her hand in a casual, lack of concern. "It's just the dust from in here."

Sarah looked around at the spotless lab/ emergency clinic, then looked back at Cosima.

Her sister rolled her eyes. "The cabinets," she waved at the one she was working her way through, "are not as pristine as the work area."

Sarah ran a finger across the shelf Cosima was just getting ready to start. No dust. She held up her finger. "Yeah?"

Cosima sighed. "Yes, it's probably starting to affect my lungs again. But I haven't reached the coughing blood stage, so we're still good."

Sarah just nodded, looking worried. But there was nothing she could do about that. Except keep Cosima as stress free as possible while she worked. By lying. Shit. Was that an ulcer she felt growing in her gut?

"I'm going to need to head back to the city tonight to run some errands and fill Allison and Helena in on what's going on. Make me a list of anything you need and I'll try and bring it back with me. I'm leaving right after dinner, which Mrs. S says is in 45 minutes and don't be thinking of skipping it."

"Sounds good," Cosima said smiling. "By the way, thank you for the lab. This totally rocks."

As Sarah was leaving, Scott wandered in, with bedhead and his own cup of coffee.

"Great coffee, Cosima."

"Thanks. And thanks for picking up my brand when you were at the store."

"I didn't, that was already here. I just picked up perishables, milk, eggs, chicken, that kind of stuff. The refrigerator was empty of anything but condiments."

"Oh, ok," Cosima shook her head. Cal must like the same brands she did, she mused. She went back her inventory, grateful there was only one cabinet left to go, and it was mostly empty to start with.

. . . . .

Sarah and Felix were sitting at the kitchen table while Siobhan prepared dinner for the group. It seemed none of the kids could do more than boil water or microwave a frozen dinner. And there was no takeout this far out of the city. Purely out of a sense of self-preservation, Siobhan had offered to cook.

Cosima stormed in with Scott hot on her heals. "What. THE FUCK. Is going on!" she roared. She was waving two fists full of medical supplies, wrapped in sterile plastic bags.

"I want to know why you lied to me about Cal setting this place up!"

"What are you talking about?" Sarah tried to stall, a sinking feeling this was not going to end well. You always stay calm and try to stall until you can figure out what's been caught out before you just fold up tent. Maybe you can save it if you're fast enough on your feet. And Sarah was very fast.

"The kitchen pantry is stocked with my favorite coffee brand, and my favorite off the shelf tea, and my favorite soda. And these medical supplies?" she waved the aforementioned supplies clasped in both hands, the ones she had found in the last cabinet she had been inventorying. She had noticed that the medical supplies had been very expertly arranged, with life critical supplies closer to the beds, and less and less critical ones in cabinets further and further away. These had been in the last cabinet.

"They are very specialized. Do you know what this is used for? This is what they used to implant Kiera's stem cells INTO MY UTERUS!" She threw the offending supplies down on the table. "Did Cal foresee the day when we would need to do that, too? And that lab equipment? That garage had vents and outlets and plumbed air lines EXACTLY where we needed them, for EXACTLY the equipment we needed! Who would know my personal beverage choices as well as all of the highly specialized medical and lab equipment I would need? Hmmm? Delphine set this up!"

Cosima, breathing hard by this time with her blood pressure soring, started to cough. When she caught her breath she looked accusingly at all of them. "Why are you all helping her lie to me about it?!" she finished.

But the objects of her wrath were not looking her in the eye, instead, they were all looking at her mouth and down at her hands, at the blood staining both.

"Cosima," Felix started and then stopped, unsure what to say.

Siobhan grabbed some towels, wet them, and took them to Cosima. "Here, love, you need to catch your breath."

But Sarah just stared at her, knowing there was no way to explain away all the inconsistencies.

"Please, Cos. Please don't ask me to tell you why", was all she could think to say. She's to the coughing-up-blood stage now. And Delphine's dead. She's going to insist on knowing, going to make me tell her. Her heart constricted with dread.

At Sarah's obvious distress, Cosima stopped resisting Siobhan's ministrations to her hands and face, even though it felt like something a mother would do to a child who had been playing in the dirt. Well, she had just thrown a tantrum.

Cosima lowered her voice, her breath slowing. "What is going on?" Silence prevailed.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!?"

"Cosima," Siobhan headed off another bout of yelling. "You need to have a seat."

"No, just tell me." She was not ready to let go of her anger and be maneuvered into doing anything they asked her until she had an answer. But Siobhan had that mother thing working for her and Cosima was tempted to do as she was told.

Sarah shook her head, her face crumpling a bit as she fought the tears threatening to start. Here we are, at the cliffs edge, and tilting over, she thought to herself.

Felix moved in front of Cosima, putting his hands on both of her arms and looking her in the eye. "Delphine's gone," he says softly, not wanting to use the more accurate word. And then his eyes start to tear. Cosima knew she could not misinterpret his meaning. He would not be this upset if Delphine had just left. But she wanted a denial, another moment of thinking Delphine was fine, somewhere in the world.

"Yeah, to Europe," she said shakily, her eyes pleading.

Felix couldn't suppress his tears. He had made the mistake of watching the videos, all of them, and seen the real Delphine. She had truly loved Cosima. That had not been a lie in any part. Any other lies she might have told them were inconsequential in comparison to that truth. And he knew Cosima felt the same.

"Oh God," Scott said quietly from his corner of the room. He had seen Cosima, when she had opened that last cabinet and connected all the dots. Being in the dark himself, he had not known what was happening when he saw her Hulk out with a rage so unusual for her, slamming the door of the cabinet and storming out of the garage for the house with blood in her eye. He had followed, wanting to do anything he could for her. Unrequited love really sucked, he had thought, crossing the yard at a run to catch up with her. But tragic love sucked more, even just watching it from the sidelines. He sat down in a chair in a corner of the living room. There was nothing anyone could do to protect Cosima from this.

Felix, looking into Cosima's eyes and seeing that what he was saying was getting through, despite her denial, shook his head. "No, Darling." His tears escaped to roll down his face as he pulled her into a tight embrace, waiting for her reaction. "I'm sorry….I'm so sorry Cosima."

She tolerated the hug for a moment as his words slowly sank in.  
"No," she said shaking him off and moving quickly to the far side of the room. "How do you know she's…?"She could not finish. "How do you know?"

Sarah spoke up, taking some of the burden off of Felix. "She sent me a video, saying they were coming for her, telling me about this place, asking me not to let you know about any of it because you needed to stay focused on finding the cure."

"So, maybe she got away. She ran… she's hiding somewhere," Cosima scrambled for other alternative endings to this conversation, anything but where they were taking it.

Sarah looked to Felix, not wanting to be the one to cut the thin strand of hope Cosima was holding onto. But Felix just looked back at her, not wanting to be the one to do it either.

Siobhan stepped in, she had had this unpleasant task too many times in her violent past. She knew it just made it worse if the news was dragged out. She approached Cosima slowly, wiping away a tear that had managed to make its way down her cheek at Cosima's denials. Far too many times….

The only one not crying was Cosima. The rest of them had had time to process through the shock and were, in the telling of it to Cosima, releasing the emotion they had been holding back for her sake. When Siobhan reached Cosima, she didn't touch her. Just looked her in the eye.

"Cosima, Cal got into Dyad's security system from the night Delphine made her video to Sarah. A camera caught the whole thing. She was killed in the parking garage, put in the trunk of a car, and driven away." her voice cracked on the last two words. They had taken the body, the proof of the thing. There was something in having a person's remains to say goodbye to. To make it final. Cosima was to be denied that.

Shock was seeping through Cosima, leaving her numb, her brain sluggish to respond. But awareness of the reality of what was happening, what had happened, was starting bleed through. They can't all three believe this and it not be true, the reasoning part of her brain was saying. But the emotional side, the side that loved Delphine, did not want to give up the hope of ever seeing her beautiful eyes, intense with thought, or her glowing smile when she was genuinely happy, or her voice….

"I want to see it," she says flatly, numbly.

"No!" both Sarah and Felix respond.

"Cosima," Sarah says, "you can't. There's no point to it, but to hurt yourself more. I won't let you do that."

Felix made his way across the room to her once more. "She wouldn't want you to see it, for that to be the last thing you remember of her. You know that's true."

Cosima started to shake, the tears still not coming, but the burgeoning truth was rolling down on her like an avalanche. And Allison's words, the night of the party, "She has to be in hot water…. And most of that happened because you were working behind her back."

"If she really is dead, killed in a Dyad parking garage, then they did it...and it's my fault". It felt like a vise gripped her chest and she gasped for air. "I got Delphine killed. It's my fault". Her legs collapsed, no longer able to hold her up under the weight crushing her. But Siobhan, waiting for just such a thing, caught her around the waist, helped her to a seat on the sofa.

"No love! Not at all," she said, holding Cosima's face between her hands so that she is forced to meet Siobhan's eyes. "She loved you, so much, she died to keep you safe from them. To keep all of you safe. It was something she chose to do. Out of love. There is no fault in that, Cosima."

Cosima lowered her head and started to cry. Siobhan wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close and rocking her while her heart splintered and dissolved into tears. But Cosima's mind was trapped by a thought: She died protecting us? But I'm the one who asked her to protect us in the first place.

Time did not seem to flow at all while she sat there, but it must have. All she knew, when she became aware again, was that it was later and she had stopped crying. She was still curled in Siobhan's arms. Felix, on her other side, was rubbing her back, letting her know he was there. Sarah was sitting on the coffee table in front, leaned over, holding Cosima's hand. Scott was sitting in an overstuffed chair, staring at nothing. No one had tried to speak in the intervening time, letting Cosima's emotions work their way out, just being there for her. And working through their own memories of pains, new and old.

"What did you mean, when you said she died to keep us safe?" she asked, quietly.

Sarah stirred and looked up from her study of their joined hands. Her voice was tired, wrung out. "She knew they were coming for her, but she said…"

"Sarah," Siobhan interrupted. "She needs to see the video from Delphine."

Sarah looked into Cosima's haunted eyes, and then went to get her computer. She looked at the folder containing the Delphine videos and, with a few clicks, moved the video of Delphine's murder to an inconspicuous folder before bringing the computer back to her sister.

Cosima sat up, wiping her face, and accepted the laptop. The folder that was open on it had two video files in it. She clicked on the one that said "Watch This One First"

And Delphine appeared. God she looked so beautiful, even in the light of a camera phone at night. She paused the video immediately following "Sarah," just so she could look at that face. She wouldn't be able to focus on anything that was said until her eyes had gotten their fill first. Would she really never see this beautiful woman again? That can't be true, can it?

Cosima expanded the video to full screen and sat for several minutes…just looking. She didn't want to start it. Because once started, it would eventually end. And that would be it, the end of Delphine.

Sarah, Felix, and Siobhan said nothing, waiting patiently. But none of them were going to leave Cosima alone for this.

Finally, Cosima hit the play button and Delphine's voice came from the speakers. The sound of it, the soft accent, the pronunciations indicative of a second language, distracted her and she missed the first bit of what was said.

"I knew, when Leekie was permanently removed, that accepting any promotion offer from Rachel, and later from Topside, might end with my murder as well, but the advantages seemed worth the risk at the time. Even now that I know they are coming for me, I still believe that to be true."

She knew this was a possibility, all this time, Cosima thought to herself. And it never once occurred to me. Instead of realizing the danger she was putting herself in by accepting the promotions, I was suspicious of her motives because of the power they gave her over us… over me. And I thought they would just fire her. I am such an idiot.

"I know you will think I should have come to you when I learned of this. But if I did that, or if I tried to run, the first place they would look for me would be wherever Cosima is."

"Oh, God," Cosima moaned, realizing what was coming.

"I can't risk triggering a new Helsinki Event actually sanctioned by Topside this time. So, I am going to go back to my office and wait for them to come."

Cosima slammed the laptop closed and wrapped her arms around her stomach, rocking herself and crying. She understood now what Siobhan had meant. Instantly, arms were holding her.

"That's enough," Sarah said whispered into Cosima's dreadlocks. "You've seen enough."

"No," Siobhan corrected quietly. "She needs to see it to the end. We'll take as much time as you need, Cosima, to help you get there."

Cosima heard them through her sobbing and was grateful. Eventually, she calmed enough to reopen the laptop and restart the recording. She listened to Delphine describe the planning and actions that made the secret lab possible. She heard the pride Delphine took in pilfering tens of millions of dollars' worth of equipment and medical supplies from Dyad, and had to smile at the thought of the strictly by-the-book doctor, who once found lifting two bottles of cheap wine exciting crime, pulling off a theft so grand.

"And now the hard part. You cannot tell Cosima any of this. Sarah, her latest test results are showing a frightening decline in her condition. Based on the trend data we have assembled from the others and on her own data before her… remission, for lack of a better word… I don't think she has much more than a month left. So it is imperative that she stay positive, optimistic, and focused on finding a cure. She literally has no time to waste. If she knows I am dead, or if I go missing without a word, it will only distract her from that objective."

Well, that explains why Sarah and family were lying to her about the safe house. And now the family knew what she had known for a while, that her clock was quickly running out. She nodded to Sarah, letting her know that information was not a surprise to her.

"And she has a new lover…Shay. Cosima needs someone…intimate… to lean on, to share her fears. I couldn't be that for her and still be effective at protecting all of you. But I have seen them together, and I believe Shay can be that for her."

Cosima's heart twisted and the guilt flooded in once more. It was all becoming clear now. Delphine had risked everything going into the belly of the beasts that were Dyad and Topside. And Cosima had taken a lover in retaliation. Knowing she was going to die, Delphine had tried to repair the damage between her and Shay. She had sacrificed everything. Tears rolled down Cosima's cheeks once more, unchecked. If I had trusted her sooner, never been suspicious of her, she might still be alive.

"Encourage her new relationship when you can. Cast doubt on the truthfulness of my feelings for her, if you must, in order to get her to move forward. To this end I may have made things more difficult. I had to see her one last time, so I came up with a ridiculous pretext to speak with her earlier tonight. Despite my best efforts to be business only, I'm afraid I sent her very mixed messages…again."

That kiss, it was the last one she would ever get from Delphine, the last touch. It was a goodbye, after all.

"If a time comes when she starts to worry or look for me, find a way to send her the second video I have attached to this email. In it, I tell her, that Topside has fired me, that I am going into hiding to protect myself, just in case. I tell her that my feelings for her are not enough for me to risk Topside's wrath by switching sides as she had once asked me to do."

The other video in the folder.

"In reality," Delphine's voice continued, then stopped, choked with emotion, "only my love for Cosima gives me the courage to do what I have to do tonight. And knowing that she once loved me too, makes it all worth it."

Cosima dissolved into tears once more. It didn't matter what the rest of the video contained. Delphine had answered the only question that had ever mattered. She did love me. I wasn't just the science to her, it wasn't about the power of her position. We could have had a chance. If I had done things differently and not gotten her killed.

And then the import of Delphine's last sentence registered. Did she not know I still loved her? Trying to remember all of their conversations, in reverse order, she realized the last time she had said those words had been in the hallway outside of Felix's apartment, when Delphine had broken up with her. And when had she done anything to intimate that she still loved Delphine? In Delphine's office, when she had told her about her near death experience and to let her go if she couldn't switch sides. But Delphine couldn't switch sides and still protect us. I never told her I still loved her. All she could conclude was that I had moved on, with Shay.

She didn't hear any of the rest of the video, could only watch that beautiful face, now crying. She could never stand it when Delphine cried, an occurrence she had only seen a few times before. Delphine had always been a stoic, as closed with her tears as she was with her thoughts.

The video came to an end. Sarah was openly crying again too, but Felix's jaw had taken on a firm line. He was done. At least in public.

Siobhan, had kept herself under control. She held Cosima tightly, willing her strength to the woman who wore her daughter's face, but was nothing like Sarah at all, was instead her own, individual, eminently loveable, self.

Cosima was wrapped in loss and guilt and pain. She knew she wasn't capable of thinking clearly right now, so she would not insist on seeing the recording of Delphine's murder. But she knew she would have to see it. Would have to see what, in her ignorance and selfishness, she had brought down upon the woman she had loved. A final, bitterly ironic, act of closure she had asked for from Delphine.

. . . . .


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: No violence in this one, but there is a Shay/Delphine scene with disturbing dialog. And a bit more angst...

Updated A/N: Again, this chapter is a repost, with only minor changes to fix typos and the like.

Chapter 4

Cosima had finally fallen asleep on the sofa, covered in a blanket Scott had retrieved from the bedroom. The rest of them had move to the kitchen table, Sarah sitting where she could watch her sister sleep.

"Back in the shite pile again," she said tiredly. "Or did we ever get out?"

"What do we do next?" Felix asked.

"I don't know." She looked at Siobhan. "What do you think we should do?"

"Sarah, you and your sisters are all driven, intelligent, and willful women. But you're the leader here. You're the one they come to when there's trouble. Why do you think Delphine sent her message to you? You're the one they look to for what to do next, not me. "

"Some leader. I lost one of mine, and didn't even know she was mine until days after she was bloody dead," she spit out the last words, angry with herself and, unreasonably, Delphine. "What kind of leader is that?"

"Delphine chose the fight, and chose her manner of doing it. Respect her for that and don't blame yourself for not knowing what she was about. That was obviously a part of her plan. I am proud of, and grateful to, the woman for standing up in a way precious few people would. All you can do now is honor that sacrifice, by being the leader they're choosing to follow," Siobhan pointed towards the sofa, indicating Cosima and, by extension, her sisters. "And these two, idiots," she added with a slight smile, waving at Felix and Scott. "Even Art looks to you to see what you want done next. When you're leading people in a rebellion, and you are doing that, Love, small though it is, there are going to be losses. When they happen, you give yourself a moment, a moment," she stressed, "to grieve. And then keep moving. Keep THEM moving. But to do that, you have to have a goal you're moving towards and know what the next step is to getting there. What's the end goal?"

"I dunno," she shook her head. "It's just all too big. Too many things that could be happening right now or might not be happening right now. And if I guess wrong…."

"No, that's tactical, that's you thinking about what you should be doing now to get there. Not what you want to be looking at when all the dust finally clears and you're standing at the end of this road. Start with the end and work backwards."

"All of us, living normal lives, without monitors, without Dyad or Topside or Neolution or the military knocking on our doors every other day trying to dissect us to learn more." She sighed. "I think Cosima was right," she said, letting her eyes drift over to the sleeping woman. "We're eventually going to have to go public."

"But," Scott offered hesitantly, "won't that be the reverse of having a normal life? Won't that bring everyone to your door?"

"Yeah, it will be a shitestorm but that's my specialty. And even though we might still end up locked away, the world will know we're here, and it will pull Neolution and the rest of them out from under their rocks. That might at least keep them too busy surviving to cause us trouble for a while? We have to fit in this world, and they won't let us do it quietly because they consider us "product," Sarah used the word Delphine had thrown out once in front of Ferdinand. That word had secretly burned in Sarah's gut, helping to fuel her distrust of the woman. "They won't let us live like normal people if they feel entitled to study, analyze, and end us however they choose. And who knows how many of us there are out there that don't even know it."

"In the meantime," Felix interrupted with a thought, "won't Cosima and Scott disappearing trigger an anxiety attack in Dyad? I mean, they're used to you disappearing all the time, but if Cosima does too, that's two self-aware clones gone. They might decide to give up the charade of freedom they gave you all and black bag Allison while they can."

"I hadn't thought of that. Shit. We need to get ahold of Allison, get her out here too."

"Wait, wait….let's think this through," Siobhan counseled. "Cosima didn't move out here until this morning, so she hasn't been gone a full day. They won't be nervous yet. And I think you'll get a fight from Allison on disappearing her family."

"So, maybe we need to keep them NOT nervous while we're hiding out here working," Felix offered. "As long as they see Cosima once a day or so going into or out of her apartment I'd think that would keep them all warm and fuzzy. You know they're watching somehow."

"But Cosima needs to be out here, working. Which I suspect is going to be another problem come morning."

"Yeah," Felix said, "but that's still hours away. And you know as well as I do that it doesn't have to actually BE Cosima, it just has to look like her. I have a surprise for you back at my flat. Dread locks, in Cosima's color. I knew you'd need it one day, so I planned ahead."

"You got me a Cosima wig? How'd you manage that?"

"Do you have any idea how many queens I know? Getting a wig of ANY kind is not such a big problem. And it's not actually Cosima's hair, just enough dreads to spill out from under a hat to do the trick. Just don't take the hat off."

"Yeah, that'll work. I'll keep up the pretense she's looking for a lab, all out in the open like. The clone shell game," she snorted. She thought for a while.

"Ok. Item 1, keep this place safe. No cell phones - batteries and sim cards out at all times until you are back in the city somewhere. I'll bring new burners when I come back. When coming out here, don't drive straight out of the city towards it. Drive out to the countryside in a different direction, somewhere open, and make sure you're not being followed. Then circle back round, yeah?

"Something else," Siobhan interjected. "I think you need to get Helena out here… and you need to arm her." Siobhan looked worried about her own idea. "Some of these people are obviously done playing games. I think we need a person or two like that as well, and she more than qualifies."

"So do you," Sarah added. "Yeah, I'm not sure about arming Helena though. Impulse control issues. But I'll talk to her when I get back into the city, bring her back out with me".

Item 2, we keep Dyad thinking we're playing nice. Well, that Cosima and Allison are anyway.

Item 3, Scott, I'm counting on you to keep Cosima focused and working. I don't know how you're going to be able to do that, but you have to work fast. We know she's running out of time." He nodded back, looking determined.

"Item 4, Plan for the big picture. If we come out publicly, where and how? And how do we do it without putting all of our unsuspecting sisters, around the bloody world, in danger?"

"Oh, no problem," Felix remarked airily. "We can have that done by breakfast."

Sarah smiled at his sarcasm. "We need to figure out how to find them all, first. I can ask Cal if he can hack Dyad's research files to find that out. After we have that, then we'll have to figure out how to get in touch with them and let them know what's going on without them freaking out, alerting their monitors, or doing anything stupid."

She also had an Item 5, but that was hers to do. She didn't want to share any part of it with the rest of them until it was done. Find the fucker who had killed Delphine. Sarah needed to pay this debt off.

. . . . .

They slept in shifts that night so that someone was always downstairs with Cosima. She slept fitfully on the sofa, sometimes waking up to just stare at the ceiling, sometimes crying, but always going back to sleep as an escape. As the sky was just starting to lighten, Sarah was curled up on the loveseat trying to read a book she had downloaded weeks ago, but not able to focus for more than a paragraph at a time. With no internet connection, she was hard pressed to find anything else to do to keep her mind off of current events.

"Did she suffer?" Cosima asked quietly. Sarah hadn't been expecting the question, hadn't even known Cosima was awake. And so she wasn't prepared. Cosima, watching her closely, saw the hesitation. "She did, I can tell from the look on your face." But Cosima wasn't crying, instead appeared beyond the tears of the previous night, wrung completely out. She moved into a sitting position and pulled her legs up to her chest.

Sarah set aside her laptop and went to sit beside her sister, pulling her close. "It wasn't instant. But it wasn't long."

"She saw it coming?"

"Yeah. And she turned to face it."

"How…was it done?"

Sarah sighed. "Please don't do this to yourself."

"What I'm imagining is probably worse. If you won't show me, I need you to tell me. I need to know."

"She was shot once, and was conscious for no more than a minute, before she was put into the trunk. Then she was shot 2 more times to end it."

"A minute can be a long time."

"Yeah." They sat in silence, each considering how very long a minute could be.

"She loved you. In a complete kind of way most people never get. She loved you enough to let you go, to get you away from her when she obviously knew shit was getting serious. And she loved you enough to walk back into Dyad that night, knowing what was coming, to keep you safe." Sarah sighed. "But we really need you to keep it together now. I'm sorry you don't have the time to mourn her the way she deserves, the way you want. But we can't lose you too. We need that cure, and that has to come from you."

"And Scott."

"And you!" she stressed. "It's what Delphine wanted, to give you a chance.

"I know. I will. After coffee. And maybe a shower."

"Yeah?" Sarah searched her face closely. "Ok. While you were sleeping, we thought it might be a good idea if Dyad spies thought you were still home looking for a lab. So I'm going to head back to the city and spend some time at your place."

"Sure."

"Since I'm being you, and we aren't using cell phones out here, would it be ok if I took your old phone back with me? Just in case they are monitoring the old batch of burners?"

"Yeah, makes sense," she said listlessly. "Not like there's anyone left to call me except Allison."

"I'll pick up new burners on my way back out here."

Felix came down the stairs and, on seeing the sisters made a detour. Sliding over the back of the couch on Cosima's free side, he engulfed both of them in a hug and kissed Cosima on the top of her head. "We've all got you, Cos."

She leaned her head towards him, "Thanks, Felix."

"Well, I have to get ready to head out", Sarah said as she disentangled herself from the group. She wanted to say more, to say, Please be ok, but that would be useless and stupid. It wouldn't be ok until it was. Instead, she headed up the stairs to get her things.

Felix and Cosima sat in silence for a moment, Felix's arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Did Delphine ever tell you the details of her and Sarah's first meeting, when she was pretending to be you at Dyad?"

"Yeah, she said Sarah passed herself off easily with Leekie. Delphine figured it out from her attitude and a closer look at the lack of dreads."

"Did she tell you she kissed Sarah before she knew it wasn't you?"

"She did?" Cosima smiled. "I mean, she didn't – tell me, I mean. Do you think she was afraid I'd be jealous?"

"Doubt it, it probably didn't even register with her. But," he paused to allow for a bit of drama, "it weirded Sarah all the hell out."

Cosima raised her head to look at him. "Sarah doesn't seem the type to be weirded out by being kissed by a woman."

"My thoughts exactly. So of course, when she was telling me about it, I asked her why that was. Apparently, my sister found Delphine to be a great kisser."

"Oh she did, did she?" Cosima a short but real laugh, exactly what Felix had been aiming for in the telling. "Yeah, she was," but her smile faltered at the past tense.

"What can I do?" Felix asked simply.

"Nothing you aren't already doing. Thank you, Felix." She hugged him, hard. "Except maybe coffee?"

"That I can do," he said, getting up and heading for the kitchen.

As soon as his back was to her, she leaned over and retrieved Sarah's computer. It hadn't yet gone into screen saver mode. She opened the root file folder and typed in a search for most recent files by date. Only 3 of them were video files, and two of them she recognized from last night. That made the third one the one she was looking for.

She hit play.

. . . . .

Sarah made her way down the stairs with her bag. Cosima seemed even more subdued as she retrieved the requested, distinctive red coat and her cell phone for Sarah. It'll take time, Sarah thought, as she packed up her laptop.

Once she was in the city, she called Cal. "Hey, any luck hunting down the killer's car?"

"No. It was reported stolen, no surprise. I tried running a search for the license plate through the city traffic cameras on the night it happened, but there were no hits. The killer must have avoided the main roads. I have been hacking smaller security systems in the area around Dyad for that night looking for it, but so far no dice. I am hoping the car will turn up somewhere so I can at least map a route from Dyad to wherever it ended up. Then I can narrow the field to just security systems along the more likely routes between those two points. Until then, I'm working outwards in a circular pattern around Dyad. But I'm basically hoping to get lucky. How is it going there?"

"Cosima caught us out, we had to tell her. She's destroyed right now. I'm going to be staying at her place in the city, pretend to be her for anyone who may be watching. I also have to fill in Allison and Helena. Mrs. S says to bring Helena back. With guns. She thinks we might need her for protection."

"Do you think that's wise?"

"Well, if anyone comes for us, I like the idea of her being armed. If they don't, I hate the idea of her being armed. I wish we knew for sure what they were up to. Was it just Delphine? Or are they coming for all of us? I figure pretending to be Cosima should get me that answer fairly soon. They'd come for her before Allison, since she would be more likely to have Kendall's samples."

"I don't like the idea of you playing bait! What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking we need to know! And we don't have an inside person anymore." Cal was silent on the other end.

"Cal, is there any way you can break into Dyad's research files to try to find a list of all of the clones?"

"Just the words 'research files' is hugely broad. It would be another needle in a needle stack search. I can try, but I can only do one thing at time with this. So, do you want me searching for this car, or do you want me searching for a list of clones?"

"Car first. I need this part done so we can all move on."

. . . . .

Cosima had made her way out to the lab, only to find Scott, asleep at his table. He obviously worked the night through. Since she was on her second cup of coffee, she place her cup down next to his face. He startled awake.

"Sorry," she said distractedly. "You looked like you needed this more than me right now."

"Hey, Cosima…. I'm so…" he started.

"No, I know. Everyone's sorry, me included. Nothing left to do but keep moving forward." She moved over to see what he had been working on. "Where are we at?"

"I isolated the target sequence in Kendall's DNA. I'm running PCRs now.

"Well, let's start prepping for the next phase," she said tiredly.

. . . . .

Sarah sat in the downstairs living area of the Hendrix house, having just finished relaying all of the recent events. Helena had insisted on seeing the videos, all of them. She watched the parking lot video several times, she even watched the breakup video Delphine had made for Cosima, although Sarah didn't understand why. Even Cosima hadn't watched that one, knowing it was a lie.

Allison and Donnie were still in shock, but Helena was taking it in stride. She hadn't known Delphine, hadn't even met her actually. The sisters had made sure to hide her from Dyad, and this Delphine had been Dyad.

"Delphine's dead," Allison summarized numbly.

Sarah just nodded. Having become familiar with Allison's coping process, she just waited for Allison to work it through.

"And she left us a secret safe-house, with a lab?"

More waiting.

"And Cosima found out last night?" She finished. "Oh, poor Cosima! How is she doing?"

"Terrible, and it's still all sinking in." Sarah figured that was enough waiting. Allison hadn't reached the implication stage yet, so she would just have to force the issue.

"Allison, Donnie, we don't know if the hit on Delphine was just meant to get rid of her or if it was the start to a management change at Dyad and a house cleaning where we're concerned. We can get you and the kids to the safe house if you want, but there wouldn't be any coming back. Dyad will know we all ran. We'd have to stay running. Understand?"

"You think that's what's happening?" Donnie jumped up and started to pace. "Are they coming now?" He was suddenly itching to get his gun from upstairs to protect his family.

"We can't know for sure. But it has been most of a week since Delphine was killed and nothing has happened to you or to Cosima from that front. That's the only reason I didn't rush you out of the house when I first got here. This is your decision. Run or wait and see."

"Sit down, Donnie. What is Cosima doing?"

"She's out at the safe house working with Scott. But she's also still going to be here, because I'm going to be her for a bit. That way she hasn't disappeared as far as they know."

"So you'll be here too? Ok. I don't want to risk angering Dyad if it isn't necessary, or uprooting my family. I've always tried to play by their rules, so that they wouldn't clean us up. I would think that would buy me some leeway, don't you?"

"Possibly, but it makes you an easy target."

"Unthreatening, I'm going with," she said, pointing a finger at Sarah. But her eyes were still unusually wide. "I think we stay for now. At least for as long as you do, playing Cosima. And we see what happens. Donnie and I can protect ourselves," she rationalized. "And it's a real comfort to have Helena here too." She smiled tightly at her blonder, crazier double.

Helena stared back, Sarah's laptop in her lap, having just finished watching the parking lot video again, scrutinizing each of the movements of the assassin.

"Well, that's the other thing. If the science is going to be at the safe house, we're sitting ducks if they do find us. We wanted to bring Helena out there, to protect it and us. Just in case?" She looked at her twin, making it a question.

Helena looked back at her, eyes flat. "To kill if they come?"

"Yeah," it hurt Sarah to say it. Her sister was a killer, had been tortured and brainwashed into becoming one, and was genuinely fighting to overcome her conditioning. And Sarah was asking her to possibly kill again.

Offer Allison a shot of tequila while you're at it, she thought to herself. Clean sweep in pulling the rug out from under all your sisters in under 24 hours.

"I can do this," was all Helena said before going back to the video.

"We'll need weapons, from your storage locker."

"Lots of weapons, yes. War is coming," she said, looking down at the frozen image of a bloody trunk. "Possibly not now, but soon. Many weapons, we will bring."

. . . . .

While Donnie used the minivan to take Helena to her storage locker, Sarah went and picked up her new wig from Felix's flat. As promised, it was a circle of dreadlocks attached to a center piece designed into a clip.

She wrapped, tucked, and pinned up her hair before clipping on the hair piece. She added a beige stocking cap and checked the profile in the mirror before heading to Cosima's place.

Cosima's apartment was one she had gotten after accepting a job with Dyad. Like Cosima herself, the place was small, functional, and littered with clothes. Sarah set about going through the clothing on the floor, bed, dresser, and kitchen table, picking out items she would be willing to wear during her stints as Cosima.

After modifying her wardrobe, she headed to the coffee shop on the corner to be seen. The trick to pretending to be someone else, in their own neighborhood, was not to make eye contact with anyone and walk like you were running late. Then you could be forgiven for not noticing a friend or acquaintance that you didn't really know. If they called out and stopped you, well then you had to tap dance. But most times, they just figured they would catch you later when you weren't so busy.

So Sarah walked quickly, head down in apparent thought, all the way to the coffee shop. After ordering her drink, she started back to Cosima's apartment, grateful no one had stopped to talk to her.

"Hey Cosima," a pretty blond stepped into her path, blocking her exit. Great. Sarah smile at the woman. Please let this NOT be Shay. One Sapphic kiss from a Cosima girl in a lifetime was plenty, and Delphine had already claimed that one.

"How are you?"

"Uh, about the same," Sarah answered, being as non-committal as possible. You never knew what little things might be said or missed otherwise. Edging her way around the woman, she managed to make it out the door but the woman followed. Sarah slowed her pace so she didn't appear rude. Cosima would never be rude.

"Still feeling ok?" the woman said, searching Sarah's face with concern.

"Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm doing fine right now." Obviously Cosima had shared her health issues with this woman. It must be Shay.

"And I'm guessing since you're running away, you haven't changed your mind about us?" she offered with a sad smile.

"No, no, I haven't changed my mind. Sorry." Cosima liked them blond and beautiful, that was sure.

"Damn. I know I said our last night together would be enough, but you are addictive. Should be a controlled substance actually."

Sarah offered a muted Cosima-bashful smile and stopped walking. This wasn't going to be a quick exit situation. "Look, Shay,…um… I have an interview I really need to get to."

"Still looking for a job? Well, I have a cousin who works as a lab tech at University Hospital. He says they have several openings. I suspect you are way overqualified, given you worked on secret science shit. But it's a medical environment, you'd be working in a hospital, you know, if you needed that." Shay's voice conveyed her obvious concern.

"Thank you," Cosima-grateful tilt of the head. "You don't have to do that, though. I'll be ok." Sarah knew Cosima would have hugged the woman, or at least reached out a hand to her arm. She used contact to convey her emotions more than anyone Sarah knew. It must be a cultural thing. But there was no way Sarah was doing that with a woman who was obviously trying to get back together with Cosima, or at least work in a few more benefits.

"Are you sure? I know Dyad covered all your medical needs, so now that they aren't in the picture…" her voice trailed off.

"I'm sure. I have that covered. But I really do have to go, or I'll be late." Sarah turned to walk away again.

"Have you seen Delphine?"

A cold chill blew down Sarah's spine. Her tone had sounded the same as Rudy's had when he had told her to count her sisters. She turned back to face Shay.

"Why would you ask that?" Sarah tried to keep the suspicion out of her Cosima-voice, but she knew there was an edge to her words anyway.

Shay held up both hands, "Hey, whoa, it's ok. I just figured, she is a doctor, your doctor until your split. Now that you aren't with Dyad, I just thought that was one less pile of shit between you. It would make sense if you were back together and she was taking care of your medical needs." She paused and looked down, then looked back up through her lashes. "I would be incredibly jealous about any other needs she might be taking care of, mind you, but I would also be grateful to know you were looked after...by someone who loves you. And who you still love."

Her explanation sounded so very rational, but Sarah's antennae were still twitching from the mention of Delphine at all. Shay shows up in Cosma's life just as Delphine is withdrawing. She's all kinds of reasonable about a breakup, but still working the angles to try to get back in. She's letting Cosima know about a job at a hospital lab, conveniently positioned for her medical care, but also conveniently a lab, with all the equipment needed to run Kendall's blood analysis or whatever. That tone, when Sarah's back had been turned…she wished she'd been watching Shay's face at the time. And isn't she just about 5'3?

Sarah was thinking fast about how to respond. She was tempted to say yes, Cosima and Delphine were back together, so Shay would leave. But if she is a spy, monitor or other, she might already know the answer is no.

"No, not Delphine. I think she's in Europe. But I have my regular doctor keeping an eye on things. I'm good, really."

"Ok. I'm glad you're doing well. I'm going to stop throwing myself at you now, pick up whatever scraps of dignity I can find scattered around, and let you go," she laughed and gave Sarah an endearing smile. "But, remember what I said about holding your hand," her smile turned more serious and regretful.

Ok, Sarah knew Cosima would not have been able to resist that look and offer of a touch. So, she reached out and took Shay's hand. But what to say so she didn't get in any deeper. What was it Felix had said about lesbian exs, always wanting to stay friends? She'd go with that.

"You can have my hand, any time, but anything more wouldn't be fair to you."

Sarah thought that had sounded harmless enough, but Shay gave her an odd look. Shite, she had missed something subtle in the exchange that only Cosima would have known. Time to hope she had kept things generic enough so that Shay thought the misunderstanding was on her side, not Cosima's.

"I am always here if you need me," Shay said, giving her hand a squeeze. "Anytime. Let me know if you want my cousin's contact information. He can give you more details about the lab tech job if you're interested."

"Yeah, thanks. I'll think about it…I really have to go."

As soon as Sarah was far enough away, she pulled out her cell phone and called Cal.

"I need you to check on someone for me."

. . . . .

For Delphine, time was not a thing she wanted to register. But it kept moving forward. Days? Weeks? Eventually, her conscious time began to be more than just a few minutes here and there, and her mind was becoming more and more aware of her precarious position.

Several medical personnel took turns caring for her, their care impersonal but proficient. When she was very unlucky, Shay would take a turn. That usually required re-closing portions of her incision that mysteriously tore open when she was "examining" the wound. Unfortunately, Delphine's condition had improved to the point that she no longer lost consciousness with the pain.

Over time, they had stopped the blood transfusions, and the sporadic, under-dosed pain medications. Only yesterday, they finally removed the catheter and had her walk to the bathroom instead. Walking was problematic at first because they hadn't done any physical therapy during her convalescence, but pain was a good motivator, and Shay knew how to motivate. The rest of the time she was kept shackled, one arm handcuffed to a metal loop in the wall next to her cot, and basically ignored.

For that she was grateful, but it left her far too much time to worry. She had seen guards standing outside the storeroom door, impossible to mistake with their hard eyes and the bulge of guns under jackets. In her current condition, there was no way she could get past them even if she did manage to free herself from the wall.

And she worried about Cosima. She knew Shay was insinuating her way further into the trusting woman's life and heart, Cosima all the while unaware what vile creature was sleeping next to her. Shay made sure to keep her up to date on that progress quite regularly, with explicit detail. It was obvious the woman was a pure psychopath, incapable of forming any real emotional attachments, but exceedingly adept at imitating them. Her complete lack of empathy had translated into a sadistic streak.

As much as possible, Delphine tried not to speak to any of her captors. But Shay delighted in forcing her to interact. Usually, she did that through pain, but sometimes she would try to elicit a reaction by providing prurient details of her visits with Cosima, details Delphine knew from personal experience were accurate.

Delphine knew any emotional response from her would only amplify Shay's behaviors and prolong her efforts, so she tried as much as possible not to react to either the psychological or physical stimuli. But pain can be used to create involuntary reactions, and Shay would work until she got one. If Delphine held out long enough, however, she would usually be bored with the game by that time, and settle for one victory, instead of descending into a sadistic feeding frenzy. Delphine had learned this from experience.

To pass the time and try to distract herself, she had several mental exercises she used to help her stay focused. She was involved in one such activity, identifying items she could see in the room and brainstorming for each how it could be used either to escape or to kill, when Shay entered. Delphine turned her gaze to the ceiling above her and, as inconspicuously as possible, laid her free arm along her wounded side as a barrier.

"Good evening, Delphine." She sounded as smooth and sweet as usual, but Delphine knew the calmer Shay was, the more she was looking forward to whatever was coming. Her stomach tightened, waiting for the strike.

"Good news for you this evening, I won't be here long. I'm meeting Cosima for dinner at her place. She is adorable when she's needy, isn't she?" Shay had gone straight to the saline drip to check the level. "I'm going to discontinue your IV. But you are going to eat and drink a reasonable amount each day, or I will start forced feedings. I can promise you won't like them if I do."

Delphine nodded, not because she had any intention of complying, but rather the appearance of cooperation would also bore Shay.

"Your weight has dropped low enough, I'm going to give you a high calorie liquid supplement," Shay talked as she reached for the arm with the IV and turned it to the light. Peeling the tape back without any regard to being gentle, she began to remove the needle. She paused, the needle still under the skin, to stare at Delphine's forearm.

Delphine closed her eyes, knowing what the woman had finally noticed. The needle was removed, a Band-Aid affixed. And then she felt a finger run from the base of her wrist half way up the center of her forearm arm.

"Hmmm…let me guess. Boarding School?" Delphine could hear the smile in Shay's voice. She felt a hand turn her other arm, the one attached to the wall with the handcuffs, and another finger tracing a line there as well. "My complements to whoever did the plastic surgery. The scars are almost invisible. You'd have to be looking very closely to see them at all."

"Does Cosima know?" She waited a moment for a response she knew wasn't coming just to consider how she could use this information. "I may have to do some in depth research on you, going back to your school days.

"Oh, if I only had more time to prepare."

Delphine knew what she would find, the events were a matter of public record, despite her name never being used. But just the thought of Shay knowing those details made her stomach turn.

"When I finally dragged my ass out of bed this morning Cosima was already headed out to an interview. She still hasn't picked a lab, despite our network making her offers. She suspects they're all setups, but she's getting desperate now. She was coughing up blood last night, quite a bit of it actually. She cried after, while I held her. I think maybe she's starting to enter that acceptance phase." Shay watched Delphine closely.

Delphine turned her face to the wall, a soul crushing dread spreading through her, wondering what had gone wrong. If Sarah had received her message, Cosima should be at the house working in the lab there. Maybe the email application had failed to send her messages. Or Sarah hadn't trusted her message and had ignored the safe house. But if Cosima didn't have a lab, didn't have HER lab, then they weren't working on the cure. And she is coughing up blood now? How long?

Shay had started to smile at her subtle signs of distress, attributing them to Cosima's supposed decline.

"Well, if she won't bring the genetic material to one of our conveniently provided labs, I have officially been authorized to use you to convince her." Delphine knew this was what the woman had been working towards with this visit. "You're not in very good shape, but you're probably good enough to take some damage without dying now." She poked a finger into Delphine's wounded side, just under the arm she had tried to use to protect it. Delphine grunted at the jab, curling her arm to cover as much of her injury as she could, but did not turn from the wall or offer any other resistance.

"Yes, it's time to use you. I'm still working on the best way of accomplishing that." Shay sighed. "But that also means my sexual relationship with Cosima will be coming to an end. One last tumble tonight after dinner. Any tips?" Shay ran a single finger down Delphine's cheek waiting several heartbeats before continuing.

"As it turns out, I already have it all planned. We want another blood sample from her to get new numbers. A little trank in her wine, draw the sample, send it off via courier. And then Cosima is all mine for the rest of the night." Shay brought her lips to Delphine's ear. "For some of the things I've been wanting to do to her, I don't need her conscious."

Delphine struggled to control her breathing as rage boiled up in her at the thought of Cosima at Shay's complete mercy. She shook with it, as Shay laughed and kissed her cheek.

Delphine had already concluded escape was impossible, but given the chance, Shay within reach, and a sharp object, she would happily protect Cosima one last time. She would look for that opportunity every minute.

. . . . .

Cal called Sarah back a few hours later.

"Ok, the big things…she was in the military, looks like deployments with medical teams, including into some very hot zones. No additional details on that front, other than there doesn't appear to be a discharge date. That sounds ominously Castor-like to me."

"But if Coady is out of play, then Castor is dead. She could be freelance, or a Neolution mole within Castor, now needing a job and moving in on Leda instead?"

"Well, no outright proof of any of that, just circumstantial stuff. She has a trust fund apparently set up for her by her parents who died in a fire. She gets a monthly check from that, which she is obviously using to live off of since I'm not seeing other income. I'm not seeing anything else to raise any flags."

"The military angle is a big enough flag for me. She would know how to use a gun, that's for sure. Is there any way you can keep digging?"

"I think I've gone as far as I can in her background. But if what you are really asking is could she have been the one to kill Delphine, I might have some avenues to pursue. I'm going to see what cell towers Shay's registered phone pinged in the 24 hours after the murder. If that was her, I doubt she was using her personal phone for the call that came in, but she may have had it with her and turned it on later. I'll use whatever towers were pinged to pick out security cameras in those areas and hope I get lucky."

"Thank you, Cal. I really appreciate this."

. . . . .

Scott's brain felt like mush from lack of sleep and he was frustrated. Cosima was in the lab, but she spent most of the time just staring fixedly at nothing. He might as well be working alone. His frustration wasn't just at the slow rate of progress, but at Cosima's lack of concern about the lack of progress. She just didn't seem to care, wasn't invested. And while the reason why was understandable, he needed her help to be able to do this…at least in time to make a difference for her. The time she spent grieving was also the time she spent dying.

Keep her motivated, Sarah had said. Well, how the hell?

They had headed to the house for lunch, but neither of them were really very hungry. He was trying to get away from the lab for just a few minutes to clear his head. Cosima was sitting at the table staring at nothing, an untouched bowl of soup sitting in front of her.

Cosima knew she had been no help all day. She just kept replaying the video in her head of Delphine's murder. Sarah had left out details in her telling. Like Delphine reaching out of the trunk, helplessly. Like the grotesque way the killer had stroked her reaching hand with the gun. She had suffered, horribly. And Cosima wanted to make herself pay for every second of that suffering. So, she replayed the images in her mind again, and again, and again, and reminded herself she was responsible for it.

"So," Felix said, deciding to cut the quiet, "how goes it in the clone cave?"

"Agonizingly slow. We're still trying to prepare Kendall's DNA for sequencing. Once that's done, we'll load it into the sequencer and let the machine do the rest. Unfortunately, right now, we have to be more heavily involved in getting the DNA prepped. We made some progress," he concluded half-heartedly. "I'll hit it again after lunch."

"You need sleep, Scott," Cosima offered. "You didn't get any last night and you're fried. You need to take a break. Things will move better after some rest."

Her comment was not unreasonable, in fact, he knew she was right. But his frustration at her chose that moment to boil over. "We don't have time! I know you don't care about that right now, but I do! And Delphine did! Or don't you care about what she wanted? Literally, her dying request was for you to keep working on the cure. She wanted you to live! And you just sat out there all day, staring at nothing! Doing nothing! You didn't even make an effort! If you're willing to spit on the sacrifice she made for you, and just let yourself die, then I really feel sorry for Delphine because…" he hesitated, knowing it was a low blow, "you weren't worth it."

Silence ruled the table. Felix was shocked that the lab mouse had roared, but Siobhan was watching Cosima out of the corner of her eye, gauging the woman's reaction to Scott's accusations.

Cosima wrapped her arms around herself, rocking back and forth slightly. Finally she decided to say what she had been thinking all day.

"Delphine was killed because they wanted her gone. They wanted her gone, because she was helping us. And she was helping us because I asked her to. They wanted her gone because after asking her to help us, I screwed her over with the book and with Rachel…." And with Shay, but that wasn't something Dyad would have cared about.

"We did that, not just you," Felix jumped in.

"It was my idea. I started it, by not trusting her in the first place."

Felix offered a sarcastic, "HA! Sarah and I only trusted her after we found out she was dead. You trusted her before the ultimate proof, you sat there at Allison's party and told us all so."

"Yeah, and according to the time stamp on the parking lot video, she was being murdered at about the same time I finally decided to trust her."

"What?" Mrs. S entered the conversation, horrified. "Oh Cosima, tell me you didn't watch that?"

Cosima was still rocking back and forth in her chair. "This morning, while Sarah was upstairs packing. My trust was too little, too late. If I had told her about the book, or even if I had confessed to having the copy? Or if I had told her Rachel could read it, instead of trying to break her out of Dyad? Maybe Delphine would still be alive. She would have had to give some of it to Topside, but she would still have had value to them. I didn't want her giving anything to them. I wanted her just giving to us, just to me. And I think she tried, as well as she was able, given the constraints she was under. But I still didn't get it. I still only saw what she didn't give me, not what she did, or I saw what she gave them, not what she didn't give them. Obviously, she didn't give them enough, or she gave us too much, I don't know which, and they killed her for it. And how stupid am I that I thought the worst that would happen to her is she would be fired?"

"Every time I didn't trust her, every time I betrayed her, she still came back and helped us, helped me, even though she knew what it might cost her. So you're right, Scott, I wasn't worth it, but she did it anyway. And even though part of me wants to punish myself for it, wants to lay down and let this thing rot me from the inside out, I can't do that after all that she did. Because it isn't just me she did it for."

"But I can't get that video out of my head now." She had thought she had no more capacity for tears, but confessing that the images of Delphine's execution were fixed in her mind reduced her to them once more.

"You didn't kill her, they did." Scott argued. "And you are worth it, Cosima. She knew it, I know it, everyone seems to know it but you. You didn't see risk for the very same reason we all know you're special. It's because you don't look for the potential for badness in people first. It's like the second you meet someone, you meet them with complete trust regardless of who they are or what they might have done in the past. It makes us want to live up to that trust. It's an innocence most of us lose early that you somehow held onto. We're drawn to that in you like a moth to a flame, even if it means we get burned." He paused to swallow. "You know I'm in love with you. I know I will never have a snowball's chance in hell. But I'm not going anywhere until you and your sisters are safe. That was why she kept coming back too."

Cosima threw her arms around his neck and hugged him. "I will try harder in the lab, but you have to promise me you won't let yourself get burned too."

"I am not going to promise that, but I will do my best to avoid it."

"Ok, deal. And feel free to kick my ass again if I start slacking in the lab."

Scott nodded, "I will consider it a primary responsibility."

"Why don't you go get a nap before heading back over? I'll keep the thermocyler going, keep prepping the batches. You really do need sleep, or you'll make mistakes."

With a nod, he headed upstairs to collapse for just a little while.

. . . . .

Helena and Donnie showed up at the safe house later that afternoon loaded down with weapons, new burner phones, and a huge load of cash that neither would provide details of its origins. It had made sense to use the minivan since it had more room and Donnie and Allison needed to know how to get to the safe house in case they had to run in a hurry. They had made sure to follow all of the safety guidelines Sarah had given them.

The first thing Helena did was go to the garage to find a suitable storage place. After all, it wouldn't do to have explosives in the house if the children were brought out here. As she walked in the door, Cosima looked up and offered her a tired smile that didn't touch her eyes.

Helena stopped. Her scientist sestra had always been very kind to her, not seeming to care that she was a killer. And now she was mourning. Helena was not sure how to respond. So she waited, shifting from one foot to the other, eyes looking away and then back again.

"It's ok, Helena," Cosima said, walking over to her to hug her. "You can come in. This is our place, yours too."

"Ok," she said still uncertain. But she let her eyes roam the room, quickly focusing in on the storage cabinets along the back wall. "May I look…?" She indicated the cabinets.

"Sure. It's all medical supplies. Is there something you need?"

"A place to store explosives. One cabinet will do."

"Explosives?" Cosima's eyebrows rose almost to her hairline, surprised despite herself. Between all of the other shocks she had had lately and the emotional exhaustion, she hadn't thought herself capable of surprise quite this soon.

"Yes. I bring many weapons for protection here. They are safe to store. Must have detonators attached to blow up."

"Um, yeah. Ok. Uh, the last storage cabinet has the least stuff in it. I can move the supplies into the other cabinets and give you that one if it will work?"

"Yes, this is good." Helena watched as Cosima started to move the supplies. "I am sorry for your woman?" she offered tentatively.

Cosima stilled, her back turned towards Helena. "Thank you," she said quietly. Then continued putting the supplies in her hand on the shelf without turning around. She wouldn't cry again.

"I did not know her," Helena continued, "but she was brave for you. I will remember her for this."

"Me too." Cosima finished moving the supplies and went back to work.

Helena unloaded the minivan, explosives to the garage, guns and ammo to the house. After she finished loading the last of the detonators into the cabinet and closed the door, she approached Cosima once more.

"Cosima?" She waited until her sestras attention was on her instead of the tray of tubes on the table. "Do you have pictures of sestras? I want to have copies."

"You mean, Allison and me and Sarah?"

"No, the others," she paused, looking away from Cosima's face. "The…others."

Understanding filled Cosima as Helena, still not meeting her eyes, shifted from foot to foot. Guilt. She wanted to see her victims. Cosima hadn't thought she could hurt any more than she was, but she felt pain for her sister. Damaged from childhood to turn her into a murderer, she hadn't stood a chance. She couldn't have turned out any other way and still be alive. But she was a murderer, had killed the clones in Europe, sestras just like them. And she was waking up to that reality.

Cosima didn't want to give her the pictures she had collected during their original investigations, wanted to protect her in that small way. Let her stay in denial. But she understood what Helena felt she needed. After all, Delphine had been Cosima's victim, in part, and hadn't she needed to see the results of her mistakes as penance? She didn't want to give Helena the pictures, but she would. You can't protect someone from themselves.

"Yes, I have their pictures. And yes, I will give them to you, but tonight, after dinner. Ok?"

"Yes, this is ok."

. . . . .

"Hey, the stolen car turned up," Cal sounded very excited. "And take a look at what I was able to find!" He switched to a still image, grainy security camera footage.

"This is from a convenience store a few blocks from where the car was dumped. The guy driving it? No idea who he is. But, I figured if you're dumping a car, you need a ride home. So I watched for the cars after this one. Take a look at who's driving the third car back."

It was Shay. So obviously Shay.

"That's what I needed, Cal. Thank you." Sarah said quietly. She had needed to know she had the right person before she pulled the trigger.

"What are you going to do?"

"Pay back a debt I owe."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: WARNING: This chapter contains disturbing content: Violence and implied sexual assault.

Updated A/N: Again, this chapter is a repost, with only minor changes to fix typos and the like.

Chapter 5

After dinner, Cosima took Helena to her room to dig through her files for the pictures. Before handing them over, she stood in front of Helena until the woman could look her in the eye.

"You are not who you were," she said quietly. "You didn't know any better before, and when you met Sarah, you let yourself learn better. You stopped. You are not that person anymore."

Cosima waited for a response, rewarded with no more than a quick nod. Having to make do with that, she handed Helena the pictures and sent her off with a hug.

There were now more people than bedrooms in the house, so Helena had taken some blankets and a spare pillow down to the basement. Sweeping out a corner of the bare concrete floor, she had made a small sleeping area.

She now sat in that corner with the pictures Cosima had given her. With each picture, she would look at the face, her face, her sestra's faces, and remember how she had hunted each one down with the information Maggie Chen had provided. She relived the memory of killing each of them, the details being different for each, but the end result being the same.

The new phone Sarah had given her rang as she was looking at the last picture, remembering.

"Helena, I need a favor. But you absolutely cannot tell anyone, especially Cosima."

"I will keep silent. What is happening?"

"I found the person who killed Delphine. I need a gun with a silencer to take care of it."

"You wish to kill this woman who killed Delphine, who you did not trust, but who was worthy?" Helena asked, looking down at a picture of one of her dead.

"Yes. How did you know it's a woman?"

"The way she moves on computer, the way she puts body in trunk, the way she walks."

"Do you have a gun with a silencer that I can use or not?"

"You will hunt her until you find her and you will kill her?" she asked, ignoring Sarah's question while setting aside the picture and picking up another.

"Yes," Sarah said through gritted teeth.

"No, this you cannot do. This will break you, not now, but later. You shoot me once. I had killed many sestras before, I tried to take Kira and she was hurt, I killed Amelia. All of this, and when you thought you had killed me, it ate you inside. If you hunt this woman and kill her, you will be like me and it will eat you again until you are hollow. I know this."

"This bitch doesn't get to live, Helena. Not after what she did, that video. And I need to do it. I owe Delphine that at least."

"No, there is Cosima. You can pay this debt you owe Delphine to her, this would be honorable."

"So you aren't going to help me?"

"Not with this, Sarah. Please, do not do this."

Sarah hung up on her twin. Fine, Allison had guns too, she thought. But the silencer would have been nice. She had learned her lesson though, she wouldn't tell Allison she wanted it for cold blooded murder.

. . . . .

Shay's number was still in Cosima's old phone. Not that that would have been a problem with Cal having already run a background check, but it would ring through as coming from Cosima to help sell the story.

Sarah took a deep breath trying to plant in her mind that this was a woman that Cosima might care about, and trying even harder to push to the back of it that she had also callously murdered Delphine. For this part of the deal, she had to focus on the former. Once she was in she could let the latter to the forefront. She called the number.

"Well hello," Shay's voice came through, sounding surprised.

"Hey. I just wanted to call to apologize for being so abrupt the other day. I really was in a hurry. But, if I'm being honest, running into you kind of threw me a bit. I wasn't quite sure what to say."

"It's ok. I could tell you weren't feeling very comfortable around me. That was my fault. You had said it was over, I couldn't help clinging just a bit. Please tell me I didn't completely embarrass myself?

"Not at all," Sarah gave a Cosima-amused laugh. "You actually came across as quite charming."

"Charming, huh? I can work with charming."

Sarah looked up at the ceiling, knowing she had to shift the conversation into a more intimate tone to get Shay to meet her.

"You don't need to work with anything, you're a natural. One of the many things I'm finding I miss about you." Sarah paused. "You said if I needed you…" Sarah let her voice trail off as if Cosima was uncertain about continuing the request.

"Yes?" Shay wasn't going to fill in the rest, making Cosima-Sarah ask for what she wanted.

Sarah looked down at the gun on the table in front of her. "I need you. I need to see you again."

Shay didn't say anything right away. "I am not complaining, but after yesterday I need a little clarification. Do you need me as a friend or do you need me hot and sweaty and moaning your name?" she asked quietly. "I am happy to go with either, although I think I made my preference fairly clear."

"I really miss the combo deal, actually. I miss having you to talk to about…stuff. The things that keep me up at night. But the moaning part is sounding very good to me, too. Can we start with the first and work our way up to the second?

"You usually like to start with the second and then work your way up to the pillow talk. Novel idea starting with the talking."

"I have this spot I like to go to. It's quiet, peaceful…a good place to go to clear my head." And where a gunshot might not be heard. "Would you met me there tonight?"

"Should I bring the bug?"

Sarah was pretty sure she didn't want to know what that was all about. "I will leave that completely up to you," she responded trying to sound a little coy.

"Well, that is remarkably ambiguous," Shay's tone hadn't changed, but Sarah felt a slight shift to the conversation.

"I just meant that, tonight, you're all I need," Sarah cringed at the phone.

There was a long silence on the other side.

"The first time we met, when I mentioned Barcelona was my favorite city, what was it you said that made me laugh? I can't remember, but it was really cute."

Sarah knew she was blown. Her brain worked furiously to try to find a new path to get her to Shay's door.

"Uh-huh. What kind of tea did I make you, our last night together? Better yet, who did who last and in what positions?"

Sarah ground her teeth. She wasn't going to be able to trick this bitch with her Cosima act. She didn't answer.

"You're not Cosima. I knew something was off when I met you at the coffee shop. Where is she? Please tell me she's ok?" The woman sounded truly worried, Sarah thought.

"Somewhere where you can't hurt her," Sarah gave up the game.

"I would never hurt Cosima," Shay sounded genuine in that. "I'm her new monitor, that's all. Her well-being is my key objective."

They were trying to play each other, Sarah realized. Could she make this work to her advantage?

"I thought monitors weren't supposed to worry about our well-being? Monitor and report, not try to influence or control?"

"Cosima has a way of drawing us in, doesn't she? Maybe it's because she is so trusting with her heart and fragile with her health? It really does make a person want to wrap her up and protect her, doesn't it?" She still sounded so sincere.

"Exactly why I'm not telling you where she is." Sarah was still wracking her brain, trying to think of a way to reel this shark in. She's too good. She won't go for any of the usual ploys.

"I'm confused. Why did you want to meet then? Do you need medical help for her? Is she sick?"

"Information. I wanted to know what Dyad was up to since Cosima left. I haven't been able to reach any of my contacts there in almost a week now."

"I wouldn't know anything about that. I'm just a monitor. They just listen to my reports and ask me questions. Just tell me she's ok?"

Sarah opted for the truth. "She's started coughing up blood. It's not good."

"Oh God. They told me to look for that, that it was a sign she was getting worse. Please, let me talk to her? I just need to hear her voice."

Damn, she actually sounded desperate. It almost sounded like the bitch was about to cry. She was very good, for a cold blooded killer.

"Need to hear her voice? Hmmmm… yeah, I'll just bet you do."

"What can I do to convince you I would never hurt Cosima?"

It was becoming obvious to Sarah, the only hook she had with Shay was to subject Cosima, the real Cosima, to her influence. She couldn't do that without telling her why it was necessary. And she really couldn't do that. So, she gave up the game.

"You actually might have had a chance, if you hadn't murdered Delphine. You know, when you shot her in the parking garage at Dyad, stuffed her into the trunk of a car, shot her twice more, and then drove her body off. Yeah, without that, I might have fallen for this act of yours," she finished coldly.

"You think I killed Delphine? I swear to you, I didn't!" My God, Sarah thought, she seems so sincere.

"Yeah, you obviously knew where the video cameras were, kept your face out of it, but you match the height of the killer…and you should have left your personal cell off when you were picking up the guy who dumped the car for you a few days later."

"Well, hell." There she was. The real Shay was finally dropping the act.

"Yeah, so no. You don't get to talk to Cosima, or get anywhere near her."

"Does Cosima know? Has she seen the video of me shooting Delphine?" Shay sounded so smoothly concerned, but had stopped trying to sound upset or worried. "Studies have shown emotional trauma can negatively impact a person's health, especially if they're already compromised. I would hate to think of her dying without me there to watch."

Sarah's skin crawled. This woman was deranged.

"Arrange for me to speak to her. I have something she wants."

"And what's that?"

"Delphine. Video chat, 3pm this afternoon. Cosima has my number.

"Delphine's dead," Sarah said harshly. "You shot her 3 times!"

"No, she wishes she was and I only shot her once. The two shots into the trunk were out of frustration because the phone call I received, which I'm sure was on the video, said our asset with Ferdinand had gone dark and failed to secure the original blood and tissue specimens. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you? No? Well, they decided they wanted Delphine alive for leverage. And she is. I was just waiting for the right time to apply it. I'm thinking it's now. Don't you? Be honest."

Sarah didn't know what to say.

"3 pm. I'll bring Delphine if you bring Cosima. I will know if it's not Cosima." She disconnected.

Oh shit. Cosima.

. . . . .

Sarah drove directly to the safe-house, violating her own safety rule of a circuitous route. Hearing her car coming up the road, Helena had stepped onto the front porch, a gun in her hand, held slightly behind her. The others had come out the door as well, but gave her a wider birth.

Sarah leapt from the car and ran towards the house, "Everyone inside now! We have an emergency."

As she ran into the living room she tossed her computer bag and a new burner phone still in its packaging at Felix. "Set that up and video chat Cal in right now. Make sure the camera is facing a blank wall, no identifiable features for the house." Turning to Siobhan, "Close the curtains, block out all natural light and turn on the inside lights."

"Cosima, I need you to sit down," she said, pushing her sister into the overstuffed chair and kneeling in front of her. She gripped Cosima's hands, hard. "I know you've had some terrible shocks, but I'm afraid they aren't done yet. I need you to focus, because we don't have a lot of time. Yeah?"

Cosima nodded, fear blooming. How much worse could it get?

"I found the woman who killed Delphine, I tried to arrange a meeting so I could kill her back, but she figured me out." Sarah paused, noting the hardening of Cosima's eyes. "Cosima, she says Delphine's not dead, that they saved her, kept her alive for leverage to get Kendall's genome."

"Delphine's alive?" Sarah felt sick at the hope soaring in Cosima's eyes.

"So she says, but Cosima, this woman is pure evil. And she is very convincing even when she's lying. I knew, knew she was the one in the parking garage, but she would have convinced me she wasn't if I hadn't had the proof of it. I would have believed her, she's that good. Do you understand what I'm saying?

"Pure evil and convincing, I got it," Cosima was tracking, but it was obvious from the hope shining from her expression her attention was still on Delphine being alive. She didn't understand what was happening yet.

"Cosima, she might be lying! Delphine might be dead and this is just a trick to talk to you!"

"Me? She wants to talk to me?"

"Yeah, in a video chat in less than 20 minutes. She's going to try to manipulate you in that conversation. I don't know how yet, but she will. She said she'd bring Delphine into it, and that scares me. Listen to me! Do you know why I'm terrified of this?"

Cosima's eyes began to cloud, "You think she'll hurt Delphine to manipulate me."

"IF Delphine's alive," she stressed, "I think she'll hurt Delphine because she likes it AND to manipulate you. Psycho! Pure evil! That's why she wants it to be you she talks to. Maximum damage."

"So she picked me because I love Delphine?"

"Not just that," Sarah's stomach twisted at the bomb she had drop on her sister now. "Cosima, its Shay. Shay's the one who shot Delphine."

Cosima's emotions whipsawed from elation at Delphine being alive, to doubt to denial that Shay could ever be involved – monitor maybe, but murderer no! She started to shake her head. Sarah grabbed her by the arms.

"Cosima! I need you to focus! I could have lied to you, not told you any of this, kept you working on the cure. If Delphine is alive, that route would have let her die, you understand? But we both owe it to her to find out for sure, to see if there's anything we can do to fix this. That means you can't fall apart, we don't have time for denials or guilt or blame. We have to do this NOW. Are you with me?"

Delphine might be alive. If she is, I have to keep her that way. If Shay is the enemy…. Shay is the enemy? Delphine might be alive. She locked on that, the important piece.

"Yeah, I'm here. I understand," her tone was shaky, but her will was firming. Delphine might be alive and Shay might be the enemy. She would have to know either way, and she would have to know now. "What do you need me to do?"

"Cal is going to try to back-trace their signal, but they're going to be trying to hide it and back-trace ours. So it's going to be a race, which side can trace the others signal without getting traced. Cal is going to do everything he can remotely."

"Your job is going to be to talk to her, keep her talking as long as you can. She's going to try to get to you, you can't let her. Don't show her any emotion, she'll feed on that like a shark in bloody water. Give her nothing! If she wants Kendall, the answer is no. If she wants Kendall's DNA, we stall. Cosima, if Delphine is alive, we'll make that deal, but stall as long as you can before we do. Understand?"

"Yes," oh but Cosima looked scared. It was projecting out from every contour on her face. This isn't going to work, Sarah thought to herself, but there was no choice but to try it.

"I'm going to be standing right beside you, right here! Cal will be talking to me through an ear-piece on another line. If it looks like their trace is getting close, we will have to cut off the feed, no matter what. That's my call."

"Everyone else, stay quiet! No talking, no sound at all," she made sure to meet each of their eyes. She wasn't concerned about Mrs. S, or Felix, but Helena's impulse control worried her and Scott already looked like he was going to puke.

They sat Cosima in front of a blank wall, readied as well as she could be for the battle about to begin.

Cosima was shaking as the connection went through. There was still a part of her that couldn't believe Shay would be on the other end, the shadowy nemesis Sarah claimed. She didn't want to believe the person in that video with Delphine could have been Shay. But recalling the movements, the back of that black coat, moving with fluid grace, like Shay, she felt a sick certainty that Sarah was right.

And then Shay was there, staring out of her computer screen, looking sad and concerned. "Hi Cosima. I want you to know I really am sorry about this, but the people I work for are very motivated right now."

"Delphine?" Cosima asked, unable to respond to anything until she knew one way or the other.

"In a minute," Shay said, smiling and shaking her head. "You are twisted up over her, aren't you?" Cosima didn't respond, just looked at her. "Did you see the video of my shooting her?"

Her words slammed into Cosima, removing any doubt and denial. Shay did this, she shot Delphine. But Delphine might be alive. Shay was still waiting for an answer, so she nodded, not yet trusting herself to speak.

"Did you know it was me? When you saw it?"

Cosima shook her head no. "After Sarah told me, I knew it was. Recognized how you moved, even from the back. Like a dancer." Cosima kept her tone low, as matter of fact as she could. She really just wanted to scream "IS SHE STILL ALIVE?"

Shay was watching her closely, appeared disappointed. "Ok," she said. "Here." With that, she rotated her camera to the side, revealing a blond woman in bra and scrub pants.

She was on her knees, arms bound out to both sides and slightly up, crucifixion-style, but with shackles and chains, hanging by her wrists. Her head was down, chin against her chest with her hair obscuring her face and she was breathing in short, muted gasps that shook her body slightly.

That can't be Delphine, Cosima thought. But she knew that body, thinner, almost emaciated, though it was now, and she recognized the lace bra. She held her body angled to one side, as much as the lengths of chain would let her, towards the side with a large, white bandage. She's trying to keep the strain off of it, Cosima realized, off of that arm. She's in pain.

Sarah's hand fell to her shoulder, gripping her collarbone hard, willing her to stay calm.

Shay walked behind Delphine and went to her knees as well, wrapping both arms over Delphine's shoulders and around her chest just below her chin, "See? Exactly as I promised. Alive and wishing she wasn't." Shay's expression and tone were frightening, not because they looked or sounded like that of an evil individual, but because they were exactly like the Shay Cosima knew, concerned and reasonable. And Cosima knew Sarah had been right. This was a monster, with no soul. She had to protect Delphine somehow, with no weapons but her words and behaviors. She couldn't screw this up. Show her nothing, Sarah had said. She tried to blank her expression, tamp down on her impulse to reach out to Delphine in some way, any way.

"Delphine, don't you want to say hello to Cosima?"

She didn't. Didn't want Cosima to see her this way. Didn't want to let Shay use her to hurt Cosima. But that was what was going to happen. All she could do was resist where she could. She kept her head down, trying to concentrate on not showing her fear or her pain.

Shay gently brushed Delphine's hair up out of her face, then grasped it from behind and pulled to raise her chin to the camera.

Cosima struggled not to react to Delphine being handled so harshly, but then she saw her face. There were dark circles under her eyes, almost bruised looking. Her skin was so very pale and sagged where her body had scavenged calories from unneeded stores to keep vital systems functioning. Her hair was lank and looked unwashed. And she was the most beautiful thing Cosima could ever remember seeing in her life.

"Delphine," she couldn't help speaking. She wanted to ask if she was ok, but that was inane, the answer obvious. She wanted to tell her she loved her, to make sure Delphine knew, to make up for not saying it sooner when it might have made a difference. But Shay would use that against both of them now. So, she stopped at her name, hoping Delphine would just know the rest.

Delphine tried to keep her eyes closed. She didn't want to see Cosima's face as she looked on the damaged Shay had done. She was ashamed to be seen helpless and victimized. But at Cosima's voice she had to look, had to see her. She couldn't help it.

They didn't speak, each just staring at the image of the other. Cosima thought she saw Delphine nod slightly, but it might have been a dip of her head as she fought Shay's grip.

"Aw, nothing to say to each other at this tearful reunion? Delphine back from the dead? No? Hmmm…disappointing."

"What do you want?" Cosima spoke, trying to be cool and calm, but her eyes telegraphed her concern for Delphine.

Shay smiled, all teeth. "Right to it? Fine. My faction wants Kendall Malone of course."

Sarah jumped in. "Kendall's not in play anymore. She's out of the country and in the wind. We don't have her. And the person that does will destroy every molecule of her DNA if anyone tries coming for her, including us."

"Well that is a shame." Shay appeared to think for a moment. "Delphine really is beautiful, isn't she?" she asked holding Delphine's chin up with her left hand, as she ran her right one slowly across Delphine's chest and shoulder, along her arm to her elbow. "I mean, like a work of art, beautiful. But she is hanging here a bit crooked." Shay grasped her arm at the elbow and began to force it out and up, stretching Delphine's abdominal muscles along her wounded side.

Delphine ground her teeth together on the groan that threatened to escape. Her time and treatment in Shays hands had raised her pain tolerance levels and she was able, just, to not make a sound. But she couldn't stop her short breaths from increasing in volume and frequency with the effort.

Cosima shook with the effort not to respond to Delphine's pain, but Sarah was right at her back, digging fingernails into her shoulder again, a reminder to hold fast, show her nothing. Delphine was obviously working on the same principle, but God the toll she was taking.

"Oh, my. How very stoic you've become in the last few hours. I'm guessing that's for Cosima's benefit, because we both know I can make you scream." She smiled sweetly.

With a sudden move, Shay swung herself out to Delphine's right side and landed a hard jab to the bandaged area.

Delphine screamed from the explosion of agonizing pain, unable to stop herself. Her first few breaths after were accompanied by groans of pain before she was once again able to clench her jaw. But her body was twitching now, with the waves of pain that continued to radiate out from her damaged side. Her chin dropped back to her chest, no longer held by Shay. She shut her eyes tightly, trying to focus on breathing and controlling her pain.

"Delphine!" Cosima couldn't stop herself from screaming at the unexpected attack and resulting anguish from Delphine. "Shay please!"

"Do you see this bruising here, Cosima? It's from the impact of the bullet and bleeding under the skin. I fixed the damage myself, but it takes a while for the body to absorb the residual blood. You can tell from the green shades here that the process has already started." She was running her hands over the bruising as she spoke, causing Delphine to twitch. The white of the bandage was becoming stained red. "Uh oh. It looks like I may have broken some sutures there. I wonder if I broke open anything on the inside. Her liver had to have some work done, and her lung had collapsed. She seems to be breathing reasonably well, so the lung is probably fine. I would watch that bruising closely though. If it starts getting darker, I'll have to cut this chat short and cut her open again to fix it. And like the last time, I won't use anesthesia."

Delphine's body shook even harder at her words, she knew the threat was not an idle one, but a horrifying possibility. No more, she thought, please no more. But she did not voice the vain plea, Shay would never relent.

"I have Kendall's samples, blood and tissue. I'll give them to you for Delphine, just please stop!"

Delphine heard the words and raised her eyes to the screen once more, a feeling of hope, for the first time, stirring inside her. Maybe there was a chance? But Shay's next words crushed that fleeting feeling.

"No," Shay responded, sounding sad at having to reject her offer, but smiling at the obvious distress from Cosima. "No, Delphine dies one way or the other. That's non-negotiable."

"What the fuck, Shay? I thought that was to be the deal?" Sarah interrupted angrily, barely controlling her own rage at being helpless, unable to do anything for Delphine in her current situation.

"I said I had Delphine and that Cosima would want her. Not that I would give her up. No, she definitely has to die. But how she dies, is what I'm willing to negotiate with for those samples."

"You see, I can keep Delphine alive for weeks, months… indefinitely, really. Damaging her, fixing her, damaging her, fixing her. Indefinitely. I even have my first few games thought out. I was thinking after this," she poked Delphine in the side with a stiff finger, eliciting a cry from the helpless woman, "I might try a red hot branding iron. What do you think about me messing up her pretty face with that? I mean, that wouldn't kill her. And after she recovers, just enough, from that, maybe a knife to the spleen, such an unneeded organ. And I would again have the pleasure of cutting her open to remove it and sew her up, and then do this to her again," with a wave of her hand.

Siobhan looked like she was ready to chew nails and spit bullets, Felix had his hand over his mouth, in horror, while Scott turned and left the room. But Helena, Helena had gone very still, eyes dead and cold, a deadly predator hiding in the open through a complete lack of motion.

"Or maybe," she said, starting to sound excited, "we can use her to test out some of the unproven modifications we've been working on. There are some interesting brain function mods we've been experimenting with to control behavior. I might even be able to make it so that Delphine actually enjoys my sessions with her. How does that sound, Delphine?" Shay dug her fingernails into the bandage on Delphine's side, making her scream and twist against her bonds to try to move away.

Cosima's horror had been growing with each second. Sarah had said not to react, and to stall. But Delphine was being tortured, she was screaming! How could she not react? And stalling was just allowing Shay to inflict more pain on Delphine. In fact, Shay didn't seem in any rush to end the call.

Just as Cosima was about to scream at Shay to stop, she released her grip on Delphine's side, allowing the battered woman to sag once more in her bindings. She was sobbing with each breath now, just the expansion of her lungs sending bolts of pain through her side.

"Of course, the other option is me putting a couple of bullets into her brain instead. Quick, no more pain. No more fun for me, but then my superiors would be happy. And I suppose I've made her suffer enough for what she's done to me and mine."

Cosima was breathing hard, struggling not to scream, not to cry, not to beg. She couldn't choose Delphine's death, but she couldn't stand the thought of the alternative either. She began to choke, and cough. From the pressure in her chest and throat, she knew it was going to be a bad one, and blood flew from her mouth before she could cover it. She couldn't get her breath, barely drawing in a little air before her damaged lungs tried to expel it with the fluid building up in them.

Delphine's face had come up at the coughing, the agony in her eyes taking on a desperate edge as she saw the blood and physical distress Cosima's lungs were under. She had deteriorated further since the last time they had been together. Cosima would need those samples for any chance at a cure. She couldn't give them to Shay. But Delphine knew she would suffer horribly if Shay was denied.

"You don't look too good yourself, sweet heart," Shay noted with no hint of sarcasm. "It won't be long now, will it? I'm so sorry I won't be able to be there to hold your hand and watch you die like I said I would. I never seem to get tired of doing that. I'll just have to use Delphine as a substitute."

"Cosima," Delphine spoke for the first time, her voice sounding cracked and rough, from disuse and from screaming. "Cosima, please," she pleaded. "It is your turn to make the hard choices. Please do what I did." Her voice hardened, "Protect your sisters! Give her nothing! Protect your sist-"

Shay slammed a fist into Delphine's side again, making her scream and driving the breath out of her. It was too much, she needed to end this, to get Cosima to disconnect the call. But she couldn't breathe yet, gasping, trying to fill her lungs.

"No! Shay please! Please stop!"

"Yes, I have so many ideas for making her suffer, for a very long time. Many of them involve scarring her up a bit. But then, she already is scarred. Did you ever notice?" Shay had moved to stand behind Delphine and was stroking one of her arms, from wrist to half way between her forearm and elbow. "Right here?" Shay repeated the gesture on the other arm, "And here?" Shay waited for Cosima to respond.

"Yes, I noticed," Cosima couldn't keep her voice or her body from shaking. She had seen, and run her fingers over them in exactly the same way. She had never asked Delphine to talk about it, knowing that if she wanted to, when she wanted to, Delphine would share that part of her life. But she could tell from the gleam in her eyes that Shay knew those details, and was going to use them to hurt her and Delphine. "And yes, she told me."

"Oh. Well damn," Shay sounded disappointed. "I didn't figure her for the sharing type, at least not about something like that. I guess you did get to her." Shay sank to her knees behind Delphine once more and kissed the bound woman's cheek softly. "Did she tell you whether she screamed or not?"

"God, I so love making her scream," She ran a hand over Delphine's chest, sliding it under one of her bra straps suggestively. "That last night we were together, did you stop to wonder why I couldn't seem to get enough of you?" Revulsion began to dawn in Cosima's face. "Every time we would slow down, I would remember making Delphine scream earlier that same evening, my hands inside her trying to fix the damage from the bullet I fired into her. Just remembering her screams would turn me on all over again. And you were quite the enthusiastic participant. Thank you for that." Her hand ran down Delphine uninjured side, over her ribs.

"But something tells me you won't be wanting to play with me anymore." Her hand had reached Delphine's waist, running along the edge of the scrub pants she was wearing. "I guess I'll just have to be satisfied with Delphine."

"Get your fucking hands off her!" Cosima couldn't stop herself.

"Oh, you are so easy," Shay laughed, looking genuinely happy for the first time.

Sarah was horrified, they didn't have the location yet, Cal kept saying he was getting close, but she couldn't let this continue. Shay was untying the string at Delphine's waist band, watching Cosima the entire time. And Cosima was screaming at her, desperately alternating between cursing and begging her to stop, which was only driving Shay to continue.

"You can have me!" Cosima screamed, "I'll do whatever you want! Please!"

Shay's hands froze where they were, one still in the act of loosening the ties, the other hand half inside of the waistband. "Really. You would do that for her? Knowing I would truly fuck you up for just for fun?"

"Yes!" Cosima sobbed, just wanting her to stop, to leave Delphine alone.

Delphine, finally catching her breath and wanting to divert Shay from Cosima's desperate offer yelled something in French into the woman's face, fury in her eyes. Shay laughed. "Oh really? I'll have to try harder then," was her response. "Sorry, Cosima. It seems I have a better offer."

Shay began to resume her assault on Delphine, but Sarah had reached her breaking point. Knowing that Shay wasn't bluffing, she slapped her hand over Cosima's mouth. "Delphine?!" she yelled in question.

"Disconnect, Sarah! NOW!" the woman cried back. Sarah reached for the laptop screen and slammed it down, cutting off the connection and ending the call.

Cosima threw her off, reaching for the computer. "NO! We have to do something!"

Sarah threw her hands up to her head, digging her fingernails into her scalp in helpless frustration and revulsion.

"Cal, please tell me you found this bitch!"

"One second!"

"Hey, hey!" Sarah grabbed Cosima's arms, getting between her and the computer. "She doesn't have an audience now! It doesn't do her any good to hurt Delphine without you watching, that's what she was feeding on. Hanging up was the best thing we could do for Delphine and she knew it!"

Cosima seized upon her words like a lifeline, willing them into truth. Shay had been torturing Delphine to get to her. Once the call had been disconnected, once she couldn't see or respond to Delphine's pain, there would be no logical reason to continue it. Right? No leverage?

Sarah put her cell phone on speaker and wrapped her sister in a fierce hug. "Cal, please?"

"I've got the location," he didn't sound happy, "but I think we have a problem. They ran their signal through about a dozen nodes, but they could have made it a lot harder than they did. And they didn't make any effort to back-trace us."

"What does that mean," Cosima demanded.

"It is setup," Helena answered for them. "They want us to come."

. . . . .

The arguments were fast and furious

"We give her the samples," Felix was arguing.

"And trust that she'll keep her word and just SHOOT DELPHINE IN THE HEAD? That's your ideal solution?" Sarah had yelled back.

"So what, you want to go into a setup, guns blazing? That's a better idea?" he yelled back.

"We need more information," Siobhan was trying to calm things down, get a coherent plan in place. "We need reconnaissance to see what the situation is."

Cosima was sitting unusually still, looking down at her hands while her mind worked furiously on the problem, the constraints, the risks, and the unknowns.

"Do you have people that would help us if we go in?" Sarah was asking Mrs. S.

"We don't go in," Cosima finally spoke.

Sarah turned to her in shock. "What are you saying?" she asked in disbelief. "You'd leave her there?"

Cosima shook her head. "Protect your sisters. That's what she said. That's what I'm going to do."

She held up her hands, still stained with the blood coughed up from her lungs. "Scott is a sequencing tech and I was a PhD student before all this happened. We do not have the capabilities to find a cure in time for me. Eventually, yes, maybe in a few months or a year. But not in a few weeks, not just the two of us." She was slightly over exaggerating the possible time to a cure, and slightly under estimating her remaining time, but her reasoning was still sound and she needed to convince them to let her do this.

"I'm going to take her the samples, just me," she stated quietly.

"That crazy weasel would just love to get her hands on you, Cosima," Sarah argued. "She won't keep her word! It's pure suicide!"

"Yes, it is," her sister replied quietly, looking back at her calmly. "Which is why I'm the only one who should do it. This is my fault, my consequences." Her voice was quiet, but firm.

"I will come with you," Helena injected into the sudden quiet as everyone realized what Cosima was saying. "I can be some protection for you." She had been obsessing about the sestras she had killed before Sarah had awakened her to the truth. She could not let another sestra die, especially not this one who had welcomed her as family the first time they had met.

"No. You do have someone to protect. But it's not me. You still have a lifetime left to live, and a baby to raise. I would never want you to risk that for me or for Delphine, as much as I want her safe. You need to keep yourself and your baby far away from this."

"The same goes for the rest of you. This is mine to do."

"So you're just going to walk in there and hand over yourself and the samples and we just sit here and let her take her time killing you both?" Sarah asked, trying to hold her impotent rage in check.

"No. I need you to help me get a few things ready first," her sister replied, a hard, flat look in her eye. "But we need to move fast. I don't want to leave Delphine alone with her any longer necessary."

. . . . .


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Disclaimers: I left most of the violence in the previous chapter, but there is obviously a Shay encounter coming up, so you know there is going to be something. I love a really evil character sometimes. Also, this chapter has some of my pathetic attempts to fake the science…just go with it.

And of course, angst alert!

Thanks to TheTravelingkid for posting a first review so quickly!

Updated A/N: Reposting with some minor changes. No major content changes.

. . . . . . .

Chapter 6

Cosima pulled her car into the strip mall parking lot, swerving around construction barriers. Cal had only been able to dial in on this location, not on a specific store, so she parked in the middle of the empty lot.

Opening her car door, she got out, pulling a large oxygen tank on a wheeled cart across the seat from the passenger side and setting it on the ground. She then opened the back door and pulled out a bag which she put over her shoulder. Settling the nasal cannula more securely around her ears, she paused to catch her breath from the exertion. Then she circled to the passenger side, closer to the building and rested against the hood. Reaching into the bag, she withdrew a metal canister and placed it on the hood, in plain sight. And then she waited, focusing on her breathing.

She didn't have to wait long.

Shay herself appeared from the doorway of what purported to be a shoe store, crossed her arms, and smiled. Then her eyes scanned the surrounding area, the field across the street, the residential development mostly still under construction. There was no other motion, no other activity. The people she had place out there stayed hidden, indicating there was no one with Cosima. Interesting.

Cosima watched her closely, still not able to fathom how Shay could be a complete psychopath and hide it so readily. There were several armed guards with her, but otherwise, the place seemed deserted.

"Just you?" Shay called out.

"Just me."

She still looked suspicious. "Where are your sisters? I figured you would bring the entire cavalry."

"You should have at least attempted to back-trace our side of the video chat. Once it was obvious this was an ambush," Cosima stopped to take a breath, "it made sense for it just to be me. You knew I would have to come and I don't have much time left anyhow."

Cosima was becoming anxious, her breath more labored. She knew Delphine was here somewhere and desperately wanted this to be going faster. But she knew any sign of weakness from her at this point would only lead Shay to drag it out further.

"I have the samples," she tried to keep her voice calm and matter of fact. "But I want to see Delphine."

"I told you I wasn't letting her go. Do you want to watch me kill her? To make sure I keep my word?" she smiled at the thought.

"I know we don't get a happy ending. Even without you, we weren't going to get that. But I want to see her again."

Shay contemplated saying no, denying Cosima that solace she so obviously needed. But the thought of a tearful reunion followed by forcing Cosima to watch her kill Delphine, or vice versa, appealed to her even more. Oh, she might just have to keep both of them alive for just a little while longer.

"Ok then," Shay closed the distance between them. "Far be it from me to come between true loves. But," she stopped in front of Cosima, "I do need to check you for weapons." She smiled softly at Cosima, exactly as she had dozens of times before.

"Hold out your arms," Shay ordered, narrowing her eyes suggestively.

Cosima did as instructed, sick with the knowledge of what was coming. Shay opened Cosima's coat, not breaking eye contact as she reached inside and so very slowly searched Cosima's body. Her hands were extremely thorough and far from impersonal, but Cosima refused to look away during the procedure, hoping she was succeeding in hiding her loathing.

There is no hint of her depravity in her face, her expression, Cosima thought. She looks exactly the same. How does something like this happen? Even Helena's personality, when at her most cold and murderous, still had some emotion there, could be explained. But Shay's… there was something innately damaged in her brain or her psyche.

Disappointed at the lack of reaction, Shay sighed. Then she picked up the canister from the hood and turned to walk back to the store front. Cosima followed, shaking with relief and reaction.

Shay led her to a store room with two guards standing in front of it. "Have the lookouts report in," she instructed one of them. "I don't trust this. You're with me," she told the second one. With that, she opened the door and motioned Cosima through in front of her. "After you."

Cosima immediately rushed to the cot in the corner, crying out Delphine's name. She went to her knees beside the cot, putting their faces at the same level, brushing Delphine's hair back from her face to see those beautiful eyes once more.

"Cosima?" Delphine's eyes had opened, initially with confusion. She hadn't been sleeping, the pain was radiating out in waves, making it impossible to let her mind slip away. She had been using one of her mental exercises to try to divert her attention from the pain, this time trying to picture all of the small details of Cosima's face. So surely she was dreaming that face now, here, a delusion? The sight of the woman looking back at her, touching her, filled her with hope. She was here.

"I didn't have time to repair any of the damage from our session. I do hope there's no internal hemorrhaging," Shay said from the doorway smiling and pulling vials of blood from the canister to inspect them.

"No," Delphine's heart constricted, as her gaze turned back to Cosima. "What did you do?" Her eyes filled with tears. Was it all for nothing, trying to protect this woman?

"It's done…it's done," Cosima's hands ran over the other woman's face and hair, trying to soothe and to convince herself this was real. Delphine was alive, and she was touching her. She's real. And she's hurt.

Cosima's eyes ran over Delphine's body, she was curled into a ball on the cot, wrapped around her damaged side, still in the scrubs and her bra, still bleeding. But one arm was behind her, handcuffed to the wall. Cosima grabbed the chain between the cuffs and turned angry eyes on Shay. "The key," she said, flatly, reaching out a hand for it. Not a request.

Shay smirked and reached into a pocket to pull out a key. She walked over and placed it in Cosima's upturned palm. "Of course," she smiled sweetly. "Anything else?"

"Something to cover her with, would be nice," Cosima's voice shook with the effort it took not to scream, not to beat her to a bloody pulp. As she turned back to Delphine and unlocked the cuffs, both from the wall, and from Delphine's wrist, Shay walked to a plastic bin. Taking out a hospital gown, she threw it to Cosima, who quickly unfolded it and covered the injured woman.

"Why did you do this," Delphine whispered. "I didn't want you here!"

"I protected my sisters. They're safe. But I couldn't leave you here," she said softly.

Delphine began to cry. "It was always you I wanted protected. Always you."

"I know… Shhhhh….I know that," Cosima tried to wipe away the tears, but they were quickly replaced. "It's my turn now."

"She's not going to let me go. She's not going to let you go now!" Delphine's mind was screaming at the things Shay could do to Cosima, to both of them, before they died. She would enjoy toying with them, forcing the other to watch.

"Shhhh," Cosima rushed to soothe her. "It's ok, it's ok," Cosima's expression was one of joy and anguish. She couldn't stop her hands from running over Delphine's face, brushing through her hair, just touching her, to celebrate in her being alive for just a moment.

"It's not! She's going to kill you too."

"I know," was all she said in response, but her demeanor projected a calmness. Delphine couldn't help but respond to that beautiful face, radiating serenity with her words and her touch. Her tears stilled. Cosima is an intelligent woman, she reminded herself. If she is this calm, she has a plan…wait and watch.

"But the samples, you need those samples for a cure?" She was looking for Cosima to give her a hint.

"Scott has enough to keep going until Sarah can arrange for a new donation," Cosima responded reasonably. "He'll find a cure." Her expression had shifted with that last statement.

Delphine searched Cosima's face, desperate for a clue of what she had planned. She could always tell when her love was up to something, Cosima was terrible at lying. There was nothing, no gleam of excitement or fear or uncertainty. Just her calm, quiet eyes, now tinged with regret, trying to absorb Delphine with every second available to her.

"But not for you," Delphine whispered, and her face crumpled, the tears starting again as she realized why Cosima seemed so peaceful. She had accepted death as her fate.

Cosima shook her head slightly. "Scott and I can sequence Kendall's DNA, we can find the differences between the synthetic sequence and the naturally occurring one. But it would take us a lot more time than I have left to figure out how to fix it...at least not without a kick-ass geneticist, preferably one with a specialty in immunology, to help," she smiled at Delphine, seemingly unconcerned about the psychopathic woman standing behind them, watching and listening. "Trading the last few weeks of my life for just a few more minutes with you was an absolute no-brainer." She moved her face closer, laying her head on the pillow next to Delphine's head, nose to nose. "Je t'aime aussi, Delphine."

Delphine brought her recently freed hand up to cup the face next to hers and just stared for a moment. "Can I switch sides now?" Her voice broke, "I really hate this one."

Cosima laughed and let the tears she had been holding back finally escape, shaking her head. "You were always mine. I was a bit slow, but I did finally figure that out."

"Well, this has been a very touching reunion," Shay interrupted. "But the big question is what am I going to do with the two of you?"

Cosima, her back to Shay, never took her eyes off of Delphine, but her expression hardened at the words, and at the fear that rose in Delphine's face. "No," she said, trying to project calm back into the frightened woman. "No. I won't let her hurt you anymore. I can't guarantee anything beyond that, but that I do promise." And suddenly, her expression changed again, an idea blooming.

"Awfully bold promise," Shay said, walking towards her. "Just, how do you intend to back that up?"

Delphine heard the familiar clicking sound of the handcuffs as Shay approached Cosima's back. Cosima's eyes widened in a way that said she was about to do something crazy and was hoping for the best. As Shay reached Cosima's back, Cosima turned and grabbed her wrist, closing the other end of the handcuffs around it, shackling them together.

Shay initially tensed, pulling her arm back, but then relaxed. "Wanting to get to the kinky stuff this soon?" she said raising their joined wrists.

But Cosima was not finished. Reaching up to her nasal cannula, she flipped it off of her left ear with her free hand and ran it to the right side of her head. Delphine noticed that some of the tubing, instead of being around Cosima's right ear, was actually tucked up into the bun of her wrapped dreadlocks. Her eyes widened as Cosima pulled the tubing out to reveal a small, cylindrical object attached to the hose. Flipping off a plastic cap on the end of the cylinder, she depressed the button on the end.

"This is a kill switch," Cosima said, breathing a bit faster now. "I let go, we all die. Because that's not oxygen in my tank," she nodded at the green tank she had been pulling along behind her, attached by an opaque hose to the trigger.

The guard at the door had started to move when Cosima had cuffed Shay, but he froze as she looked at him and offered, "Ah-ah… Dude? I don't want to kill anyone I don't have to. I can give you 5 minutes to clear the building of your buddies. Of course, that's assuming psycho bitch here doesn't do anything stupid before that. That, I can't control. Is she that stupid?"

The guard looked at the woman in question, then backed to the door, before turning to run.

"You just can't get good help these days," Shay sighed. "I take it I have to die?" She calmly raised their joined wrists once more, no evidence of fear.

"Absolutely," Cosima responded angrily. "But since turnabout is fair play, I am willing to use you as leverage. Or as additional incentive for me to drop the stick. A couple things for you to keep in mind? I'm going to die anyway. And as you pointed out, a quick death for Delphine," she looked apologetically back at her, "would be better than what you had in mind." Delphine gave her a nod, agreeing without hesitation. She understood Cosima's promise now.

Cosima turned a hard glare back to Shay. "Taking you with us, well that would be me doing my part to leave the world a better place. So, leverage or incentive?" Cosima asked, staring at Shay.

"Let you and Delphine go, and I get to live, I get it. And I am impressed. You, using a terrorist tactic."

"I was short on time and options, and, conveniently up to my ass in C-4."

"I keep the samples?"

"That's part of the deal."

"I was so looking forward to playing with you two," she pouted.

"Another time," Cosima's eyes glittered with rage. "I will be happy to pay you back for all of your kindnesses."

Shay laughed in apparently genuine delight. "I look forward to it. I had no idea you could be so…wrathful. It's rather hot. All right, I can wait a few more days. You do know I will hunt you both down, yes?"

Cosima swallowed. She did know, but that was tomorrow's worry. Today's was getting Delphine out of here. She turned back to the injured woman without responding.

"Delphine, can you walk?"

"If this is really happening, then I will walk," she responded, the first flicker of hope waring with the fear that had ruled her for so long.

"I don't know that I can help you much, with her on one hand and having to hold the button with the other," she apologized. "But you can lean on me. I'm not as sick yet as I made it sound. I don't need oxygen for real just yet."

Delphine looked back at her, gaging the truth in her words, and nodded, relieved at that little mercy.

With one arm around Cosima's shoulder and her other arm wrapped protectively around her wounded side, she managed to move. It was a slow process, shuffling her feet in an effort to minimize the jarring impact that walking transferred to her injuries, while leaning into Cosima's smaller frame. Every movement was an agony. She tried to keep her jaws clenched against the pain, but she could not help the groan when she had to lower herself down off the curb in the parking lot. Cosima's heart tore in two at the obvious pain Delphine was in, but she stayed focused on what she was about. She made sure to keep the detonator switch as far out of Shay's reach as possible. She had no doubt the woman would make a grab for it if she got the chance, and the guards who had exited the building were standing a safe, but short distance away. Delphine was finally able to lower herself into the passenger seat of the car, shaking with reaction and exhaustion.

Cosima had been pulling the cart with the oxygen tank using her handcuffed hand. Shay, not one to allow an opportunity to irritate escape her, had placed her hand on top of Cosima's, rubbing it as a lover would, and making Cosima's skin crawl. She dragged the tank around to the driver side with Shay attached like a leech.

Opening the door, she sat in the driver's seat, her left hand outside the car with Shay and the tank, her right hand with the detonator switch inside and well away from the doorway.

"Delphine, I'm going to need your help. Are you going to be able to hold this?" she asked, indicating the detonator.

"I think so," Delphine responded, still trembling from the exertion.

They managed, carefully, to transfer it from Cosima's one hand, into Delphine's very shaky two. That done, Cosima reached into her pocket for the car keys and used them to start the car. Only then did she retrieve the keys to the handcuffs.

"Get your hands off me," she growled to a smirking Shay as she shook her hand free of the tank and Shay's wandering ones.

As she began to unlock the cuff on her own wrist, Shay couldn't resist a parting taunt. "Delphine said that too…several times, in fact. Of course, I didn't. Oh, the places my hands went. And not just my hands, huh Delphine? Are you going to miss me, mon amour?"

Delphine just looked back at her, and shook harder, this time with shame and rage.

Cosima had stopped her fumbling efforts to feed the key into the handcuff lock to stare, horrified, at Shay. Turning to Delphine, she forced her expression into one as close to calm as she could, but she was shaking now too.

"Delphine," she said with the utmost sincerity, "if you want to let go of that button right now and kill this bitch, I am completely ok with that."

Delphine stared back at Cosima, shocked that she would offer such a thing. But then she saw the smile slide from Shay's face and realized what Cosima had done. She had handed the power of life and death from tormentor to victim. And Shay had realized it, too. The anger swelled, overshadowing everything for just a moment and she was sorely tempted to end it, quickly and permanently, to not have to face the hard things she knew living, and recovering, would require. But Cosima was there, calmly waiting for whatever outcome Delphine chose. Completely trusting.

"I would happily end her," she said, trying not to cry again at Cosima's unquestioning support. "But I want more than just a few more minutes with you. Please, get us away from here?"

"Ok," Cosima's eyes were tearing again. Then suddenly she turned back to Shay, grabbing her coat with both hands, she quickly pulled the woman's face into the door frame of the car, twice.

Going to her knees, mouth and nose bloodied, Shay cursed. As she shook her head to try and clear her vision, Cosima unlocked her cuff and connected it to the regulator of the oxygen tank. Retrieving the detonator from Delphine, she waited for Shay's eyes to refocus.

"Oh," Shay snorted a laugh, "you will pay for that."

"You'll have to find me fast then. Are you going to take this thing or not," she said, offering her the detonator.

Detonator transferred, Cosima slammed her door, put the car in gear, and sped away. Several of Shay's guards, seeing the car depart started for her to render assistance.

"Do you want us to try to follow them?" one of them asked.

"No, I'll deal with them myself later. Just take care of this thing so we can get the samples to the lab."

Shay turned to watch the car disappear around a turn off in the distance. "I'm really looking forward to later, though."

As she smiled once more at the thought, her head flew backwards in a spray of blood, bone, and brain matter. It took only a fraction of a second for the signals from her brain, or the lack of signals, to reach her hand. The explosion left Shay-sized body parts littered about the crater, with a side of henchmen.

. . . . . . .

After Cosima had driven away from the safe house, the remaining inhabitants had sat about in stunned silence. It had taken a while for them to realize Helena had disappeared, too. Sarah was relieved. She knew exactly where her twin had gone. The realization had shaken them out of their shock, however.

Deciding there were too many things that could go wrong, they established a sentry post at the roadside. Felix had the duty when he spotted a car coming up the road. He hit the speed dial button and Mrs. S answered almost immediately.

"It looks like Cosima's car coming up the road, fast!" he yelled, excited.

Siobhan and Sarah, each with a gun, went to opposite windows of the house, while Felix kept hidden in his blind by the road. As the car passed him, he saw Cosima driving.

"It's her! She's driving! Don't shoot anyone!" He yelled into the phone, jumping from his cover and ran after the car up the drive.

Cosima didn't slow down at the house, but pulled around back as close to the garage door as she could get and leapt out. Running around the front of the car, she pounded her fist on the garage door as she made her way to Delphine side.

"Open it up!" she yelled loudly as she opened the passenger side door and went to her knees. Delphine had drifted in and out of consciousness the entire drive. Was it just sleep from exhaustion, or was she bleeding internally? Cosima was terrified. She didn't know what to do if it was internal damage, wouldn't know how to fix it.

Mrs. S and Sarah were out the door and running towards her, with Felix not far behind. She raised her eyes to the approaching family. "Help me?" she pleaded, as the garage door behind her rose.

Siobhan was instantly at her side. "Delphine, can you hear me?" Delphine opened her eyes and nodded. "Ok, we're going to get you in to a bed so we can see what's what, all right?" she asked, calmly. Sarah and Felix hung back to give them room.

Delphine raised her head, noticing for the first time she was at the house. "Sarah!" she called, suddenly terrified.

Sarah stepped forward, "Yeah, Delphine. I'm here. It's alright."

"No! This house was only safe if they thought I was dead. If they search for me, search far enough back in my history, they may be able to find a link to it. I don't know! Maybe? I don't know!" She was shaking her head, almost hysterical, trying to think.

"I'll have Cal check on it. Don't worry, I'm on it. Just let Mrs. S and Cosima take care of you now, yeah?"

Delphine nodded and let them help her out of the car. The hospital gown Cosima had wrapped around her in the makeshift dungeon was now heavily stained with blood on the right side. But she was able to walk the few steps into the garage, through the plastic draping designed to keep out contaminants from the doorway, and to the nearest hospital bed inside. She had not thought, when she had placed them out here, that she would be the first to occupy one.

Once she was laying down, Cosima grasped her hand, holding it tightly and raising it to her lips for a kiss. Delphine could see the pain and horror in her expression. One thing Cosima was incapable of doing was hiding her emotions. Normally, Delphine loved that characteristic, being able to watch Cosima's heart in her eyes and her expressions. But now….

Delphine's emotions were roiling around inside of her. Pain, humiliation, relief, fear, guilt, love, helplessness, shame. She could not separate them or control them, one feeling flowing into another in a never ending loop that felt like madness stripping away her sanity and reason. She couldn't handle all of her own emotions right now, much less deal with Cosima's, flashing out from her stricken face. She just wanted to hide in sleep. But the recent movement had magnified the pain again.

Siobhan leaned towards her from the other side of the bed. "I'm going to need to lift the gown to take a look. Are you ready?"

"Yes, of course," she said flatly, trying to keep her turmoil hidden, steady herself.

"You lot," the older woman barked, looking at her children and Scott. "We don't need an audience for this. Why don't you all go outside until we're done here."

Without a word, Sarah, Felix, and Scott made their way out the garage side door, Sarah already pulling out her new burner phone to call Cal. "Felix, call Alison and tell her what's happened. Tell her I really think they need to pack up and leave now! We'll make room here."

For her part, Delphine was grateful to all of them for moving away. She had not thought to hang privacy curtains when she had set this all up. She knew Cosima wouldn't leave her side until her injuries had been treated, though she was tempted to try to convince her to join them.

The bloody gown was slowly peeled up and away to reveal the large bruise on her right side. The bandage covering the incision was fully red, soaked with the blood that was now leaking out from under it.

"Oh, God," Cosima groaned, distressed at the damage.

"Cosima," Siobhan said softly, waiting until their eyes met to shake her head slightly.

Cosima, nodded, understanding and looked down at Delphine. "I'm sorry," she said, brushing the lank, unwashed, hair away from Delphine's forehead back behind her ear with her free hand. "We are going to fix this," she said with quiet determination. "You're going to be all right. And I'm going to be right here."

"Let's get this cleaned up so we can see a bit better," Siobhan's words distracted Delphine from Cosima's gaze and the sense of dread she felt at the thought of the woman she loved watching, as her battered and bloody body was cleaned and examined, all of the damage being revealed.

Siobhan removed the bandage and wiped the excess blood away. The wound was puckered along the length of the incision where it was obvious the stitching had been torn out through healing skin and re-sewn in new spots, only to be ripped out again after healing had started. It was evident to the older woman that what they had seen on the video call was just a continuation of what Delphine had been enduring since she disappeared. The wound, already well on its way to being a raised and ugly scar, was ripped open again from the repeated blows Delphine had taken.

"Delphine," the older woman said, "I've done field work, simple stuff, but I'm not a doctor. The torn sutures I can fix, but with all this old bruising, I can't tell if anything worse is going on inside. How bad is it, do you think?" she asked the doctor.

"I am not sure. There may be internal hemorrhaging, but it's not something I can diagnose just from the …sensations."

"I don't know how to fix internal injuries. I can get someone out here who can, but that will take some time. I need you to tell me if we're to do that?"

Delphine angled her gaze down, "Can you raise me up so I can see?"

Siobhan found the bed controls and raised the head of it so that Delphine was in more of an upright position. Reclaiming her hand from Cosima with the excuse of examining her own injuries, Delphine began a tentative self-examination. She applied pressure to various spots of her own abdomen around the wound, groaning through clenched teeth, as she tried to evaluate the rebound and potential for internal bleeding. The bruising did appear to have gotten a bit worse in the several hours since Shay had beaten and prodded her in an effort to extort Cosima. But it wasn't dark enough or extensive enough for her to believe it was from a bleed.

"I don't think there is anything ruptured," Delphine said, exhausted from this little bit of effort, "but you will need to keep an eye on me. If my temperature spikes, or if I begin to become unresponsive, you will have to get someone out here quickly."

"Yes," Siobhan replied, "I'll call and make sure my contact is on stand-by, just in case."

"I was treated with antibiotics while I was healing, but with the wound re-opened, we should probably begin a new course to prevent infection."

Siobhan sent Cosima to the medical cabinets to get the necessary supplies to reclose the sutures and fetch the antibiotics. Once Delphine's medical needs were met, the older woman started to fix a pan of warm water. "How about we clean you up a bit before we put clean clothes on you? Those scrubs should probably come off," she noted, pointing at the blood that had dripped down to stain the right side of the pants, from the waistband down to the thigh.

"I would like to do that myself," she said hurriedly. "I need to go to the bathroom anyhow. Can you tape a piece of plastic over the bandage to keep it dry so I can use the shower? There's a chair in there, so I should be able to manage by myself," she said, gingerly pushing herself up into a seated position on the bed.

"You shouldn't be walking," Cosima argued gently. "There's a bedpan over here…" she started for the other side of the bed.

"No!" Delphine responded angrily. She had reached her limit, unable to tolerate any further indignity. The thought of being so vulnerable, in front of these people, in front of Cosima, even though they were trying to help, was unbearable. She needed to escape to the bathroom to be able to breathe, to not have to guard her expression for just a few minutes, and to check for… other damage, without Cosima there. Maybe if she sat under the water long enough she might be able to wash the filth and horror off of her body.

Cosima pulled back at her anger, looking hurt and uncertain.

Delphine rolled herself off the bed, trying to protect her wounded side with her arm as she did so. But as her feet impacted the floor, she could not help a quiet groan at the pain.

Cosima's hurt instantly turned to concern. She reached out to steady the injured woman.

"Don't touch me!" Delphine roared, cringing away. She managed to move her body up against the wall at the head of the bed and leaned into it before sinking to her knees, visibly shaking.

Cosima froze in shock at the sudden, violent reaction. She wanted nothing more than to wrap Delphine in her arms and take away all the pain, all the hurt, all the horror. She knew that was not possible, but she still ached to try, and to hold her. But with three words, Delphine had denied her the actions her impulses so desperately demanded of her. She could not ignore the words, would not violate Delphine's needs. But neither could she leave her there, shaking on the floor.

Moving so that she was against the wall, in front of Delphine, she lowered herself to the floor as well. Siobhan moved back to give them what privacy the small area could afford. Facing the woman who had been willing to die to protect her, Cosima leaned her head against the wall. "What can I do?" She asked pleadingly, tears in her eyes once more. "I don't know what to do."

Delphine, still shaking and breathing hard from both the pain and the vulnerability she was feeling, allowed her darting eyes to touch on Cosima's before quickly looking away again. "I'm trying not to break into a thousand little pieces," she said, eyes dry but wide and frightened as she struggled to regain control of her emotions. "Why is it harder to do that here than it was when she had me? I don't know what to do either."

Finally, Cosima tried to ask the question they had both been dreading. "What she said….Did she… ," she couldn't finish.

But Delphine knew, and knew she could not evade the answer. She lowered her head, refusing to look up, and nodded.

Cosima drew in a breath and released it, trying to stay calm for Delphine's benefit. She moved a few inches closer, because she couldn't help it and it would not bring her into contact with the shattered woman. "You are safe now. We will get you through this, I promise. All you have to do is tell me what you need, anything you need, whenever you figure it out. And in the meantime, I will be here waiting, loving you every second."

"Cosima," Delphine's voice firmed, she would not cry, not now, not yet. Unable to endure Cosima's pain in addition to her own, she made herself meet Cosima's gaze levelly. "I need you to leave as well," she said as firmly as she could.

She hadn't realized how coldly it would come out, had only meant to keep her voice from shaking, to keep Cosima from seeing the fear and shame she was feeling. But Cosima's expression could not have been more shocked if she had been slapped. And that face, that beautifully expressive face, showed every bit of her anguish and rejection.

"Ok," she said, dropping her head in a confused nod. "But I…I'll be right outside. The second you need me…," she trailed off, uncertainly.

Delphine nodded, trying to soften her expression for Cosima's sake. But she knew she had failed. Cosima still looked stricken. Delphine looked away, so she would not see the pain and doubt looking back at her. Cosima stood, waiting for Mrs. S to come back from the storage cabinets.

Siobhan, had retrieved a plastic bag and water proof tape, taking her time about it. The room was too small for her not to have heard every word of the exchange. She came back, holding up the materials for Delphine to see, and waited for her nod before moving closer. Cosima left through the side door to join the others outside.

"A shower sounds like a good place to start," Siobhan said kindly. "If you need anything, I'll be in a chair, right outside the bathroom door. I promise I won't come in unless you need help, but please don't lock the door?"

She waited for Delphine's grateful nod. "Yes, of course." Pulling her right arm tightly against her side to protect her injuries, she pushed herself up to her feet and began the slow shuffle to the bathroom in the back of the building. Siobhan followed patiently, not touching her, but there if she needed and asked.

. . . . . . .

Cosima stood outside the door, a coldness spreading inside her that had nothing to do with the temperature. Her skin crawled at the memory of Shay's hands, hands that had run softly over her own body, drifting over Delphine's in a mockery of the gesture. How could someone she had touched with passion, made love with, have possibly had the capacity to do something like this? To any woman, to Delphine? How could she not have seen that kind of evil? She should have known. Another of her betrayals raining its consequences on Delphine. It's no wonder she's angry at me, can't even look at me now.

Shock began to melt, burning away in a heat of fury that boiled up inside of Cosima. Her eyes filled with it and her voice shook with it, as she turned to Sarah. "How do I find her again?"

Sarah did not know for sure what had flipped the switch in Cosima from worried, concerned lover to borderline berserker rage, but she had known Shay was not just taunting Cosima when she had threatened to use Delphine as a sexual play thing. She suspected Cosima had just been faced with that reality.

"I don't know," she answered back, wrapping her arms, very carefully, around the enraged, shaking woman. "But I promise you, we will."

"You will not have to," a voice interrupted from a few feet away. They had not heard Helena come up. She had parked in the front of the house and walked around to the back, carrying her rifle case. But she had heard their comments. "This Shay is with us no more," she said matter-of-factly.

"What?" Cosima asked, eyes glittering with a barely contained fury.

Helena, noticing her emotional state, was unsure of her part in Cosima's anger. "I stayed far away, as you say," she explained, unconsciously shifting her weight to the balls of her feet. "I protected baby. I eliminated lookout and I watched through rifle scope as you went in. I watched car when you were inside, no one touched. I watched you come out and drive away with your woman. And I put bullet in little blond head…small hole here," she pointed at her temple slightly to the right of center, "and large hole here," she moved her finger to the opposite side of her head to indicate the exit wound.

To Sarah's horror, Cosima launched herself at Helena like a missile. But instead of crashing into her in a rage she crushed her in a hug that sent them both staggering backwards until Helena was able to arrest the momentum. Cosima began to sob uncontrollably. Helena held her uncomfortably, her confident expression dissolving into a wide-eyed look of panic she directed at Sarah. Killing people she could do, easily. But dealing with a crying woman? Emotion was something she had never been trained to handle, had been taught was weakness. It was something to be used against your enemies. But Cosima was not an enemy. She was sestra.

Sarah came to her rescue by putting her arms around both of them, accepting some of the responsibility of caring for the crying woman and also silently thanking her sister for doing the dirty work that Sarah herself had accepted as necessary. Eventually, Cosima's sobs faded.

Stepping back from Helena, Cosima met her eyes. The anger was still there, but the frenzied edge to her rage had broken. "Thank you." But her heart bled with the realization she had just thanked her sister for murdering her ex-lover, pure evil though the woman had been, and that she did not feel any remorse in doing so. So much for the pacifist from Berkley.

Helena looked back, uncertain of her sister's emotional state. "I was trained to kill abominations," she replied, trying to seem reasonable. "I could not help myself."

Cosima twitched a smile that quickly disappeared. Abominations. That was the word of the day.

. . . . . . .

Delphine had run out of energy trying to finish her shower and had to call for help. After rinsing the last of the shampoo out of the exhausted woman's hair, Siobhan had wrapped a towel around her, but not before seeing the bruising beginning to show on her upper thighs. Taking a second towel, she began to dry Delphine's hair gently.

"All right, love?" she asked, knowing the answer was no. As expected, Delphine nodded, trying valiantly to look calm, unconcerned. And failing.

"Delphine," she started gently, "if there's other damage we need to take care of, you need to tell me."

Delphine was looking at the tiles on the floor. "There is no bleeding, so no tearing. The rest will heal," she said tiredly.

Siobhan rested a hand on her shoulder. "Yes, it will."

They dressed her in clean sweat pants and a soft button-up shirt Siobhan had sent Felix to collect from her own bag in the house, wrapping her hair in a dry towel. After getting Delphine back to the bed and settled, rolled slightly to her bad side to keep any strain off of it, the older woman sat with her in silence for several minutes.

"Delphine, I can keep them waiting out there as long as you need. But you know Cosima hasn't moved more than an arm's length from the other side of that door, and it's getting damn cold out with the sun going down."

"Yes, and she and Scott both need to be in here, now. They should be working, not waiting for me to pull myself together." She wouldn't cry now, couldn't cry now. Exhaustion and a numb, surreal feeling had taken over for which she was grateful. Those other emotions, all jumbled together, were muted for now. She had discovered that the sharp pains in her abdomen when moving around masked the dull, throbbing pain much lower. When she was still, like now, the two sensations exchanged places in her awareness. She much preferred the former to the latter, but was too exhausted to do anything but lay still and try not to let the pain bring back the memories of how it came to be. She would need to come up with new mental exercises, the old ones no longer applicable to the current situation.

After settling the covers around the battered woman, Siobhan walked to the side door of the garage and opened it. "Cosima?" The younger woman was there in a blur, but Siobhan put a hand out to stop her from passing. "Scott?" She called next. The young man looked up in surprise and confusion, but came forward as she motioned him. She looked back into Cosima's eyes, trying to pass her the message she could not say out loud. "Delphine wants you two to get back to work. Now," she added as kindly as she could, darting her eyes towards the garage to let them know Delphine could hear her just as well as they could.

Cosima searched Siobhan's face and found the message there: give Delphine some space; let her get back some semblance of control that has been taken from her.

Cosima nodded, drew a breath, and entered the doorway. She could not just walk across the room to the lab side and start working like nothing had happened, though. So she approached the bed, waiting for Delphine's reaction to her presence to give her a clue of how to proceed.

Delphine looked up at her, could tell Cosima had been crying outside, and offered a small smile that did not touch her expressionless eyes. "I'll be ok. But it may take some time to heal."

Cosima knew the healing she meant was more than just physical, "I'll be here, for whatever you need," she replied calmly. "But you should know, Helena killed Shay. She can't hurt you anymore. Ever."

Delphine's eyes flashed for a moment. She inhaled a small burst of air breath, through her nose, releasing it the same way. "Good," she whispered back. "One less thing for me to do later."

Unsure what else to say, Cosima hesitantly moved back to the lab side, uncertain how she would ever be able to focus now.

. . . . . . .

After letting Cosima and Scott through the door, Siobhan stepped out to talk to her children. "I think she'll be ok, eventually. She had a hard go of it."

"No kidding. Anything we can do?" Sarah asked, feeling at loose ends. She had called Cal and asked him to dig as deep as he could into Delphine's past and see if he could find a connection to the safe-house.

"Keep to your planning. Next steps."

"Yeah, Alison and Donnie are bringing the kids," Felix updated her. "I told them to pack light and get here soonest. It's going to make for a houseful. We should think about accommodations. Although now that I think of it, that would be a great task to give Alison. Let her remodel the basement to keep her mind off of having to abandon her home?"

"That's not a bad idea," Sarah nodded and turned back to Mrs. S. "I know it's not the right time now, but I'll need to talk to Delphine soon about Dyad as part of those next steps. When do you think?"

"She needs food and sleep first. Let's leave it til morning." At Sarah's nod, she started back to the makeshift hospital. But Felix stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"Do you think she could do with me in there, too?" he asked.

Siobhan started to shake her head, but then caught the look in his eye and realized what he was offering. "Best behavior?"

"No, she needs normalcy where there isn't any right now. And that requires I be on my usual behavior," he answered seriously.

Siobhan smiled at him, proud of the intelligent and sensitive man he let shine out every now and again from behind the shallow, devil-may-care boy face he used as cover. "Tread a bit lightly, please? Go on in, I'm going to the house for blankets and something to eat for our patient."

When Felix entered the garage, he sashayed up to Delphine's bedside and pulled up a chair. He sat down primly, directly in front of her, positioned where she could not avoid looking at him, and then adjusted his chair up, and then down, and then up again, making a show of perfecting the height.

Her expression was blank, empty, exhausted as she watched him. He regarded her for a moment, before raising his chin, sniffing, and looking down at her.

"But I'm a better dresser," he said haughtily, brushing imaginary lint from the sleeve of his jacket.

Delphine's expression did not change as his words came to her. It took her a few minutes to grasp the context of his comment. When she finally did, Felix was secretly relieved to see the barest hint of a smile.

"That is debatable," she parried quietly.

"When you're back on your feet, we will compare wardrobes," he challenged. "The sisters can score us."

There was a long pause before she replied, "Not Sarah."

"Oh God, I would sooner trust Helena's fashion sense. Bad taste in clothing must be a shared twin trait. Cosima definitely, and while Allison may choose to dress suburban camouflage, I do trust her to recognize good taste when she sees it. Mrs. S can be our tie-breaker."

"Thank you, Felix," she said quietly. She reached out and took his hand.

Felix wrapped both of his hands around the one she had given him, fighting to keep any expression of sympathy or sorrow or anger from his own face. Normalcy. Right.

"No, thank you…for making me so very wrong about you. Just so you know, I don't eat crow. Too hard to swallow, the feathers get caught in my throat. So I'm going to sit here quietly now and you are going to get some sleep. You're safe now."

"I am… yes," but her eyes flicked to Cosima, pretending to work across the room, and then away again. "Scott," she raised her voice slightly. "Will you tell me where you are in your analysis? What have you done so far?"

Cosima stirred. "This can wait." Delphine seemed able to let Felix comfort her, she thought morosely.

"No it can't," she replied, not taking her gaze from Scott's. She did not want to see the look of hurt Cosima could not keep from her eyes. "You said you needed an immunologist and I'm here now. My brain still works, and my eyes, though my hands are still shaky."

With a quick glance at Cosima, Scott nodded back at her, "Yeah. We isolated the segment of Kendall's DNA that corresponds to the defective synthetic sequence. We've only recently completed sequencing it, so we have just started the comparisons trying to figure out what and where the defect is. But we're not really sure how to proceed with…"

Delphine focused closely on his words as he spoke, letting them fill her brain. Her shaking lessened as he spoke, her mind being drawn from the things that had been done to her body to the things that were taking place, inexorably, inside of Cosima's. "Can you show me the comparison between the synthetic sequence and the original?"

"Yes," he paused, shuffling through piles of print outs on his desk. Coming up with several pages, he brought them over to her.

She took them and once more focused her attention outward, away from her internal turmoil, and on the problem that had plagued her for so long…keeping Cosima alive.

Cosima wanted to join them at Delphine's bedside, but she felt banished by the woman's avoidance. So she stayed where she was, her workspace close enough that a whisper would carry, but a world away none the less.

She won't even look at me, Cosima thought. She knows this was me, all of it. Looking back, her mistakes were so obvious. Stop making it about you, she told herself harshly. This is not about what you need anymore. You are going to give Delphine whatever she asks for, whatever she needs. If she's angry at you, you suck it up and come back for more. And maybe, just maybe, you can salvage a friendship out of the mess you've made. But she knew, no matter how supportive she was in the days to come, nothing would ever be the same between them again. There was no erasing these mistakes or the resulting damage.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: No violence, all Cophine. Time to start the recovery process... It will be a slow one. Have I mentioned I like angst?

Disclaimers: More science discussions in this chapter that are probably riddled with error, but it is a shield Delphine needs at this point so I tried to fake my way through it for her sake.

Updated A/N: Again, this chapter is a repost, with only minor changes to fix typos and the like.

Chapter 7

Less than 10 minutes after Scott had given her the print outs of the sequences, Cosima had looked over to find Delphine fast asleep. She had breathed an internal sigh of relief. Her guilt was a heavy weight, made worse when she would look at Delphine and see the physical signs of her trials, the pinched look of pain in her face, the way she protected her right side as if expecting a blow, the dark circles under her eyes, all of the indications of complete exhaustion. But the flat, emotionless expression she wore was the worst, because Cosima knew it was a mask hiding the exact opposite of what it showed. She knew Delphine wore it because she did not trust Cosima, or any of them, enough to let it down yet.

Raising her eyes from the sleeping woman, she found Felix staring back at her. He wandered over to whisper to her. "Give her time, darling. She's going to need it. But she's a tough one, she'll work it through."

All she could do was nod and go back to work. She moved around to Scott's side of the table so they could discuss the comparisons in hushed tones, but it put her back to the sleeping Delphine. It was good from a concentration perspective, but she could not help turning around, frequently, to assure herself the woman was still there, and was sleeping peacefully. Felix had returned to the chair at her bedside, slouched down in it, and had commenced to staring at the ceiling lost in his own thoughts.

A few hours later Cosima looked up at a sound from Delphine. It was late, almost midnight. Mrs. S had brought in a bowl of broth shortly after Delphine had fallen asleep, but not wanting to wake her, had left it on a table near the bed. Felix had nodded off in the chair.

Delphine was still sleeping, but she was showing signs of distress. Worried that she might be in medical distress, Cosima rushed over. Reaching out to put a hand on Delphine's forehead to check her temperature, she stopped and pulled back. Delphine had made her wishes clear, but this was different, right? She looked up to see Felix watching her from his chair. Before she could respond to his look, Delphine cried out, whether in fear or in pain Cosima could not tell, and jerked awake.

She instantly curled around her damaged side, crying out again, this time in obvious pain from her sudden movements. Delphine was facing Felix, so she did not see Cosima behind her, once again reaching out, wanting to hold her, and once again stopping before any contact could be made. But Felix did and his eyes narrowed at her. His look said they would have words later.

He put a hand on the injured woman's shoulder and leaned down, "Delphine, you alright? Do you need me to get help?"

She was still gasping from the pain her reflexive movements had caused. "No, it was just a nightmare. I moved too quickly. We may have to check the sutures to make sure I didn't reopen them again," she concluded, finally catching her breath, the pain receding. She slowly rolled herself onto her back once more, only to see Cosima on her other side, arms wrapped tightly around herself, worrying.

"I think Cosima should do that, while I go reheat your broth," Felix said, grabbing the bowl and beating a hasty retreat before either woman could come up with a rational reason why he should stay and play doctor. Mrs. S had not raised a stupid boy!

Cosima watched open mouthed as Felix ran out the door, her brain finally catching up with the ramifications of his exit. She looked back at Delphine, who was once again avoiding looking at her. Shit.

Walking around the bed to Delphine's bad side, she tried to think of how to ask for permission to touch her. But Delphine had already opened the lower buttons on the shirt she was wearing and was examining the bandage.

"It doesn't look like its bleeding. At least not enough to bleed through the bandage. I think its ok." She closed the edges of the shirt and re-buttoned it, fastening her gaze on the ceiling above her.

Cosima looked across the room at Scott, working on samples for the next round of sequencing and valiantly pretending not to see or hear anything on the hospital side, before sitting down in the chair Felix had vacated. Delphine had obviously dismissed her as unneeded, but she was reluctant to move away, willing to accept the pathetic substitution of proximity for touch. She just needed to be close, just for a minute or two. She leaned back in the chair, removing her glasses and closing her eyes, her own exhaustion from the day's events catching up with her. Had it just been this afternoon that she had gone to get Delphine, thinking it was a one way trip?

Eyes closed, she did not see Delphine evaluating her with a sideways glance. Cosima looked tired, but she could not tell the status of her health just by looking. She had relied on Shay for updates on Cosima, updates that were obviously lies. It had taken her some time to realize Shay's taunt to Cosima about their last night together had referred to the night she had been shot. So Shay had not been with Cosima all this time, had been misleading her in order to torture her with stories of sexual encounters that had not happened, and of illness and decline. But that meant Delphine had no idea how Cosima had truly faired these last weeks. She was suddenly afraid to ask, unsure how to speak to the woman who had once shared her bed and her heart, without having to touch on topics that would hurt both of them. But she needed to know.

"You look tired," Delphine started quietly, not wanting to ask directly.

Cosima opened her eyes and sat up a little straighter at Delphine's voice finally speaking to her. Delphine was studying the ceiling as if looking for defects in the paint.

"It's been a very long day… a very long couple of days. It was only three days ago I found out you were dead, saw the video, and only a few hours ago I found out you were alive."

"And you came to get me," she conveniently left out the suicide part.

"A rollercoaster ride can't touch the ups, downs, and spins we've been having, huh?"

"Your cough... the blood… how long?"

"The blood, only a few days. I think it's been worse than the first time around because of the extreme stress. I'm betting it settles down for a while now."

They were both quiet for several minutes, until finally Scott threw down the pen he had been holding and started shuffling through papers. Walking over to Delphine, he handed her a document.

"Cosima's most recent workup," he said, glaring at the woman in question. She really was clueless sometimes.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, that might be more helpful," Cosima offered sheepishly. "Sorry."

Scott stomped back over to his desk and pulled a set of earbuds out of his backpack. There was always a means of escape somewhere, he thought as he started blasting music directly to his eardrums.

Delphine scanned the numbers on the sheet, not great, but definitely not as bad as she had been led to believe. She relaxed a little.

"I still can't believe you gave her Kendall's samples. The things Neolution could do with them are so much worse than Dyad."

"That's why I didn't. Scott gave up a few vials of blood to help with the bluff. Of course, in 10 years or so if we see a bunch of little Scotties running around, we'll know why."

Delphine snickered softly. "Yes, we will. But I bet they would be adorable, like the puppies."

"Especially if the Neolution genies give them tails like Olivier," Cosima chuckled. "Maybe they'll add wet noses, too."

"Thank you for coming for me," Delphine looked over at her, smile gone again, but for once having no trouble meeting and holding Cosima's gaze.

"Always. I'm sorry I was late," she said, seriously.

"Ah yes, but you are always late," Delphine replied with a tired smile. "Since your invitation was lost until this afternoon, I think we can let it go this time."

Cosima started to tear up at her words, but Delphine cut her off, "No. No tears. Your numbers are not terrible and we have the original genetic material, you still have a chance. I am not dead, and my injuries will all heal. Let us focus on those things. I have to focus on those things, now."

Cosima inhaled quickly, trying to get a handle on her emotions. "Ok, I can do that," she hoped this was a start to healing them as well, but Delphine's gaze had returned to the ceiling, once again remote.

"You should get some sleep too, Cosima."

"I will. Scott and I were prepping a new batch of samples and gels to run through the sequencer before calling it a night. It won't be much longer, but I should get back and help."

Delphine just nodded and closed her eyes. Mrs. S showed up with food a few minutes later. After eating less than half of the light meal, Delphine drifted off to sleep again.

Within the hour, the sequencer was loaded and Scott was out the side door headed to his bed. Cosima convinced Mrs. S she would stay with Delphine for the night and would call if any emergencies arose. Once the older woman had left, she went to a small counter space in the back where the extra blankets for Delphine had been left. She spread one of them out over the sleeping woman before retrieving a second one for the spare bed. Unlocking the wheels on the empty bed, she moved it closer to the sleeping woman, leaving just the space for the small bedside table, before relocking them. Climbing in, she covered herself with the blanket and rolled onto her side so she could watch Delphine sleep.

. . . . . . .

When Cosima awoke early the next day, the bed next to hers was empty. Delphine was standing at a table on the lab side, looking at the comparison between the Kendall sequence and the synthetic one once more. Cosima got up and walked over to her, making sure she was seen before she got closer.

"Did you sleep ok?"

Delphine ignored her question, her attention still focused on the two patterns of nucleotides. "I couldn't focus on this yesterday when Scott first gave me these sheets. The differences are so small on a tangible scale, but so dramatic on a relative one, aren't they," she asked rhetorically, trying to divert Cosima's attention to the work. She did not want to risk anything, even small talk, leading to emotional topics that she was unable to handle yet. She was determined to avoid everything that was not science related.

"So," she focused on Cosima. "Do we spend our time trying to identify the defect, assuming it will be easier to fix it once it is found, or do we attempt to replace the entire synthetic sequence with the natural equivalent?"

"Well, some of the synthetic sequences were obviously required to make us viable in the embryonic stage. Fait accompli?" She asked, spreading her hands out to her side and cocking her head.

Delphine offered a quick crooked smile. "Very good. Your accent is still terrible though."

Cosima stuck her tongue out at the blond, winning her another small smile that did not touch Delphine's eyes. "But this sequence was specifically designed to keep us from reproducing, and has nothing to do with the viability issues. So, why not go with a full replacement?"

"Gene therapies are so new, we don't know enough about the potential side effects and complications. There are significant ones documented…death from the treatments themselves, cancers." She looked away from Cosima, realizing she had shifted away from the pure science to something that touched the more emotional aspect of the work. "But we are going to have to try something, and fairly soon. I would rather try for the full replacement as well, but only because we would finally be working on a solution, not still stuck trying to identify the cause. On the other hand, targeting a few nucleotides seems less drastic to me than trying for complete sequence replacement. Intuitively, that makes me think fewer things to go wrong, fewer potential side effects" She sighed in frustration. "Let's get Scott's ideas on this as well. Once we start down a path, we won't have time to back up if it fails."

Cosima regarded Delphine quietly. This woman had been willing to die for her, had been working frantically for months, sometimes less than ethically, to try to save her from the deterioration taking place inside her. She knew without any doubt it was all done out of love. But Cosima had begun to wonder, if Delphine was willing to do all of this for her, how she would react if they failed. The scars hidden on Delphine's wrists had never worried her until now.

"Time is infinite, there will always be more of it, even if whatever approach we choose runs into a dead end." Cosima winced at her own choice of words. "If it doesn't work."

"What do you mean by that?" Delphine was instantly furious. "Are you giving up? Is that why you were so willing to die when you came to get me?"

"What? No, Delphine," Cosima was shocked at the instant reaction. "I will fight to the last breath to beat this thing, I promise! I am not giving up. But this chance I have is still a long shot. If we don't find one in time for me, it won't be from a lack of effort or ability. But the need for a cure is bigger than just me. You'll have to keep looking, no matter what."

Delphine was still too angry to be swayed by a logical argument. She was angry at the cruelty she had endured, angry at Cosima for inadvertently maneuvering her into an emotional reaction she had wanted to avoid at all costs, and angry at herself for somehow putting herself in a position to have to go through this again.

"I am not an idiot! I know all of that! But if we don't find a way to save you, then all of the sacrifices I've made will be worthless, senseless! None of it will have made a difference!" Delphine was yelling, leaning heavily on a table.

"It makes a difference to me, that you did them for me," Cosima countered gently, trying to calm the situation and convey her feelings at the same time.

Delphine laughed harshly. Cosima had no idea what she was saying. She did not know that Delphine was a murderer and a torturer in her own right. She would not be so grateful, nor accepting, to know these things, or that Delphine had planned the cold blooded murder of one of her sisters in order to protect her.

Still angry, she moved closer, until she was glaring down at Cosima. "You would not say that if you knew the things I have done." Her words were practically spat out, her disgust quite clear.

Cosima could not help mentally adding the words 'for you' to end of Delphine's statement, turning it from an ambiguous confession into an accusation, and accepting the anger and abhorrence directed towards her as penance for her own guilt in bringing Delphine to this crossroads.

Felix had been standing in the doorway, his arrival unnoticed. Unsure of where the enraged woman might take this encounter next, he stepped into the fray. "Do tell," he interrupted calmly.

Delphine's head whipped to the side, her attention diverted, as planned, by Felix's approach. Her distraction allowed him to place himself between the two women. "What exactly have you done, Delphine?" Her anger evaporated at his direct, unflinching observation, allowing him to see the guilt that had fueled it.

The collapse of her anger and adrenaline left her shaking. Refusing to answer his question, she moved away, back to her hospital bed with a slow, careful shuffle of feet. Sitting down, she worked to try and catch her breath and regain her composure, not completely sure what had just happened. Her fury had been far out of proportion to the supposed offense.

Cosima still stood where she had been, eyes downcast, trapped by her own guilt and Delphine's anger. Felix turned, evaluating her with a look, and asked a quiet "Alright?" Receiving a quick nod from Cosima, he went to the woman sitting on the hospital bed. Pulling up his chair, he sat in front of her, arms crossed, waiting.

Delphine, refusing to look at him, just shook her head, tears flowing down her cheeks. She had not been in control of herself just now, had spilled her rage out on the one person who least deserved it. Ignoring Felix, she looked across the room.

"I'm sorry, Cosima," she told the woman still rooted to the same spot on the floor. "I can't…," she didn't know how to finish, how to find the words to negate the impact of her outburst.

"It's ok. I understand." And she did. Delphine had every right to be angry with her.

"Do you? Because I don't. I don't understand at all."

"Yes, I do. And you don't have to apologize to me for being angry. I can take it," she gave Delphine her best understanding look.

"What?" Felix sputtered, glaring at Cosima now. "That is not helpful!"

"No, you shouldn't have to deal with this. But right now I can't deal with it either. I can't afford to fall apart, not now, not when you need me." She wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Can we just stick to the science? No personal discussions, no small talk?"

"Yeah. We can do that," Cosima agreed readily, even though it hurt to think of Delphine continuing to ignore her when not working. She had finally been able to verbalize something she needed that Cosima could deliver. And she would deliver. If it killed her.

Felix just threw up his hands. "You're not going to discuss what just happened?" He waited a moment, neither of the women meeting his challenge. "If you don't deal with this, one day you are going to do something you both regret," he gave Delphine a hard look. She looked away, knowing he was right but not strong enough to do what needed done. Not yet.

"I need to talk to Sarah," she deflected.

"I'll go tell her. God knows I need to find a saner hen house." He got up to leave, but pointed at Cosima. "And you, don't just take it because you're feeling guilty!" With that, he stomped out.

The two women sat in silence. Delphine was contemplating Felix's comment to Cosima. What would she have to feel guilty about? But of course, having established the science only rule, she could not ask now. Across the room, Cosima was wondering what other hard things had been required of Delphine in protecting her, when what she had already suffered was so horrific. And apparently there was more?

Sarah showed up a bit later bearing a tray of food from Mrs. S's kitchen. Setting it down on the table and moving it in front of Delphine, she took a seat. "You're looking better than I would have thought possible after yesterday."

"It would appear any new damage from yesterday is just superficial. The real damage, my internal healing, has been taking place for weeks now."

Sarah nodded, as if she did not know the non-physical damage was still an open and festering wound. Her brother had been keeping her filled in on current events. "Felix said you wanted to speak with me?"

"Yes. I was hoping you would be willing to give us a blood sample to compare to Cosima's and Kendall's. I think a third point of comparison will be helpful if we decide to try to isolate the defect. You obviously do not have the defect, because you are able to conceive. That means either you have the same sequence as Kendall, unmodified, or you have the synthetic sequence without the defect. If it is the former, that will not add anything to our knowledge, but if it is the latter, comparing your sequence to Cosima's will allow us to look at just the differences between the two, thereby narrowing our search for the defect."

Cosima shook her head, "Why didn't Scott and I think of that before?"

"Probably because, in your mind, Sarah is your sister, not a subject of study," Delphine replied logically. "Which is exactly why it is frowned upon for physicians to treat their own family members. Their perspective on things is usually skewed, less objective and more prone to error."

Neither sister missed the fact that there was a message behind the words, but each took a slightly different one. Cosima took the message that Delphine needed to treat her as a subject of study, both for the emotional reasons already evident and in order to stay objective in their research. Sarah took the message as Delphine's explanation of why she had kept her secrets from all of them while working at Dyad, trying to stay objective, strategic like Mrs. S said, and see the problems before they bit them all in the ass. Like Helsinki.

But Delphine's real message had been about herself, her uncontrolled anger being part of a currently skewed perspective that she was uncertain how to re-center. Her emotional state left her feeling like a thin sheet of glass that could shatter at any time with just the slightest of vibrations. She could not afford to break down now. The last time that had happened, it had taken her almost a year to recover. Cosima did not have that kind of time.

"Of course I'll give you a blood sample," Sarah responded. "Anything to help." But they all knew Sarah would have never willingly given her blood to Delphine before now.

"I'll get a kit and sample tubes," Cosima offered, moving to the supply cabinets.

Sarah started to roll up her sleeve. "I needed to talk to you too, actually. About Dyad, if you're up to it?"

"Yes, of course. What do you need?" she asked as Cosima returned and started to hand her the supplies. "No, you should draw the samples. My hands are not steady enough yet to trust with a needle."

Cosima nodded and pulled up a second chair in front of Sarah, opening the kit and preparing the supplies.

"I need the names of all of us, all the others and where to find them."

Delphine looked at her for a moment not comprehending why Sarah would ask when she already had…. Then she rolled her eyes to the ceiling, closing them in self-recrimination and shaking her head. "Ah! I forgot to tell you in the video….Merde!" She yelled, her anger flaring once again. Cosima stopped what she was doing and looked at Delphine, concerned.

"What?" Sarah asked, not sure what would merit this kind of anger.

"I have that information for you. I stored it on a flash drive and hid it here when I first came back from Frankfurt. Je suis idiote!" Delphine could feel that irrational edge to her anger once more, but at least this time it was directed at herself.

"Hey! You had a few other things on your mind at the time, like people coming to kill you." Sarah put a hand on her arm, looking her in the eye. "It's ok."

Searching Sarah's face and seeing only that message in them, 'it's ok', with none of the heavier emotional overtones that Cosima's looks carried, succeeded in allowing her to reign in her temper. Perspective.

"Yes, of course you are right." She took a breath. "I have all of that information for you. Names, physical and email addresses, phone numbers." She paused a moment, realizing the implication of the request. "You've realized the inevitability of exposure if you want to be able to live normal lives one day. Are you sure now is the time?"

"No, but now is the time to get our ducks in a row."

"You do know, in addition to its obvious meaning of getting organized, that idiom also refers to sitting ducks, setting things up as easy targets?" Delphine did not wait for an answer. "But you are working towards the only logical conclusion." She stood up slowly. "The flash drive is here. The medicine cabinet in the bathroom has a latch on top that allows it to be pulled from the wall. That is where I hid it, along with a few other things I forgot to mention."

Sarah and Cosima exchanged looks as Delphine moved away to retrieve the promised items. Cosima resumed her preparations.

"You ok," Sarah asked as her arm was swabbed with an alcohol wipe.

"Yeah," Cosima turned to watch Delphine make her way around the corner and into the bathroom. "Turns out happy endings aren't that easy," she said in a quiet voice. Tying a tourniquet around Sarah's arm.

"I'm beginning to think there's no such thing as a happy ending," Sarah lowered her voice to match her sister's, "only moments of happiness in ongoing realities."

"You're starting to sound like a cynical scientist," Cosima smiled.

"Oh God forbid! I will leave the science to the geek monkeys like you, thank you." Sarah turned her face away as Cosima brought the needle to her arm.

"Today, I do vampire impersonation," Cosima tried to pull off a Dracula voice, but it came out sounding more like Helena, making both of them laugh.

Of course, that was exactly when Delphine came back out of the bathroom, carrying a small box. She stiffened at their laughter, but then chided herself for it. They would not be laughing at her, not Sarah and certainly not Cosima. She knew she was overly sensitive and was trying not to let it get the best of her again. But their levity rubbed a raw spot. They had not noticed her return to the room, until she restarted her slow walk back to them. Cosima was removing the needle from Sarah's arm after drawing a single vial of blood.

"Delphine, you'd better tell your girlfriend to keep her day job. Vampire impersonations might get her in big trouble with Helena," Sarah was still smiling at her sister's antics, relieved at that small return of spirit after days of misery.

But Cosima's smile had disappeared and Delphine had stopped moving at the reference to the void that was their undiscussed relationship status. The wistful look Cosima gave her twisted Delphine's heart. She also wanted back what they had once had, but knew that could never happen. Far too much had changed. Whatever they might have in the future would be different, never as pure and innocent as it had been before. And far too many things remained unsaid between them for that future to start now.

At their reaction, Sarah realized she had said something wrong. "What?" she shifted her look from one woman to the other. "Oh, don't tell me you aren't back together? After all the shit you've both been through for each other it's obvious to the rest of us you should be!"

"We're just taking things slow for now," Cosima hedged. "Until we've had time to chill a little from the drama."

"Yes," Delphine added, returning to the bed to sit once more. "Until we…until I have regained some perspective." Once again, she could not bring herself to look at Cosima.

Sarah reached out to touch her arm once more. "I get it. But I think love can help you with perspective too. And that fool loves you," she said with a tilt of her head towards her sister.

That is because she does not know who I really am, Delphine thought to herself. Instead of saying anything, she opened the box and withdrew a flash drive. "That contains the names and information for all of your sisters."

Cosima, helping her change the subject, asked curiously, "How many of us are there?"

"They started out with over a thousand embryos, they needed a large sample size in order to evaluate the variability in development under differing cultural conditions. But some of them were miscarried, others lost to natural deaths, childhood illnesses, accidents, that sort of thing. And then there were the not so natural deaths, Helsinki and," she paused, "the recent European losses." Helena. "Currently there are a total of 682 still living, including all of you."

"Shite." Sarah was shocked. The plan they had been putting together to quietly contact all the other clones had suddenly disintegrated. There was no way they could reach that many, one-on-one, to tell them what was going on and help them through the inevitable shock. It would take forever.

Cosima was equally floored, staring at Delphine open mouthed. "Shazam. It's going to be hell keeping up with birthdays and holidays."

Delphine could not help but smile at Cosima's unique way of looking at things. Someone else might have thought she was just being funny, and while she definitely was, Delphine knew there was an element of truth to her statement. She truly considered all of these women to be her family, unmet though they might be, and family was a sensitive subject for Cosima. While they had never discussed it, something about her former lover's behavior said she had not had a happy family life growing up.

"Unfortunately, there might be fewer soon. There were over a dozen subjects, at last count, exhibiting early stages of the illness. The rate of occurrences seems to be increasing as more of you reach your thirties. Which is why we need to focus on the cure, not on anything else."

She made sure she had their attention before opening the box again. Inside was the copy Cosima had made of Duncan's book and a small jar filled with liquid. Seeing the book, Cosima looked up at Delphine.

"I told you it was secure," she gave a sad smile.

Cosima felt sick at yet more proof that this could have all gone so differently if only….

"Since we don't have time to try to break the code," Delphine continued, "I propose it stay in the box, along with this little guy." She pulled out the jar and held it up to the light, showing a wiggling little worm suspended in a solution.

"What is it," Cosima was getting so close to the jar trying to get a better look her glasses almost bumped the container.

"I have no idea. I was led to believe it was something Neolution had developed, an advancement in the science, but that is literally all I know about it. It is a curiosity at this point, nothing more. Although if we knew what it was, what its purpose is, I suppose it might be more. But I still don't believe we should make that a priority right now."

"Then why show it to us," Sarah gave her a steady look, suspecting the answer.

"Because I'm done hiding these things to try to manipulate you. But I will tell you, I will not work on that," she said firmly, pointing at the jar, "until Cosima is well and we have a cure."

Sarah smiled at her. "You know I would never ask you to do that."

"That may have been a factor in me telling you as well," Delphine did not smile, but there might have been a small twinkle in her eye at the admission.

Sarah laughed. "Fair enough," she turned back to Cosima. "Are we done with the blood letting? I need to get back to the house and let the rest of them know our current plan is hosed."

Cosima nodded, cleaning up the debris from the blood draw, but her guilt was back into full swing once more. Delphine would have helped them with the book, not given it to Topside after all. And with Rachel still held at Dyad at the time, it would have already been translated by now.

. . . . .


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Sorry, long Author's Note. Feel free to skip to the Chapter 8 header! No warnings or disclaimers for this one, all COPHINE!

The Review function on seems to be broken, but I am receiving your reviews through email. Thank you to the people who sent me reviews/ feedback and just plain encouragement! It all helps to keep me motivated to write! Special mentions:

Thetravelingkid: thank you again for the feedback on Chapters 6. And for the reminder that Delphine is being a bit hard on poor Cosima and maybe it's time to take her to chocolates and sunshine. Ok, Well, maybe just move her a little closer to it. You rock!

SpookyCj: Items 1 and 2, I agree, and thank you (I think :-). Item 3 on your list? Here you go and I will see what I can do….

ElsaFowl: Thank you for correcting my attempts at French phrases! I will run all future efforts by you first! Errors in Chapter 1 and in this chapter have been corrected! Please keep me honest with the cultural differences as well. Also thank you for your perspectives on various aspects of seasons 1-3. How do you say "You rock" in French?

Chapters 5/6 were hard ones to write and gave me pause in publishing, the tendency being to soften everything for public consumption. But sometimes life is hard. Recovery is a process, one that will ultimately force Delphine to face aspects of her past (my interpretation of her past that is) she might not otherwise share with Cosima. Avoidance is a very strong survival mechanism in the short term, but it can keep you from finding a way back to a healthy and happy life.

I do find it interesting that I started out writing this fan fic from the Cosima perspective, but the more I developed Cosima's reasons for her guilt (for the angst, you understand), the more I realized how very under-appreciated our poor Delphine has been! And the story morphed to develop her character and background despite my original intent (has anyone noticed we still don't know about Cosima's background, other than purely biographical?).

That being said, this chapter is a bit longer than the previous ones, because both Cosima and Delphine have their Big Reveals, each letting the other into their heads a bit to start the healing process. To preface where Delphine's past is coming from, there was a scene in Season 1 where Delphine lets herself into Leekie's hotel room, revealing to us she is a monitor and sleeping with Leekie. But the scene leaves her with a cold, Matta Hari look that the show never explained! To me, at the time, that meant she was either a truly cold seductress, worming her way into Cosima's life with a perky facade, or she was under some form of duress, either physically or emotionally from either Leekie or herself. In later seasons, it was obvious they weren't taking the character the cold/calculating route with Cosima, so, the background I invented for Delphine took the other path as my way to explain that early scene. I can't help it, I hate loose ends like that!

I hope you enjoy! Feedback appreciated, especially as I spent less time planning and proofing this one...

Updated A/N: Reposted with minor changes for wording and spelling. No major content changes.

. . . . . . .

Chapter 8

Delphine's strength was slow in returning, mainly due to her lack of appetite and sleep. She slept sporadically, just a few hours at a time, before nightmares would wake her. She would then go to work, both out of necessity and as a means of avoiding a return to sleep. She forced herself to walk around inside the garage as she helped Cosima and Scott with the research. She kept her mind solidly focused on the genetic problems at hand, steadfastly avoiding any issues not related to them. With each passing day, her physical discomfort receded, but her irritability did not.

A pattern had been established over the four days she had been at the house. Cosima would stay with her in the spare hospital bed overnight, watching over her as she slept. Unbeknownst to her, Delphine would return the favor during her sleepless phases. Mrs. S brought her breakfast first thing every morning and checked her sutures, changing the bandage as necessary. Then there was Felix. He would bring her lunch and dinner, staying to keep her company while Scott and Cosima took a break from the lab to go eat in the main house.

Felix was both a gift to Delphine and a curse. His sarcastic and snide comments had gone from cutting and cold before her "death" to amiably adversarial now, but otherwise, he treated her no differently. That was the gift, because none of the others knew how to interact with her, walking on egg shells to avoid inadvertently saying or doing anything that would distress her. His direct way of speaking to her was a raft of familiarity in a sea of awkwardness.

But his curse was upon her as well. She had heard his warning, that her anger had the potential to hurt Cosima if she did not control it, and so she was working to control it. When she would become irritated at something she would clench her jaw to keep herself from saying anything, and would walk away until she was certain she had control of her response. But she could not help the small flashes of anger that would escape before she could consciously react to dampen it. She noticed Cosima would become very still when that happened, waiting for her to lash out further, and Delphine's heart would break a little each time knowing she had caused this reaction. She tried to redouble her efforts to suppress her anger, but the more she tried, the more she seemed to fail. After seeing that response a few times, Felix had recognized it for what it was and labeled it as unhealthy. He would then set about trying to annoy her, picking at her verbally in an effort to make her angry. She had so far managed not to strangle him and not to lose her temper again as she had with Cosima, but many times it was a close thing.

Delphine was working at a microscope when Felix brought her lunch. Not sure what disgusting things she might be looking at, he wisely put the food on the bedside table on the hospital side of the room before moving to where she was working and throwing himself down in an empty chair. He waited until Cosima and Scott left the lab before swiveling to face Delphine. "So. When are you going to talk to Cosima?"

"I talk to Cosima all the time," she said, glaring at him and intentionally avoiding his meaning.

"Mmmmm-hmmm. Nope, not letting you get away with that anymore. Time is at a premium - Cosima may not have much of it left and she is miserable because you can still barely look at the poor girl. It's time you told her why."

"I can't start that conversation because I can't handle where it will have to go yet."

"And where do you think it's going to go? Do you think she's going to demand to hear the gory details?"

Delphine shook her head at him. He was the only person willing to ask her blunt, personal questions like that and the only one she would willingly tell the answers.

"No, she won't ask that. Will never bring it up if I don't," she could not help rubbing her forearms, an action not lost on Felix. Cosima had run her hands over them, had kissed her way along them on numerous occasions, as her way of letting Delphine know she had noticed. But she had never asked, patiently waiting until Delphine chose to bring it up, which had never happened. She was grateful that Cosima's misdirection had deflected Shay from sharing those details. It would have only magnified the current situation.

"Then what? Are you worried she'll push for sex before you're ready?"

"Cosima does not push. And I am not afraid of physical intimacy with her, ever."

"Bullshit. All sex is about power, even when it's with someone you love," the last word was said with a somewhat disparaging edge. "It's either you submitting to them, just a little, or them submitting to you, just a little. And that's when it's all consensual. When someone takes that choice from you, it makes it hard to put yourself back in that place where you can choose to be vulnerable again.

"Or why we make it easy," Delphine countered, bitterly. "Pretending it didn't matter. It was just sex, a little rougher and more unpleasant than usual, trying to prove it by sleeping with a lot of people we don't really care anything about, sometimes taking money for it," she said, loathing in her voice.

"But that's not what you're doing, is it?!" Felix yelled, suddenly furious at her for trying to deflect by throwing his own behaviors back at him. Then he paused, noticing her expression, her body language, and realization dawned. "At least not this time round?" All of the fire drained out of him at her hard look and lack of denial. He collapsed back into the chair beside her.

They sat in silence, contemplating the far wall of the garage, before Felix turned to her once more. "Is that what these are about?" He placed a hand on her nearest wrist.

Delphine nodded, "I was very young, a teenager."

Felix was silent for a moment more, staring at her suspiciously. "The letter you left me in the house… you said we were more alike than I knew." Instead of asking what he suspected, he just waited.

"Dyad… had a file on you. I read it." She was ashamed now at ever having opened that file, of knowing personal details about him that he himself had not divulged. But it was why she could talk to him. They had tragedies in common.

"Life is really shit sometimes, isn't it?" he concluded tiredly.

"Yes, it is."

"But it's not shit with Cosima, is it?"

"It didn't used to be. But every time I look at her, I can see it in her face. The pity and the…." She trailed off, not wanting to say out loud what else she thought she saw in Cosima's eyes… shame.

"She's hurting! For you! She knows what you've been put through, my God, she watched you being tortured and couldn't stop it. And now she's watching you struggle to recover, and you won't even look at her, much less let her help. She's afraid to even touch you! Cosima! Who's so touchy/feely she can't help hugging a serial killer within 10 seconds of first meeting her. She's in agony too, Delphine. Talk to her. Let her in, just a little and see where it goes."

"She takes up far too much space in my heart to be able to let her in only a little, Felix. She is definitely all or nothing."

"So do you want nothing? When she might have so little time left?" he asked quietly.

Her face crumpled. "No. But I will have to tell her everything, about me, about my past. I don't know if I can do that yet, face her disappointment when she finds out the things I've done."

"That woman loves you. She will understand. If she has to twist her brain into a pretzel to justify whatever you've done, she will do it just to understand. Besides, she's going through tactile withdrawal where you're concerned. At this point, all you have to do is let her hold your hand and she'll forgive you roasting orphaned babies on a spit."

"I don't know, Felix."

"Well, you'd better figure it out soon. And, I'm done bringing you meals out here. You are walking well enough to visit the house tonight for dinner. And for all future meals."

"Felix…"

"No! It's time to face the masses!" He got up and headed for the door.

. . . . .

Dinner was a stressful affair for Cosima. Delphine joined them at the house for the first time. She had kept her word, keeping all of their topics of discussion strictly about the work, the research, and next steps. Some of those discussions even became quite heated. But they never spoke of anything personal. She was waiting for Delphine to feel comfortable enough to initiate any non-work discussions. Until then, she would stick with science or silence. But dinner was not in the lab setting and work was not a topic available to hide behind. So Cosima stuck with silence.

But this was also the first time Delphine had ever participated in a family dinner with the clone club. She wasn't sure how to respond to the change in dynamic between her and the rest of them. Always before she had been met with suspicion and distrust. But now, except for Felix, everyone was overly polite. They had witnessed her at her most helpless and were overcompensating with kindness. She knew they thought it was helpful, but the drastic change in their treatment of her only served to magnify the reason for it, putting her on edge. So she chose to hide in silence as well.

No one missed the fact that the two women weren't speaking, either to each other or to anyone else, but they filled the void with little details of their developing life in the house. Felix and Scott were now sharing a bedroom. Blows had yet to be exchanged. Sarah and Mrs. S had likewise doubled up, freeing up the third upstairs bedroom for Alison and Donnie. The kids were having a ball camping out in the basement with Helena, pretending they were surviving in a cave in the woods. The close quarters were still relatively new, but tensions were already starting to grow.

"So Alison," Mrs. S stepped into the silence, "How go the plans to add rooms to the basement?"

"Oh, I have that all sketched out," she beamed, "including adding a bathroom." Her expression turned a bit pained with her reference to a house with seven adults, two children, and only two bathrooms. Cosima and Scott cast each other a glance. They had been very careful not to mention the third bathroom out in the clone cave.

"But adding plumbing is more problematic than throwing up walls and putting down flooring for more bedrooms, so that part may have to wait. My plan will add 2 bedrooms, maybe three, but I do want to leave a large space down there for group activities like the kids schooling. Little did I realize I would be home schooling them."

"Well, let me know what building materials you need and I can make arrangements," Mrs. S offered.

"Oh, Donnie and I were hoping to take care of that ourselves. We really need an opportunity to get away for a while. It's starting to feel a bit claustrophobic here."

"Yes, in this basketful of eggs I'm starting to feel a bit cracked too," Felix complained, his glance moving from Delphine to Cosima.

"I know it's tight," Sarah sounded defensive, knowing this had been her decision, to bring them all together. "But we need to keep hidden until we're ready to move, which might be awhile." She was frustrated with their inability to come up with an acceptable plan for revealing the existence of human clones to the world that would not put all of their naïve sisters in danger. "I suppose we can try to work to set up a second safe house somewhere as a backup." She looked questioningly at Mrs. S.

"Anything can be arranged with time and money," she replied. "But meantime, we'll have to figure out how to live with each other in sardine fashion. We can rotate responsibilities on supply runs, that would let folks get away for a bit. And there is a lovely woods out back for walks and talks and cooling off time."

Helena's head came up that, looking as if she had something to say. But she changed her mind and returned her attention to her food.

Scott had noticed her motion, however, and decided to bring up a topic that concerned him. A lot. "I've noticed there is a lot less C-4 in the cabinet out in the garage."

Helena did not look up from her plate, "Yes," was all she offered, appearing unconcerned and continuing to eat. Everyone else stopped eating, looking very concerned.

"Uh, Helena," Sarah started. "Where have the explosives been going?"

"Early warning system."

"In the woods?"

"Yes."

Felix's eyes moved around the table, his fork still held frozen halfway to his mouth. "Well, I guess the woods are out, then."

Casual conversation trailed off into an uncomfortable silence all around, Sarah staring at her sister trying to figure out how to deal with this new situation.

Finally, Delphine decided to break the ice with something innocuous. She began to stand, "I think I would like some tea. Would anyone else like a cup?"

Alison got up from her chair quickly, "Oh, I can get that for you."

"I have the mental and physical capabilities to make tea," Delphine replied stiffly, not able to hide her irritation. Deep breath. "Thank you, Alison," she managed with a bit more grace.

Sarah pointed to a cabinet, "The tea is in the cupboard to the right there."

"I know! I'm the one who put it there," she replied, angry again at their solicitousness before she could dampen it again. "Sorry." As she moved towards the kitchen she muttered to herself in French. "Ça serait bien plus facile si vous me détestiez encore tous!"

Felix watched her move into the kitchen and open the cabinet, his eyes narrowed in thought. "That switching to French so we can't understand you is quite passive aggressive. And while P.A. is so very Cosima, it's something I would have thought was beneath you before today. Very disappointing."

Cosima offered up a weak "Hey" to Felix's comment, but could not follow it up with a denial. Her attention was focused on Delphine's anger.

"What do you…." Delphine had started an angry retort, but arrested it. Her sudden motion when turning around to confront Felix had caused a twinge of pain. The delay gave her just enough time to rein in her temper. She turned back to the counter, facing away from them all.

Alison took the opportunity to excuse herself and her family. "Well, dinner was wonderful Mrs. S, thank you. I need to get the kids started on their lessons downstairs. I can take a turn at preparing the meals if you'd like?"

"You're quite welcome," Siobhan smiled and turned a look to her own children as she added, "And thank you for that kind offer." Sarah and Felix just rolled their eyes. Returning her smile to Alison she added, "But you have your hands full down below. I can handle things up here until that's squared away."

Delphine was still standing at the counter, having put a kettle on to heat. She had been reminding herself that these were the people who had found her, cared for her injuries, and were trying to include her in their group now, albeit in an awkward clumsy way. She should be grateful, not angry. She turned back to the table. "I'm sorry about my outbursts. I don't seem to be able to hold anything back right now."

"Which is a nice change, if you ask me," Felix threw in with an arched eyebrow.

"I meant my anger," she snapped back at him. No one noticed Cosima flinch.

"That too." Delphine gave him a rude gesture, which only made him laugh, much to her annoyance.

"You are insufferable!"

"Yeah well, if you want a punching bag that won't fight back, why don't you take a swing at Cosima?"

Delphine's anger cooled instantly and her eyes shifted to the woman in question and quickly away again. "I would never hurt Cosima." But that one look had showed her the shame in Cosima's expression, quite clearly. She is ashamed of me, for what was done to me.

She could not handle Cosima's projected emotions and Felix's confrontation at the same time. She tried to pull away, turning her back and busying herself with making the tea. But Felix was not going to let her off the hook.

"But you are! You get to be angry, Delphine! It's healthy, as long as you let it out in the right ways. But you don't get to let it spill out on the unsuspecting civilians."

"I'm trying!"

"No, what you're trying to do is to cram it all back into your head where you can hide it, pretend nothing's wrong and that you are the perfect little doctor slash runway model. But you are a damaged human being just like the rest of us."

Delphine spun around to face him, ignoring the pain in her side, her expression heated. "And what is your damage, Felix? Do you care to share with the class? Is there video, maybe?" She asked sarcastically.

"No," he said quietly, glancing at his mother and sister uncomfortably. Delphine had scored a point. "No video and I don't care to share. You don't have to share anything you don't want to either. But you can't pretend everything is fine by ignoring it."

"Delphine," Siobhan interrupted before she could retort, "After all you've done for us… we only want to help you in any way we can. All of us," she added throwing a look at Felix. "But if you need someone to vent your anger to, you can come to me. I've even been known to take a punch or two," she smiled at Helena, "and I can keep a secret."

Both her children snorted in agreement to that last statement, Felix with a sarcastic "No kidding," and Sarah narrowing her eyes at her mum and commenting "I'm still not sure we even know her real name."

Siobhan squinted her eyes back at Sarah, "And you never will."

Delphine appreciated their efforts to relieve the tension, but Cosima was still a throbbing beacon of emotion sitting in the middle of the room. Felix was right. She would have to talk to her, very soon. But mon Dieu, not now. "Maybe this was too soon. I should go back out to the lab."

"Please don't?" Cosima spoke up. "The samples are running, so there's not much to do out there until they're done. And I think it's good for you not to be in…well, a hospital setting anymore. This is your house, really. We're just guests. I think you should have the downstairs bedroom, so you aren't having to sleep in the clone cave."

"Scott?" Cosima turned to him praying he would play along. "I know you won the coin flip, but can we move your stuff upstairs into Felix's room?"

"Uh…yeah, I'd be happy to do that," he answered, glad at the thought of Delphine moving into the house. Having the lab and hospital inseparable had been very uncomfortable, making him an inescapable party to intimate details of her convalescence, and to the awkward interactions between the two women.

"Good. Delphine, why don't you enjoy your tea while I help Scott pack up?"

Delphine hesitated, wanting very much to accept the privacy offered by the bedroom, but still sensitive to the anger she carried at their overly delicate treatment of her. The call of four walls with a door that she could use to shut out the world won the day and she nodded her agreement.

Cosima and Scott left the dinner table to go clear the room in question of Cosima's belongings. Instead of taking them upstairs, they snuck it all down to the basement. Cosima was sure Helena and the kids would not mind sharing. It was a big basement.

Scott chose to head out to the lab to keep an eye on things and escape the tension while Cosima returned to the living room. Delphine was sitting on the sofa, a cup of tea in one hand.

"All cleared out," Cosima informed her. "But I just realized we really need to get you some clothes of your own so Mrs. S can have her wardrobe back.

Delphine nodded slightly, "I suspect Dyad has had my flat packed up by now. I am sure my clothes are all gone."

"Damn it!" Felix called from the kitchen table, where he had been sitting with his family and Helena playing cards. "I was serious about that clothing challenge!"

"Sorry Felix," she smiled slyly back at him. "We will just have to call that one a tie. And since I'm still prettier than you, I win."

Even Helena laughed at that, earning her a playful glare from her brother sestra. She just smiled back at him and then excused herself to go check on her security arrangements. Felix returned his attention to Delphine.

"So you say. I say the game has just begun." But he returned his attention to his cards with a satisfied smile of his own.

Cosima was heartened by the banter Delphine willingly engaged in with Felix. But it still hurt her to know she could not seem to connect at all with the healing woman. She had worked very hard over the last days not to pressure Delphine in any way that was not science related. She found, however, that the woman seemed to appreciate being challenged in the science, the more vehemently, the better. As a scientist, Delphine believed the process of rigorously and objectively debating major decision points led to better solutions.

Adding that to the way she had responded to Felix's antagonism led Cosima to wonder if her former lover would respond similarly to … emotional discussions with her. Perhaps the avoidance approach was the entirely wrong methodology. Certainly, Delphine's anger at her needed to be addressed, and it was only fair to allow her to vent, as Mrs. S had put it, to Cosima herself, since she was the cause.

She approached the seated woman cautiously, feeling her pulse begin to race at what she was about to do, but she was resolute. She watched as Delphine's attention returned from whatever problem she was working on inside her head. Her eyes went to Cosima's face and, for a change, did not slide away again. Instead she kept Cosima's gaze, her expression evaluating.

"Delphine," Cosima lowered herself to her knees in front of seated woman. She started to reach out to take Delphine's hand, but arrested that movement, remembering the "no touching" rule that had been enacted. A rule that seemed to apply only to her. If she had been looking at Delphine's face instead of her own hands now resting on her knees, she wouldn't have missed the flash of hurt that crossed the blond woman's face at the physical withdrawal, Felix's words from earlier in the day coming back to her. "I know you said just the science, nothing personal. But I think Felix is right, and we need to…to start this process of healing by talking about it…so we can both move forward, one way or another."

Delphine tensed. She had been avoiding this, despite knowing it had to happen. It seemed Cosima was done waiting, was going to go against her request to keep to the science only. For her own good, of course, just as Delphine had violated Cosima's wishes in regard to her medical treatment while at Dyad. Exactly like that. She would now have to reveal those things she desperately wanted to keep hidden. It seemed the time for brutal honesty was at hand. She sighed.

"If it is time for this conversation, then we will have it," she said firmly. Again, her attempts to control her anxiety had made her words come across much colder than she intended. A flash of fear crossed Cosima's face, and then was gone, replaced by resignation.

"I've been looking back on our history, a lot, lately. And I realized, as we were living it, that I," she hesitated for a moment. "I made it all about me, and what I did or didn't want you to do. My being sick, gave me some justification, but still…. I asked you to help me, then imposed my rules on what I would allow you to do, effectively prohibiting you from being able to help me. And when you'd break those rules, I'm pretty sure because you had to and because I wasn't willing to compromise, I threw tantrums and acted immaturely." Cosima could not help remembering her pettiness when locking Delphine out of the lab. "I was even worse when you broke up with me. Instead of hearing what you were trying to tell me then, I assumed the worst…. That you had gotten what you wanted when you took over for Rachel and didn't need me anymore."

"Cosima," Delphine started to interrupt urgently, putting down her tea.

"No, I know now that wasn't the reason," waving at the house around them as the tangible part of the proof. "I think I knew it then too, but I was hurt. Instead of trying to think it through or waiting until we could talk again, maybe when we were less emotional, I pouted and sulked…and started to actively work against you. The book and Rachel…Shay," she stopped, looking back down at her lap, the guilt making her unable to continue along that line. "At the time, I told myself that all of it was just because I didn't trust you and it was time to move on. But a lot of it was just, plain old retaliation.

"You were being an adult, doing what you needed to do. It didn't even occur to me to think about what you were risking. I just assumed the consequences to you would be minor or nothing, both for your actions in helping us and for my actions to undermine you. I was so wrong. And everything that happened to you as a result, I know that's my fault."

Sarah had walked up behind her sister, putting a hand on Cosima's shoulder. "Our fault," she stressed. "We all worked against you to one degree or another."

But Delphine was focused on the shame she saw in Cosima's face, finally realizing it had been for her own actions, her own misplaced sense of guilt. It had never been directed at Delphine at all. That realization lightened her spirit, but she knew there were still heavier concerns to come. She wanted to stop Cosima there, to tell her, and Sarah, how wrong they were, but she was not ready to start her side of this conversation.

Cosima was shaking her head in denial at Sarah sharing the blame. "I could have stopped it, if I had just trusted you. There's no way that I can fix it now, no matter how desperately I want to. But I want you to know, I am so sorry for everything I did to cause this. The truth is, I don't deserve you. And I don't blame you if you want to keep our relationship strictly science-based from now on. But I'm selfish and I want more. I love you. It has always been you. I will wait and hope that one day you can forgive me and maybe we can at least start again as friends? Maybe work our way into something more? Or not. Hey, I'm not proud, well, not now…. I'll take whatever I can get."

Delphine looked down at her, shaking her head, expression troubled. "No, Cosima," she said.

The hope in Cosima's face crumbled to anguish, but she nodded and stood to leave. "I understand."

But Delphine reached out quickly, grabbing her hand before she could turn away. "NO!" She was angry and frustrated at her inability to communicate to Cosima, even when they were talking. "Please, sit down."

Cosima did, instantly, despite the anger in Delphine's voice. She was willing to do anything at this point, just to be near her, even if it was going to be painful. Delphine deserved her turn to unload, to tell Cosima… whatever she wanted, even if it was to go to hell.

"No more secrets or lies, not even to ourselves. Some of what you say may be true, but some of it is not, because you do not have all the facts yet. Because I haven't told them to you."

"Um, we can leave you two alone for this," Sarah started backing away, looking uncomfortable.

Felix on the other hand had moved to the sofa opposite the women, and was sitting with his elbows on his knees, chin propped on top of his folded hands, watching with rapt fascination and not making any move towards the door.

Delphine shook her head. "It's ok, Sarah. There are parts that you need to know, about what I did at Dyad. And while a lot of the rest is very personal, I need…," she blew out a shaky breath, "perhaps we all need, a fresh start." She returned her attention to Cosima. "I don't want to begin again until you know the things I have done. You have seen the good," she waved her hand indicating the house in a gesture similar to the one Cosima had used a few minutes earlier. "You need to know about the bad. It may take a while to remember all the things I have not told you about Dyad and Topside," she shifted her gaze to Sarah for a moment, then back to Cosima. "For now, I need to start with the big things. The things I have most feared sharing with you, because it might change how you see me…how you feel about me. But until I do, we cannot start to rebuild any kind of relationship. The foundation would be too unstable, as we have seen before." Cosima's heart rose up from the floor at her last words. There was hope?

Everyone was quiet while Delphine tried to think of where to begin. She was looking down at Cosima's hand, still held tightly in both of hers. She could not help running a thumb over Cosima's knuckles, working up her courage. She smiled suddenly, sending a quick look to Felix as she realized what she was doing. He just raised his eyebrows back at her knowingly. She did hope he was right about hand holding and forgiveness. She returned her gaze to their joined hands and began.

"Did you, working against me those last few weeks, contribute to the decision to have me eliminated?" she asked rhetorically. "Possibly, if Topside had anything to do with it. Mostly I am sure they already knew I was not totally with them." She shook her head, "But I believe it was Neolution who made the decision to have me killed, and my performance as Director at Dyad was not a factor in that." She hesitated, and Cosima could feel her shaking, slightly, through their joined hands. Delphine decided to jump into the middle of it.

"I killed Dr. Nealon earlier that same day at Dyad." She looked up into Cosima's eyes. "That was why I was targeted. He was a top geneticist within Neolution. He is the one who told me, as he was dying, I would not survive to see the morning."

She paused, fearful, but not taking her eyes from Cosima's. "I don't think Neolution cared that it was self-defense," she offered, making sure Cosima knew it had not been in cold blood. "And neither did his daughter.

"His daughter?" Cosima asked. Delphine just nodded and waited. "Shay?"

"Yes. You are not responsible for what happened to me. I am." Cosima had spent so long with her own version of what must have happened, that these new revelations stunned her into silence.

"You didn't deserve any of this, Delphine," Sarah voiced her denial, as she sat down next to Felix, still trying to wrap her head around Delphine killing a man, even one as slimy as Dr. Nealon.

"No?" she glanced at Sarah. "When you and I were frantically trying to determine why Ferdinand was here to do an assessment, what he and Rachel were up to, I… tortured… Rachel for information." She once more returned her regard to Cosima. "I put my thumb against her damaged eye socket and I pressed," she swallowed hard, remembering the sensation, "until she answered my questions, even though the brain damage and swelling had caused significant aphasia making it hard for her to communicate. That's how I learned she knew about Helsinki. That's why she was afraid of me and asked you to help her escape Dyad. I think she knew I was trying to work up my courage to…to have her killed. And that is exactly what I was doing." Delphine was visibly shaking now, feeling as if she had undressed her heart in front of Cosima, and a spotlight was illuminating the evil of which she was capable, even the premeditated murder of one of Cosima's sisters. They needed to know. Cosima needed to know. She dropped her eyes back to the hand in her own.

"Did I deserve it? I shot someone, and I was shot. I tortured someone, and I was tortured. It all feels quite biblical, don't you think?"

"And the rape?" Felix asked with a slight edge to his voice. "Did you do something to deserve that?"

Delphine looked over at him, recognizing the challenge. "No, never. Not in an eye-for-and-eye sense," she responded evenly. "But disrespect for oneself can lead a person to do damaging things, to themselves and to others. I have done both of those." And so have you, was left unsaid. Felix was the first to break eye contact.

But Delphine wasn't done yet. Looking back at Cosima, she offered a pleading look. "Please try to keep in mind, as I tell you the rest, the person I was until I met you is not the person I am now?" she finished with a question. She waited until Cosima nodded.

For Cosima's part, while the things Delphine was confessing shocked her, they did nothing to change her opinion of the woman. They were just more examples of the hard choices she had been forced into. If she said killing Nealon was self-defense, then it was. Both Dyad and Neolution had proven they had no qualms with violence. As for extracting information from Rachel (she shied away from the word torture, even in her own thoughts), that was a bit more uncomfortable, as was planning her death. But it was obvious Delphine felt guilty about it, had done it because she felt she had to, not because it was something she enjoyed. Not like Shay. But Cosima felt the dread coming from Delphine for what was left unsaid.

"This house is not in my name, but it is mine," she began, trying to think of how to approach the topic in the most positive light possible.

"Legally, it is owned by a shell company, set up by a man I knew, a former… lover," she paused again, uncertain of how to proceed. Looking into Cosima's eyes, she still saw no sign of doubt or blame. So, she decided to charge ahead.

"Cosima, it has not been unusual for me to use sex to get what I wanted," she looked back over at Felix with a sad smile, before returning her gaze to Cosima. "It was always with men, of course. It was how I put myself through university and medical school. When I first moved here to complete my education several years ago, I found another… benefactor, very wealthy. He set up the shell corporation and a numbered account that he would deposit money into for me. I would take the money out to pay for my education and expenses. When I graduated, he gave me this house as a, well, separation gift. Quite an unsavory practice, I know, but it was how I survived on my own when I was younger."

"Yes, we are quite unsavory, aren't we?" Felix asked, smiling now. "I knew there was something I liked about you."

Sarah slugged him in the arm.

"I hope one day you are able to find a better way to survive, too, Felix." Her tone was sincere, making him uncomfortable once more.

"I'm fine," he replied, somewhat defensively.

Cosima's heart hurt at the obvious shame Delphine felt at this admission from her past. "It's completely understandable. And completely your choice. Your body, your decision," she was hoping that this was the end of it. This she could live with, knowing it was a part of Delphine's past. And certainly, Felix and Sarah would not condemn her for that either.

"Perhaps, if there had been honest emotion in any of those relationships….," she trailed off. "But the discussion of sex and self-loathing is perhaps best left to another time. Once my education was complete, I told myself I would never…use those tactics again. And for a long time, I didn't." She took a deep breath and released it.

"When monitors are chosen for a clone, several candidates are introduced into the subject's environment, interacting with them in a natural way, until a bond is formed with one of them," Delphine continued, apparently changing topics. But Cosima recognized it for what it was. She was providing background for another confession. She definitely did not like the direction it was taking after the last one. This one was going to sting.

"Once that happens, the other candidates are quietly withdrawn and things proceed how they may. As you know, a monitor's job is simply to observe and report. But the closer a monitor is to the subject, the better they are able to do that. This is why the monitor is often a lover, but not always. When you moved to Minneapolis for your PhD program, you left your monitor behind."

"Candice," Cosima said with no hesitation. "Not hard to figure that one out."

"I did not know that at the time. I was not given access to your background information. All I was told was that 324B21 was scientifically minded, and might be self-aware. For that reason, the choice of potential monitors had to be different, not the same double-blind candidates. Instead, they had to be able to understand the science, to know if you were working to understand your genetic makeup and if so, how much you knew. So, they asked for volunteers from a very small group of scientists working within the program. Almost all of us volunteered to be candidates," Delphine offered with a real smile for the first time, knowing Cosima would understand.

Cosima smiled back. "Yep. Any scientist would want to see the science brought to life, walking and talking and looking like a real life Pinocchio. I would have too."

"Yes, well, there was a screening process. They tested us to be sure we could interact with a subject naturally, without giving ourselves away. They ran psychological tests to evaluate our stability and ideology, to try to pick the candidates who would be the best fit, who would have higher probabilities of connecting with you."

"Sexually, you mean?" Cosima shifted uncomfortably at the thought that a corporation she hadn't known existed before all of this, would know her so…intimately, as to be able to pick a monitor that she would fall for as hard and fast as she had for Delphine.

"Not necessarily, but yes, that is a component of the screening process. At the time I was going through it, I had not realized that it was a component of MY screening process," Delphine paused, smiling again. "I did not know you were a lesbian until you kissed me that first time." Delphine raised one of her hands, pointing a finger at her own face and making a circular motion with it. "That shocked look on my face was very real," her eyes twinkled.

Cosima laughed, delighted to see her eyes light up for the first time in ages. "Yep, that was priceless… well, after the fact. So, you were one of the candidates who made it through the screening process."

Delphine's smile wavered. "No. When the list came out, my name was not originally on it… not until I slept with Aldous Leekie to get it added." Delphine stopped there and waited for Cosima's reaction.

Instead, she startled when Siobhan's voice came to her from across the room. She had forgotten the others were there, her focused being wholly on Cosima now.

"Ok, on that note, we are going to leave you two alone to continue this discussion," she said firmly. She could see how knowing about the particulars surrounding the house was reasonably needed intelligence data. The same was true about the things Delphine was capable of doing. Before you sent an asset out to do a job, you needed to know those types of things. But the rest of this seemed purely on a personal level, and she wanted the two women to have the privacy they needed.

"Oh, this is getting way too good to leave now," Felix complained.

By this time, Sarah's attention was just as fixed as his on the confessions. "Yeah, better than the soaps," she offered.

Siobhan grabbed both of them by the backs of their collars and pulled them up to their feet. "Out! Now."

Delphine sent her a quick nod of thanks as they passed, headed towards the door. As Sarah passed by her chair, she put a hand on Delphine's shoulder, squeezing it gently before moving on. When they were gone, the two women sat for a moment, regarding each other.

"So, if you hadn't slept with Leekie, I might have never met you," Cosima responded reasonably. After all, who Delphine had slept with before they met didn't matter. Much. "And I am very grateful that I met you."

"I don't know about that. I realized only later that Aldous probably set me up. I was the only potential candidate suitable enough, young enough and the right gender, to be a potential sexual partner, although I didn't know it at the time. I was working on the flawed assumption that my angle was the best friend relationship, until that kiss."

Cosima smiled at that, until she noticed Delphine had turned very serious.

"Cosima, the first time that we made love, it was because Aldous basically ordered me to." And there was the sting. "Since I had used my body in similar ways in the past, it didn't seem like such a hardship. But the friendship that we had been forming, through our interactions, that was very real for me. You felt that too, I know."

Cosima's heart felt like it had stopped. Was Delphine saying…what was she saying? She had to know, but Delphine had stopped talking, just sat looking at her.

"So, are you saying that for you our relationship was just friendship and the sex was just you using your body to do the job?" she asked incredulously.

"No! You know that is not the case! A woman might be able to hide a lack of true desire from a man, but it is much more difficult to hide it from a woman. Aldous may have sent me to take advantage of you, to take advantage of your feelings for me, but what was growing between us would have led us there eventually. I know this, now! But I… tainted it, that first time. I used you."

Cosima's heart felt like it started beating again, relief flooding her. But there was still a kernel of doubt left behind. Delphine only saw the relief, and relaxed at the sign she had avoided another miscommunication.

"You won me over so completely, heart and body, and so quickly, I had no idea what to do. I had no experience with it, most of my past relationships having been so...em…mercenary? You made me feel vulnerable in a way I never had before. And that I was having those feelings for a woman….. The confusion of emotions at the time left me clinging to my role as monitor for a sense of stability. By the time I was able to face my feelings for you, you had already discovered that I had given Aldous the names of the others you had been in contact with. I think those were the first cracks in the foundation of our relationship, the first seeds of distrust. It was me who planted them, I know this. But it set the tone for us."

"First of all, Delphine, that first time? I knew what I was doing. I knew what you were doing. And I sort of got the impression we both got a little something out of it," she tilted her head in question, a smile playing at one side of her mouth, making the other woman blush and nod. "So why didn't you tell me all of this before?"

"I think because, in your mindset, we were on different teams. I was with Dyad, your monitor, even though I was your lover. And you were with your sisters, fighting Goliath from the shadows. Do you know when I realized this?"

Not waiting for a response, she continued.

"We were talking to Leekie, he was going against Rachel's wishes to withhold the stem cell treatment from you. You said to him, we," she stresses the word, "had a proposition for him. And I asked "We do?" And you turned to me and said "Not us" meaning you and me, and then you turned to him, turning your back on me, and said "us" meaning you and your sisters. It hurt, being excluded from a cause I felt I was very much a part of for your sake. But I had accepted, well before that discussion, the only way I could be of any use to you was from within Dyad, from their side. And so I stayed there, for as long as I could, grasping every advantage I could, even if it meant you believed I was theirs. In reality, you had already completely subverted me before you ever left Minnesota."

"You could have told me that's what you were doing. This place? It would have been all the proof I needed."

"By the time I took over for Rachel, I could not. We were involved in a complex balancing act between you and me, and me and Topside, Sarah and, well, everyone… all of that could easily have tilted and come crashing down with the smallest of missteps. There were far too many dangers I learned of from my time in Frankfurt, and the more I learned, the more I worried I would bring those dangers down on you. You already had enough of your own.

"So I pushed you away. At a time when I knew you were dying, knew you were terrified and needed me to lean on," Delphine's voice broke. "You finding someone else, to hold and to comfort you, is not the betrayal you make it out to be. That is one of the self-lies we must dispense with now to move forward. It is, as you say, completely understandable. And since I had effectively ended our relationship, not something that requires an apology or guilt."

Cosima looked into Delphine's eyes, knowing it wasn't that simple. "But what she did to you…," Cosima couldn't mask the horror in her voice.

"Is because she was a psychopath!" Delphine finished angrily, not wanting to remember Shay's hands on her. Pulling herself away from those memories, back from the anger, she tried to focus on the woman in front of her. "Again, nothing to do with you!" Delphine said intently, squeezing her hand and willing Cosima to believe.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, testing the statements against their memories and feelings, trying to reach a place of truth in a way each could accept.

"There was another self-lie, more a self-denial, when I pushed you away." Delphine paused, looking guilty. "I had fought Rachel sending me to Frankfurt, I knew you were very sick and I worried I would not be there for you. But when I was away… there was a sense of relief. I wouldn't have to watch you die, having failed to stop it." She looked away, trying not to cry, "And then to come back, taking Rachel's place and bringing more danger with me….So I ran away from you, and consoled myself with the lesser truth that it was necessary to protect you. I tried to ignore the greater truth that I wasn't strong enough to be there with you while you died." She couldn't stop the tears from coming then, because that confession was of her worst sin, one she worried was still true today.

Cosima, began to reach out to hug the crying woman, but halted, suddenly unsure. Hand holding was obviously ok in the touching department, but she needed additional assurances from Delphine that full body contact was permissible.

She settled for raising one of Delphine's hands to her lips for a kiss, trying to get her to look up once more. "Delphine, with all you've been through, you are the strongest person I know. If being with me through that would be too much for you, then if it ever gets to that point, I don't want you to be there. You've done more than enough."

Delphine shook her head, seeing sincerity in the words. "And you call yourself selfish? Your sweetness is a gift," she dropped her gaze back to their hands. "Losing you would kill me, whether I am there to see it or not. I love you, Cosima. I will not let you face that without me. Never again."

"Please tell me it's ok to hold you now?"

Delphine raised her eyes, smiling through her tears, and nodded.

Permission given, Cosima enfolded Delphine in her arms, gently, careful not to jostle her side, both women releasing what had been held back for so long.

"Cosima." Delphine sighed, feeling the smaller woman's body coming home to her own. "You don't have to ask to touch me. The first few days, I was fragile, I needed the distance. But after that, I didn't know how to tell you it was ok without triggering this conversation.

Cosima's heart felt like it opened, expanding to fill the emptiness she had carried, at the words and the feel of the woman filling her arms once more. She had been a ball of misery, watching Delphine struggling to regain her sense of self and not being able to help or even offer comfort. She knew they still had a long way to go, but this was a wonderful, glorious change of circumstance.

They eventually found a position that allowed them to curl up in each other's arms without undue discomfort to Delphine or pressure on Cosima's chest. Delphine was reclined on one end of the couch with Cosima nestled against her good side, her head on the blond woman's chest, arms entwined. They stayed there, each absorbing the feel of the other, and letting the tensions gradually ease away. Cosima smiled as Delphine dozed off, contentedly listening to the soft beat of her heart.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: (Again, feel free to skip to the Chapter 9 header if you want to skip the Author's Note). HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone! I had intended to spread the contents of this chapter over several chapters, and to start weaving in the "Sarah's Big Plan" story line with more Helena development, but after writing chapter 8, COPHINE took over my mind and I had to continue along that line. Any time I tried to shift to develop the other story arcs, it felt too much like work. So, I stopped resisting and let COPHINE take over. Because this story started gloomy I didn't get to play with Cosima's quirky personality until this chapter. I missed her!

FanFic's Review function appears to be fixed as of today. Thank you again for ALL of the reviews and encouragement! Special Mentions:

TheTravelingKid: LOL! I fell out of my chair laughing at your enthusiastic response to Ch8. Thank you for that!

ElsaFowl: Thank you again for being my French editor and keeping me culturally honest with Delphine, as well as your candid feedback! I have included your corrections for Ch 1 and 8. THANK YOU!

MyNerva: Thank you for the compliment. I'm waiting for the show to call :D

First Movement: Your feedback gave me an idea I introduce towards the end of this chapter (you will know it when you see it). It will take me another chapter or so to fully develop however.

Updated A/N: Again, this chapter is a repost, with only minor changes to fix typos and the like.

. . . . . . . .

WARNINGS: Adult content: the topics of sexual assault and suicide are discussed, very briefly, in this chapter. While NOT graphic, I consider them disturbing simply by their existence, but sometimes a story goes where it goes….

Disclaimers: I received a barely passing score in the only Basic Chemistry class I ever took. Need I warn you again about trusting any of my science?

. . . . . . . .

Chapter 9

It was no more than an hour later when footsteps on the stairs alerted Cosima to company. Sarah appeared at the foot of the stairs surprised to see the two women curled up on the couch.

"Sorry!" she whispered. "I didn't hear anything so I thought you two had moved on… back to the lab or something," she finished.

"It's ok," Cosima mouthed back, giving her a happy girl grin.

"Yeah, it looks like it," Sarah smiled, relieved to see things might be getting back on point between the women. If anyone deserved a happy ending, it was these two.

Delphine sighed and began to stir. "We should go check on the next round of samples," she murmured. "They should be done soon."

"Scott can do that," Cosima said plaintively.

Delphine winced as she began to shift, making Cosima move to let her sit up.

"You alright?" Cosima asked

"Yes, I'm more than just alright," she smiled. "But the work will go faster with three people than with just poor Scott."

Cosima relented, knowing she was right. "Ok, but after that, you need sleep. You're still healing."

Delphine nodded, but could not help adding "Don't mother me," softening it with a smile.

Sarah stopped her. "Before you go, Delphine, I just talked to Cal. Um… after you got here, when you were concerned about them finding the house through you, I asked him to look. To see if he could find it by researching you?"

Delphine nodded in comprehension, both at the reasonableness of the action and in the realization of what Cal would have found if he went far enough back, which he would have done if only to be sure. "And?" she asked, wondering how much Sarah would divulge in front of Cosima. Eventually, Delphine knew she would share everything with Cosima herself. But there was only so much history a person could cover in a day and their emotions were wrung out enough for now.

"Absolutely nothing that would lead anyone here," she smiled. "I think we're good."

"Thank you," she said, relieved by the news and by the discretion.

. . . . . . .

The scientists were all looking over the comparisons in the critical sequence between Cosima, Sarah, and Kendall. Sarah's sequence was very definitely not unmodified, being another synthetically designed version, but it also had some key differences from Cosima's as well.

"There is only about a 2% difference in the sequence between Cosima and Kendall's, but there is over 4% difference between Sarah and Kendall's," Scott was summarizing.

"Whoa. They modified Sarah's even more than they modified mine?" Cosima was looking at her copy of the print outs, completely fascinated.

"Yes," Delphine was equally engrossed in her own copy, "but what were they trying to accomplish?"

Cosima shifted closer to Delphine for no other reason than she knew she could. Stopping when their arms came into contact, standing side by side, she looked up. "Could it just be a random mutation of the synthetic sequence instead of an intentional mod?"

"Anything is possible, but it would require further analysis to determine the impact of those differences. Other than her fertility, of course. If the other differences are benign alterations, I might assume a random mutation." But she sounded dubious.

"Yeah, but these guys had the power of the gods to modify human beings," Scott shook his head. "I'm betting they were looking to improve on the next generation." Scott's eyes widened. "Super babies!"

Cosima started to chuckle at his theatrics, but turned aside as it turned into a cough. Both Scott and Delphine looked at her in concern. "It's fine, look, no blood," she held out her hand. "Just a little cough."

"We should do a new work up on you, check your numbers again," Delphine said with a slight frown of worry.

Cosima grabbed Scott's wrist as he started to move towards the cabinets to get a blood draw kit. "We can do that tomorrow," she said firmly. "You know my numbers won't crash overnight and we're in the middle of this right now."

Scott looked at Delphine, willing to add his weight to her decision in this instance, which was not lost on Cosima as she released his wrist with an irritated look.

"Ok, but first thing tomorrow," Delphine stressed. Scott sat back down as Cosima rolled her head in a partial nod, dropping her chin to look at the printouts on the table in front of her. Delphine returned them to their previous topic with a final, worried look down at the back of Cosima's head. "At this point, explaining the differences in Sarah's sequence is a secondary concern. How do we move forward with a viable treatment option?"

"Let's just work on shutting down the synthetic sequence," Cosima proposed. "That's the most obvious route. I mean, we're already infertile by design. That synthetic sequence just has a nasty side effect that kills us. If we just knock them out, shut them off…" She shrugged. "No difference in the original intent of the design, but no dying."

"Yeah, but if we go the route of using Sarah's modified sequence as a replacement, or Kendall's, then we could reverse the infertility," Scott pointed out.

Delphine was shaking her head. "I would not want to use Sarah's if we don't know the intent of those additional differences. And I am thinking there are too many of them to be just random mutations."

Cosima and Scott both nodded in agreement. "So, which will it be, attempt to replace the synthetic sequence with Kendall's unmodified DNA, or shut off the sequence?" Cosima and Scott both sighed, knowing a long discussion lay ahead. Delphine was meticulous, so there would be no flipping a coin. "Let's start by brainstorming the advantages of each option, then we will switch to the disadvantages."

They continued to work late into night. Additional data Scott had found while researching various gene therapy methods over the last weeks had shown the incidents of side effects was not significantly different between the two avenues of approach, so, after careful deliberation, they agreed to use Kendall's sequence to attempt a full replacement. But the science to accomplish that was still experimental, once again having multiple approaches, each with their strengths and weaknesses. Exhausted, they decided that was a discussion to be had after they had all gotten some sleep.

Scott immediately left the garage, not even bothering to put his coat on. As the two women were getting ready for the short walk, Delphine happened to glance at the hospital bed she had occupied for the last 4 days. That is when it struck her that she had a bedroom in the house now, and she and Cosima were leaving the lab together. Now that they had talked, had cleared up past history with each other and within themselves, would Cosima expect to just pick up their relationship where they had left it before she had been banished to Frankfurt?

The anxiety started in the pit of her stomach, raising her pulse, and her doubts. Physically, her body was still weak, not healed enough that she thought a sexual response would even be possible. The time they had spent curled up on the sofa earlier that evening had not brought any sensations of arousal, at least not to her. But it had brought her something more important, a sense of comfort…of safety. Then of course, there were the psychological barriers to intimacy she faced…again. She knew it would not be a simple thing to overcome, despite what she had told Felix. She did trust Cosima and was not afraid of being touched by her. No, never her. But with the… events… so recently experienced, she knew even Cosima's touch might trigger post-traumatic memories of Shay's hands, flashes of images, sensations, pain. Yes, she had prior experience with this and dreaded the possibility of re-living it. Having Shay in her nightmares was bad enough. But to experience those memories, so vividly, in full consciousness….

Her nervousness grew as they were putting on their coats for the short, cold walk to the house. Finished buttoning her coat, Cosima looked over at Delphine and gave her a hesitant smile.

"Can I walk you to your door?" she asked with a slight tilt to her head, no indication of any expectations beyond that. In fact, she looked worried that the answer might be no. Delphine felt her concerns drop away. Of course Cosima would not make any assumptions. She would wait until Delphine gave her a clear signal.

"Absolument," she answered with a relieved smile.

Opening the door, they found that a new snow had fallen, leaving a thin blanket of white marred only by Scott's passage a few minutes earlier. A break in the clouds revealed an almost full moon, reflecting off the snow, creating a silver glow.

"Wow," Cosima uttered, looking from the wondrous scene to Delphine in open mouthed delight.

"A beautiful night."

The walk was slow. Delphine's healing was well underway, to the point she no longer walked with a shuffle, but speed was not something that had returned to her gait. Cosima took maximum advantage and slowed her pace even more by pretending to examine the landscape around them, trying to extend their time together in this magical moment as much as possible without being obvious. She suspected by the slight, knowing smile delivered her way that her attempt at subtlety was a complete failure. But she knew how to work with her strengths and returned Delphine's smile with a fake 'innocent look' that dissolved into an unabashed grin that acknowledged she was busted and didn't give a shit. Delphine laughed and took her arm as they walked. With the wordless permission given, Cosima brought her free hand up to cover the one Delphine had wrapped around her arm. They made their way, arm-in-arm and very slowly, towards the house.

Now that her more immediate worries had passed, Delphine was still concerned about how her earlier revelations had truly affected Cosima's opinion of her. Could she really love someone who had done these things? But the innocent flirting now left her heartened. So she decided to risk that very question.

"Could you really love someone who has done all of those things I told you about?"

"I do love someone who has done all of those things." Cosima gave a huge shrug of her shoulders. "It's a done deal. No do-overs."

Delphine wanted to accept that answer, not press for anything that might strain this process of…re-acquainting. But she could not let the doubt grow between them once more. "My treatment of Rachel?"

Cosima thought for a moment. "If she was standing right here, right now, unarmed and unthreatening, would you hurt her? Kill her?"

"No," was Delphine's instant reply.

"Why not? She probably hasn't changed since last we saw her."

Delphine gave the question careful consideration, trying to look at it objectively. Why had her attitude changed? She was not entirely sure. She had not interacted with Rachel at all in the intervening time, had not had an epiphany to cause her to change her opinion of the woman. If anything, she would have thought her recent experiences would have made her harder, more determined to hurt before being hurt. Or before allowing Cosima to be hurt.

Turning her head and looking down into framed eyes she began to admit to uncertainty in her reasons…and stopped. The night made it impossible to see colors, even in the reflected light on snow. But she had memorized the exact shade of warm hazel, had called those eyes to mind many times as a lifeline, along with the contour of her lips, the rounding of her cheek, the slope of her jaw, even that little dry patch of skin that sometimes developed between her eyebrows. And Delphine knew the answer.

"Because you love me," she said simply. Because she wanted to be worthy of this wonderful, beautiful human being. Cosima smiled.

Delphine's expression darkened. "But if she were threatening you or your sisters, I would kill her. This is the person I have learned I can be, with the right circumstances. I am capable of these things now," she finished uneasily.

"And if….that psycho bitch," Cosima did not even want to say her name, "were alive and standing in front of me, I'd do the same, whether she was threatening you or not." Cosima responded. "I've learned this song too." Cosima had been troubled by this new knowledge of herself as well. "These are not good changes in either of us."

"Damaged, as Felix says." Delphine agreed.

"Well, apparently, even damaged people can love. My answer to your original question still stands."

Delphine smiled softly, turning her face to look at the snowscaped yard. "Yes, and love can heal damaged people. I have learned this from you."

Cosima smiled, "Oh yeah? How so?"

"You healed me back when I didn't even know I was still broken."

"You were not broken when we met," Cosima disagreed. "You were as you are, intelligent, alluring, gorgeous…. Of course at that time you were also secretive, sneaky, manipulative…." Cosima had started raising fingers, counting each of the negative items she was listing, but she was smiling, eyes sparkling in the moonlight.

Delphine laughed, "Hey, I am trying to fix those last parts!" She squeezed Cosima's arm for emphasis. "But the secretive and manipulative, they are a part of the broken aspect of who I am. They are the proof that I was broken when we met." Delphine looked down into trusting eyes and felt the need to warn Cosima. "Those parts of me, they are very old habits, and so will be very hard to break."

"The real you isn't perfect. Ok. I'm glad. I mean, if you're not perfect then I can be a fuck-up too and we still have a chance to make things work," she punctuated her logical conclusion by squeezing Delphine's arm back.

"I like the idea of making it work, very much."

They had reached the four steps leading up to the porch of the house. The dreaded stairs. Delphine still had difficulty stepping up on her right leg, the motion requiring muscle contractions and expansions that strained her healing side. As they reached the base of the stairs, she turned, bringing Cosima with her, to look out on the night and to delay the eventual end of their walk together. The new snow and the moonlight made everything seem clean and new and full of potential.

Delphine had not meant to do any more confessing tonight, not with all of the other revelations earlier. But the secrets and the lies were being burned away tonight, to leave a fresh, clean landscape, like the one before them now, a new and stronger foundation upon which they might be able to rebuild. Cosima was still on her arm, despite the worst of the offenses Delphine had revealed, and the world seemed so peaceful and quiet now. Best to dispense with the last of it, she thought to herself. She suspected this one would not be as surprising to Cosima, as it had always remained unspoken between them. And it was an old enough incident it would not be nearly as painful to reveal.

"Shay was not the first person to…," she started confidently, but trailed off, her throat closing on the rest. Her silence on this topic was also an old habit. Suddenly she did not want to continue, did not want to re-open this very old wound when there were newer ones still bleeding. But it was started now, the weight of the words already spoken pulling at the ones still held back.

Cosima had stiffened in surprise at the mention of Shay's name, but she recovered quickly. She moved so she was facing Delphine, standing close without touching, offering the physical protection of her body against the demons of the past but letting Delphine take it or leave it as she needed.

Delphine tried to swallow the lump in her throat, focusing on the glowing scene over Cosima's shoulder. A visual reminder of this new foundation she was trying to create. She took a shallow breath, still not able to meet Cosima's eyes, and started again.

"I was… raped… when I was at boarding school… by a teacher. He was very intimidating and I was very timid. It was why he picked me, knowing I would never say anything. The rest of the school year, I tried to stay away from him…stayed with groups, other students, teachers. But he still managed to catch me alone a few more times before the summer break."

Delphine stopped talking, shutting her eyes. Cosima raised a gloved hand to her face, gently pulling her head down until their foreheads were together. "I'm here. I've got you."

Delphine nodded slightly, then rolled her forehead against Cosima's temple. She was grateful the younger woman had not offered sympathy, had instead offered support, which were not the same things at all.

"A few months later, when my parents sent me back, because I didn't tell them what had happened, he was still there. I felt trapped… and hunted. I cut my wrists. I lived, obviously, and eventually told a therapist at hospital why I had done it. There was an investigation… they found other girls…. It was quite the scandal," she finished. It was done, it was out now, and the details did not matter. She waited for the relief of a weight lifted, but it did not come this time as it had with her earlier confessions. The tightness in her chest and the tension in her throat were still there.

"Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me," Cosima was trying not to cry.

"Please don't cry. I didn't tell you this to make you cry or to feel sorry for me again. I need you to know that I have been through something like this before. I know a little of what to expect from myself over the next weeks," and months and years, she thought to herself. "Emotionally unpredictable, flares of anger, which you have seen, bouts of depression, avoidance… which means a tendency towards secretive… and manipulative…. And I will most likely focus much of that on you, you being the person closest to me. I am sorry for that."

"No, no, no," Cosima was adamant. "Don't you dare be sorry. I have leaned on you all this time and dealt you some shit you didn't deserve. Knowing where it's coming from, I can deal with it."

"No, Felix is right, you can't let me hurt you with it. You have to fight back, protect yourself."

Cosima was shaking her head. "I will never fight you," she said solemnly. "Because you won't hurt me." Quiet certainty looked back at Delphine.

"I don't mean physically, and I won't mean to do it. But I can see what my anger does to you. I am hurting you."

"That's because I was making your anger about my guilt. I'm self-centered that way," she gave another of her small crooked smiles, "but I'm learning. Look, I know I'm going to hurt, but my hurt will be FOR you, because I know you're suffering and I can't stop it or fix it. But that's me hurting me, because I love you. And since I'm not changing the loving you part, it's not something either one of us can stop from happening. All we can do is find our way through as best we can." Cosima stopped and pressed her lips together for a moment, shaking her head with a slight tilt once more. "Yeah, but you hurting me? That won't happen."

"You can't be sure of that," Delphine looked away from the confidence in Cosima's eyes. What she believed now and what would be true were not necessarily the same things.

"I can… because you love me," she answered simply, returning Delphine's own answer to her.

Delphine, glanced back at her quickly before taking her arm once more and turning them both towards the stairs. Despite the beauty of the night, the journey into her painful past had rubbed the magic from it and she was noticing the cold seeping into her layers of clothing. It had also occurred to her the cold air was not good for Cosima's lungs. She slowly climbed the stairs, using her left leg to do all the work on each step and leaning on Cosima's arm.

"We will find out." She wanted to believe what Cosima was saying was true, but her innocent optimism about the world around her sometimes clashed with reality. "I will do what I can to control my reactions. But if I am behaving… badly… make me face it, make me talk to you. As much as it pains me to say, be Felix," she said, with an annoyed roll of her eyes.

Cosima opened the door to the quiet, sleeping house letting Delphine enter first. They shed their coats at the door and kicked off their wet shoes as she considered how to respond.

"I think it's going to be really hard to be Felix," Cosima finally answered as they walked towards the hallway that would lead them to the bedroom door.

"He is rather …direct."

"No it's not that." Cosima assumed a pose, one hand was on her hip, elbow out, the other hand splayed across her upper chest, and she raised her chin up and to the side. "It's very hard to look down my nose at you from way down here." She then tilted her head up and down, as if attempting to find the right angle to accomplish such a task.

Her antics surprised a laugh from Delphine that caused her side to twinge. But that small pain was not enough to stop the easing of the tension in her throat and the tightness in her chest. While not completely gone, the weight was reduced. They would get through this. And they would find a cure for Cosima. She had to believe.

Cosima dropped her Felix pose, taking Delphine's hand once more. As they reached the bedroom door an awkwardness descended on them both. "God, I feel like I'm dropping you off at home after a first date… all nervous and shit." Cosima looked up, uncertainly.

"Yes. Given our history together, it should not be this way," Delphine looked down at their joined hands, knowing their feelings ran much deeper than this innocent gesture could convey. But she felt obligated to explain why she could not take Cosima into the bedroom with her tonight, or maybe even for the foreseeable future. But…how to explain?

"Um… What happened when I was younger was much worse than anything that happened…more recently. Not because the physical nature of it was worse, but because I didn't have the broader life experiences to be able to give it any context. And because of that, it took me a very long time to reach a place where I could let myself trust enough to genuinely love another person. Sex yes, but it was always…there was a coldness in me? Sex was just an empty physical act…for a long time." She paused to take a quiet breath. "Cosima, I'm afraid now that I am in this place again… that coldness will be there again as well. A protection mechanism, maybe? I don't know. But I don't want that, not with you." She shook her head in frustration. "Merde… I think I am saying this badly."

"Hey, no. I get it, and there is no pressure here, ok? You are alive," her eyes began to shine with tears at the joy that rose within her at those three words. The memory of the crushing grief when she had thought Delphine dead was still fresh in her mind. The reality of her solid, living presence now swung the pendulum to the far side of elation for Cosima, sometimes overwhelming her. "And you're here with me. That's all I need. I am happy with just this," she raised the hand she was holding, and wrapping it in both of hers, she pulled it protectively to the center of her chest.

The sincerity in her words and gesture settled in Delphine's heart, leaving no room for the fear or worry of which she had just spoken. Felix had been right. Cosima was happy just to hold her hand. But Delphine knew that was not enough, not for either of them.

"I am not," she said, stepping into Cosima's body and pulling her close with her free hand. She looked down into surprise, morphing to delight, shading into expectation. She lowered her lips to meet Cosima's, just a small kiss, such a trifling thing, gentle and lingering, but with no heat of passion. Instead it carried a promise, that when her mind and body would allow, there would be so very much more.

When Delphine's lips met hers, Cosima felt herself melting, had to hold herself back to keep from surging in and deepening the kiss. She knew she needed to let Delphine set the pace, and this kiss, while tender and sweet, said "not yet" very clearly. A first-date kind of kiss. No…more like a first-date, drop-you-off-at-the-door, your-father-has-a-shotgun-and-isn't-afraid-to-use-it kind of kiss. But it was still Delphine kissing her, and she heard the promise in it very clearly.

Delphine ended the kiss, but did not pull away. Instead she looked down into those eyes she knew so well, now smoldering hazel in the light of the hallway. She could feel a slight increase in the tempo of the rise and fall of Cosima's chest against the hand still clasped between their bodies, but her expression while wanting, demanded nothing more of Delphine. Raising her free hand, she cupped Cosima's face, running a thumb along the gentle rounding of her cheekbone, as she had that last time they had kissed, when she had truly believed it was the last time.

She had not meant to kiss her then, but that night Cosima had shown her the woman she had fallen in love with, and more. For she had also shown a more mature version of herself in her understanding of Delphine's actions, the hard things, and in the unspoken forgiveness in her apology. In that version of her, in that moment, Delphine had glimpsed an alternate future, one with the potential of a lifetime spent loving Cosima. She had been unable to resist the pull of that impossible future on her heart. Of course half way through the kiss, reality had intruded. So she had ended it, doing what little she could to negate the action, and left as quickly as possible.

But now, could they have that future she had seen? There were still too many variables, too many unknowns. But she would greedily accept all the moments together they could accumulate in whatever time they might have.

"Can you do me a favor?"

"You know you don't need to open with that," Cosima chided gently, tilting her face slightly into the caress.

Delphine lowered her eyelids, giving the other woman a sensual look. "Because I have now trapped you with my sneaky, manipulative feminine wiles?"

Cosima laughed, "Absolument!"

Delphine dropped her hand, smiling, but did not move away. "I didn't want to say this earlier when Felix was here, but there are some boxes up in the attic with clothes from my university days. Siobhan's wardrobe is not so large that two can share, and I cannot manage the steps to the second floor, much less the attic. Could you retrieve them for me tomorrow?"

"Why don't you want Felix to know?"

She looked a bit embarrassed. "My clothing choices then were…em… different. I would not want him trying to win a style competition against me when I was 20. I want to be able to remove the more questionable items before he ever sees them."

"Oh. Yes, I will get them for you," was her response.

But Delphine could see the devilish twinkle in her eye and gave her a warning look. "No! You do not get to look through them first!"

"Why not!" Cosima whined with a smile. "It seems like a fairly cheap price to pay and I'm very curious now." Her smile grew into a grin.

Delphine just shook her head and smiled back at her, knowing Cosima was going to look, regardless of anything that might be said to try to stop her. "Wait until tomorrow to get them, otherwise you will wake everyone. The pull-down stairs to the attic are in the hallway to the right, in front of the bedroom doors there."

They stood for a moment longer, until finally Cosima took a few steps, backwards, down the hall, releasing the hand she had still been holding to her heart.

"Ok. Goodnight, Delphine."

"Goodnight… Pinocchio." Cosima threw her another grin as Delphine opened the door and entered the bedroom. Closing it behind her, she looked around the room. She had thought having 4 walls and a door would make her feel more secure, and this had been the room she always chose the few times she had used the house as a place to live. But instead of safety, the room felt empty and lonely, the security of a few minutes ago having wandered away down the hall. For a moment, she wished she were back in the hospital bed in the garage, with Cosima curled up in the bed next to her, watching over her as she slept. She climbed into the bed, fully clothed. She had not thought to bring the few items Siobhan had given her from the garage with her to change and she felt too emotionally exposed to shed any of the physical layers of clothing she was wearing. Pulling the covers up over her shoulders she waited for sleep to come, an image of Cosima's grin still firmly fixed in her mind.

. . . . . . .


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: Sorry for the long delay. Work intruded and I learned a little something about myself. If you have read any of my disclaimers, you know I am not a science geek monkey, but I will admit I am an analytical data/statistical geek monkey. My work ramped up the last week of January and I noticed that as the analytical part of my brain (Left Brain) went to work, it felt like all of my creativity (Right Brain) went dormant (in statistics that is referred to as being negatively correlated :-). I cannot tell you how many times I rewrote portions of this chapter and am still not overly happy with it. But at this point, I am just going to publish it and move on, reserving the right to come back at some future date when Right Brain wakes up and COMPLETELY rewrite it if necessary. As a consolation prize, it is one of the longer chapters.

Please feel free to provide feedback on anything in this chapter that you feel doesn't work. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.

Thank you to all who provided encouragement (Special thank you to SpookyCj! I would probably still be spinning my wheels on this chapter if not for you!)

Special thanks also go out to everyone who responded to my request for help with fashion of the early 2000's (including those who said they were too young to remember, or like me, just didn't pay much attention to fashion at the time).

To those who provided specific ideas, THANK YOU! Karenina, First Movement, and Mazi77. Unfortunately, I couldn't get all of the characters in the right place at the right time (or the right frame of mind) to include Delphine's "fashion faux pas" of the 2000's in this chapter, but I suspect it will appear in Chapter 11 (and Mazi, I might have to confess to having one of your suggested outfits STILL hiding in the far recesses of my closet somewhere...LOL).

And finally, thank you Elsa for my ongoing education in French Culture and language! Any inaccuracies are all my doing!

Updated A/N: Again, this chapter is a repost, with only minor changes to fix typos and the like.

Chapter 10

After saying her goodnight to Delphine, Cosima made her way down the basement stairs. Helena and the kids were long asleep as she quietly dug out one of the extra cots and sleeping bags Mrs. S had brought back from a previous supply run. After setting up her new bed against the wall opposite the others, she turned to find Helena's eyes open, watching her.

"Sorry, I didn't have time to ask if you would mind me staying down here," she whispered.

"I do not mind," Helena didn't blink as she responded, simply continued to stare.

"Thanks." Cosima turned her back to her sister and shoved all of her belongings under her new bed.

Folding up a sweatshirt for a pillow, she made herself comfortable in the sleeping bag and lay looking at the ceiling. The exhaustion from the long, emotional day could not dampen her excitement at the changes the last 6 hours had brought. Before that, Delphine had not been interacting with her in any way that was not cure-centric. Ten minutes ago, she had held Cosima, kissed her, made promises for their budding new relationship.

And it was new, completely. It had to be. They were both different now, changed by circumstances. They had not lost their love in those changes, quite the opposite. They had lost their doubts, not something to be missed. What they were gaining, slowly, was something stronger, built on trust and truth. Tonight, standing at Delphine's door had felt like a first date, because it was. They hadn't really dated the first time. Well, Cosima had thought they were sort of dating, but that had come as a shock to Delphine with that first kiss. Cosima laughed to herself at that, replaying Delphine's version of that same incident from earlier.

In fact, she could not help letting her mind run through all of her Delphine moments from this evening, ending with the memory of standing in the warmth of Delphine's arms, feeling her body heat as those beautiful eyes looked down at her seductively, even if she had just been teasing. It had been almost painful stepping away from her and letting go of her hand. But she understood what Delphine had been trying to tell her, both that she wasn't ready and that she wanted to be ready. What she had overcome to become such an amazing, brilliant, and resilient woman, and what she had done since then, said a great deal about her strength. Cosima could wait. Would wait forever.

She felt the flutter start in her chest. Trying to muffle the cough that was coming she took a slow shallow breath and tried clearing her throat. It was no use, the cough still building in her chest. Taking a tissue from the pocket of the sweater she had not bothered removing, she unfolded it as the pressure at the base of her throat grew. Coughing into the tissue, she was not surprised to see the blood as she cleared her mouth by spitting into it.

Well, forever was relative these days, she thought with a grimace.

"It is worse?" Cosima raised her head to look across the room. Helena was still watching her.

"A little, but it's expected." Cosima laid her head back on her cot, staring at the ceiling once more, but no longer smiling. Expected progression…uterus, lungs, esophagus, kidneys… massive blood loss, cascading organ failures, eventually resulting in cardiac arrest. Good times, she thought morbidly.

Funny, since the moment she had thought Delphine permanently torn from her life until right now, Cosima had not dwelled on her own mortality, had not cared about living when she thought Delphine dead, and after her return had been too focused on what Delphine needed. But expected progression still meant getting worse.

Helena was quiet for several minutes. "The nuns teach me many things as child. Some I do not believe now. But some…." Helena rolled from her side to lie on her back, joining Cosima in staring at the ceiling. "There is meaning in what happens, good and bad. This I must believe, for myself." She paused again. "Perhaps there is meaning in your illness as well?"

Cosima doubted that. She was too busy trying to fight it and still live her life the best that she could, too busy trying to help Delphine in whatever ways she could, while she could. And what Delphine had suffered in her life, as a girl and with Shay…. Anger flared at the thought of there being any meaning in that. No, there was no meaning in those things, only the shitty side of life's coin, to be overcome and defeated and moved past, to flip the coin back to the good side for as long as possible. But if Helena needed to believe in order to fight her own internal battles, then Cosima would keep quiet and not debate that issue with her.

"Maybe so, but I'm not seeing it," was all she offered in return.

But her memories of the evening had been turned from the good to the bad. Delphine's past. She had been hurt so young, and obviously carried it with her for a long time after. Her…mercenary relationships, she had called them, the coldness she had spoken of. Well, she had certainly already warmed up when Cosima had first met her, her strength overcoming her past. She had found a way through that fire, only to run into Dyad, and Neolution, and Shay. Her strength was showing again in her struggle to let Cosima close, to hold her again. Delphine would make it through this fire as well, was already fighting through. And what then?

Was it fair to Delphine to try to rekindle their physical relationship at such a late hour in their race for a cure? It would not make any difference in how they felt about each other, that much was clear, could only put undue pressure on Delphine to try to rush her own recovery for Cosima's sake. Like that kiss tonight. That little press of lips that had set Cosima ablaze, but had, understandably, not moved Delphine in the same way. She needed time to recover, time that was draining Cosima's life away. What kind of stress would that put on Delphine?

Cosima desperately wanted that part of their relationship back, to be able to hold Delphine in that most intimate, transcendent way, that made her feel like maybe she was not alone in the universe. But for Delphine's sake, perhaps she should suggest they remain platonic until the cure is found. That would decouple Delphine's recovery timeline from her own countdown clock, right? Even if Delphine was ready for something sooner, well, maybe the lack of a sexual relationship, should they fail to find the cure in time, would provide a buffer, an emotional separation that might make things a little easier for Delphine to mourn and let go and find someone who could love her for a real lifetime.

Of course, it had not made a difference in her mourning of Delphine. They had been separated for almost a month, and Cosima had been devastated. But maybe it would be different for Delphine? She had said their relationship would have ended up a sexual one regardless of Leekie's interference, but would it? Maybe she would have been just as happy without that facet of their relationship, had Cosima not been so obviously attracted to her, bringing that possibility to the forefront of her consciousness. Maybe that lack of emotional investment in sexual relationships she had spoken of was one that worked in reverse for her as well. That she could happily have an emotional relationship with Cosima without the sexual investment, that friendship she had talked about. That would make things so much easier for Delphine right now.

Cosima sighed. The excitement of the evening was gone now, leaving only exhaustion and confusion. For herself, she knew if they had been together that last month, it would not have made a difference to the magnitude of that sense of loss she had felt. But she would have had those extra memories, those extra moments of smiles, and laughs, and kisses, and sighs, and moans, and… Ok, not helping! She was still collecting those memories now, well, the nonsexual versions of them anyhow. Their walk in the magical snow-moonlight, their laughter in the hallway, that little kiss that spoke of hope for a future, none were memories she would willing trade for anything, and she knew Delphine would cherish them as well. She blew out a breath. Nope, she would not deny Delphine any memories they could create, as long as Delphine freely chose to pursue them. But if it looked at all like she was pushing herself too quickly, for Cosima's sake instead of her own, well that would be different.

. . . . . .

Delphine was the first to wake the next morning. She had only gotten four hours of sleep but, after so long with just an hour or two of sleep at a time, those four hours left her feeling fully rested. And there had been no nightmares. Perhaps the painful sharing of the previous day had been a catharsis, purging her subconscious. She was not optimistic on that as a long term solution, but she would happily accept this small success, for she felt better than she had since before the shooting.

Every step Cosima had taken away from her last night had left her feeling more alone. But waking up this morning she felt elated at the thought of seeing her at breakfast, maybe over coffee, watching her struggle to keep her eyes open until the caffeine could do its work. The image made Delphine smile. She had sorely missed the little things being with Cosima brought, her aversion to early mornings being one of them.

The rest of the house was quiet, still sleeping, as she did the morning tasks of making coffee and toast. It felt like it had been years since she had done these simple things. But the mere act of picking up a routine from before, simple though it may be, felt comforting, especially without feeling like she was in front of an audience. She might have to try to be the first one up every morning, to give her this quiet time to prepare herself emotionally for the day ahead. She was sitting at the kitchen table creating a list of personal items she needed from the next supply run when Helena opened the basement doorway and entered the kitchen.

Helena stopped when she saw the other woman. She had thought it would be Mrs. S who was up so early making the coffee she could smell all the way downstairs.

Delphine stiffened a little at the sight of her. Other than dinner, this was the first time she had been in the same room with the serial killer clone. And during dinner her attention had been focused elsewhere. She was not sure what to expect of this new and very dangerous sister.

Helena notice her tense when she entered the room. But she was familiar with this. Sestra Alison, Donnie, Art, they all start this way because they know she is bad guy from before. She will speak of little things, as she had with the others, until this fear goes away.

"Good morning?" she offered, hesitantly.

Delphine relaxed a bit at the uncertainty in Helena's voice. "Good morning. I see you are an early riser as well. Would you like coffee?"

"No…." She remembers she needs polite manner. "Thank you. They say is bad for baby. Just water, but I will get." Helena moved into the kitchen to find a glass.

"You're pregnant?" Delphine was shocked. No one had told her. But then again, they would have assumed she had her own worries.

"Yes."

"Oh," Delphine was unsure how to respond. "Congratulations". She paused, trying to evaluate Helena's feelings on the situation.

"Thank you. I am very happy." Helena said the right words, but she sounded more serious than actually happy.

"If you would like, I can run some tests to make sure the baby is healthy," Delphine offered. The scientist in her could not help but want to collect data on the gestation phase of the child of a clone, invaluable data in the development of the science. But that was an intellectual reaction. The woman in her just wanted to offer the reassurances of health to a new mother.

"You can do this?"

"Yes, the medical equipment here will let me do a basic evaluation. If you are willing, I can even perform an amniocentesis...em, I can use a needle to draw fluid from around the baby to make sure everything is ok," she explained, realizing the name of the procedure would mean nothing to the woman.

Helena looked thoughtful but dubious. "I will consider this."

"Certainly. I won't be going anywhere for a while," she offered.

A silence fell between them that stretched to become uncomfortable. Delphine wanted to thank the woman for killing Shay. But she could not bring herself to express gratitude for murder, despite the fact that she felt it. Still….

"What you did…with…." She met Helena's eyes for a moment, then nodded her thanks.

Helena understood. "You protected sestras and she was like rabid dog with you. She would hurt Cosima, if she was left alive." Her tone was quietly confident, but her eyes held something in them Delphine could not interpret, something…lost?

"Thank you." Protecting Cosima, for that she could express her gratitude without reservation. And maybe it would help Helena with her internal turmoil.

Helena bobbed her head in a nod. This time the silence that ensued was a more comfortable one. Delphine went back to her list, adding a common pre-natal vitamin to the bottom of it.

Mrs. S joined them next, coming down the stairs. "Good morning you two. Delphine, it's nice to see you sitting down here. I'm glad Cosima convinced you to move into your own house again."

"Thank you. It is nice to be able to move around again."

"How is your incision doing?" After her first few days here, Delphine had taken over her own medical care. But she would always be grateful to the older woman for her quiet, reassuring presence during that fragile time.

"Well enough I think I will remove the sutures today."

"Well, good then," Siobhan smiled. "Let me know if you want me to do that for you."

"Thank you." Delphine realized that same offer, issued yesterday would have irritated her. She would have interpreted it as more pity and reacted badly. But today, she could see the offer for what it was, a genuine desire to help, if needed.

"But as you well know, you need more for breakfast than just that toast," Siobhan gave her a look. "Spinach omelette?"

"Yes, you are right," Delphine nodded, smiling at the chiding. "Is anyone going into town for supplies today? I have some things I need."

Sarah and Felix were coming down the stairs and heard her question.

"Felix and I are going out, but we won't be back until tonight."

Siobhan looked at her two children speculatively, before returning her attention to Delphine. "Alison and Donnie are going to town for building materials. I'm sure they would be happy to shop for you as well, or I can make a run for you."

Sarah shook her head. "Afraid we're going to need Allison too."

"So you've decided then."

"Yeah, we're going to try it out a time or two and see."

Delphine was watching the exchange but was hesitant to ask what was happening, unsure of her place in the new way of things. She no longer felt she had a position in their decisions, unless it had to do with medical or scientific concerns, so she kept her peace and pretended to return to her list.

"You can ask, you know?" Sarah smiled at her.

"I have perhaps become too accustomed to compartmentalizing. A secret is hard to keep with just one person, more people exponentially increases the likelihood of discovery."

"Yes, but you're good at keeping secrets when it counts, and we could use your input." Sarah tilted her head, rather like Cosima in a way. It went without saying that Delphine had more than earned her place in their planning team.

"We're going to keep doing what Beth was doing, raising awareness in naïve clones. Not all of them, since that would be impossible. But maybe in the major, well, clone clusters?"

Felix snickered, earning him a look. "What? It sounds like a candy bar."

"Anyway," Sarah continued, "we thought we'd start with one closer to home, see how it goes and continue on from there. At the same time, once we start, we can't keep coming back here as our base of operations. Eventually, we might be followed and since the lab is here, we have to protect this place above all else. So we're arranging for a second safe house as a cutout. But it will take a few days, maybe a week to get that arranged.

"In the meantime, Alison, Felix and me, we'll go try to wake up our first convert and be back by dinner." She hesitated before asking, "Do you know if they've replaced Krystal Goderich's monitor yet?"

They were starting with Krystal. Delphine shook her head. "They had put several candidates in place, but there wasn't time for any of them to interact with her before Nealon kidnapped her."

"Before Nealon did what?" Sarah's look of surprise included a hint of accusation.

"Yes. I'm sorry, it's one of those things we just never had time to catch up with!" Delphine said defensively. At Sarah's reluctant nod, she continued. "Rachel was taken by Neolution because Nealon arranged it. He replaced her with Krystal's unconscious body at Dyad as a decoy, to keep me from knowing she was gone. Krystal woke up while I was in her room to evaluate Rachel's condition. I had Nealon confined to a cell, which is where he attacked me and attempted to… I don't know, infect me, maybe…with that little worm I showed you. Sarah, he said wherever I thought the science was with Neolution, I was wrong."

"Well that's not ominous at all," Felix sat up straighter, all of the best and worst science fiction movie plots coming to mind.

"It does make that worm more interesting doesn't it?" Siobhan's attention also sharpened at this new twist.

"So what happened with Krystal? Is she still at Dyad?" Sarah was staying on task.

"After Nealon died, I knew I was in trouble, that I needed to get out of Dyad. But other than him, I didn't think anyone in the Dyad management was aware that Rachel was gone or that Krystal was even there. They would have surely eliminated her if they had discovered her there. So, I dressed her in a lab coat, glasses, and surgical hair net, hoping anyone who saw us would assume she was Cosima. I walked her to my car in the parking garage and drove her to a bus station to get her home.

"I refused to tell her anything other than her life was in danger if anyone found out she had ever been at Dyad. I told her she had to pretend nothing had happened, or they might take her again. And I suggested she not trust anyone she did not already know. She was not happy with me when I left her there, but I had too many other things I had to take care of at that time to do more for her. And I didn't trust her judgement enough to bring her here."

"Well, we're going to give her what she thinks she wants… the truth. We'll see how that goes."

"And if she turns out to be uncooperative? Or if any of them do?"

"Well, that's the problem. I don't intend to tell her what we're up to, just let her in on the clone thing and see how she reacts. We don't let anyone in on any of our plans until we either need them, or it can't be helped. So if she reacts badly, we have the option of just walking away."

"Leaving her to face Dyad on her own, after she has been made self-aware?" It was Delphine's turn to sound accusatory.

"The other option is less desirable," Felix's expression was sour. "They've asked Allison and Donnie to reinforce the walls for the rooms they're building downstairs and to include doors that lock from the outside."

"No! You can't just lock up those who do not want to be involved after YOU drag them into this!" Delphine had spent too long trying to protect the Leda line not to bristle at anyone threatening one of them, especially an exceptionally naïve clone like Krystal.

"Thank you!" Felix threw his sister and Mrs. S a look that said this had been a major difference of opinion in the planning.

"We may end up needing a secure area anyhow," Siobhan interceded. "It makes sense to be prepared for the likes of Rachel or a Castor boy or two. It is not meant to lock up uncooperative clones." She shook her head at Felix.

"You do realize those two examples ARE of uncooperative clones, right?" Felix's expression and tone were sarcastic until he got a clear look at Mrs. S's expression, his sarcasm sliding into nonchalance.

"But do you really think Krystal will react badly?" Sarah asked, trying to get back to the target topic. She and Felix had never really stopped feeling guilty at stealing her identity for Rachel.

Delphine sighed. "I suspect she will eventually react well. The initial introduction to the truth is likely to be the most problematic. Psychologically, Krystal is stable, although, not one of the brighter individuals I have met. I believe she will eventually accept what you tell her and be ok with it. But there are others out there who have documented instabilities. I would not recommend contacting them at all."

"Do you know who those are?"

"It's coded in the spreadsheet I gave you. I can show you the coding."

"That list… There are some interesting career choices some of our sisters have out there. We're thinking certain individuals might be more helpful to get involved early."

"More so than Krystal."

"Yeah, but she's a trial run. If we're going to make mistakes, I'd rather do that with her than with someone whose help we really need."

"Sarah," Mrs. S looked concerned. "If Neolution was aware of Dr. Nealon taking Krystal, they would know something was off if she suddenly appeared back home. They may have already taken action against her, or may be watching her. Perhaps I should go with you?"

"You think we need a gun hand?"

"Safest to assume that, yes?" Both Felix and Sarah nodded, neither looking happy at the thought of meeting trouble.

Delphine was still unhappy with the entire idea. If Krystal was not necessary, then she should not be involved at all. She was actually quite…sweet, and Delphine still felt the need to protect the unsuspecting sisters, her key role until recently. Unfortunately, as Siobhan had just pointed out, Krystal might already be a target of interest thanks to Nealon. She was still not happy with this plan, but she could not think of anything else to do, other than continue to work on the cure. That was her part to play now.

"Is Cosima still asleep upstairs?" Delphine asked, wondering why the woman had not appeared yet.

"Uh, not sure," Sarah answered for the rest, not wanting to give away Cosima's generous ploy to get Delphine into a bedroom in the house.

"She is still sleeping in basement," Helena offered, unaware of the conspiracy of silence in which the others were engaged.

"She's sleeping in the basement?" Delphine asked, her disapproval evident. "On the floor?"

"No, on cot like me and the little ones." Helena had been grateful when Mrs. S had arrived from her last supply run with the cots and sleeping bags. It was much nicer in basement now.

"How about I go down and check on her?" Sarah asked, noticing Delphine's building irritation.

. . . . . . . .

When Sarah reached the bottom of the stairs, Cosima was sitting on her cot with her back against a wall, legs pulled up and arms wrapped around them. She was watching the children sleep in their cots against the far wall of the room, next to the empty cot where Helena had been. Her mind had still been churning over her thoughts from last night.

"So you know, you're in trouble with your girlfriend already. That must be a record."

"What did I do now?"

"She just found out you're sleeping down here. That was a nice little move last night, giving her your room. But she does not look happy this morning." Sarah sat down on the cot next to Cosima and assumed the same pose. "She is your girlfriend again now, right?"

"Well…," Cosima started off hesitantly. At Sarah's look of exasperation she hurried on. "Wait! It's not like an on/off switch. It's more like a dimmer switch. It's getting brighter. And we are both aware of it and working on it, if that makes sense?"

"Yeah, it does. But…don't take it badly if some days that dimmer switch goes a bit in reverse. Sometimes it's a two steps forward and one back thing. But it sounds like it's going well, yeah?"

"It's going well," Cosima replied, but her tone was quiet and introspective.

"But?"

"But. I can't relate to what she's going through. I mean, I don't feel like I know what to do to help her, like I am helping her. I'm just there, you know? And I'm afraid I'm going to say or do something wrong. So I just stand there, or try to make her smile, or hold her hand." Cosima shook her head, rolling it against the wall behind her on which it rested. "Pathetic little things that don't feel like they help at all."

"The woman upstairs right now is a totally different person than she was this same time yesterday. Those things you're doing, are exactly what you should be doing. They do help."

"So why does it feel like they're insignificant? I mean, Felix seems to be able to do and to say things that help her more than anything I do."

Sarah was quiet for a bit, watching the kids sleeping against the other wall and remembering a time when she had felt exactly the same. "Cos, Felix has been a rent boy for a long time."

"Yeah, I know. He doesn't seem to mind," she smiled looking over at Sarah.

"He doesn't. But…," Sarah was remembering a time when he had been younger, smaller, and not always as selective. "Do you think no one has ever taken from him what he didn't want to give?"

Cosima's smile disappeared as she looked away. "Oh." Was anyone in this world not damaged in some way?

"He's good for her right now, in his way. But so are you. Keep doing what you're doing, because it's obviously working."

"Good cop, bad cop?"

"Exactly," Sarah smiled to lighten the mood. "Except right now I think the good cop has been a bad girl. You had better get upstairs before she comes charging down here after you. Unless you're into spankings?" Sarah asked slyly.

Cosima grinned and bumped her sister's shoulder. Then she sighed. "Can't yet."

"Why not?"

"The kids are still sleeping."

"So?"

"Take a look in that crate over there."

Sarah stood up and walked over to the unlocked box. Flipping up the lid revealed a small rack of semi-automatic weapons with a few hand grenades sprinkled around.

Turning her look from the crate full of deadly weapons to the sleeping kids, Sarah released an aggravated groan. "Helena. I'll talk to her. Go on upstairs. I'll wake the kids and send them up if you will send Helena down, yeah?"

"Deal."

. . . . . . . . .

In the kitchen, the door to the basement opened, a hand appearing around the edge of it waving a white sock. Cosima's voice, sounding worried and uncertain squeaked out a feeble, "Parley?" as she shook the sock again, her eyes peeking around the door towards the kitchen table.

Delphine's irritation immediately evaporated at her appearance. Just seeing Cosima was enough to send a warmth radiating through her. Add to that the adorable way Cosima had with trying to defuse her annoyance… well, it was working. She fought the smile none the less, because this discussion needed to be taken seriously.

"Good morning," she responded with a level look that belied the expanding bubble of pleasure at the woman's presense. "Would you like coffee and breakfast before we negotiate your complete and unconditional surrender?"

Cosima pressed her lips together but could not hide a slight smile at the wording. "Oh, don't mind if I do," Cosima tried to keep her tone as innocent as she could, knowing Delphine heard the double entendre anyway. She moved to the coffee pot to fill a cup before sitting down next to Delphine to await her verdict.

Delphine just shook her head, unable to hide her smile as Cosima gave her the sad eyes over the rim of her coffee cup. "You can't sleep down there with the moisture, the cold, and the bacteria? And soon there will be construction dust. Your lungs do not need the added strain."

"The basement isn't that bad and I was fine last night."

"She cough all night," Helena informed Delphine, chewing a piece of toast while leaning on a counter.

Delphine looked from Helena back to Colima, her smile disappearing. "Was there blood?"

"No," Cosima offered a slightly defensive denial.

Delphine's eyes narrowed at her, knowing she was lying. Cosima relented. "Yes. But not much," she argued. "And the blood is an expected progression, nothing unusual."

Helena came up behind her, dipping her hand into the side pocket of the sweater Cosima was still wearing and producing a handful of bloody tissues that she scattered on the kitchen table in front of her sestra.

"I do not know what is not much, but this looks like much." Delphine felt the bottom drop out of her stomach as she saw the damning evidence. Bracing an elbow on the table, she rested her forehead on her fingertips, staring at Cosima with worry in her eyes.

Cosima glared up at Helena, receiving a stern look in response. "Do not lie to Doctor about sickness."

Cosima placed a hand on Delphine's knee, trying to reassure her. "It's no worse than the trend data suggests it should be, I promise. We were going to run my numbers this morning anyway. I just wanted a nice start to the morning before reality intruded again." Delphine covered Cosima's hand with her own, reassured by the physical contact despite herself.

"And now we really need to disinfect this table," Felix raised his own cup up off of the offending surface with a look of distaste.

Cosima responded by gathering up the tissues and walking them to the trash can, even though it meant giving up Delphine's hand to do it. "Oh Helena," she called with exaggerated sweetness. "Sarah wanted to see you downstairs for a few minutes."

"Ok."

But as Helena passed close to Cosima, she was stopped as her sestra stepped into her path. "Is that my blouse you're wearing?"

Helena closed the edges of her jacket together. "No," she tried the same trick as her sestra had with the Doctor. Cosima lifted the collar of the coat to reveal the blouse in question. "Yes."

Felix snickered as Helena again followed her sestra's approach… all the way down in flames.

"Oh, we so need to work on your understanding of appropriate boundaries. You don't borrow a sister's clothes without asking," Cosima explained calmly, knowing Helena was unused to living with other people. "That's just not right."

"I will ask this now," Helena looked embarrassed, knowing she had made mistake again. Rules here were very confusing.

"Ok then," Cosima smiled to show she wasn't mad. "You know, the only person you don't need to ask to borrow stuff from is Sarah. I mean, it's always ok to borrow a twin's clothes without asking."

Helena looked suspiciously at Cosima, wondering at this contradiction. She shifted her eyes to Delphine and Felix for confirmation.

Delphine nonchalantly looked down, returning her eyes to her list, trying to appear disinterested with the current discussion. Felix had no problem keeping a look of bored attention on his face and nodding, "Oh yeah."

"It's because everyone expects twins to dress the same," Cosima finished with a flourishing wave of her hands. "It's kind of a weird social convention, but it makes sense, right?"

Helena still looked unconvinced, but there were so many things she did not understand about what was ok and what was not. "Do you want me to take off this now?"

"No, you keep it," she gave Helena a fierce hug, "my gift." She might not be above pranking her sister, but she was still grateful to her.

"Ok," Helena smiled as she turned towards the stairs once more. As she opened the door to go down, Oscar and Gemma came running up, yelling their good mornings as they raced each other for the downstairs bathroom, almost running over their mother coming down from the second floor.

Once the basement door closed behind Helena, Felix turned to Cosima. "I love you."

"I know."

"That was a two-for-one. Bonus points to you, darling."

Unable to stop the smile she had been holding back, Delphine laughed at the two of them shaking her head. "For the first time I can remember, I am grateful I was an only child." She suddenly turned a suspicious look on Felix, "How many points did you score baiting me?"

"Oh no, you were out of bounds while you were down. That would have just been rude, so all of my efforts on you were…pointless." He smiled at his wordplay.

"Au contraire! I seem to recall most of them being quite pointed."

Felix narrowed his eyes at her riposte to his witty wording. "Fair warning, you are no longer off limits for point's purposes".

Delphine narrowed her eyes back at him with a daring tilt of her head. "I am unafraid."

Cosima grinned as she moved back around the table to sit next to Delphine once more. Things were going to get interesting. Using a disinfecting towel she had brought back to the table with her, she wiped down the offending surface while giving Felix a sideways glance. "Wuss."

Turning her attention to the newest arrival, Delphine offered a warm smile. "Good morning, Alison."

Alison had gone to the stove to check the kettle. Finding it full and hot, she was preparing a cup of herbal tea. "Good morning!" Alison smiled back, relieved to see such a dramatic change in the woman from dinner last night. She gave Cosima a considering look. Yes, they both looked more relaxed, even happy. Thank goodness! Cosima's moods were surprisingly contagious, a fact she had not realized until this stint living together. And close quarters and contagious depression were not a good combination.

Returning her attention to Cosima, Delphine picked back up the thread of their earlier conversation. "You were in the downstairs bedroom until last night weren't you?"

"Yes, but you needed to be in the house, and you can't manage stairs yet."

"I could move back out to the hospital bed."

"No, you need to be here," Cosima was insistent. "But I have a compromise. I'll bring a sleeping bag up from the basement and sleep on the sofa. It'll put me in a heated part of the house, which will address the environmental concerns and put me within a dozen paces of my personal physician as a bonus," she smiled.

Delphine considered the counter proposal and could find no reason to object. What she really wanted to do was invite Cosima to share the bedroom with her. But she knew even as a platonic gesture, it had the potential to have so many non-platonic complications. She nodded to Cosima, accepting her compromise.

"Good! Now that I have escaped the guillotine, I need a run to the bathroom!"

"It's occupied," Alison sang from the stove where she was pouring hot water into her cup. In the background they could all hear Gemma whining, "Oscar! Hurry up!" It was obvious who had won the race.

"That's all right," Delphine corrected. "Go use the one in the lab, but pick up a specimen cup first." At Cosima's exasperated look she added, "You promised."

The tea kettle slammed back onto the stove top. "There's a bathroom in the lab?" Alison asked with deadly calm.

Cosima was cringing, both at having been found out and at her growing need for a restroom. "Um, yes?" Making her escape, she ran to the back door and threw on her coat and shoes from the previous night, but not fast enough to miss hearing Alison yell, "We will talk about this later!"

Delphine had followed her to the door, but was much slower pulling on her own shoes and coat. Despite her discomfort, Cosima waited, trying not to imitate Gemma's agitated pee-pee dance. The sun was already up, beginning to melt the thin layer of snow from the previous night, as the women made their way along the walkway to their lab. They found Scott already at work on his computer pulling research information on previous gene therapy experiments. As Delphine retrieved a specimen cup from one of the cabinets, Cosima noticed one of the hospital beds has been slept in. She gave Scott a questioning look.

"The room Felix and I were sharing only has one bed...," his uncomfortable look turned more pained, "and Felix likes to cuddle in his sleep."

Delphine tried to smother a smile but Cosima laughed.

"It's not funny," he said defensively.

"Yes it is!" Cosima giggled.

"Delphine?" Scott made a can-you-do-something about her gesture towards Cosima.

"You two do make a very cute couple," Delphine could not help but add, no longer attempting to hide her smile.

Scott's expression turned peevish. "Aren't we supposed to be working here?"

Delphine offered him a contrite look, "Yes, sorry. We need to determine an experimental methodology with the various factors." And she needed to get Cosima's new numbers to see how far and how fast her health was slipping away.

Cosima grabbed the specimen cup from Delphine's hands and ran for the bathroom. "Be right back!"

. . . . . . . .

In kitchen Sarah, Mrs. S, Alison, and Donnie were laughing at Felix's story.

"I have to give him credit," Felix was saying, "He held out until the third time I threw an arm around him before he shot out of the bed, grabbed his things and left the room. It might have had something to do with me aiming a bit lower than his waist that last time round."

"Poor Scott," Mrs. S could not help laughing, "He really does have the bad end of it all, doesn't he?"

Helena was watching them all and smiling, but she was uncertain why this is funny. Practical jokes, she understands. But what is funny and what is not funny are different here sometimes. She would watch and learn.

"So," Alison asked, "Delphine and Cosima both seem to be doing better today. What did I miss?"

"True confessions," Felix offered. "A serious airing out of their various issues and long overdue."

"Yeah, but Cosima says they still aren't together, officially," Sarah added, smiling. "Wagers on how long it takes them?"

"What time is it now?" Felix made a show of looking at his watch, before turning more serious. "It will happen just as quickly as Delphine can manage, no doubt."

Not a fan of gossip, Mrs. S stirred. "We should probably head out soon. Long drive."

After breakfast, everyone scattered. Sarah, Felix, Alison, and Mrs. S headed out to find Krystal and destroy the illusion of the world as she knew it. Helena joined Donnie and the kids in the supply run, mumbling about needing a gun-safe…or three.

. . . . . . .

Cosima was drawn out of a debate on potential gene delivery vectors by the sound of car engines starting and leaving. "I'll be right back. I need a short break to go scavenge in the attic," Cosima grinned. "I have a promise to fulfill that is best done with the house mostly empty."

Delphine looked at her pleadingly. "Please be discrete in what you find?"

"Of course! Would I ever not be discrete?" Cosima asked with exaggerated innocence as she walked out the door.

Delphine exchanged a look with Scott. "Every damn day?" he offered in answer to the rhetorical question from the now absent clone.

"Exactly," Delphine sighed.

When Cosima returned, Delphine and Scott were still in discussion about approaches, but she could tell from the tone of the conversation, they had reached a point of some consensus.

"There were, like, 50 boxes up there," she complained.

"There were not."

"Ok, fine, there were only 8. I did a pre-sort for you and weeded it down to 2 boxes of basics, jeans, sweaters, sweatshirts that kind of thing. I put those inside your bedroom door. Funny, there wasn't a single power suit in the lot," she smiled. "The obviously embarrassing items are still in boxes upstairs." Cosima looked over the rim of her glasses at Delphine and raised her eyebrows. "A couple of outfits up there I would be willing to pay you money to model for me one day."

Delphine smiled sweetly, "That will never happen. But thank you for retrieving the clothing for me." She was looking forward to being able to wear her own clothes again. Normally, she would not have been able to fit into her clothing from that time frame. But she had not yet had enough time to regain the weight she had lost during her convalescence in hell. She suspected the old clothing would fit her for now.

"Using the ex vivo approach, we can try out different vectors simultaneously," Scott pulled them back once again to their mission.

"Yes, and it would be less likely to produce an immune response," Delphine agreed.

"The problem will be the time it'll take to test the results for proper integration and activation of the new gene," Cosima stepped back into the conversation as if she had never left it. "We can only test them one at a time with the equipment we have here." She stopped short of pointing out there would not be enough time to test them all, at least not for her. Delphine and Scott knew that score.

"We prioritize the options, take the ones we believe have the potential to be more successful based on past research and run them first," Delphine could not keep her own concern from showing as she returned Cosima's look.

They quickly agreed on the first three experiments, each taking one to start the preparation work.

. . . . . . .

Several hours had passed when Delphine leaned back in her chair to stretch her back. Rolling her head to loosen the muscles in her neck, she glanced over at Cosima. Scott had turned on some music when they had first started to work as background noise. The current song was bluesy, an electric guitar dancing around a slow drum beat. Cosima was completely focused on the task in front of her, but that only seemed to have freed her body to move to the sliding scales of the music… at least from the waist down. It drew a memory from her of Cosima doing dishes at her flat one night, when they had still been together, happy.

Delphine loved to cook and had been working to impress with a gourmet meal. After dinner, Cosima had insisted on doing the dishes to reciprocate. Standing at the sink, she had been moving in much the same way as she was now. Delphine had not been able to resist the sensuousness of her movements, had come up behind her and molded their bodies together. Cosima had responded by leaning back into her arms, tilting her head back to rest on Delphine's shoulder, still swaying her hips to the sultry music Delphine had chosen for their romantic evening. She could still remember the feel of Cosima's dreadlocks tickling her neck as she moved them out of the way, clearing the way for her lips to kiss the smaller women's neck just below and a little behind Cosima's ear.

The dishes had been instantly forgotten as Delphine had slowly run her hands down Cosima's sides, around her hips, to rest at the tops of her thighs. She had tensed her fingers, lightly massaging Cosima's thighs before rotating her fingers inward, slowly drawing her hands higher along Cosima's inner thighs until her hand reached the creases at the tops of Cosima's legs. She had run her fingers along those creases, back outward, towards Cosima's hips once more. Splaying her fingers, she reversed directions, her ring fingers following the creases back while the rest of her hands had traveled along Cosima's abdomen, angling down, coming together at her pelvis, but no lower. Cosima had gone from pressing her hips back against Delphine to pushing them forward, tipping her pelvis up, trying to move Delphine's hands lower. But Delphine had not wanted to be rushed, had allowed her hands to move with Cosima's body, denying her efforts. She had pressed her fingers gently into the flesh above Cosima's pubic bone, massaging in small circles.

"You're in that kind of mood," Cosima had groaned, desire tinged with frustration.

"I am in the mood to make love with you slowly," Delphine had whispered in her ear before kissing a leisurely path down Cosima's neck. "Preferably not through your clothing."

Cosima had artfully negotiated a change of venue from the kitchen to the bedroom, where Delphine had made good on her promise.

And now, watching Cosima's body moving in that slow, sway of hips and thighs, remembering the feel of Cosima's body under her hands, moving against hers, Delphine felt an answering stir of arousal. So much for believing she would not be physically able to respond yet, she thought ruefully. Cosima's unconscious sensuality was not to be denied.

Cosima shifted and looked over suddenly, "Hey, what if we tried to…" she stopped. It had been a long time since she had seen that look in Delphine's eyes. And she was pretty sure Delphine had just been looking at her ass. Her eyebrows rose. "Oh really?" she said with a small smile.

Delphine smiled sheepishly, and self-consciously looked down at her own work. "Sorry, I sometimes become arrested by your beauty, especially when you move."

"Beauty? Or ass?"

Delphine looked back up, giving her another embarrassed smile, but deciding to play Cosima's game. "It is a packaged deal, I believe is the saying."

"I'm sorry," Cosima laughed, not sounding sorry at all. "I'll stop teasing you. Just so you know, you are giving me immense hopes for the future right now."

"You don't have to stop teasing. I rather like it."

"Yeah? The verbal kind or…" Cosima turned her back and rolled her hips suggestively, looking back over her shoulder with an arch look.

Delphine laughed, moving to pull Cosima into a loose hug, her hands on the shorter woman's waist. "Both. I do miss your…unfiltered personality."

Scott managed not to release the long-suffering sigh that filled his lungs demanding satisfaction. Instead, he stood up and stretched, heading towards the door and the house to get a fresh cup of coffee. It was going to be a long day.

Cosima wanted nothing more than to lean into Delphine's body and draw her into a kiss, but Delphine seemed comfortable just holding her. "Unfiltered is my specialty," I really need to shake my caboose at you more often."

Delphine was amused by the term. "Caboose?"

"Yep. The ass end of a train. Derriere. Also known as my can, tail-feathers, booteous maximus…" Cosima kept trying to think of additional amusing slang terms for her ass, just to keep Delphine smiling, "badonkadonk, trunk…."

Scott walked out the door, swinging it closed behind him as he left.

Delphine's smile fell away, as the trunk slammed closed, leaving her bleeding in the darkness. Pain, suffocation, dark…. Momentum throwing her against a solid wall of the trunk, bouncing back, pain. Acceleration throwing her in the opposite direction, impacting another surface, more pain. Gasping, not enough air. Dying. A memory came to her in that moment, one of Cosima, happy and laughing, a bottle of wine grasped in one hand. "Cosima," she thought, too short of breath from her collapsed lung to speak the words aloud, "Je ne regrette rien."

"Delphine!" she heard Cosima's voice cry out, and knew she was trapped in a memory, a memory that had been blocked out and was being reclaimed in the fight between conscious and subconscious mind. She heard Cosima's voice again, calling her back and tried to follow it out of the darkness.

It had taken a moment for Cosima to realize what was happening when Delphine's expression had gone vacant, eyes unfocused, body suddenly shaking. She tried to pull out of Delphine's grasp, worrying that physical contact might make whatever nightmare she was reliving worse, but Delphine's hands had closed on the folds of cloth at the waist of her shirt with an iron grip. Instead, she dropped her hands to her sides, clenched into fists to keep herself from reaching out to hold the distressed woman whose arms were still locked around her. Agonizing seconds felt like minutes, hours, as she was once again left with words as her only weapons in a battle for her love. "Delphine?" she asked, trying to keep her voice calm and reassuring, "You're not there, baby… you're not there anymore! You're here with me now and I won't let anything hurt you here."

Cosima's voice led Delphine back from the darkness and the pain, awareness returning as her eyes re-focused on the worry and helplessness looking back at her. Cosima offered a relieved but shaky, "Hey…welcome back."

Delphine did not respond right away, taking several deep breaths, her eyes wandering the room, reassuring herself of where she was and the truth in the words Cosima had used to call her back. She realized her hands ached from the tight grip she had on Cosima's blouse. She loosened her fingers, releasing the material, but instead of stepping away, she pulled Cosima tightly to her, burying her face in the side of Cosima's neck, reassuring herself of the reality surrounding her with Cosima. Her breath was still coming in ragged gasps, trying to dispel the vivid memory of not being able to fill her lungs with air.

The second Delphine's arms had wrapped around her, Cosima allowed herself to respond in kind, one arm going around Delphine, but angled up to grip her opposite shoulder, while the other went around her waist, pulling Delphine tightly against her body. She could feel the tremors still running through the frightened woman as she tried to soothe her.

"I'm here… I've got you…. Nothing is going to hurt you here." She kept up the quiet reassurances, rubbing Delphine's back in slow, circles.

Delphine's breath evened out and the trembling began to fade, but still she did not relinquish her hold. Instead, she filled her senses with Cosima, the tickle of dreadlocks against her face and neck, the feel of the hand caressing her back, the soft voice speaking of safety, the light remnants of perfume and under that, a comforting scent that was unique to Cosima alone. She rubbed her face slowly against the skin of Cosima's neck, enhancing all of those sensations, breathing Cosima in, feeling the heat of her pressed against her body. Gradually, the little details of Cosima's presence pushed back that terrible memory of dying in the darkness.

Reluctantly, she drew her face back from the crook of Cosima's neck, until she was looking down into shimmering hazel pools of tears. "I am so sorry, Delphine," Cosima's remorse was palpable, "I wasn't thinking…. Are you ok?"

Delphine, afraid her voice would not be steady, simply nodded. The soft stir of arousal she had felt before the flashback had taken hold was gone now, but the memory of just how closely she had come to death was triggering something much more primal in her as she looked down at Cosima. She had almost died, had known she was going to die. By any probabilistic model, right this moment her body should be laying somewhere, decomposing. It was a thought that sent a shudder through her. But it had not ended, she was still alive and her body was very suddenly and emphatically telling her so. Her heart was pounding in her chest, a hard fist of desire formed low in her belly, picking up the beat of her pulse there as well. Taking Cosima's face between her hands, she pulled her into a passionate kiss, her mouth demanding. She needed Cosima, needed to feel their naked bodies sliding together, the buildup of passion to the peak of release, and over. She needed to feel that alive, to know, without any doubt, that she was alive.

After a surprised hesitation, Cosima responded, her body moving to fit itself to every curve of Delphine's form, mouth opening at Delphine's insistence. The heat of passion that shot through her body, straight down to swirl between her legs as Delphine's tongue danced with her own was enough to draw a loud moan from her, the sound effectively absorbed by Delphine's fervent kiss. She felt Delphine's hands slide under the back of her shirt, felt the heat of fingers grazing her skin as they traveled up her back, teased their way under the material of her bra and circled the edge to the front, pulling the material out and up to free her breasts from its constraint. Delphine's fingers teasing her already erect nipples set her on fire, but as her lips left Cosima's mouth to work their way down her neck, she became aware of a growing sense of uncertainty. Just a few minutes ago, Delphine had been locked in the grip of a flashback of something terrible, and now she seemed almost frantic to get Cosima's clothes off of her. This had to be an emotional response to whichever of the many traumas she had survived that had chosen to revisit her now, and that meant she was reacting in a vulnerable state. Despite Cosima's body demanding otherwise, she gently tried to disengage herself from Delphine's sudden seduction, stepping back as she caught at the hands that were teasing her already rock hard nipples into diamond tips.

"Delphine, we have to stop," she managed to gasp as she took a small step back. She was unprepared when Delphine followed her withdrawal, wrapping arms around Cosima as she pushed her back against the edge of the lab table Cosima had been working at. With a quick motion, Delphine shifted her arms lower, getting them around Cosima's hips and lifting the smaller woman, setting her down on the edge of the table.

As Delphine's hands slid along her thighs, applying light pressure to try to separate them, Cosima tried again, "Delphine, we can't do this, not right now." The thought of spreading her legs and letting Delphine step between them, pressing their bodies together made Cosima's clit twitch in expectation. No! Down girl, she thought to herself, as she kept her legs firmly closed.

Delphine was in a haze, wanting desperately to feel Cosima's bare skin against her own. She heard Cosima's refusal, but the hazel eyes turned amber with obvious desire contradicted every word Cosima spoke. Of the two messages, she knew which one she wanted to hear. Applying more pressure to Cosima's thighs, she tried to spread them, to step in between them and take Cosima's mouth in another kiss. But Cosima's muscles tensed, resisting her efforts.

Delphine was suddenly reminded of trying to resist Shay's assault in a similar way, when she had still been chained up, Shay behind her with her hands working their way under the scrubs she had been wearing. Shay's hands had not been gentle, but Delphine had still fought in the only way she could, locking her legs together, until stiff fingertips had pressed sharply into sensitive nerves in both thighs, sending a numbing sensation of electrical shock down her legs. Shay had been able to get first one knee and then the other between her legs behind her, ending the only form of resistance that had been left to her.

The fiery passion of moments before had completely died the instant the memory of Shay had intruded, to be replaced by frozen shock as Delphine looked down at her own hands on Cosima's thighs, resting on the exact same nerve groups, having moved there without her conscious thought. Delphine stumbled backwards, horrified at her own behavior.

"Cosima...Je ne sais pas ce que j'ai...," she stopped, confused when she realized she had switched to French without conscious thought. "I'm sorry, Cosima… I.…" She had no idea how to explain what had just happened. She needed some distance to try to figure it out herself. "I need to get some air." She turned and moved quickly for the door, slamming it in her haste to leave the lab and Cosima behind.

Cosima's body was still throbbing from the sudden, and very unexpected, sexual contact with the woman who held her heart. She had not wanted to stop, had desperately wanted to make love with Delphine again... it had been so long. While she had little doubt disengaging was the right thing to do, she still felt a great sense of loss and her body was definitely disappointed about the interruption. She wasn't sure what had just happened inside Delphine's head, but she knew it wasn't good, she had obviously been very upset. There was no way Cosima was letting her run away. Delphine herself had told her not to let her hide, right? Holding onto that thought, Cosima pushed herself off the table and went to find Delphine.

. . . . . . . .


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think I figured out the formatting??
> 
> Disclaimers: Mild violence, mostly implied in Delphine's memories.  
> Authors Note: Once again, thank you to First Movement, Karenina, and Mazi77 for their fashion tips! I did take the liberty of doing some mixing and matching. I hope you don't mind!
> 
> As always, thanks to all who submitted reviews! Spooky, Elsa, Mazi, Snowboardgurl, Gleek, LondynNow, and Gnosis! That's what keeps me posting!
> 
> Elsa: No French for me to screw up in this one (except a stray "Merde!"). Thank you for the backup in Chapter 10 and the review! Always appreciated! And thank you for our discussions on Religion vs. Science. It made me consider what "eternity" might mean to a scientist, an idea I included in this chapter, thanks to you!
> 
> Spooky: Not sure about the time change, but hope this posted chapter made it in time! Happy Birthday! And YES it is :D
> 
> Gn0sis: Thanks again for the positive review! Although in statistics it is impossible to be 100% certain (in this case believable), so I will happily take 99.73% believable and leave myself room for improvement! (I know, statistical humor is not funny, which is why I keep my day job).

Chapter 11

Cosima did not have to go far to find Delphine. She had stopped to sit on the stairs leading to the porch, leaning her left shoulder against the railing. Her lost expression turned into guilt as she glanced up at Cosima's approached.

"I'm sorry. Once again, I seem to have lost control of myself."

Cosima took in Delphine's expression and body language, noting that, while the woman had put on a little weight, she was still painfully thin. There was something about her look that reminded Cosima of the day when she had driven them up to the house. Delphine looked…fragile… once more.

"Can I sit next to you? Would that be ok right now?"

Delphine gave her a small nod.

Cosima climbed the two stairs that allowed her to sit on the step next to Delphine, close enough to allow their arms to brush. She extended her left hand out in front and in between them, palm up, offering.

Delphine looked from the questioning eyes to the offered hand, noticing for the first time that neither of them had taken their coats in their rush to leave the lab. The sun had moved higher in the sky and the day was warm enough to be reasonably comfortable without them. Cosima's shirt sleeves were pushed up, revealing the tattoos on her wrists and forearms. Delphine took the proffered hand in her own once more.

They sat, side by side, watching the last of the snow melting to reveal the brown grass and mud and imperfections that had been hidden beneath it. Delphine could not help but think of her mental analogy of the snow covered landscape being a new foundation for them. Now that the snow was melting, revealing what was underneath, she was depressed at the possibility that this was simply an extension of that analogy, the ugliness hidden under the false hope of new beginnings. Maybe such a thing was not possible. The tension was back in her throat as her eyes started to tear and she could not stop a few from spilling out as she sniffled.

Cosima looked up in concern from her contemplation of the sea of dead grass between the house and the lab. Her worried eyes focused on the tears. She reached across her body with her free hand to gently wipe away the few tears from Delphine's cheeks, taking the opportunity to add a caress or two before gently turning Delphine's chin to face her.

"You said not to let you hide when these things happen. So this is me, not letting you hide. But we can sit here for as long as you need, until you think you can tell me what just happened. Because I… have absolutely no idea. I know you relived something terrible just now, and then… well…," she raised her eyebrows "something really hot happened … that I think I'll be dreaming about tonight," she gave a slightly rueful smile as she tilted her head sideways at Delphine, "and then something else happened," Cosima's smile faded. "You looked like something scared you and you ran. Can you tell me?"

A lump closed Delphine's throat at the thought of sharing why she had been upset at the end, knowing Cosima had no idea what had almost happened. Delphine shook her head.

Cosima nodded. "Ok. I can wait." Cosima wrapped her free hand around Delphine's arm, keeping a tight hold on her hand with the other. "You know… I was not upset with anything that happened there at the end. I was just concerned about you…where it was coming from, it didn't seem like it could be coming from a good place, not right after what was obviously a flashback. That's the only reason I put the brakes on."

Delphine leaned over to rest her head on Cosima's shoulder, still not feeling able to respond. None of what had happened in the lab had been expected, except perhaps the flashback. The only surprising thing about that was that it had been about bleeding out in the trunk, not about the sexual assault. When she had been younger the reverse had been true. None of her flashbacks had been about bleeding out in the bathtub.

Then the surge of primal sexual desire, the almost frantic need. That had certainly never happened before. Although objectively, scientifically, she could understand it. Human beings are still animals, despite the ability to reason, and to create and abide by social contracts that formed the cornerstones of what was referred to as civilized behavior. And animals had built-in mechanisms to protect the survival of the species when threatened. The flashback, the memory of knowing she was dying, had been a threat to her animal brain. And Cosima, her lover from before, had been holding her, making her feel safe. And making her feel safe to feel. In that moment, safety and need and Cosima filling every facet of her awareness had combined, releasing a firestorm of want. But when Cosima had said no….

Delphine pressed her face more tightly into Cosima's shoulder. She had not wanted to hear no. She had ignored no. How could she have ignored Cosima saying no, even once. Only the memory of Shay's hands, also not listening to no, had stopped her, and had extinguished the flame like a match dropped in a sea of icy water. Felix had been right. She could hurt Cosima, in ways she had never even dreamed that she might.

Cosima felt Delphine press closer, felt her distress. She raised a hand to Delphine's cheek once more, brushing the hair that had fallen forward, back over Delphine's ear as she placed a light kiss on Delphine's head. She left her lips pressed against blond hair, eyes scanning the yard and woods, as she thought about what to do, how to help. She found herself wishing Felix was there. Undoubtedly he would say something both snarky and insightful that would piss Delphine off and get her talking. But Cosima could not bring herself to do anything that would increase her distress. How to get her talking without taking that path?

The door opened behind them and Scott walked out of the house finishing a sandwich. Making his way down the stairs he stopped and gave Cosima a questioning look. Delphine did not look up or move. Cosima raised her lips from Delphine's head with another quiet kiss.

"We're going to need a while before we head back to the lab," she kept her fingers feathered in Delphine's hair, gently holding her against her shoulder as she spoke. Scott could tell something had changed dramatically from the cuddle-fest he had run out on. "We wanted to run the sample Delphine was working on first. Can you work on that one until we get back?"

"Yeah, sure." He gave Cosima a concerned nod before turning to continue down the stairs and off to their little lab.

Only after Scott had closed the door did Delphine begin to stir. Her voice sounded tight, almost choked, when she spoke. "We should go too." She lifted her head, looking back towards the door Scott had closed behind him.

"No," Cosima corrected quietly. "Once the first sample is prepped, the wait time to see if the gene integrated correctly will leave us plenty of time to prep the other two treatment combinations." She squeezed Delphine's hand gently. "So you and I are going to sit right here and let time wander by until you feel like you can talk to me."

"I don't know if I can."

"Do you know that you need to?"

Delphine did not respond. Did she need to talk about it? She had recovered before without ever sharing the details, never letting anyone close enough to feel like she could share them. Of course it had taken her a very long time to reach a place where she had felt whole, and even then, meeting Cosima had shown her she had been wrong. Cosima. She might not have time for the long road.

"Those memories are put away in my mind, as much as I can keep them there. I don't want to bring them up, I don't want to think about them.

"Maybe that's why they come out in the flashbacks, because you are trying to so hard to hide them from yourself?"

"Perhaps." Delphine rotated Cosima's hand to reveal the tattoo on her wrist. It was not the nautilus shell, but the other one. Taraxacum officinale. The seed head of the common dandelion.

She laid her forearm next to Cosima's. "You marked your forearms with tattoos, while I marked mine with scars. I was in hospital less than 24 hours before my parents had one of the best plastic surgeons in Europe there to work on mine. Always concerned about appearances." She looked sad, lost in old hurts. "A very small part of me resents that the scars don't show more, that I don't have the concrete proof that I survived. As if it never happened. They…my parents, treated it as if I had been in an accident. And once I was physically healed, that was all there was to it. No point in discussing something so unpleasant."

"I'm willing to discuss the hard things, or to listen if you're ready to talk."

Delphine puffed out a light snort, still running her thumb over the inked image of the seed head. The willowy seeds were taking flight, propelled by an unseen air current or a breath, drifting over Cosima's wrist to land where they might. An image of randomness that was counter to the mathematical pattern of the Fibonacci spiral in the shell.

She began speaking without taking her eyes off of the tattoo. "My flashback was of being in the trunk of the car-" she had to stop suddenly, overwhelmed with the memory of hopelessness she had felt. She took a shallow breath. Then another.

Cosima felt like her heart contracted, watching Delphine struggle to speak of her memories…her fear. But she kept quiet, made no move that might distract the woman from what seemed like a tremendous effort.

"My collapsed lung… was not able to take in air. Blood loss by that time had made me too weak to be able to put any pressure on the wound. The car accelerating and braking, throwing me against the walls of the trunk. I could do nothing to protect myself from the impacts. I knew I was dying, suffocating and bleeding to death." Delphine was breathing harder, her awareness of now feeling fuzzy as she remembered then. "I didn't have any near-death visions of you, but you were all I could think about as I felt my consciousness fading." And then she had awakened to an image of Shay, changing a blood bag above her.

So that was how Delphine would have died, Cosima thought, her heart feeling like it was twisting in her chest. She had wondered, when she had thought Delphine dead, had agonized over what she had been feeling during her final moments.

"And then I heard your voice calling me and I knew I was not there, I knew I was just remembering," she took another quick breath trying to stretch her throat, loosen the tightness there. "Very vividly. And I forced my way out of it, back to now, and to you. But even when I was looking at you once more, I had a surreal feeling. Like this was less real than the trunk of that car."

Delphine finally looked up to meet Cosima's gaze once more. "I do not believe there is anything after this life, you know that. No heaven, no hell, no rebirth. But maybe … maybe there is an eternity in death anyway… a relativity of time. Maybe that last second of a person's life never really ends, the remnants of awareness just continuing to live in the smaller and smaller fractions of that last second of existence. If so, perhaps I am in that last second still, and this," she raised her chin half-heartedly to indicate their surroundings, "and you," she looked at Cosima, expression morose, "are just delusions created to fill the eternity that exists in that final second of a dying mind."

Delphine looked back down at their joined hands. "I needed this to feel real." She grasped Cosima's hand with both of hers, almost painfully tight for just a few seconds before easing the pressure. "To convince myself I'm not still dying in that trunk right now." She took several more breaths. "And I had been feeling physically attracted to you before…. I think my fear magnified that. You have always been able to make me feel…more. And I needed to feel that again."

Cosima gave a half smile, "So that explains the hot part." Cosima leaned in and kissed her cheek gently. "You are not dead…or dying. This is real, right here and right now. I'm real. And if making love with you is the only way to convince you of that fact, well," she gave Delphine a teasing smile, "I would be willing to make that sacrifice any time." Her expression turned serious once more, "But I want it to happen because you're ready, not out of fear of any kind."

"I don't know that that can happen now."

"Then it won't happen now. I can wait."

"No, you can't."

"Then we can still have this," she indicated their physical closeness. "I already told you, it's all I need, as long as you're here and alive. Anything more is… bonus points." Cosima waited, allowing her words to sink home. "So now that the hot part is explained, can you talk to me about the frightened part?"

Delphine did not answer right away, trying to work up her courage and failing. She kept silent.

Cosima nodded. "Ok. When you can. But something about being turned on with me scared you. As long as that's the case," Cosima indicated their joined hands, entwined arms, "this is all I think we should have."

Delphine felt relief and disappointment in equal measure. Unsure which emotion was predominant, she felt obligated to protest. "I want more, if nothing else, what just happened, the power of what I felt is proof of that. Please believe that truth."

"But there is fear too."

"Not of you," Delphine did not know how to convince Cosima without wading into those terrible details. Cosima misread her hesitation as doubt.

"Is there anything about me you still don't trust? Anything at all?"

Delphine looked into Cosima's eyes, needing her to believe. "I know there are things you choose not to share with me, but that is not the same thing as not trusting you. I do trust you. With my life, with my heart, and with my body." Delphine reached a hand up to cup Cosima's cheek. "It is myself I do not trust. My own responses to you, to being intimately close to you. What my mind might choose to remember when you touch me," she looked away, unable to keep Cosima's gaze, "or when I touch you. What I might do in reaction to my… unpredictable emotional responses. That is what I do not trust. Never you."

They sat in silence, listening to the small sounds created by melting snow and a waking woods. Cosima replayed in her mind what had just happened in the lab, matching it up with what Delphine had just said, trying to draw conclusions about what might have frightened her. If Delphine had been concerned about her own responses, did that mean they had triggered one of those bad memories with their heated make-out session? Then what possible response on her own part had scared her? Delphine had been in the driver's seat the entire time, so that would stand to reason.

Delphine knew the silence had stretched between them would not last long, just a temporary reprieve. Cosima was not going to let her avoid the issue of what had happened in the lab. She would be calm and understanding, but it was equally obvious she was going to be persistent. Unless she was … redirected. And Cosima's question about trust had raised the perfect opportunity.

Delphine applied a gentle pressure on their joined hands, turning Cosima's arm so that the tattoo was once again visible between them. Raising Cosima's arm, she kissed the skin where the ink seeds lay.

"I have always found it… interesting … that you chose to have this image on your arm." Delphine hesitated, knowing that the misdirection that she was engaged in fell under the old category of manipulative, and she was not sure if she wanted to know the answer to a question she had been carrying almost since they had met. But explaining what had frightened her would require sharing details of being helpless, powerless… victimized. She was not strong enough to go to that place yet.

"Dandelions are so prolific because they are capable of producing these seeds," she rubbed her thumb over the inked seed head once more, "without pollination. When it does, each child plant from those seeds is a genetic identical to the parent. A clone. And this tattoo is not a new one, I think? You are a clone, wearing an image of a cloning plant on your arm."

She felt Cosima tense next to her but did not look up, somewhat ashamed of her own diversion, but also afraid of what truth she might find there at this exact moment. "I'm not going to ask you how long you have really known. I don't care what the answer is, because it doesn't matter. But I don't believe it to be a coincidence."

"Delphine, please look at me? We both know I can't lie to you, I suck at it. So I need you to look at me now." She waited until Delphine reluctantly looked up once more. "I did not know I was a clone until Beth called me."

Truth. "Then it is a coincidence?" Uncertainty and doubt took over Cosima's expression.

Cosima did not allow herself to look away. "No. Not completely."

"Then what?" Delphine's relief at her initial answer was followed by curiosity in the second one.

"There wasn't anything in my file?" Cosima's expression had gone from confusion to a hint of what seemed like hope.

Delphine shook her head. "I never opened your file. Leekie had given me all pertinent medical information when you first came to Dyad so when I was… promoted… there was no need to look for anything else. It would have felt like a betrayal."

Cosima was touched. One of the reasons she had been… uncomfortable… with Delphine's increasing responsibilities at Dyad was her access to information that had been denied to Cosima, including about herself. "Thank you. And damn. Confirmation would have been nice," her smile was halfhearted. "I wasn't trying to hide anything from you. I assumed you would have looked… I mean, I would have in your place." A guilty expression accompanied the confession. "I thought you already knew and were choosing not to bring it up because it was something I wasn't supposed to know about myself… I think." Cosima's expression shifted to internal doubt. "One of those Dyad management secrets you had to keep from me, like the rest." She could not help the slight edge of hurt that crept into her tone.

Delphine had always known that had been a wedge between them as well, and she better than anyone had recognized the root cause was a disparity in power in their relationship. But while Cosima had not realized it, Delphine had tried to balance the fact that she had had that power with the conscious choice not to use it, at least not unless absolutely necessary. She responded to Cosima's wounded tone, "I can tell you anything you want to know now, but only those things that I do know."

Cosima looked up at her, expression sad, "Including why you were so afraid earlier that you would rather go on a verbal offensive than try to tell me what caused it?" Delphine had not seen that one coming, that Cosima would not only recognize what she was doing but turn it around on her. She dropped her eyes back to their joined hands, back to where she had started, not sure if she was annoyed at herself for trying or for getting caught. And definitely annoyed at Cosima.

"That was skillfully done," Delphine admitted, chagrined.

"I've been learning from the best."

Delphine snorted, amused despite herself. "Not a compliment."

"Delphine…" Cosima started, only to be interrupted by the ring of the cell phone in her pocket. "Damn it!" But she fished the phone out of her pocket. It could only be Sarah calling and if they had run into trouble, she could not afford to ignore the call.

Glancing at the screen to confirm it was Sarah, she accepted the call, putting it on speaker. "Sarah? What's up?"

"Hey, Krystal's gone."

"They've taken her?" Delphine asked, concerned.

"No, at least I don't think so. She's not at work, or at home, but all of her clothes are gone. It looks like she packed up and left. Cal's pulled her accounts, she has a video chat account that is active right now. We were going to have Felix give her a call, since she's met him before, but we thought it might be better if a friendlier face than the guy who robbed her gave her a call instead. So Delphine, you up to it?"

"Of course." Delphine was grateful for the distraction.

"Well, go get set up. We'll have Cal patch you in, make it look like her mum's calling so she answers. After that, it's up to you to get her to meet us. Cal will see if he can trace the call as well, so we have an idea where she's staying geographically speaking."

. . . . . .

After setting up the computer, they conferenced in Sarah, who then conferenced in Cal.

"Delphine, this is Cal. Cal, Delphine," Sarah made the quick introductions.

"I am very glad to meet you Delphine."

"I as well. Thank you for trying to keep the sisters out of trouble."

Cal laughed. "Not likely."

Felix had crowded his sister to slide into the video pickup. He contemplated Delphine's stiff posture, darkened eyes, and tightly controlled expression. "Bad day?"

Delphine gave a slight shrug with one shoulder. "Bad memories."

"Chin up. You know as well as I do they fade. Eventually."

Delphine felt no need to respond. "What do you want me to tell Krystal?"

Sarah leaned forward on the table in front of her, "That we want to let her in on what is going on, but it has to be done face to face. We're bringing proof." She held up her hands indicating herself. "Try to set up a place and time to meet tonight."

Cal connected the call.

The welcoming smile on Krystal's face slid away as she saw Delphine looking back at her from her computer screen. Anger appeared to take its place. "You!"

"Yes, hello Krystal," Delphine's relief was obvious in her voice. "You are ok? No one has tried to hurt you since we were last together?

"No thanks to you! You dropped me off at a bus station! After I had been kidnapped and kept unconscious and god knows what else! I was scared and you just left me there!"

"I know and I'm very sorry, but you were safer getting away from me at that time. You made it home safely? No one was waiting for you there?"

"No, no one was waiting. But I was terrified to stay there, afraid someone else would come for me. So I packed my bags and went to stay with a friend."

"Krystal, I told you not to trust anyone!"

"You told me not to trust anyone new! I went to someone old. I mean, like, to someone from a long time in my past and not a boyfriend either since I still think there is something fishy about that whole situation. I told her I was going through a bad breakup and was afraid to be home alone. She told me I could come and stay with her for a while. So I packed up and left. Why are you calling me now?"

Delphine hesitated, worried about the security aspects of a new and unknown party. "Is your friend there now?"

Krystal's expression became suspicious. "Why?"

"Because she cannot be a part of this, it would put her in danger too," Delphine decided to play the guilt aspect of the situation.

Krystal's anger melted away, worry taking its place. "She's at work right now. And I don't know what THIS is!"

"Well, I have friends who want to tell you exactly that, they believe you should know what is going on. They are willing to tell you everything if you will meet with them. They have proof that they would like to show you."

Krystal laughed sarcastically, "Oh, so that they can kidnap me again? I don't think so! I don't trust you!"

Delphine smiled tiredly. "Yes, I seem to get that a lot."

"Like, how did we just walk right out of that place? You put me in a hair net, and make me wear lesbian librarian glasses and everyone just lets me walk away?"

Delphine shifted her gaze a fraction above the camera on the computer screen to see Cosima's outraged expression behind it. She was mouthing the word "librarian" with a scowl on her face. Delphine did not smile, but her eyes did take on a slight sparkle.

"I thought you made those glasses look quite attractive," she commented, keeping her eyes on Cosima as she spoke.

But Delphine's gaze had not shifted enough for Krystal to notice she was not looking directly into the camera pickup. "Oh," Krystal was taken aback. Was the doctor flirting with her? No. Not possible. "Well, thank you, I think. But, like, it still doesn't make any sense. Several people saw us leave and no one tried to stop us."

Delphine sighed and rubbed her eyes, feeling tired and lethargic despite the brief levity. "That can also be explained by the friends of mine who would like to meet you. Many things will start to make sense if you meet with them, I promise."

Krystal noticed for the first time that Delphine did not look well. "Hey, have you been on one of those fad diets? I mean, not that it's not working, but, like, I think you may have taken it way too far. You don't look healthy, it's time to back off and like, have a donut or something."

Delphine contemplated what to tell Krystal next. She could see several ways she could convince the woman to meet Sarah through emotional manipulation, but she had just failed in a similar effort with Cosima and did not have it in her to try again. She opted with the truth.

"The night I helped you escape from Dyad, I was shot and taken prisoner by the same organization that kidnapped you. My friends found me and freed me," she allowed her gaze to shift up slightly, again looking over the top of the computer screen at Cosima, before looking back into the camera once more, "but I am still recovering."

"You were shot? Because you helped me?"

Again Delphine knew all she had to do was say yes and Krystal would feel obligated to her.

"No, I was shot because I killed the man who kidnapped you when he attacked me as well." Delphine tried to keep her tone as matter-of-fact as possible, wanting Krystal to understand what she was getting into by saying yes. "I helped you escape because they would have killed both of us once they had realized what I had done."

"What?" Krystal looked appropriately horrified in Delphine's opinion.

"Krystal, you need to understand this is a deadly situation you are in now. The man I killed was the one who kidnapped you, but the people he worked for may know that he did it. If so, you may still be in danger. If they do not know, you are probably safe as long as you keep living your life normally and never tell anyone what you know. I cannot tell you which of those two situations is true. However, if you meet with my friends and they tell you what has been going on around you, then you will be in the same position as I am, as my friends are. If they ever find out you know the truth, you will be hunted, in an effort to keep you quiet. Do you understand? Knowing the truth will put you in danger, if you are not already. The choice is yours."

Krystal looked as if she was about to cry, but Delphine could not afford to show the sympathy she was feeling. She sat back to wait, expression calm and cold. She suspected Sarah was not very happy with her less than convincing argument.

"I don't know what to do. I have wracked my brain and I cannot for the life of me come up with what I've done to have built up this much bad karma!"

"You haven't done anything wrong Krystal. Others have. But you are paying their price. Consider what you want to do and I will call you back tonight for your answer. Do not share any of this with anyone, especially not your friend. Even if you could trust her, it would only put her in danger as well."

"These friends of yours won't hurt me?"

"No, that I can promise. But they may not help you much either. The only thing they are offering you is the truth."

"I'll be alone around 8 o'clock tonight." With that, Krystal ended the call.

Sarah's image appeared on her screen an instant later. Sarah did not speak, simply stared into the camera, seeming to look out at Delphine.

"Her choice," Delphine's tone was not apologetic. Cosima made a quiet point, coming around to stand behind Delphine.

Sarah sighed. "Cal, how much were you able to trace?"

"I only got a general location. The good news is you can probably head back to the house for the evening. She's back in the city somewhere."

"Great, wasted trip."

"Lesson learned," Mrs. S corrected. "Let Cal do a bit of up front investigation for all future contacts beforehand."

"We should be back in a few hours. We can regroup for tomorrow, if Krystal decides to meet with us."

Delphine did not appreciate the look that accompanied that remark from Sarah. "We will see you tonight, then." She closed the laptop, severing the connection, and sat back in her chair.

Cosima rested her hands on Delphine's shoulders, pressing her thumbs into the tense muscles along the back of her neck and shoulders. "I thought you handled that perfectly. It should be her choice." She paused, trying to gage how effective her efforts were on loosening up the tightness in Delphine's shoulders. "She's still going to want to know."

Delphine sighed. "I know. And I wish she wouldn't. But that does seem to be a consistent trait in your sisters…stubbornness."

Cosima smiled. "Speaking of that, I have not forgotten where our conversation left off from earlier."

Delphine leaned her head back against Cosima's chest and looked up at her. "Reprieve?"

"How long?"

"An hour. Two. Time for me to shower and try on some old clothes before everyone starts arriving again."

"That works. How about I go out and help Scott and you get a start on that?"

Delphine nodded, grateful for the time to gather her thoughts and settle her emotions.

. . . . . . . . . . .

As Delphine emerged from the downstairs bathroom to cross the hall to her bedroom she was able to look down the hallway to the kitchen and see that Donnie, Helena, and the kids had returned from their trip to one of the nearby towns. Helena spotted her and picked up several bags to bring down to her.

"Things you have on list," she offered with a hesitant smile.

Delphine returned her smile as she accepted the bags, "Thank you. There were prenatal vitamins on the list as well. Those were for you and the baby."

"Yes, I keep… in kitchen," she pointed back down the hallway to the open living room and kitchen area.

"Just follow the instructions on the packaging," she advised before pausing. She doubted Helena knew anything about pregnancy or giving birth, but she did not want to condescend or pressure her. "Helena, if you have any questions, anything at all, I will be happy to answer them, so that you know what to expect along the way?"

Helena nodded, meeting Delphine's gaze levelly. "Yes, I have these. And the tests?"

"You want the tests?" Helena nodded. "We can do a prenatal exam tomorrow morning, then."

"Yes." Helena appeared relieved as she turned back for the kitchen.

Delphine opened the bedroom door and let herself inside. Setting the bags on the bed, she used the towel around her neck to rub more of the dampness out of the ends of her hair before setting the towel aside and turning her attention to the boxes of clothes Cosima had left for her.

Delphine smiled when she saw the first thing in the box was not clothing but some loose pictures. Obviously, Cosima had gone through more than the clothing boxes upstairs. Their growing, new relationship did not change their underlying personalities from their old one, and Delphine had already known Cosima was a cheeky snoop.

There were not very many pictures, for they all had her in them. She had never liked having her picture taken. She knew many people found her looks to be classically beautiful, but in her younger years she had seen her attractiveness a curse. Perhaps if she had not been pretty, she would not have attracted the attention of a predator.

The pictures were sorted, oldest to newest. In the older pictures, a younger Delphine, usually dressed in loose fitting pants and baggy sweatshirts, gave nothing but a cold, unemotional stare at the lenses taking her picture. The next round of pictures showed her a few years older, her clothing choices more form fitting, designed to attract attention rather than avoid it. This was when she had learned to use her body and her looks as both a defense and a weapon. A means of control. There were still no smiles for the cameras, but the cold, emotionless expression had been replaced by one that was harder, almost challenging. That version of Delphine did not change in the pictures until the last, single picture. This one had been taken only a few years ago, long after her last 'benefactor'. In this picture she had a bright smile on her face as she sat on the lap of an equally happy looking man, arms wrapped around each other.

"Cosima," she sighed to herself. She would not ask, Delphine knew, but would expect to hear this story as well. Delphine felt her irritation from earlier flash again. She did not have to tell Cosima anything about her past! It was hers to share, or not, as she chose, not at Cosima's whims.

She threw the pictures in an empty drawer and then angrily sorted through the clothing in the box. Anything she was sure would fit her went into the drawer on top of the pictures, untried. Anything that she would not wear was thrown into a pile on the floor. Questionable clothing was flung on the bed behind her to be tried on. Only after she had sorted both boxes did she strip off her robe and start trying on the items on the bed. As she tried, angrily, to pull on a pair of jeans that were obviously too small, her eyes went to the closed wound on her side. She had removed the stitches in the lab that morning, but the holes where the thread had been were still visible, obvious, around the red and raw still-healing tissue. This scar, raised and ugly, would not be hidden. She had earned her survival, this one was hers.

And Cosima's? Cosima had saved her, walking into an almost certain death, alone. Again, her anger blew away, leaving her feeling empty and tired once more. Cosima might not deserve to know everything about her, but she did not deserve her anger either. She stripped off the pants and added them to the pile on the floor. Looking at the clothes in the drawer and the ones on the bed, she decided the drawer had enough items in it. Scooping the rest of the clothing on the bed into one of the now empty boxes, she added the clothes from the floor on top and put them all away on a high shelf in the small closet. She found the loosest pair of sweat pants and shirt from the drawer and dressed. She did not bother with the makeup in the recently arrived bags, but evening was fast approaching and the temperature would be dropping once more, so she went back across the hall to the bathroom to dry her hair. Cosima would be waiting.

. . . . . . . . . . .

She found Cosima on the steps, sitting where they had ended this conversation earlier. Only this time, Cosima's clothing and face were streaked with white.

"Drywall," she explained while trying to dust off a particularly large deposit from her jeans. "Getting it down the basement stairs was a lot of fun. Glad you missed it," she turned her face up and smiled.

Delphine used her thumb to brush a streak of white off of Cosima's cheek. "So I see. I doubt I would have been much help just yet. How is your breathing?"

Cosima rolled her eyes. "My breathing is fine, I'm fine, but," she pointed a finger up at Delphine, "you're deflecting again."

Delphine did not deny the charge, simply sat down next to Cosima again, back where they started.

"Hey?"

Delphine looked up from contemplating the ground, "yes?"

"It occurs to me I haven't told you today that I love you."

Delphine smiled, "Yes, you have."

"Mmmmmmm nope. Replayed the whole day. Not once."

"Ah, remember, you can't hide anything from me in your expression. You have told me a dozen times or more today alone."

"Yeah?" Cosima looked away for a second, then turned back. "What about all that time we were broken up?"

"You said it then, too. Why do you think I was drawn into making so many overtures… while we were broken up?"

"Ah, so kissing me senseless was an overture?" Cosima asked with a dramatic tilt of her head to look up her.

Delphine responded with a slight tilt of her own head, a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "I was being subtle."

Cosima laughed. "Good to know! Well, I don't want to leave any possibility of a miscommunication, so…" Cosima smiled back at her, eyes shining behind her glasses. "I love you today. I will love you tomorrow. I will love you the day after and the one after that. Nothing you ever tell me, or don't tell me for that matter, will ever change that."

"I know that now. You know the worst of me and are still here. It is … only the details I find difficult to give voice.

"So we did trigger a bad memory of Shay."

Delphine laced her fingers through Cosima's, needing to touch her. "Yes. But that was not what frightened me. I..." Delphine trailed off as the sound of a vehicle coming up the drive interrupted them once again.

Cosima rolled her eyes skyward and Delphine gave a sigh of frustration at the latest interruption as the door behind them burst open and Gemma and Oscar, covered head to toe in white dust, went running for the car to see their Mom and tell her about their day. Donnie and Helena had followed them out, standing on the porch above. Sarah and the rest were soon at the base of the stairs, the kids chattering away about shopping in town and Alison needing to try on some new clothes. Scott, hearing the commotion, came out from the lab to join them.

Delphine felt surrounded, but not in a threatening way. No, this small group of people were starting to come together as a family, her family. Having always felt isolated, usually by her own designs, this was a new sensation. It felt good to be a part of whatever this was, but it made a private conversation with Cosima impossible.

"Welcome back all," Donnie greeted the new arrivals with not a little relief. "I'm not as good as Mrs. S, but I've started some marinara sauce for spaghetti night. Something easy, even I can cook."

"That sounds perfect," Mrs. S smiled up. "I'm happy to eat it if I don't have to cook it tonight."

Sarah smiled at the two women holding hands on the steps, her irritation at Delphine obviously forgotten. "So, are you two an item again yet or what?"

Cosima gave her a pretend frustrated look and threw her free hand up in the air. "Well, we might have been, but you just interrupted some of my best moves!"

Felix raised a hand to his hip, "Oh, struck out again, did you?"

"Pretty much," Cosima nodded, readily agreeing while Delphine just shook her head at their exchange.

"She is actually learning to be as big a pain in the ass as you are, Felix," Delphine offered ruefully.

"Well then," he gave Cosima an approving look, "carry on!"

After the larger group had moved back inside, the two women were left looking at each other.

"Another reprieve?" Delphine asked hopefully.

"No! Come on," Cosima stood, tugging gently at Delphine's hand to get her to stand up. Leading her across the gravel of the drive to the now empty lab.

Closing the door behind Delphine, she locked it. "No more distractions," Cosima looked up at her, almost pleading. "Tell me what frightened you so maybe I can help?"

Delphine was quiet for so long, Cosima thought she was not going to answer. Finally, Delphine walked further into the lab, towards the table they had been standing at earlier, staring at it.

"Rape is… about power and control, even more than it is about sex. It's about taking from someone because you can, because you have the physical or psychological strength to do so, because you want to prove, to yourself or to them, you can take their control away from them. When you are the victim…." She trailed off.

"Once you have had that control taken from you, sometimes you try to get it back in… unhealthy ways. It is what Felix was warning about, in the lab the day after I arrived here. Anger is one way, striking out at anyone close to hand. But there are other ways, equally damaging. The first time, I used sex, as counter intuitive as that sounds. Sex with random acquaintances, for no more reason than it was my choice to do so. And after a few times, I would leave them, to prove I could say no… my control, my power. And when I left home, leaving my parents behind with barely a word of goodbye… it was easy to take money for something I was doing anyway... to survive that way. I am grateful that my mind was already filled with a love of science. I wanted to keep learning, so I used that money to support myself and continue my education. Eventually, I became more selective, exclusive arrangements with older, wealthy men. But it was still self-damaging. I matured enough to realize that the control I thought these … relationships … gave me was nothing more than wishful thinking. The truth is, anyone, at any time, can take control from you…in any number of ways, not just sexually. So after the last one," she nodded towards the house, "there was no one for several years. I didn't want anyone close to me, physically or otherwise. I just focused on my work, the science. There were a few lovers, later, but…" she broke off, shaking her head.

"One picture," Cosima commented in her pause. "There was only one picture with you in it where you looked happy."

"Bryce. That was here. He was sweet, caring."

"Did you love him?" Cosima was not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

"I thought I did. But can you truly love someone if you hold back large parts of yourself, because you don't trust them enough to let those barriers down?" she asked it rhetorically. "I sabotaged that relationship. Creating little tests, looking for any reason not to trust. Making it impossible for any, fallible human being to meet my standard for trust. He was not a stupid man. He left me, when he realized I was never going to let him get as close to me as he wanted."

"And me?" Cosima asked with a worried wrinkle in her forehead. "I probably didn't score very well myself."

Delphine smiled softly, cupping Cosima's face in both of her hands. "I had no defense against you. Maybe it is because initially I was working so diligently to get closer to you as your monitor, or because I didn't realize I needed to defend my heart from you. And while you may have screwed up a few times in our relationship, you have one thing no one else I have ever met does." She looked into Cosima's questioning expression. "You cannot keep what is in your heart from showing on your face. Good or bad. It makes it easy to trust you, especially when you keep telling me you love me, without ever saying a word."

Cosima turned her head so she could kiss one of Delphine's palms before she asked, "So what happened in here earlier today?"

Delphine sighed and dropped her hands. "An unhealthy response." She met Cosima's eyes squarely. "I wanted you… in a raw, primal way. When you told me to stop, I didn't want to hear stop. I didn't stop."

Cosima looked at her blankly for a moment before confusion took over. "I told you to stop and you did stop," she corrected.

"I didn't!"

"You did."

Delphine shook her head. Cosima did not understand. "Not the first time."

"But well before you crossed any lines into unhealthy power play!" Cosima tried a small smile, an effort to show her lack of any concern in Delphine's motives.

"You're not taking this seriously!"

"Because I think maybe you've lost perspective on this!"

"I was about to do to you what she did to me!"

Cosima froze. This was it, the real reason.

"She forced my legs …using pain points. And my hands were on your legs, in the same places that she…. And I didn't want to stop."

Cosima could not help the flash of anger she felt for a dead woman. Her memory of that horrible video call caused Delphine's words to form a mental image far too easily. She shook her head, trying to clear it of that picture and the anger. They could not change what had happened in the past, so they needed to address the fear that was here, now.

"You can't really believe you would ever do anything like that to me?" She waited for an answer, but Delphine would not meet her gaze, would not answer. "Because I don't. You say you didn't want to stop? But you did! You did not hurt me in any way. You could never hurt me in that way."

"Delphine, please look at me?" She waited until Delphine raised her chin, fear and uncertainty in her eyes. Once she did, however, Cosima felt herself mentally scrambling to find the words that would convince Delphine of what she knew was in her heart. "Ok, let's look at the situation objectively. If you hadn't stopped when you did, what would have happened next?"

"I would have applied pressure, like she did."

"No, let's walk it all the way through. Taking Delphine's hand, she closed the gap to the table in question, drawing the reluctant woman along in her wake. Hopping up on to the table, she placed Delphine's hands on her thighs, keeping her own hands on top of them. "This is where we were. What were you doing?"

Delphine shook her head, not wanting to do this. But Cosima, still holding her hands, was insistent. "Trying to push your legs apart."

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?" Delphine was angry, wasn't the answer obvious?

"I mean why! What were you thinking when you were trying to get my legs open? Were you thinking about forcing me to have sex with you? Because that would have taken a few more steps beyond that. How far ahead were you planning?"

Now instead of just angry Delphine was confused. "I don't know!"

"Ok, good," Cosima softened her tone, "now we are starting to get somewhere." Cosima turned Delphine's hands slightly inward on her thighs. "Apply some pressure. It's what you were doing then."

Delphine looked at her a moment, "I'm scared."

Cosima met her fear with quiet confidence. "I'm not. You are not going to hurt me." She waited until she felt a light pressure against her thighs. "At this point, I said something like, I don't think we should be doing this now." She tensed her thighs, opposing the pressure. "What were you thinking then? Were you thinking about forcing me to have sex with you?"

Delphine shook her head, trying to think back. "No." She was not sure what had been in her head at that time, but she knew it was not that. She looked up, into Cosima's eyes watching her, waiting, lips slightly parted. "To kiss you."

"What?"

"I wanted to get closer to you to kiss you again."

"And that's why you were going to apply pressure to my pain points? Because you wanted to kiss me?" Cosima's tone turned dubious.

That did not make sense to Delphine either. "No. I don't know! I don't know what I was thinking."

"Ok, let's back up again. My legs are in the way. You are trying to push them apart so you can get close enough to kiss me again, and…." Cosima allowed her voice to trail off, waiting for Delphine to fill in the blanks.

"I remembered her, pressing her fingers into the muscle groups of my legs, the sensation of pain and weakness in my legs."

Cosima tried not to let the flash of guilt she felt in making Delphine relive this part again stop the progress they were making. "What happened then? Not with Shay, but with us, when you remembered that?"

"I looked down at my hands on your legs, my fingers in exactly the same place as hers had been."

"And were you thinking about doing the same thing to me? Using those pain points?"

Delphine struggled to separate what had actually happened from what she was afraid might have happened. Had she intended that, just to get close enough to kiss Cosima again? "No." A surge of relief flooded through her. "No, I was not thinking that. But when I saw my hands on your legs, I was afraid that I would do it."

"And what did you do then," Cosima asked, relief coloring her own voice, knowing what Delphine's answer would be.

"I stopped."

"I'm sorry, could you say that again?" she asked with a smile.

Delphine drew her hands down Cosima's thighs, to her knees. "I stopped, because you asked me to and because I was afraid of what I might do, not of what I wanted to do." Delphine released a deep breath. "I definitely did not want to do anything like that to you."

"I rest my case."

Delphine gave her a tired smile, feeling relieved and a little foolish. "Sometimes, everything is a jumble in my head, my emotions mixing together so that I can't keep it all straight, even to myself."

"Fear does that." Cosima reached down to take both of Delphine's hands in hers once more, pulling her forward. She opened her legs as she drew the other woman's arms around her waist, pulling her close. "But please don't be afraid of you." She looked up into the mix of browns and greens in Delphine's eyes. "I'm not."

Delphine felt her heart rate speed up as the sensation of Cosima's body pressed against hers, the heat of her, registered. She pulled her closer, reminded even more clearly of why she had wanted this close earlier. She lowered her face, slowly bringing her lips closer to Cosima's, their eyes locked on each other, closing only as they were about to touch.

"Hey!" Scott's irritated pounding on the door pulled them apart once more.

"Fuck!" Cosima's expletive came out a fraction of a second before Delphine's "Merde!" After a moment, they both laughed.

"One second!" Cosima yelled towards the door. "Man, we are having shitty luck at this getting back together thing we've been working on." But she smiled at Delphine, relieved that they had worked through yet another hurdle.

Delphine backed up, pulling Cosima off the table and towards the door. "Yes, but the lab is probably not the right place for it."

"Hard to find the right place with an army of family around and nowhere to go for privacy." Cosima grumbled in response.

Delphine smiled at her. "We will have other opportunities."

They opened the door to Scott and quickly made their escape before he could ask any embarrassing questions. "Sorry," Cosima said as she passed him. "I must have locked the door by mistake."

. . . . . . . . . . . .

Despite being tired, Delphine enjoyed dinner, a cheerfully loud affair, with multiple discussions taking place simultaneously. While she did not participate as much in the conversation, she smiled and laughed at the antics of Felix and the sisters, bickering like… sisters. Cosima's smile and laughter kept catching her attention. She had to force herself to look away so she would not be caught staring.

After dinner, Delphine settled into one of the sofas in the living room with a cup of tea chatting with Felix. He was filling her in on the story of how he managed to get a bedroom to himself in the house. She was laughing at his description of Scott's panicked dash from the room when Donnie came down the stairs wearing a suit and holding the handle of serving spoon up to his mouth as if it was a microphone. Mrs. S sat in the overstuffed chair at the far end of the living room to watch the festivities.

"Excuse me, everyone! But tonight, we have a special event planned for your entertainment! An after dinner show of sorts," he was smiling as he issued his announcement doing his best imitation of a television show host. "My lovely children and I will be your hosts for tonight's event, a fashion show! Delphine, the early years!"

Delphine turned an accusing glare on Felix.

"I have nothing to do with this!" he defended with a look of surprise and growing delight.

"COSIMA!" she yelled trying to get up from the sofa. Felix took her arm pulling her back down to sit beside him, laughing.

Upstairs everyone froze in the act of dressing, turning to look at Cosima in question.

Sarah gave her a sly smile. "Is this one of those 'best moves' you were mentioning earlier?"

Alison went back to inspecting the clothing she had been given, feeling of the fabric. "Maybe last move if I'm not mistaking that tone."

"It'll be fine." Cosima would have preferred it if her tone had sounded more confident than wishful.

Downstairs, Donnie continued his script. "Our first model is the lovely Helena," he paused to allow Gemma to escort her auntie down the stairs. Holding her hand high, she helped Helena off the last step and then turned to run back up the stairs. Helena kept her chin up as she strutted forward, stopping in the middle of the living room, hands on hips, head turned to the side to pose.

"Helena is wearing a classic look from the early 2000s. The tan cargo pants were all the rage as was the layered tank top look."

Felix turned to look at Delphine. "The tank tops are fine, but cargo pants?"

Delphine refused to look at him, shaking her head as she looked up at the ceiling. She knew the cargo pants were just the beginning. This was not going to be pretty.

Helena came to her defense. "This is very good," she stressed, jamming her hands into the deep pockets of the pants. "Many places to hide necessary things." A knife, loaded magazines, even a hand grenade or two. She did not want to admit that she had many pairs of similar pants in her storage facilities, but most were in camouflage colors.

Delphine smiled at her, willing to accept any allies she could find. "Thank you Helena. You look very good in that."

Helena smiled back and moved to clear the center of the floor for the next model.

"Next, up is the beautiful and sciency Cosima." Oscar escorted Cosima down the stairs, holding her hand up as Gemma had done, also turning to run back up the stairs once she had reached the first floor.

Donnie continued his hostly duties as Cosima reached the middle of the floor to assume her pose. "Our lovely lady of dreads is wearing a 2000 throw-back look of flare jeans with a flowered peasant top."

Delphine dropped her chin, glaring up at Cosima from her seat on the sofa. She could not hold her glare however, as the woman did look adorable in the slightly too long jeans and worried, guilty look she was trying to hide. Delphine felt her own expression soften, and allowed the smile she had been fighting to peak through, but just slightly. Cosima relaxed at the sparkle in Delphine's eyes, knowing she was off the hook. But Felix could not let the outfit pass without commen.

"Oh Delphine…." He started.

"I know," she interrupted him, "The 70's called and they want their clothing back."

"I was going to say 60's."

"Of course," she nodded, resigned.

"Bell bottoms?" His tone was disbelieving.

"Flare jeans," she defended, in mock annoyance. "And, I used to wear the layered tank tops with those jeans and a very fashionable scarf belt. They have mixed and matched clothing items horribly!"

"It just so happens," Cosima interrupted their sniping as she moved to stand next to Helena, "I kinda like this look."

"Of course you do, darling, you are pot-smoking, hippy of the new millennium. You obviously miss your people."

"Hey!" Cosima picked up a pillow and threw it at him.

Felix laughed and threw it back at her.

Our next model is the most beautiful woman in the world. I have to say that since it is both true and if I didn't I would be sleeping outside tonight. Being escorted by the lovely Gemma is our very own pistol packing queen of organization, Alison."

Delphine dropped her face into her hands as Alison took up her position center stage.

"Tonight, Alison is modeling the infamous… I mean designer label Juicy Couture velour track suit of the 2000's in the always stylish pink, and more pink…and even more pink." Posing with her hands deep in the pockets of the zipped jacket she was wearing, Alison pivoted so that her audience could get a good look of both front, back, and sides of the outfit as Donnie commented on the color variations.

Felix turned to glare at Delphine. "You have got to be kidding?"

Delphine peaked up him through her spread fingers and shook her head slowly before dropping her hands to her lap with a defeated air.

"But Felix! It's designer label!" Alison defended her modeling attire. "It's a classic and so very comfortable!"

Both Felix and Delphine gave her stunned looks, before looking at each other and then back at Alison. "It is you, Alison," Felix allowed.

Alison smiled at him, choosing to take his comment as a complement. But before turning away, her smile turned sly as she reached up and unzipped the jacket revealing a white t-shirt with bold black letters spelling out "Just Juicy!"

Felix's mouth dropped open and his eyes grew wide as he briefly contemplated several cuttingly witty critiques of the shirt to direct at Delphine. But before he could utter his final choice, Delphine's finger appeared in front of his nose like the tip of a spear.

"Not. One. Word." The warning was issued in a deadly calm tone.

Knowing that silence in this case meant his continued survival, he made a great show of pressing his lips tightly together and placing one of his own fingers over them to keep them closed.

As Alison joined her sisters to the side, Delphine caught Cosima laughing and glared at her once more. She would have to think of something suitable to get even for this one day. But Cosima did not look intimidated now. Instead she looked expectantly towards the stairs, her expression one of gleeful anticipation.

Delphine sighed, at least this would be the last of it. There were no more clones to come other than Sarah.

Donnie smiled as he issued his last introduction. "And our final model, escorted by the ever handsome Oscar, is Clone Clubs own grifter and thief, Sarah modeling the denim version of biker chick chic!"

Sarah strutted to the center of the floor wearing a denim miniskirt with matching denim jacket and knee high black boots. She allowed the denim jacket to slide off her shoulders to reveal a black halter t-shirt that left her entire midriff bare.

Cosima caught Delphine's eye and arched an eyebrow. There was no doubt in Delphine's mind that this was one of the outfits she had meant when she had offered money in exchange for Delphine modeling for her. Delphine narrowed her eyes and shook her head, her answer from before was definitely final now. Never.

Felix looked confused, "Wait, is that from Delphine's wardrobe or yours?" He asked Sarah in mock seriousness.

Her answer was equally serious, "Oh no, mine's in leather, not denim, but other than that, same outfit, yeah."

"Hey, I made that look work!" Delphine complained good-naturedly. "It was all about the hair, I had it long and I crimped it."

"You mean like Britney Spears?" Felix gave her a knowing look.

Delphine's eyes darted away, not meeting his as she grudgingly admitted to it, "Yes!"

Felix laughed as Delphine leaned back into the cushions behind her, holding up her hands in surrender as she smiled in embarrassment, "I concede! You win in the fashion category! Even youth is no excuse for this," she admitted as she waved her hand at the sister's Delphine-wear.

He leaned back next to her, throwing an arm around her shoulders. "Well, you are still prettier than I am… although that is a very very close thing! But we can still call it a tie." He leaned closer, so that no one else could hear them, "You are going to be just fine, darling."

She smiled at him. "I know." She kissed him on the cheek as Cosima threw herself down next to her on the sofa.

"Just so you know, even though it is so not my style, I almost insisted that I wear that outfit instead of Sarah. I didn't want anyone getting any ideas."

"What ideas?"

"Oh…" Cosima smiled, "well, it's very interesting the things I learned when we all thought you were…," her smile slipped a bit before she continued. "Well, gone."

Delphine took her hand, a quiet apology for what Cosima had gone through during that time. She tried to keep her own tone light, "And what things did you learn?"

Cosima continued, looking Delphine in the eye. "Apparently, Sarah thinks you are a really good kisser."

Delphine's expression was blank for a moment, before realization dawned. "Oh she does?" Delphine raised her eyebrows. They both swiveled their heads to stare at Sarah.

"Wha… FELIX!" Sarah pointed her brother with a glare.

"What!?" Felix scrambled up and away from the sofa, circling to the far side of the kitchen table where he could keep away from his sister. "We all thought Delphine was dead and Cosima was crushed! I just wanted to get her to smile once." He tried to sound reasonable in his excuse. "I didn't realize she would drop with laughter."

"Sarah," Delphine asked with sideways smile and a sparkle in her eye. "Are you sure you aren't gay? Or bi? You know if you want to know for sure, I would be willing to kiss you again," she offered, starting to stand up as if to move towards Sarah.

This time it was Cosima's turn to pull her back down into the cushions of the sofa. "Oh, I don't think so! Not now that I know you two have so much in common," she added, waving at the outfit Sarah was wearing.

"Hey, hey! Not one more word on this subject!" Sarah said to the couple. "And you!" pointing at Delphine, "Keep those lips away from me. It really did weird me out!" She admitted, embarrassed at the admission.

"I seem to recall your description was 'weirdly erotic'."

"One more word Felix, so help me!" She chased her brother once around the table to emphasize the seriousness of her incomplete threat.

. . . . . . . . . . . .

As the evening wore on various members of the new household made their excuses. Delphine and Cosima stayed on the sofa, sitting close enough that they were always in some physical contact. As eight o'clock approached, Sarah and Felix started to set up the computer and burner phone and conferenced in Cal once more the help with the clandestine computer trickery.

Delphine took their moment alone to turn Cosima's hand over, displaying the dandelion tattoo.

"Hmm?" Cosima looked up at her in question. Delphine could tell from Cosima's worried expression that she expected to be ask to explain. After all, Delphine had shared her secrets.

Instead, Delphine surprised her. "Did you call me 'baby' earlier?"

Cosima was caught, unprepared for the question. "Uh…That depends… did you like it?"

"I have never liked people calling me that. It has always seemed so… childish, condescending."

"Then I won't do it again," Cosima promised.

Delphine leaned her head back on Cosima's shoulder, contemplating.

"I do think I like it when you do it, though. For some reason beyond explanation."

Cosima grinned. "How about I keep calling you baby if you keep calling me Pinocchio?"

Delphine gave an amused snort. "Not in public for either of those?"

"You got a deal."

Delphine's exhaustion was taking its toll. She was ready to call it an evening and go sleep. "Shall we go get Krystal's answer so Sarah can follow through with her plan tomorrow?"

"Yep."

Delphine sat down at the computer once more as Cal placed the call through so that it showed as Krystal's mother calling her.

Krystal picked up the call almost immediately, but she did not speak right away, staring into the camera, fear evident.

"Krystal," Delphine asked, "are you ok?"

Krystal shook her head. "I'm so sorry. You said not to tell her, but I need to, I thought I could trust her."

"What happened? What did she do?" Delphine cut through her apology, needing to understand the implications.

Instead of answering, Krystal looked off to the right of her screen, a terrified look on her face as another figure entered the camera pickup. The face of the intruder was higher than the camera, but the body was quick to put Krystal in a headlock, pulling her chin up and out, exposing her neck for a waiting syringe. Once the injection had been given, her unconscious, possibly dead body was allowed to fall to the floor.

Delphine gasped at the suddenness and speed of the attack. "Krystal!"

The intruder sat down in the now empty chair, bringing her face into Delphine's view for the first time during the call. Delphine's blood froze. Ice blue eyes, hard and angry looked out at her from her computer screen. The woman's hair was a straight, glossy black, but other than that, she looked exactly like she had stepped from Delphine's nightmares.

Delphine could barely whisper the name, faced with the image in front of her. "Shay."

But there was no softness in the eyes that looked back at her, no effort to appear anything but cold and cruel and angry. And then the image spoke. "Doctor Cormier, I presume? Rumor has it, Shay… fell to pieces… over your ex, Cosima." Her tone lacked any inflection that would indicate emotion, completely at odds with her expression. "Would you like to guess again?"

It had taken Cosima and Sarah, standing on the other side of the table, a moment to realize something was very wrong. At Delphine's distress, Cosima had rushed to her side, standing in shock for a split second before rage filled her at the image on the screen. But Sarah, only a few seconds behind her sister was quicker to recognize the truth.

"You're not Shay," she said flatly, "you're a clone."

Delphine shuddered and closed her eyes as the monster smiled.

. . . . . . . . . .

Authors Note: So, from word one of chapter 1, I have always intended for Shay to be a member of a new clone line. It just took me more chapters to get here than I had originally hoped because of the CoPhine that took over the last several chapters. Now that this surprise is out of the way, I feel obligated to explain some of my reasoning for my storyline choices to the dedicated Shaysima fans out there. When choosing who the shooter would be, it always had to be Shay for me. Not only does it roll off the tongue (Shay the Shooter, Shay the Shooter), but any other character I considered making the shooter just didn't come with the same depth of angst/guilt possibilities (although Siobhan the Shooter has a good phonetic ring to it too, there is just not the same emotional entanglement with Delphine and Cosima). And since I am a die-hard CoPhine fan (despite the fact that Shaysima actually has better onscreen chemistry), Shay had to go, one way or the other. However, I am also a huge Ksenia Solo fan and wanted to keep her on the show (in my fanfic at least) so, presto chango! Shay the clone. Hey, despite the fact that I do not not write AU or crossover (at least not to date), in what universe would the world NOT be a better place with a million and one Kenzie Klones running around? (Happy Birthday, Spooky!)


	12. Chapter 12

Authors Note: Sorry for the long delay. I couldn't decide exactly how to set up the Shay Clones backstory and just how insidious I wanted the worms to be. I still think I reveal too much about the Shay clones at one time in this chapter, but I'm going with it anyhow!

Special thanks to my reviewers: Elsa, Spooky, Gnosis, First Movement, Cophine1, and CdnGirl01, both for the motivating reviews and for the Private Messages asking if the next chapter is done yet. Finally I can say YES it is!

REQUEST: Because I tend to be highly suggestable, I am not watching any of season 4 until I have this story line to a "complete" conclusion, so please no spoilers in any future reviews. Thanks! Having said that, I may break this story up into two parts, the first being the Cophine resolution and the second being the showdown with Neolution. We shall see how long I can hold out from watching season 4!

Updated A/N: In addition to the spelling and grammar fixes in this chapter I have also made one significant modification. I had originally posted a scene I had deleted from this chapter and received a lot of positive feedback. So I have decided to reintegrate it back into this chapter. That is the only major change in this one.

Chapter 12

Eyes closed, heart pounding in her chest, Delphine heard the words spoken. Another clone line, a sister to Shay, not the woman herself, not the one who had brought her pain for so long and was still doing so even now. But this new woman wore her face.

She felt Cosima next to her, standing so close she was pressed against her side.

Cosima took her arm, pulling gently. "Come on, Delphine. Let's get you out of here. Sarah can handle this." Another hand rested lightly on her opposite shoulder, Sarah offering strength as well.

The voice spoke again, so close to that hated one in her memories, but not quite. "I must admit, I'm surprised to find you looking so well, seeing all you've been through."

Delphine opened her eyes, meeting the hard glare looking back at her from the screen, seeming to challenge her. Her anger flared once more. She would not run and hide from an image on a computer screen. She shook her head.

Something must have shown in her face, for the image looking back at her smiled again before offering a name, "Lyssa," she cocked her head, pretending puzzlement, "Have we met before?"

Delphine did not respond to the taunt, knowing the woman was just trying to upset her. "Krystal?" she asked, grateful that her voice did not break on the only word she could think to speak.

The image looked down out of the camera pickup range. "She's fine. Just tranked." She raised one finger in the air before pointing it down at the floor where Krystal's body lay and returning her gaze to the camera. "I may have been a bit harsher than I needed to there. Payback for her making my ears bleed with her incessant and inane chatter over the last weeks. But I knew once you saw me this would end up being a short conversation and I didn't want us wasting time trying to explain things to her. Too big a chore trying to find small enough words that she would understand."

Sarah squeezed Delphine's shoulder gently before taking over the conversation. "What do you want?"

"My orders are to issue you an ultimatum. Neolution wants Kendall Malone and all of you under lock and key, including Dr. Cormier, your brother, and Siobhan Sadler."

Sarah raised her eyes briefly to look at her mother and brother, standing behind the laptop screen and shook her head, "Yeah, we've seen how you treat people in your care," she looked down at Delphine briefly. "So that's not going to happen, none of it."

This time the smile was more patronizing. "The Helsinki Operation was so named because it involved the termination of 6 self-aware clones, in the city of the same name, who were trying to reveal their existence," she paused, looking thoughtful. "What do you think they should call the project they're working on now to eradicate every Leda clone from the face of the earth?"

Delphine felt Cosima stiffen next to her. "You can't! That's crazy, why kill everyone?"

The woman's expression turned cold, but she ignored Cosima's outburst altogether. "Personally, I like Swan Song. It ties back into the mythology so well."

"They wouldn't," Sarah tried to project a confidence in the words that she did not feel.

Lyssa picked up a clear test tube, one small, white worm wiggling in the bottom of it. "Have you seen one of these before?"

Delphine spoke before Sarah could say anything, "Yes. Nealon tried to infect me with one…," she allowed her own expression to harden, "before I killed him." She was grateful her voice remained firm, matching the coldness in the eyes looking back at her.

Delphine saw Lyssa's eyes flicker as her barb went home, but the change of expression was gone as quickly as it had appeared. She remained quiet for a moment staring out of the computer screen before speaking again.

"Papa Nealon was so proud when I came up with a way to integrate the technology with the biology in this little cyborg worm to make it work. But then, he was always easier to impress than Mama Duncan. Which reminds me, do tell Cal Morrison I found his micro circuitry a work of genius, but he was a moron not to see beyond the micro pollinators cover story sooner." Her eyes sharpened as Sarah reacted to this news.

"But I digress." She wiggled the tube gently from side to side. "This specific worm is meant for Krystal. I delayed implantation until you made contact…and we knew you would try to make contact," her tone took on a lightly derisive edge. "You are starting to become a bit predictable Sarah. Very sloppy.

"All over the world, every Leda clone is being quietly taken off-line," she paused, offering a fake look of embarrassment, "a little more circumspectly than I just did with Krystal, and given one of these little guys." She tipped the glass container on its side, watching as the worm began to wiggle its way along the length of the tube. "They go in through the mouth, burrow their way through the soft palette, working their way up. Eventually they attach themselves to the cranial portion of the left optic nerve where they watch, transmit, and wait. With one push of a button on a computer keyboard, a signal can be sent out to them, triggering the release of a small sac of toxin that will kill their hosts instantly. Well," she shrugged with another smile, "almost instantly. The results will look like a brain aneurysm on any autopsy."

"Almost half of the Leda clones already have them. In another month the rest will as well. Consider them unknowing hostages to your good behavior. Neolution is betting the price of you screwing them over is a higher one than even you're willing to pay, Sarah.

Sarah was shocked at the sudden turn of events, but practice kept it from showing in her own expression. "I don't usually do well with ultimatums. Ask Rachel."

Lyssa tilted her head. "You're about to learn, little David, that fables are for children and Goliath's reach is epic. You are out manned and outgunned and out resourced and…" she paused, looking down as if considering how to continue before shifting her gaze back. "And, and, and…. Do you really need a sign in the window to show you how this ends?" She righted the tube in her hand, the worm falling to the bottom once more. "Like poor Krystal here," she looked down again, to where Krystal's body had fallen out of the camera's view. "I think I'll wait until she's awake to give her her new pet. It's a rather unforgettable sensation," Lyssa's voice changed tone slightly, sounding disengaged, "the feel of it, slowly working its way into your brain."

Cosima tried to intervene once more. "You don't… you don't have to be cruel," she said softly, expression entreating. "You don't have to hurt her."

Lyssa's eyes rose back to the camera, her expression turning glacial once more. "You have 24 hours to turn yourselves into Dyad. We can pick you up from there."

"Not happening," Sarah was equally firm in her response, reaching out to the laptop, preparing to slam it shut and cut the connection.

"You can't hide forever, Sarah. Thanks to Dr. Cormier, we already know you've left the city, but have stayed close. It's just a matter of time before one of our teams tracks you down."

Sarah hesitated, looking into the screen before completing the action of slamming it closed, severing the connection. She pulled out her phone and hit a speed dial button, putting it on speaker.

"Cal! For tracking purposes what distances would your micro pollinators have had?"

"Shit! Without amplification, about 10, 12 kilometers!"

Sarah started for the door before Cal's voice stopped her. "Don't destroy the worm! I'll need it to see what they've done if you want me to figure out how to hack it."

Looking wide eyed at Felix, she pointed towards the door. "Fe, go get that worm and bring it here!" As Felix ran out the back door for the lab she set the phone on the table they were all crowded around.

"How do we block the signal?"

"Metal container, preferably lead, but a thicker gage steel would work."

Delphine looked hopeful, "I have had it stored in a medicine cabinet that is made of metal, would that have masked the tracker?"

"That would dampen the signal, reduce the range, but not necessarily stop it. You need something thicker than that."

Silence reined as they all thought hard. "Helena's new gun safes!" Mrs. S blurted the second the idea entered her mind.

"That would do it!"

Cosima ran for the basement door, "I'll get her."

Sarah headed in the opposite direction, towards the back door Felix had just exited. "No need. They have biometric locks."

Standing just inside the back door was one of the 4 new gun safes. Helena had put one in each corner of the house, two upstairs and two down, so there were weapons handy in all corners of the house. Sarah pressed her thumb to the biometric lock, offering a quick smile to her staring sister.

"Fingerprints close enough to flag a match, yeah?" she asked as the lock clicked open.

"Right," Cosima smiled sheepishly. "I keep forgetting about that part."

Felix charged back in carrying the small glass jar, out of breath, almost hitting his sister as the door flew inwards. Sarah took the jar from him, quickly housing it in the base of the safe, before slamming the door.

She let out a deep breath as everyone relaxed. "Now you can go and get Helena. Get everyone. We have a new problem."

"Do we?" Siobhan looked thoughtful.

"What?"

"That was a very interesting conversation," she replied, concentrating on the aspects of the discussion that had peaked her interest. "She gave us a lot of information that she didn't need to give. That those bugs are transmitters? That they attach to the optic nerve and they 'watch'?"

"Creepy thought," Felix wrapped his arms around himself. "If they can watch and transmit, then there's probably someone recording at the other end of the line. New and improved monitors."

"And that she has one inside herself." There was no doubt in Sarah's mind, the woman had been speaking from experience when she said the sensations of the worm working its way into the brain was unforgettable.

"And they have teams looking for us outside the city, I'm guessing because they haven't found that thing," Mrs. S pointed to the safe, "anywhere inside the city."

"Because I took it with me," Delphine sat down hard on the sofa. "They might have found us because I took it with me." Cosima moved to her side, wrapping an arm around her, her own mind still focused on what Felix had said about monitors watching through the eyes of their hosts. Had Shay had one as well? She felt a bit sick at the thought.

"I'm glad you did," Cal's disjointed voice came from the cell phone on the table. "Otherwise, Sarah would be hatching a plan to try to find one for me to hack."

"Yeah, and no harm done now that we know," Sarah offered. "So, this Lyssa was sending us warnings, the threatening kind and the helpful kind?"

"She was very specific in her wording on the threatening parts. Her orders were…Neolution wants…. Not herself, but them," Mrs. S pondered. "But if they were watching out of her own eyes, she had to be tricky about the rest. Cal's work being in there, Susan Duncan being alive and a part of Neolution and, safe guess, that she and Nealon are responsible for this new clone line, Papa and Mama."

"And was there something off about that Goliath bit? That seemed too theatrical for there not to be a message in it."

"The sign in the window," Cosima looked up suddenly from her darkening thoughts of Shay. "'And, and, and… do you need a sign in the window'. She has Krystal at Shay's apartment!"

"How do you know?"

"Shay had an ampersand, an 'and' sign sitting in her window!" Delphine was nodding in agreement.

"Well now, isn't that interesting," Mrs. S spoke into the resulting silence. "It seems we have an invitation."

. . . . . . . . . .

"Mama D, we have a situation."

Susan Duncan looked up from her computer screen, frowning at the interruption by her assistant. The fact that Zia had used the nickname for her they had come up with as children was one of the few outward signs that the clone was distressed by this 'situation'. The light blue eyes and jet black hair of the Helen line were obvious, but Zia's hair was only beginning to grow back, its short length accentuated by her decision to form it into spikes. She had assigned Zia as her assistant after the clone had been badly injured in a particularly ugly assignment. Her convalescence had been a long one, but once Zia had been reasonably mobile again, she had needed something to keep her occupied through the rest of the physical therapy process. Having her as an assistant had also allowed the geneticist to keep an eye on her. Sometimes the more traumatic injuries brought behavioral changes with them that were… unacceptable. None of those behaviors had materialized and Zia was healed enough now to return to the field. But she found she had become accustomed to having an assistant. Since all the others were out on assignment, she had kept Zia back to continue in that role.

"Which unit?"

"Unit 74. We have a team in route."

"Time stamp?" she inquired as she began opening the surveillance files.

"The incident started 12 minutes ago, concluded less than a minute ago."

"Concluded?" She asked as she pulled up the real time feed, seeing nothing but a blank screen. Blinking, she keyed in the commands to take her to the appropriate time stamp.

"Terminated."

Dr. Duncan looked up at that, hesitating before looking back to her screen and pressing the enter key. Well, that explained the tightness in Zia's voice. The two of them had been close as children. Another reason to keep a sharp eye on this one.

The screen cleared, showing printed words and pictures from the pages of a magazine. The focal point of the video shifted minutely over the page of print showing on the monitor, flickering occasionally in a blink, before fixing on an ad for a popular perfume. Delicate fingers smoothed over the ad before turning the page. It was another page later that the focus shifted suddenly, showing an unconscious Leda clone on a couch, pausing there before quickly moving to the door. The knob on the door was starting to turn. The flutter of pages could be heard as the magazine was thrown aside and the camera field moved erratically, the image of a gun on the coffee table next to the unconscious woman getting closer. Before a hand could close on it, the sound of the door being kicked open could be heard and a firm voice rang out.

"Stop!" The focus steadied, as the headlong dash for the gun on the coffee table halted abruptly. The voice continued in an Irish accent, "I don't enjoy killing people as a rule, but since one of your sisters proved to be a less than hospitable hostess to one of ours, I'm thinking I might not mind it so much this time."

The image straightened and turned, bringing Siobhan Sadler, holding an unwavering gun, into view. Behind her were a Leda clone and a young man, Sarah and the brother. "In that case, may I offer you tea and biscuits?" an angry, sardonic voice responded.

Sadler's only response was to use her gun to wave Lyssa away from the coffee table and the weapon she had been trying to reach. "Felix, check on Krystal. Get her downstairs quickly. Sarah, see what our new friend might be hiding from us, won't you?"

"Gladly," the image showed Sarah walking towards the camera from the side, pausing to lean in close. "Predictable and sloppy, am I?" she asked rhetorically before circling behind. The Sadler woman offered a brief smile before the image was jostled as Sarah searched her.

"What, not even going to buy me a drink after that?"

"Shut up and get on your knees, hands behind you." More jostling of the image and the ripping sound of a zip tie. "And no, no drink. But since you do strike me as a blindfold kind of girl, how about this?"

A black bag slid over the image, blacking it out. "Actually I have been known to be that kind of girl, but I usually save this for the second date. Call me old fashioned."

There were sounds of a search, items being moved about, papers shuffled.

"What are we going to do with her?" The Sadler woman's voice. "We can't take her with us."

"They showed us the rules they're following with Delphine," Ms. Manning's reply came after a long pause. "I say we play by the same ones."

There was a silence before the older woman asked, "You sure?"

More sounds of items being shuffled around, "Yeah, I'm sure."

The black bag was removed, the image wobbled as Lyssa shook her head. The Sadler woman was again standing in the center of the image with a gun.

"Any last words?" she asked, looking surprisingly apologetic.

The camera angle tilted up, focusing on the ceiling above the woman's head. "I'll see you all in hell."

"Most likely." The reply was issued softly as the gun was raised, silencer perfectly centered on Dr. Duncan's screen. An indistinct sound coincided with the sudden shift to a blank screen, the transmission ended.

Susan Duncan stared at the screen, thinking. Unit 74 had been terminated. Of all of them, she had been the favorite, held up as a symbol to the others, an example to imitate, if not become. Still, the things that made her the most effective were also what compromised her as a resource, formed her most significant weaknesses. Her reaction to the last assignment had shown just how far the rot of those weaknesses had extended. And her responses in this last surveillance footage had shown a complete lack of any real struggle. Was it possible she had realized she was to be purged once the Leda situation had been resolved? If they had not been so short of assets at the moment, it would have already been done. Regardless, it seemed it was done now.

She turned to Zia. "What is the status of the backup team?"

"ETA 2 minutes."

"They'll be gone by now. Our message was delivered, they responded. Shots fired across each other's bows. I'm willing to wait to see what they do next, but accelerate the implantations. If you split the 4 person teams into 2 person teams we can double the rate. Pull extra resources from the field if you have to in order to accelerate it further."

"Smaller teams leave them more exposed during the off-lining process. We might run into trouble with some of Dyad's monitors."

"Yes, but do it anyway. I want our contingency plan in place by the end of next week."

"Yes ma'am." Zia closed the door behind her as she left, leaving Susan alone to contemplate the current situation.

Her phone rang a moment later. Glancing at the display, she suspected she knew what this call was about. Answering the phone without a salutation, she asked, "Do you have a visual on the target?"

"Yes ma'am," a deep masculine voice answered. "She's being moved by unknowns along with another body. Do you want us to intervene?"

"No. Follow them, discretely of course. Let me know what hole they crawl into. Once we are sure we have them all, we can send in a tactical team to retrieve them." She ended the call.

She firmly believed the Leda Project had run its course. How much more could they learn about the diversity in the nurture aspect of the equation? They knew where the flaws were in the biological design, and now, thanks to Ethan's book they had the key to all of the synthetic sequences. If only they could identify and fix the defect in that one sequence, there would be no additional benefit to continuing the Leda line, for they could start again with brand new clone lines, made to order and free of physical and behavioral defects. The original genetic material for Leda would go a long way towards that end, if they could secure it. In the meantime, they would continue with their research, using Rachel's translation of Ethan's book. While some of the passages appeared to be gibberish, others were proving very helpful.

. . . . . . . . . . .

After Cal had replayed his recording of their call with Lyssa for the entire group, they had picked it apart for clues and formed a plan. Those with a role in it went to work, all of them well aware there were more questions than answers about this new dilemma.

Cosima and Delphine were not a part of the current plan, which Delphine suspected was by Sarah's design so that neither of them would have to face the Shay clone just yet. Since it was generally agreed that after 8pm the "lab" turned into Scott's bedroom and he would monitor any samples running through the night, the two of them were left free of obligations for the evening. They remained seated on the sofa together, both in a state of semi shock, as the others departed for their various tasks.

Lyssa's description of how the worm worked had left them with the uncomfortable possibility that in addition to being a time bomb in the brains of their hosts, they were also living "bugs", capable of transmitting video picked up through the optic nerve and quite possibly audio. If that was the case, everything that happened in view of someone who was infected was quite possibly being monitored and recorded. And Lyssa had subtly hinted that she carried one. If she had one, it was likely that Shay had had one as well. Cosima felt sick at the thought, for Delphine as well for herself.

She turn to Delphine, "How are you doing with all this?"

"I'm not sure," she paused, trying to assess her jumble of feelings through her exhaustion. "I know she's not Shay, but emotions and rationality are not the same. I just want them all to come back safely."

Delphine took a closer look at Cosima's expression before making her own inquiry. "How are you with these new possibilities?"

Cosima tilted her head, a bit bewildered. "Well, I never considered making a sex tape… like, ever. It's a bit disconcerting to think there may be a database out there with a dozen of them now," she cringed as she tried to project a sense of humor, "or two." But her voice wavered. "All so very 1984."

Knowing that words would mean nothing right now, Delphine simply wrapped her arms around Cosima, pulling her close and taking comfort as she gave it.

Cosima rubbed her cheek against Delphine's collarbone. "You looked so tired all evening," she murmured. "Any chance you can get some sleep?" For herself, she was certain she would be awake all night worrying and obsessing about things she could not control or change.

Delphine turned her face into Cosima's hair for a moment, breathing her in and considering the question. "I'll dream." Cosima shifted as her head came up, looking Delphine in the eyes. She could see Cosima trying to come up with something to say to help her and failing.

Wrapping her arms around Delphine and pulling her against her, she leaned back and rotated, until they were reclined, Delphine nestled between her and the back of the sofa. "I'll watch over you while you sleep," she promised softly. "This time you won't need to wake up to run off to the lab."

Delphine settled lower so she could rest her head on Cosima's chest, still wrapped in her arms. She did not think she would be able to sleep but the comfort she found in the shelter Cosima offered was a good substitute. She felt the soft brush of fingers, running through her hair in a slowly repeating pattern, soothing. Gradually the tightness in her shoulders loosened and she felt herself relaxing. Allowing her mind to wander, she found herself thinking about the first time she had met Cosima, the ruse of the forgotten grades pulling her into a conversation in the hallway at the university.

Something about Cosima had always felt…right… from the first moment they had spoken in that hallway as she had tried to draw Cosima into any kind of opening that she could use as a pretext for a follow-up 'chance encounter' without being obvious. She had thought her false tears over the supposed phone argument would be a good ploy to raise sympathy in the other woman to accomplish that task. What woman had not had a bad breakup and needed the understanding shoulder of another woman. She smiled into Cosima's chest at the hindsight.

Cosima felt it. "What's funny?" Cosima asked, without breaking the pattern of stroking her hair.

"I was remembering our very first conversation, when I was trying to draw you into my web of deceit, my little fly," she said quietly. "I was trying for the shared sympathy of breaking up with a boyfriend.

"I had sympathy for that, just more with breaking up with girlfriends instead." Cosima smiled as she pressed a kiss to the top of Delphine's head. "And the tears worked on me, they're what did the trick. They always do when it's you."

"I'm sorry, love."

"No need. That's old ground. Why were you thinking about that?"

"I have always found something comforting about you, from the first moment I shook your hand and introduced myself. I didn't analyze that reaction at the time, but now... It's as if, only at that moment did my life make sense. And everything that came before had to happen as it did for me to be able to stand there, in that moment with you."

"For me too. The difference was, I was physically attracted to you right then. An instant kind of thing. For you it wasn't sexual."

"Well, not that I recognized at the time. But there was something… under the surface. As if it was on the edge of perception, so I didn't recognize it until later."

Cosima allowed her insecurity to show. "How do you know it wasn't just that friendship blooming, and that my feelings for you drew you into interpreting it as more?"

Delphine raised her head, hearing the doubt. "Hey, no… what I feel for you is so much larger than friendship… or sex for that matter. It is all encompassing, and it is something I have never known before, never knew could exist."

"For me too. It's why I'm not worried about having more than what we have right now," Cosima ran her fingers through Delphine's hair, then gently drew her head down to rest on her chest once more. "What we have now is heaven compared to what might have been. If anything, I worry that you're trying to push yourself too far, too fast for my sake."

Delphine shook her head. "For my own sake. I want it all back," she ran the hand that had been resting at Cosima's waist slowly up her side, caressing. "Everything that we had before, I want it all back again," she stopped her hand, thumb resting underneath Cosima's breast, fingers splayed over the ribs of her side.

She wanted to continue, to allow her thumb to follow that lovely curve up, to lower her lips, such a short distance, and tease Cosima gently with her fingers and her teeth through the fabric of the blouse she was wearing, until her nipple tightened and her breathing became ragged. She had done that very thing earlier today in the lab, when she had been desperately grasping at life from the memory of death. Remembering Cosima's moans from that encounter caused a stir of arousal in her even now. But it would be unfair to tease Cosima further, knowing she could not follow through with such a promise now, exhaustion and confusion still ruling her, spinning her around. With a light stroke of her thumb along the underside of Cosima's breast, she reversed the caress, returning her hand to its starting point at her waist once more, then slid it up her back, pulling her closer. She felt the quiet exhalation of a held breath brush her ear, the only indication that Cosima had been quietly awaiting her decision.

"I am angry at my own weakness and fear for not letting me have it back right now."

"You are not weak," Cosima protested quietly. "You are a very strong woman, a survivor like Sarah." Delphine scoffed, shaking her head again as it rested on Cosima's chest. "I'm serious. It's just, Sarah survives by throwing herself at things, and shifting and striking in unpredictable ways, like lightening. Your strength is quiet, solid, weathering whatever storms come at you, still standing afterwards."

"Bloodied, but unbowed?" she asked, the bitter skepticism in her voice cutting. "I seem to remember being bowed."

Cosima hesitated at this flash of bitterness, continuing to stroke her hair in silence. But she could not let it stand unchallenged.

"'Out of the night that covers you, Out of the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be, For your unconquerable soul,'" Cosima pressed a kiss to the top of her head once more. "'Invictus', the same poem where the phrase 'bloodied, but unbowed' was coined, although I did modify it slightly. As for you being bowed, that was a physical limitation of human endurance being reached. It was not a bowing of the soul, or you would have told her where we were and she would have had me to hurt instead."

Delphine's head came up again, anger flashing in her eyes. "I would never have willingly let that happen!"

Cosima did not flinch from her anger, meeting it instead with a quiet calm. "Unbowed," she whispered, brushing Delphine's cheek with her thumb.

Delphine felt tears start to form at the pride shining in Cosima's eyes, at her genuine believe in Delphine's strength, instead of what Delphine herself perceived as weakness. Another lesson in perspective? She would have to consider this one before she could believe it and take it to heart, but it gave her pause in her internal flagellation, the light of Cosima's belief warring with her own bitterness… and winning, tiny bit by tiny bit.

Cosima's expression clouded at her tears. "That still works on me like kryptonite on superman," she murmured, wiping away the one tear that escaped before Delphine lowered her head to rest on Cosima once more.

"I think these tears are good ones… healthy ones. I am seeing myself through your eyes, just a little. I don't know that I believe the image of myself that I am seeing there. But perhaps the truth of me is somewhere between your idealized version and my more pessimistic one?"

Cosima resumed running her fingers through Delphine's hair once more. "Nope. I'm com-PLETE-ly right this time," she stated with exaggerated confidence. She felt Delphine smile into her chest. "And this new thing with Shay clones, its small stuff in comparison to what you've survived. You have family now to protect you. You don't have to face anything alone anymore. Not if you don't want to."

Choice. She had chosen as a girl to face it all alone because she had not known how to reach beyond her own sense of shame to ask for help. And then the anger had grown. Why had no one seen what was happening, why had they not noticed her fear and self-imposed isolation and asked questions? Why had no one protected her? She had reinforced that barrier of shame as time passed, holding it close, building it higher and stronger with her pain, anger, and distrust. She used it to protect herself, preventing others from ever getting close enough to betray her with either ill will or inattentiveness, locking her heart up even more securely behind those walls, ensuring they could not be breached from either side. Until Cosima.

"Family. I had family before, but it was so different. My father worked out of the country and my mother went with him, which is why I was sent to a private boarding school. I only saw them during holidays, when we would all come home. I was closer to my friends at school than I was my parents. And I never felt close enough to my friends to tell them what was happening. My shame created a barrier that I couldn't seem to cross to tell anyone."

"Not your shame… his."

"Yes, but that does not change how I felt about it then, or now. In my more rational moments, I do see things more clearly. Today has not been one of those times."

Cosima waited to see if she would continue to share those memories. But she seemed to be done, choosing to keep the rest to herself for now. She hoped one day Delphine might feel safe enough to share them with her. Not that she wanted to hear how Delphine had been hurt, but because she knew the weight of those memories was something she was choosing to carry by herself, and Cosima wanted to share that burden with her as the only way she could think of to help try to ease it. But it was not her place to say or to know what the other woman needed. While she would normally be willing to try to draw her out, ask some tentative questions to see where they might lead, tonight was not the night for that. It was not long before Delphine's breath evened out, deepened, signaling she had finally succumbed to sleep.

Sleep would be a long time coming for Cosima. She could not keep her own memories from haunting her tonight. She had been reminded how very good at deception Shay had been. Cosima had not seen a single hint of what she really was.

Well, that was not completely true. Their last night together had been different, the sex more frenzied. Cosima had thought it was just breakup sex, an attempt to hold onto something they both knew was destined to slip away. It had been on her part. Shay's explanation later as to why she had been so insatiable still horrified Cosima. She had remembered feeling distanced from Shay that next morning as she had gotten ready to leave. When Shay had asked her if she was ever coming back and she had said no, she had considered approaching the bed and kissing the other woman goodbye. But it had felt wrong, after a night of letting go, so she had simply left. Had she felt then that something was off? She wanted to say yes, but she knew her knowledge of the facts now were coloring her memories. She could not say for sure. It was a doubt she would never share with Delphine, or anyone else for that matter. But her lingering guilt would not allow her to let it go either. If she had questioned why things had seemed wrong at the time, could she have spared Delphine any of what had come next? The thought that all of it, for both her and Delphine, may have been recorded from a Shay's-eye-view burned.

Delphine's breathing changed slightly, a small but sudden exhalation followed by her body tensing. Cosima shushed her softly, whispering small, comforting words, trying to let her know she was safe without the need to wake her. She calmed almost immediately, her breath evening out once more. Cosima pressed her lips again to the blond head resting on her heart and continued the gentle play of her fingers through Delphine's hair.

. . . . . . . . . .

Sarah looked down at the unconscious woman. "We just seem to get deeper in every day." The sleeping woman looked so young, small, and defenseless. But the last one that had looked like this had been twisted and deadly. Sarah was sure this one was the latter, the former was a question yet to be answered.

"Bad habit, Sarah. You should see to that," Felix answered from his place next to the other unconscious woman. They had decided when Krystal woke up he would be the best person for her to see first, familiar face and all.

"Let's wait and see how deep we really are," Mrs. S cautioned as she made her way around the perimeter of the large space. "It isn't as if she's had an opportunity to explain herself yet."

When they had charged into Shay's apartment and stopped Lyssa in the act of reaching for her gun, she had kept her eyes towards the coffee table when she froze, but had raised a hand up above her head, out of her own line of vision, and pointed to indicate the table behind her. A sheet of paper with barely legible scrawling held instructions of what to do to kill the worm in her head.

When Sarah had made a show of taunting her about being sloppy, Lyssa had raised both hands above and behind her head, extending the middle finger of each hand to show her thoughts on the matter. Sarah had had to smile, which Siobhan had mirrored as Sarah had searched Lyssa for hidden weapons.

But Sarah had stopped smiling when she reached the part in the instructions that revealed Lyssa had implanted the worm in Krystal shortly after their call. If she was truly friend and not foe, why infect Krystal just hours before they showed up using the hints she had given them? Was it to mislead the monitors?

Following the instructions, they had found the necessary equipment in a box under the sink and set it up behind the hooded woman, turning the dial to the settings indicated for the necessary electrical shock to be delivered through small paddles Sarah had touched to either side of her temples. The message had concluded with instructions to leave her body if the procedure killed her, but to take her with them if she had a heartbeat. In exchange, she would fill them in on critical pieces of the puzzle they were still missing. They had quickly repeated the procedure on the unconscious Krystal when they reached the car and made their escape.

And here they were, both women still unconscious and sedated. Delphine had provided them with a sedative before they left the safe house, which they had decided to administer to their new acquaintance despite the woman being unconscious after the electroshock treatment. So now they had to wait for the answers to the many questions they had for her.

Felix was staring at Lyssa from his seat beside Krystal. "Maybe if she doesn't murder us in our sleep, I'll have time to hit the clubs while we're here," Felix lamented. "It's been so long, I think my virginity has grown back."

Sarah smiled at his exaggeration. "It hasn't been two weeks."

"So you do see my point." His expression turned more serious as he looked at their newest guest. "Why do I have the feeling this one is going to bite us on the ass?"

"Because I raised a wise boy." Mrs. S turned to take in their new surroundings.

The building had a large open space in the center with construction materials scattered about and several offices along the perimeter. It had been meant for an office complex before the project had run out of money in the bad economy. Now it sat awaiting legal decisions on lawsuits brought by the various creditors involved.

"It's not as nice as the other one," she concluded, "but Benjamin arranged for the utilities to be left on, so welcome to our second safe house."

"So this is not your primary location. Very wise." Lyssa's eyes were open, not looking the least bit affected by the sedative.

In an instant, Siobhan's gun was up and trained on their guest. She did not look happy about this turn of events. "How long?"

"I woke up in the trunk just before the car stopped. Was that meant to be poetic?"

"Convenience," Sarah leaned forward, keeping out of Mrs. S's line of sight. "Krystal got to ride in the back seat. It was either the boot or tie you to the hood."

"Hm. Still flirting with me?" Her smile did not soften her features at all, giving her a predatory look. "Tip? We metabolize drugs faster than the average clone."

Sarah moved further away as Lyssa swung her legs off of the cot and sat up. She drew her hands from behind her and tossed Sarah the zip tie that had bound her wrists together. It was still in a small loop, but was stained with blood, as were her wrists and knuckles.

"Despite our banter, I don't appreciate being tied up," her cold stare locked on Sarah's. "Don't do it again." She then swung her icy gaze to Siobhan. "And if you don't stop pointing that at me, I might become unfriendly."

Siobhan offered back a look that said she would not mind the woman trying something. She lowered the barrel of the gun but did not put it away.

"Are you ready to start telling us your story?" Sarah asked in exasperation. Going to her bag and pulling out a clean t-shirt she began ripping it into strips for bandages as she approached the woman. "And that was stupid. We would have cut you loose once we were sure you aren't as crazy as Shay."

The hard blue eyes looked up at her. "Ah. But what if I told you I am?"

"If you were, you wouldn't tell us. And you wouldn't have kept Krystal alive."

"I might. And I left Krystal alive as a bargaining chip. She got you to the apartment didn't she?"

"We unplugged your monitor as requested. Your turn. Start talking." Sarah threw the scraps of cloth at the woman to let her tend her own injuries.

Lyssa took a moment to start wrapping her scraped knuckles. "What did Mr. Professor Duncan tell you happened back in the day?"

"That Neolution perverted the science and killed his wife. He destroyed the research to prevent them from duplicating it and went into hiding."

"As for perverting the science, ta da!" She raised her partially wrapped hands in a show of completion, indicating herself as the product of those efforts. "But Susan Duncan is alive and well and practically running Neolution now. History lesson time, but I could use a drink, water would be fine." She waited, working on the makeshift bandages, until Felix, grudgingly got up to retrieve a cup of water for her.

She accepted the water he handed her with a terse "Thank you."

"The original Leda was the prototype, the proof of concept that human cloning was possible. The key idea being a perfect, unmodified human clone. Well, viability issues made that impossible, but Mr. Professor Duncan was a purist as much as he could be. Only the synthetic sequences necessary to insure viability, and infertility of course. Nothing more. Once embryonic viability increased, the Castor line was also introduced, again, minimum modifications.

"Leakie and Nealon were both part of the original team and argued the need to push the envelope, make genetic modifications, create custom made human clones. Their arguments were not successful with Mr. Professor Duncan, but they eventually turned Mrs. Professor Duncan to their way of thinking and they started additional clone lines in secret. That was almost three years after the start of the Leda IVF phase. They managed to keep it a secret for almost 2 years with the help of the Mrs. When the Mr. found out and destroyed the lab, our original genetic material went up in smoke right along with yours and the information on the synthetic sequences. No more clones. Leekie and Nealon along with financial backers started the Neolution movement and continued to influence all of the clone lines that had been created through the Duncan experiments."

"How many different clone lines are there?"

"I'm aware of 4 through the Duncan/Dyad/Neolution efforts," she paused taking in the look of shock on Sarah's face. "What? Not feeling special anymore? The Leda and Castor clone lines are referred to within Neolution as the Tyndareus lines."

Mrs. S suddenly looked as if a light had dawned. "And the other two are the Zeus lines?" At Lyssa's nod she knew the project names of the other two lines, "Helen and Pollux, the children of Zeus by Leda."

"Yes. Although that makes the Leda line misnamed. The mythical Leda was mother to the others, not sister. The Leda clone line should have been named the Clytemnestra line, but I suspect that was just too cumbersome to say…. Or to spell, lazy bastards."

"So how did they modify you to make you children of the gods?" Felix asked, intrigued despite himself. "Did they give you a dick, or what?"

She sent a scary, humorless look his way. "Careful. Mine might be bigger," she warned. "They picked the traits they wanted on paper, used the limited knowledge they had at the time to tweak our DNA to try to achieve those traits. They took slightly different approaches with the male and female lines, but the basics? Enhanced intelligence, strength, flexibility, basic durability, memory… everything you'd want in a superhuman. Both of our lines were supposed to be militarily useful but with skills that were not exclusive to that use. We belong to Neolution, not the military, but they loan us out for missions requiring … plausible deniability. Of course the only people in the military who know we're clones are those who belong to Neolution. Everyone else thinks we're from an outside contractor, or the CIA, either way all hush-hush and don't talk to us."

"So Shay's military record?"

"That's a front," she paused, obviously considering how much to tell them. "The Pollux clones were the ones meant to be soldiers, well, super-soldiers. They were designed like tanks. Enhanced bone and muscle density, in addition to everything else. They stand out in a crowd. But the Helen line, we were meant to be… more subtle. So we were designed to be attractive. Petite, adorable, innocent and seductive, everything you'd want in a honey trap."

"Was Shay a defect then? Because she was a honey mental," Felix sat himself down on the chair next to Krystal's cot, arms crossed.

They thought Lyssa was not going to answer, the delay so long as she stared at Felix that he started to squirm in his seat under her flat expression. When she finally spoke, her voice was as emotionless as her stare. "That wasn't a flaw, it was a feature."

"What?" Sarah asked, disbelieving. "They meant for you to be crazy?"

"Not crazy. Unsympathetic. More to the point, un-empathetic. They wanted us useful but they also wanted us controllable. So, they tried for personality modifications for our respective purposes, one of them being a reduction in empathy. They didn't want us becoming attached to our targets and not being able to... complete the job," she raised her eyebrows emphasizing the words were euphemistic, "when the time came. A not unreasonable concern, given how often Dyad monitors fall for their Leda subjects," she tipped her head to Sarah.

"However, since they only had a basic idea of the areas of the brain that controlled any of the personality traits they were shooting for, and little idea how to modify them to get the exact mix they wanted, they had to experiment. The results were … widely variable, including in the degree of psychopathy produced. Those with extreme levels were unable to learn even to fake empathy, making them useless. Those clones were purged early, most of them at the start of puberty when they failed first round testing."

"Purged?" Siobhan asked. "They murdered your sisters as children?"

"Not sisters. That implies a familial relationship we are incapable of feeling. We called each other mirrors, since we were all encouraged to look, sound, and act alike, modeled on normal human behavior, of course. That was how we worked on faking normal. And not children, experimental units," her tone gave no hint of emotion but her eyes were hard. "Being biological constructs, we're not technically human, so no real laws were broken when they classified one of their experiments as defective and destroyed them." She ignored their reactions to these revelations. "Testing took place throughout our development and into adulthood, each round of testing followed by a purge, although none of those were as extensive as the first. Less than 20% of the Helen line completed the training, 42 of us. Assignments that ended badly have thinned us down further to just over two dozen. Rumor has it the Pollux line had it worse. There might be a handful left somewhere within Neolution's global maze, I'm not sure. We weren't trained together."

"What frightens me is your definition of extreme," Siobhan commented. "Shay was not considered an extreme case?"

Again, there was a long delay. "Not on a relative scale. She was able to learn every lesson, including the ones they taught us on identifying and imitating the appropriate emotional reactions in varying conditions. She could easily pass as a normal. She was able to control her impulses and learn every skill they taught us. That's all they really cared about." She paused to stare at Siobhan. "What should frighten you is the massive amount of knowledge Neolution scientists gained about specific areas of the brain and how to modify them in order to create individuals with the behavioral traits they want. Tailored, human- shaped, biological pets whose personalities you can custom order is less frightening to you than one unit that hurt a friend of yours?"

Sarah intervened, shocked at the possibilities Lyssa raised but determined to keep this discussion on track. "That's a future concern, and Shay is a past one. Here and now, my biggest concern is you. So on this 'relative scale' of psycho you mentioned, where are you?" It came out as an angry demand.

"Are you familiar with any of the empathy rating scales? No? Then my scores won't mean anything to you. So, crash course in psychopaths. It's all about us, no one else really matters. Why our makers thought that was a good idea other than the previously stated, I don't know. They did try some positive reinforcement to instill loyalty, but too many of our assignment have nothing to do with what we want, and we can't help resenting the threat of termination hanging over us. But I digress. What's important to you…. I could kill you all right now and sleep just fine tonight. Other people are simply means to various ends, and once those ends are reached, the left over ants running around the picnic generally don't matter to us one way or the other. What matters to me, is me. What I like and what I don't like.

She paused, considering. "I don't like wet work. It smells of piss and shit and blood. It's messy, and I don't like messy. But I have done it. It was a required part of our training and I was good enough at it, they occasionally sent me on those assignments."

"And Shay?"

Another pause, as if she was considering her answer. "She liked manipulating people, making them squirm, whether they knew she was doing it to them or not. It made her very good at information extraction. So, the positive reinforcement I mentioned… her assignments tended to be those that needed the skills that she liked to use. Not always, but when she was given an assignment she didn't appreciate, it was usually followed by one she did."

"Like torture," Felix filled in angrily.

"Yes. Everything she did to Dr. Cormier fell within the allowable parameters of her assignment. Get samples of your original genetic material, use her as leverage to do so, but make sure she does not survive the experience. The good doctor knows the names of many of the members of Topside, which includes some of Neolution's governing members as well. They did not want her alive to share those names with anyone."

"Allowable parameters!?," Felix yelled indignantly, but Sara cut him off before he could continue.

"Wait!" Sarah held up a hand. "Two questions. First, what exactly are your "likes" that they assigned to you to keep you loyal, and why didn't it work? Why are you helping us?"

"I like learning new things, lots of different things. Heightened intelligence and an photographic memory make learning easy, application can take a bit more time, but we tend to excel at picking things up, having been raised with the "learn or die" education model. They don't give us degrees but I have the skills of a surgeon, microbiologist, geneticist, chemist, multiple engineering disciplines, I can drive or fly just about anything that moves. Oh, and I know how to torture and kill people. Those are just some of the skills they chose to teach me. I picked up other things on my own along the way, before the worm started watching. But, my skill sets were why I was given the assignment to make the worm work. And I did. I beat every problem integration posed, creating a work of art on Neolution canvas. My reward, was to be strapped down to a table while one of them crawled up into my brain. Not the best positive reinforcement."

"Speaking of poetic," Felix could not help the taunt, evil psycho clone or not.

"Predictable. I have a working knowledge of the genetics of all 4 clone lines in my head. Papa Nealon only gave me the genetic engineering projects he couldn't solve. Of course, he also gave me a 'team' to make sure progress moved in the right direction. But, my knowledge meant they needed to get the best collar and leash on me at their disposal. So, while I was helping to develop it, I was simultaneously developing ways to work around it. I made sure I had a contingency plan in place before I completed my work on it, although I did drag that completion out to the end of the deadline they had given me. And I needed someone on the outside to initiate it, of course."

"But to answer your second question," a seemingly genuine look of conflict flickered across her face. "I royally fucked up an assignment, in a way that could not be interpreted as anything other than me doing what I wanted by completely disregarding what they wanted. That is a big no-no. I am fairly certain I was about to be purged. Otherwise I would have waited until I had a better idea of how to reprogram the worm instead of just disable it. I would rather it crawl its way out than just sit in there indefinitely."

"So what do you want now?"

Lyssa's gaze moved between the three of them, evaluating. "Electroshock is a brute force method of dealing with the worms. Ideally, the shock fries the micro circuitry, but leaves the worm alive, and does not trigger the release of the toxin. That last part is a rather significant risk actually. If the worm dies, it releases the poison by default."

Mrs. S had relaxed enough to lean back against a wall, still keeping a clear line of sight to Lyssa. "It looks like you and Krystal both got lucky then." But her tone was suspicious.

"Well, there is a slight problem with the brute force method of disabling the worm."

"Of course there is," she narrowed her eyes at the woman, waiting for the rest of it.

"They are designed to be in constant communication with our monitors, but the design team knew occasionally we would be sent on jobs where there would be interference. Certain areas without a signal, underground bunkers, electronically jammed rooms or offices we needed to infiltrate. So if a signal is lost," she paused again, locking her gaze with Sarah's, "nothing happens right away."

Sarah looked over at Felix, who looked down at Krystal. "How long?" she asked, resigned.

"Four to seven days is as close as I can say. The worms receive twice weekly maintenance updates to their software. If it misses one, then the clock starts. When it misses the second one, it terminates its host."

"That's why you put that worm in Krystal's head," Sarah made it a statement instead of a question, gritting her teeth in anger at the cold, calculated maneuver.

"A bargaining chip, as I said. I knew you wouldn't be terribly motivated to help me once you found out I was dying. Since I can't reprogram the worms to remove themselves, more brute force is required. I can remove it from her head... with Dr. Cormier's assistance," she smiled her shark-like smile once more. "Provided that the good doctor returns the favor and removes my little pet."


	13. Chapter 13

Author Note: Sorry for the confusion my reposting of chapters 1-12 may have caused. June was an ugly month for me for both work, health, and writing reasons. To combat the writer's block, I went through all my old chapters correcting typos, grammar, and improving on some wording. The only changes to those chapters other than minor fixes included correcting a continuity issue in Chapter 1 and then "undeleting" the deleted scene in Chapter 12. For those of you who noticed I deleted the deleted scene, that is because it is now in chapter 12 where it belongs. Too many people told me the sequence of events there was confusing without it. Sorry about that! Failed experiment. Undo!

As for this chapter, no violent content per se, but you will discover I have a penchant for cliffhangers in this one (sorry in advance to First Movement!). The good news? I appear to be past my writer's block and am rapidly working on chapter 14 :D

Shout-out time: I really do appreciate the feedback/encouragement from everyone! So, thank you to (in order of appearance): TheTravelingkid, Elsa, Spooky, Gn0sis, Ckbenzo, theTravelingKid (again), First Movement, CdnGirl, TheBotoxChicken (love the name!), and Guest (sorry about the generic thanks, Guest, but that's the only name that came with the review).

As always special thanks to Elsa and Spooky, my major PM pen-pals and idea generators, whether you know it or not

Big thanks as well to CdnGirl for the advice on X Company and how to watch it here in the States (not as easy as some of you might assume! I admit, I gave up and bought the DVDs).

Cophine1, so sorry for the delay in this chapter! I have my butt in gear again!

And lastly thank you Guest for the correction! I had been advised before on that one as well, but had forgotten to fix it! It was corrected in this big round up updates I just did. Thank you for the feedback!

Enjoy!

Chapter 13

"No," Felix was adamant. "We're not letting that…" he paused as Lyssa narrowed her eyes at him, daring him to finish the sentence. "… that psych-clone anywhere near Delphine!"

"I agree," Sarah faced Lyssa, giving no ground. "Mrs. S has medical contacts if that's what you need to get those things out."

"Yes, but I'm not letting one of them touch me," she gave the older woman a glance. "There's no telling where they've been."

Siobhan just gave her a small smirk and tapped the Glock still in her hand against her leg, a reminder she was not letting her guard down either.

"Yeah, well, knowing where Delphine has been, would you really trust her digging around in your head, what with you looking like Shay and all?"

Lyssa returned Sarah's regard. "Yes."

Sarah tried to see behind the woman's words to her intent, but could discern nothing through the cold stare. "No. She's been through enough."

"I don't care. It's nonnegotiable."

"Then you die."

"And so does Krystal."

"Which is exactly why you put that thing in her head, so you could get to Delphine?" Sarah was still fishing, trying to find a reason Lyssa insisted it be Delphine.

"Yes." Lyssa offered nothing else, simply stared back at Sarah, waiting and looking confident in the final outcome.

"Her choice. If she says no, the answer's no." But Sarah knew Delphine would not let Krystal die. She doubted the woman would let Lyssa die, even without Krystal as a hostage. But she suspected Lyssa had ulterior motives for insisting on Delphine. And given Delphine had killed "papa" Nealon, she placed revenge at the top of the list.

Sarah decided to change subjects. "So how do you know Krystal?"

Lyssa smirked. "Shay was Krystal's best friend her last year of high school. For our first field assignments, each of us was enrolled in a school and given a target. About half of us were given Leda clones as our first assignments, told to get as close to them as we could. Those who were successful stayed in touch off and on over the years, just in case. So when Krystal showed up back at home like nothing had happened after Dr. Cormier released her from Dyad, her good friend Shay called her. She, of course, offered her a place to stay when she found out poor Krystal was having problems."

Sarah nodded in understanding. "And when Shay died they sent you in."

"To mirror her so that Krystal had no idea anything had happened. And to wait for you to make contact. Once you finally did, I was able to drop the act and regain a few IQ points."

"I'm curious," Felix drew the woman's attention from Sarah. "Who was your Leda clone, that first time out?"

Lyssa looked back at him for a moment, before returning her stare to Sarah. "If Beth were still alive, she'd recognize my name."

"What?" Sarah asked sarcastically. "You didn't become her BFF?"

"Long enough it was considered a successful assignment. But she wasn't keen on the idea of maintaining that friendship over the years. That happens sometimes. People get a feel for what lies beneath. They can't place exactly why they're uncomfortable, but it's enough to make them start avoiding us. People who are either intuitive or paranoid tend pick up on it faster." She smiled sweetly for a change. "Sometimes we really are out to get you."

Sarah offered a humorless smile but said nothing else.

"She'll say yes," Lyssa broke the ensuing silence, sounding almost smug.

"I know." Sarah did not bother to hide her distrust. She might not have known Delphine was one of hers when she had been shot, but she knew now. And Sarah had discovered, somewhere on this journey, she had developed an intense need to protect her own. "I'm telling you right now, don't fuck with her!"

Lyssa's expression reverted to a frozen glare. They both became quiet, staring each other down.

"As of a few hour ago, I became free for the first time in my life," her words were said quietly, calmly, but Lyssa's eyes bored into Sarah's own. "I am done taking orders from anyone. If you would like to restate that as a request, I will take it under advisement."

Sarah tried to reign in her own temper. "Don't you think she's suffered enough? Paid enough for what she did?"

She still could not read what was behind the cold expression, but it seemed to thaw slightly into a non-expression. Her request, no doubt, being taken under advisement. "We'll see."

Mrs. S stirred, drawing Sarah's attention. "What do we do now?"

Opening a door to look into one of the exterior offices with a window, Sarah noted the lightening of the sky. "We call Delphine."

Delphine opened her eyes without moving on the warm, breathing body she was using as a pillow. She could tell by the grey light that the sun was soon to rise. She was not ready for that, wanting to take the entire day to do nothing more than hold Cosima exactly like this. No more had that thought touched her mind than she realized her own hand had found its way back to Cosima's breast, gently cupping it as she slept.

She felt the vibrations of a quiet chuckle in Cosima's chest as she realized Delphine was awake and had noticed where her hand was. "It looks like that hand has a mind of its own."

Delphine raised her head to smile down at her love, moving her hand to a more discrete position. "Simply proof that my subconscious mind is in agreement with my conscious mind, and they both have very good taste in hand holds."

Cosima laughed again, her eyes crinkling in happiness at the soft smile looking down at her.

"Did you sleep at all?" Delphine asked, noticing Cosima looked tired.

"Some," she answered.

As Delphine raised an eyebrow with skepticism, the clone responded with a sigh. "That is going to get really old over the next fifty or sixty years".

"Well, you could try not lying to me," Delphine offered reasonably, choosing not to comment on her presumption of their longevity.

Cosima had no intention of telling her she had spent part of the night obsessing about Shay, so she focused on the second reason she had not been able to sleep, the reason that had come after her exhaustion had started to take over.

"Ok, try this one on...," Delphine narrowed her eyes at Cosima, watching her closely. "Every time I started to fall asleep, I woke myself back up because I didn't want to miss a minute of holding you."

Delphine smiled at the truth in the words. "I understand that desire very much. I wish I had been able to share that with you as well."

"No, you needed to sleep, to reset your brain and start a new day. Better day today?"

"Already it is a better day than I have had in a very long time." She bent down to kiss Cosima softly.

When she pulled back, Cosima opened her eyes to smile up at her. "For me too. And, apparently, your subconscious. Unlike you, it's already gotten to second base."

Delphine did not respond, taking joy in the simple act of lying next to Cosima and looking into her smiling eyes. They might not have fifty or sixty years, but they had now.

"Move into the bedroom with me?" Delphine asked suddenly, lowering her chin to rest on Cosima's chest without breaking her gaze.

Cosima's eyes widened in surprise before her forehead wrinkled in doubt. "Too far, too fast?"

"No. I simply do not wish to miss a single morning waking up next to you like this." Delphine looked up at her, giving her a hopeful puppy look.

"Oh that's not fair," Cosima complained good-naturedly.

"What?" Delphine assumed an uncomprehending look at the accusation.

"You know what! Manipulative adorableness." Cosima laughed as Delphine dropped her act and smiled up at her. "Strictly platonic?"

"Since it seems both my conscious and subconscious minds are in agreement, perhaps not so strictly."

"Yes, strictly," Cosima tried to give her a stern look, but the smile she could not hide defeated her efforts.

"We shall see," was all Delphine would promise as she sat up and stretched.

"I should run downstairs and check on the kids," Cosima yawned through the last few words. With Helena, Alison, and even Donnie helping with their part of Sarah's plan, that left lab and babysitting duties to the three lab rats. It also made for a very quiet house with Scott still choosing the isolation of the lab instead of an empty bedroom in the house.

"I'll make coffee," Delphine offered, knowing the three remaining adults in the house were coffee addicts.

Before Cosima could reach the basement door, the back door opened. Scott trudged in, not looking happy.

"Uh-oh," Cosima commented. "What's wrong boy wonder?"

"The first sample just completed testing." His morose tone told them more than words could that it had not been successful.

Cosima was the first to shake herself out of the shock. "Ok. On to the next one." Her matter of fact tone did not fool any of them. "Hey," she offered into the resulting silence, "we keep moving forward, no matter what. Right?"

"Yes," Delphine tried to project an optimism that was suddenly lacking in her own emotions. "Your workup yesterday shows your numbers are almost flat from the last set of data, a good sign. There is still plenty of time."

They all knew that last was not strictly true, but everyone nodded at the hopeful lie. "I started the next sample on the tester. In the downtime, I've been going back to the comparison between Kendall's DNA and Cosima's trying to isolate the defect. I figure it's worth a shot, multiple avenues of approach."

"Thank you, Scott," Delphine's smile felt more natural this time. "You're right. It makes sense to spend our time working that path since we cannot speed up the one we are on now."

The first of 3 burner phones sitting in a row on the kitchen table started to ring. Cosima grabbed it up and answered it.

"Hey Sarah, is every one ok?" She listened intently for a few moments and then visibly relaxed, causing both Delphine and Scott to do the same. "Everyone's fine," she said away from the phone before returning her attention to Sarah. "Yep, the kids are still asleep, but the rest of us are in the kitchen," she paused, looking at Delphine with a dramatic tilt to her head and a smile, "waiting for coffee."

Delphine narrowed her eyes playfully at the pointed reminder, but headed for the coffee pot.

"She did what?" Cosima continued listening to the phone conversation. "You can't be s…? No!" Her elevated tone brought Delphine's attention back to her. Cosima was looking at her, anger and fear blooming at whatever Sarah was saying. "You can't let that happen!" Cosima listened for a few more moments, her expression becoming more mulish. "I won't let her anywhere near that Shay-Thing…. I don't care!"

Delphine returned to Cosima's side, putting one arm around her waist and holding out her other hand for the phone. It was obviously for her.

As Sarah walked out of the small office she had used to call Delphine and Cosima, Mrs. S moved from her guard position to close the door to the now empty office.

Sarah glared at Lyssa without saying anything.

The other woman stared back a moment before speaking. "I knew she'd say yes."

"Piss off." But Lyssa kept staring at her, unspeaking. "What?" Sarah snapped, irritated.

"Do you know why you're different than the other Leda clones?" Not waiting for an answer, she continued. "You were supposed to be Momma Dunc's child, and Momma D did not want a defective child. You were the first clone she ever modified beyond the original agreed parameters. But of course, Mr. Professor Duncan didn't know that. So when the surrogate disappeared with you, she couldn't very well tell him that the replacement child he brought home wasn't good enough." She scoffed, "Poor Rachel. Raised by a woman who secretly resented her for not being the child she had created for herself. Losing you drove her to start modifications on later Leda batches, with Nealon and Leekie's encouragement, of course. Why let all those opportunities to learn go to waste because of one genius without enough vision? That was ultimately how Ethan Duncan found out. He found the modifications in the last Leda batch. That led him to the Zeus lines, and all hell broke loose in Clone-ville."

"What modifications did they make?" Sarah knew from the analysis the geek monkeys had run that her genetic makeup had a few extra changes, but they had been uncertain what the changes were meant to do.

Lyssa ignored her question, her eyes boring into Sarah's own. "She would so love to get you back. I suggest you avoid that at all costs."

The drive was a quiet one. Delphine had insisted on driving as adamantly as Cosima had insisted on coming with her. She needed something physical to focus on, instead of letting her mind dwell on what was to come. Driving helped her push the fear into the back of her mind for a while. Of course, it was also reminding her of the last time she had driven a car.

She focused on the speed she was driving, thought ahead to the next turn on the route she had chosen, anything mundane to keep her mind from wallowing in the past or borrowing trouble from the future. She had plenty of trouble right her anyway, she thought ruefully. The silence from the woman in the passenger seat was deafening.

Within the first 5 minutes of the drive Cosima had had a fit of coughing. Neither of them had comment on splash of red on the tissue she had pushed into her jacket pocket afterwards. There was no point to saying what had already been said many times before. So they had continued on in silence.

Finally, Cosima spoke. "You don't have to do this."

"Yes, I do," Delphine's tone hinted at frustration. She took a quiet breath before trying again. "You yourself said perhaps the reason I have flashbacks is because I try to avoid thinking about those memories. What better way to face to them," she offered with a sardonic smile.

"Not this way. This way is harsh…and dangerous."

"But this way coincides with the way I am needed now."

Cosima sighed, as unhappy with that conclusion now as she was the last two times they had gone through this exact discussion.

Delphine echoed her sigh. "I have to go."

"I know," came the clipped response.

"Then can you please stop pouting?"

"I'm n…," Cosima paused in her denial, both of them knowing it was a lie. She looked out the passenger window, allowing some scenery to pass by before speaking again. "I can't lose you again," she said quietly. "That's all. I just can't."

"You won't lose me again."

Cosima gave a humorless laugh. "Now you're lying to me." Her voice was angry, but she did not look away from her window. "You can't promise that."

Delphine kicked herself mentally for offering the platitude in the first place. She better than anyone knew the polite lies people tell themselves and each other did not really offer any comfort, and as such were wasted breath. "No I can't. But this is important, it needs to be done."

Delphine signaled to turn, taking the on-ramp to the highway that would take them into the city. The delay allowed her time to consider her own reasons for saying yes to this venture.

"Everything you have done for me…" she stopped, not sure how to continue. She focused her attention on the road, drawing the courage to say what needed to be said. "You are helping me find the pieces of myself and put them back together again. The problem is, they don't all fit together in the same way they did before. Not yet. Like broken bones, reset but not yet healed. Maybe they will never fit together as before, but I am healing and growing stronger. That is due to your actions as well as my own," she took a breath. "Until now."

Cosima shifted in her seat, a look of hurt flashing, before she turned to stare out the window once more.

"I know you think you are protecting me," Delphine continued, "trying to keep me safe. But it would be too easy for me to hide, Cosima… to never risk anything because of what might happen. It is a cold and lonely and depressing way to live. No," she corrected herself, "not live. To pass time before I die of old age. I tried it once," she cast a sad smile in Cosima's direction, knowing that the sharing of a part of her history would get the woman's attention. Manipulative, her conscience whispered in her head. But effective, she whispered back, as Cosima turned away from the window to look in her direction.

"I didn't return to boarding school after healing from my failed suicide attempt. Even though my name never appeared in the news reports, everyone there knew, and I didn't want to face them. So I hid in my parent's house. Getting out of bed in the morning, brushing my teeth, little everyday things seemed insurmountable tasks. So I didn't do them, choosing instead to sleep all day, or read, anything to avoid thinking about what happened to me, or face a terrifying future in a world I now knew, in a very tangible way, to be unsafe. But delaying doing those little things made the mere thought of doing them later seem even more impossible. Entropy at work."

"This time, your deteriorating health did not leave me the option of hiding. So I forced myself to resume a routine my first morning back, getting out of bed, taking care of myself, working on the cure…trying to resume doing a few more of those little things each day, even though some of them don't feel quite right yet. I am stronger for that. But you are trying to hold me back now.

"This is different," Cosima replied angrily. "This is not a little thing!"

"No it isn't! But if this was happening before I was shot, I would still be going to help Krystal, and you would be encouraging me, helping me, not trying to stop me. If we stop doing the right things out of fear, because of what has happened before, we lose. And when we do it enough times, we lose the ability to care about anyone but ourselves. A morality tale, becoming what we hate. We lose ourselves. I took a long walk down that path once, before finding my way back. I won't do it again. Please don't encourage me to. It is hard enough to resist that easy road right now."

Cosima pressed her lips together, posture stiff. She looked straight ahead, which Delphine considered an improvement over completely turning away. She waited for Cosima to think her way through what she had said.

Her attention was drawn back to her passenger several minutes later when Cosima stirred. "So what got you started doing those little things the first time?"

Delphine relaxed, recognizing the other woman's unspoken capitulation. "I may have mentioned that my parents had no idea how to deal with the situation any more than I did. We all ignored it for a time. My father eventually resumed his work outside the country, but my mother stayed home to watch over me. She hired a tutor to catch me up on missed school work. That got me out of bed and taking care of myself. She is a smart woman, my mother. She found a tutor well versed in the sciences to draw me out. But I still hid for over a year, substituting learning as my distraction, spending all of my time studying. Eventually, my parents insisted I be enrolled in a local school, forcing me out of the nest so to speak. It was one of the best decisions they made in the entire situation, although I hated them for it at the time. I took every opportunity to rebel, including those self-destructive behaviors I have already mentioned. It turned out my tutored and self-paced learning had surpassed my age group in most subjects, so it was an easy year. As soon as I passed the Bac, I left home."

"Bac?"

"Oh, em… it's like a series of final exams when you graduate high school? It is required if you wish to continue your education at university."

"Like the SATs," Cosima gave a small laugh as Delphine gave her a questioning look. "Never mind, same idea, I think." Cosima's tone shifted towards uncertainty as she asked, "So how are you with your parents now?"

"I went back to visit a few times the first year I was away, but I was still very angry and they were easy targets. None of those visits went well. I relied on phone calls and email after that, until I moved here to complete my education. Then I saw them a few times," Delphine could not help sounding uncomfortable, remembering the last of those visits.

"You saw them… oh, your father worked here didn't he?"

"Yes," Delphine answered shortly, not wanting to continue this discussion. "He worked at the French Embassy here."

"You mean your parents are here? Local?"

"Not any more. After our last visit, he requested reassignment," she trailed off, knowing she was starting to sound defensive.

Cosima noticed that her eyes had gone dark, almost black, a good indication she was unhappy and trying to hide just how much. When she was happy or excited, they tended to take on a greenish tint to the browns. "The visit went that well, huh?"

"Well, I did tell them that I was sleeping with an old friend of theirs and in return he was assisting me financially."

"Ooooohhh," Cosima's tone indicated she understood exactly why Delphine was suddenly uncomfortable with this discussion.

"I may have still been a bit angry at the time."

"Ya think?"

"I did go home to France a few years ago, after I had matured enough to accept the fact they were simply imperfect people, stumbling through a minefield just like me. It was a tense visit, but it went reasonably well, no major confrontations." She hesitated before wincing slightly and adding, "It may have helped that I took Bryce with me."

"Ah. It was serious enough to meet the parents, estranged though they were."

"Yes."

"So, am I meet-the-parents material once all this is over?"

"Definitely!" Delphine expression lightened.

"Is that because you want to shock the shit out of them with your dreadlocked, tattooed, nose ring wearing girlfriend?"

A smile tugged at the corner of Delphine's mouth. "Am I a terrible person for saying yes to that?"

Cosima laughed. "Yes. And I completely understand."

"Small mercies," Delphine smiled.

"So, which part will they have the most problem with, my gender or my aesthetic accessories?"

"After 2 minutes, none of it. They will love you. You have that way with people." She considered a moment before speaking again. "One day soon you will have to tell me about your parents, and why you avoid any mention of them."

Cosima was quiet for a minute, knowing it was unfair to continue to remain silent on her painful past. "It's just my dad now. My mom died when I was 9."

"Cosima. I'm sorry."

"Thank you, but it was a long time ago." Cosima had no lead in to the punch line, so she took a breath. "They were both geneticists."

"Are you serious?" shocked, Delphine looked away from the road ahead to meet Cosima's gaze.

"Is my nose growing?" Cosima tilted her head slightly in question before letting her expression grow serious. "Yeah, I don't believe in coincidence like that either. But since I found out about my true origins, I haven't tried to confront him about it, to see what he knows. I'm afraid of the answers."

"I understand. But he might be able to help with our research."

"I doubt it. I think my mom was the one involved in the cloning side of things. At least, growing up I always associated that word with her work, not his. But I can't know for sure, obvs. But that's it, the big secret."

"No, it isn't. Those are just the facts, not how you feel about them. But we are nearing our destination and so will have to leave it for another time." Delphine reached over to squeeze her hand before returning it to the steering wheel.

She took the off-ramp that would lead them to the office complex where the others were waiting. The trip had seemed to progress faster than expected, the discussion distracting them from the passage of time. Delphine could feel the anxiety building once more. She realized taking these steps because she needed to do so did not lessen the fear at all.

By the time Delphine pulled the car into the empty lot in front of the partially constructed office space, she felt as if all the nerves and muscles in her body were strung too tight.

This was not Shay she was meeting, she tried to tell herself. This was a person she had never met before. This was a person who was virtually certain to be as different from Shay as Cosima was from Rachel. None of that made her feel any less afraid. Given Lyssa's revelations of the psychological modifications to her line, different did not mean better, despite Delphine's inability to imagine anyone worse. But Cosima had been right last night. She did not have to face this alone. She would not be alone. Sarah and Felix and Siobhan were in there waiting for her as well. And of course Cosima.

She brought the car to a stop in front of a door on the far end of the building, turning off the engine, but leaving the key in the ignition. As soon as she had unfastened her seatbelt, Cosima reached over and took her hand, saying nothing as she held it, just looking at her, eyes shining.

Delphine finally smiled when realized what Cosima was doing. "Me too," she answered back.

The door in front of them opened, Felix leaning out and glancing around before raising an eyebrow at them, waiting.

"Ok," Cosima gave her hand a final squeeze before letting go. "Let's go do this thing." She picked up the case of supplies Sarah had given them from Lyssa and opened her door.

Susan Duncan answered the incoming call from the observation team. "Yes?"

"Two more primary targets have joined the others."

"Which ones?"

"Neihaus and Cormier."

That left Alison Hendrix and Helena still absent on the primary list. "That may be best we can expect. Wait a few hours. If the others don't show up, or if it appears any of the primaries are preparing to leave, send your teams in to take them."

"Yes ma'am."

Hanging up the phone, she paused, thinking, before pressing the call button on her desk. "Zia, come in here for a moment, won't you?"

Delphine stepped through the door Felix was holding open, Cosima a few paces behind her. She scanned the inside of the unfinished building. The main area was a large open space, extending almost the entire length of the building. There were doors along the perimeter that appeared to lead to offices, but all of the doors were closed. She stopped walking as she spotted Lyssa sitting on a stack of pallets, leaning up against a wall. The woman met her gaze, showing no emotion at her arrival.

Movement in her peripheral vision drew Delphine's attention to Siobhan leaning on the wall directly opposite Lyssa. Siobhan smiled in Delphine's direction and gave her a brief nod before returning her attention to their guest. So, no effort was being made to disguise the fact the woman was under guard. Delphine felt relieved by that knowledge. Her relief was short lived as she glanced back at Lyssa and saw one side of her mouth curve up in a sneer directed at Delphine. She did not seem at all concerned about their security measures.

Cosima stepped into the room behind her and saw the mocking smile being directed at Delphine. She put herself between them and turned to face Delphine.

"Hey," she waited until Delphine looked down, breaking eye contact with Lyssa. "Not Shay. And not alone."

Delphine nodded but quickly looked back up at the dangerous woman who had insisted on her being here. She had seen the sneer shift instantly to a cold glare the instant Cosima had walked into the room. Delphine's anxiety had shifted with it. Was it possible this was not about her at all, but about Cosima? A glance at Siobhan showed her the older woman had seen it too.

A terrible sense of dread filled her. Could this be Shay after all? No, she argued internally. There was no doubt in her mind the woman who had walked out of the shoe store with them when Cosima had come for her was her tormentor. And there was no ambiguity in Helena's description of Shay's death and explosive dismemberment. No, this was not her. But this one might be another monster and she carried a definite hostility towards Cosima.

Delphine took Cosima's arm and, with an effort, turned her back on Lyssa to address Sarah and Felix. "What do you need me to do?"

"Krystal," Sarah pointed at a closed office door in front of them. "She took one look at me, yelled something about pod people, and locked herself in there," she motioned at the door.

Felix raised his voice to be heard across the large room. "It didn't help when crazy clone told her she had absorbed the original Shay."

Lyssa was no longer looking in their direction, instead leaning her head back against the wall with her eyes closed. But she offered a response none the less. "You suck all the fun out of having an antisocial personality disorder, buzz kill."

Sarah looked back at Delphine. "You might have better luck talking her out of there than we've had."

Delphine stepped the door and raised her voice. "Krystal? It's Delphine. Can you open the door please? I promise you, we're not going to hurt you. These are the friends I told you about."

"That woman has my face!" Came the muffled response from behind the door.

"Yes, but she is not a … pod person?" Delphine looked confused at the terminology. "You are clones, human beings with the exact same DNA."

"Like twins?"

"Similar. Years ago, a group of scientists took a woman's DNA and duplicated it, again and again, to make you and Sarah and many others. All of you look alike because you were made with that one woman's DNA… exact duplicates in appearance."

"There's more than just her?"

"Many more. I brought another friend of mine. Her name is Cosima. She is a clone of your line as well, and she would very much like to meet you. You said you couldn't understand how I got you out of Dyad by dressing you in a hair cap and…em…," she looked apologetically at Cosima, "lesbian librarian glasses."

At Felix's snicker, Cosima elbowed him gently in the side, giving him a mock glare.

"I think if you meet her, you will have your answer."

Lyssa's eyes opened instantly and she stood up, walking towards the group.

"Where do you think you're going," Siobhan brought her gun up and paralleled her path.

"I'm not missing this for the world. Go ahead and shoot me," she smirked back at the older woman, knowing she would not shoot her before getting her help with Krystal.

Delphine tensed at the woman's approach, but Siobhan's path cut in, putting her between Lyssa and the rest of the group. Chambering a round and aiming low Siobhan calmly asked, "Which knee?"

Lyssa stopped, tipping her head in acknowledgment at the woman standing in her path. "That would pose an inconvenience for me." But their brief walk had gotten her close enough to the group for her purposes, so she crossed her arms, making no further attempts to get closer, but not withdrawing either.

Delphine had watched the exchange with the rest of them. Every motion, every word, every expression from Lyssa reinforcing in her mind that this was not Shay. There were some similarities, but many more differences. Irrationally, despite knowing she was a cold blooded killer, Delphine felt her anxiety lessen with each element of proof in their differences.

They all turned back to the door at the sound of it being unlocked and opened. Krystal stood in the doorway with a wooden board drawn back ready to swing. They all backed up a few paces to give her space to come out of the room.

Krystal's eyes immediately went to Delphine, who tried to look reassuring, before moving on to Cosima and Sarah, then back to Cosima.

"Wow…," her tone sounded dazed. "Who knew I could…like… rock the dread look?"

Cosima grinned at her, "Thanks. For that, I will forgive the librarian comment."

"Oh," Krystal appeared a bit embarrassed. "You heard that?" Then she realized what Delphine had meant. "Oh," she said in a different tone. "You," she pointed at Cosima before looking back to Delphine. "Dyad?"

Delphine nodded. "Cosima and I both worked at Dyad. It was not unusual for us to be seen together. So when I had to get you out of there without raising suspicion…." Delphine finished by waving a hand at Cosima.

"Ok…," she still seemed stunned at the developments, but the board she had been holding at the ready wavered before she lowered it.

Cosima offered her a comforting smile. "Hey, trust me. We have all been where you are right now. Where it feels like your head it going to float off your shoulders because it's too much to take in, too much like a dream you can't wake up from? But, while it is real, you aren't alone. We're all in this together."

Cosima held out her hand. Krystal was hesitant to take it, searching Cosima's eyes. Seeing nothing but concern, she reached out her free hand and took Cosima's. Collapsing in tears, she dropped the board. Cosima gathered her up, rocking her. "You're not alone," Cosima kept up a soft flow of words. "We're all here for you, every one of us. We came to get you."

Krystal looked up at that, suddenly glaring at Lyssa and pointing an accusing finger. "From her!" Then she noticed Mrs. S, gun pointed in the general direction of the other woman. "She's not Shay is she?"

Lyssa shifted her weight, preparing to answer. But Sarah answered quickly, not wanting the other clone's version of anything offered up to Krystal. "No, she's not. They're part of another group of clones."

"I knew it. There's no way Shay would have stabbed me in the neck with a needle."

"Yes she would have," Lyssa snorted. "In a heartbeat."

"Hey, I know Shay! I don't know you, but I'm pretty sure I don't like you." Krystal looked at Cosima searching her face again. "Is Shay dead?"

Cosima was caught off-guard. She stared back open mouthed, unsure of how to respond. Sarah had filled them in over the phone on everything Lyssa had shared with her. She was grateful, even glad Shay was dead. But Krystal had not known her the way they did, had considered her a friend.

Sarah put a gentle hand on Krystal's shoulder, drawing her attention. "Yes." She spoke the word softly.

Krystal's face crumpled at the word, but she did not cry. "Did she do it?" she asked harshly, pointing at Lyssa.

Lyssa looked back at Sarah, cocking her head to the side in exaggerated expectation, waiting for Sarah's explanation.

But Delphine answered for her. "No, she didn't."

Delphine's emotions over the shift in conversation to Shay were even more torn than Cosima's. She was angry, at the memory of the dead woman and that Krystal would mourn her loss. But everyone had been fooled at one point or another, even Cosima, even herself. Krystal's only crime was not having been filled in on the truth yet.

"Krystal," she started, but the anger in her melted away as the woman turned wide eyes to look at her, waiting. Delphine's voice was gentler when she continued. "You are coming into this story in the middle, and there is a great deal that we need to tell you about. But if we start in the middle, and fill in the answers to your questions, it will be more confusing than if we start at the beginning and work our way through. Shay is a part of that story, but one we need to set aside for now, because there are more pressing issues we need to address, even more than telling you how we all came to be here today."

Delphine took a breath, "You," she paused and looked at the Helen clone, "and Lyssa, have a medical condition that we need to address."

"What? What medical condition?" Then she gasped, "I don't, like, need a transplant do I? Or a blood transfusion?"

Lyssa rolled her eyes. "Only one of those, Scarecrow."

At Krystal's wide eyed look at her, Lyssa shook her head sorrowfully, "If you only had a brain."

Krystal shook off Cosima's hold. "It's because of that shot you gave me isn't it? You poisoned me or something?"

"Sort of, I gave you a parasite."

"A pair of what?"

Lyssa sighed. "A brain bug. I gave you a brain bug. If you shake your head, you can probably hear it rattling around in all that empty space up there."

Krystal turned back to Cosima. "Is she kidding? Like the pod people thing?"

Cosima shook her head. "No sweety. She isn't." At Krystal's dawning look of horror, she put an arm around Krystal's shoulders, trying to calm her. "But she has one too. And, unfortunately, she's the only one who knows how to remove it."

"I am not letting her anywhere near me!"

"No worries there," Lyssa swung her shark's smile to Delphine. "The good Dr. Cormier is going to help both of us with that."

Delphine glared back, suddenly unintimidated by the woman's tactics. "Yes, I am. For Krystal's sake, not yours," she finished coldly.

"Of course. I would never have assumed otherwise, which is exactly why she's in this position to start with, isn't it?" Turning her attention back to Krystal, she added. "Don't worry. With the right tools, it is a fairly simple procedure. And thanks to Sarah bringing my gear as instructed, we have all the right tools."

It had taken a bit more time to calm Krystal and convince her to let them anesthetize her. Only Lyssa's vivid description of how the toxin killed finally talked her into allowing Delphine to start the IV drip.

Delphine had worried over their inability to create a sterile field for surgery until Lyssa had explained they would be using a laparoscopic procedure. They had chosen an office towards the far end of the building as it was one of the few completed with a drop ceiling in place. Taping Krystal's left eye closed, Delphine had swabbed the back of her eyelid.

Taking a scalpel, she created a small incision in the eyelid, just under the curve of solid bone of the eye socket. Following Lyssa's instructions, she then inserted the end of the smallest laparoscopic device she had ever seen into the incision. Watching the image on the laptop screen next to their makeshift operating table, she slowly and gently threaded the fine wire down through the optic canal, following the path of the optic nerve. She could not help but be fascinated, both at the sophistication of the device she was using and at the insidious design of the worm she was trying to find to remove. The average person did not realize the optic nerves were a part of the central nervous system, not a peripheral system. As such, it was an easy and vulnerable location for a neurotoxin.

"You should almost be there," Lyssa advised quietly, her concentration also on the screen in front of them. No sooner had the words been spoken than the bottom of a giant mandible filled the screen. It was attached to the nerve Delphine had been tracing.

"Holy shit!" Felix uttered from behind them. Everyone was in the room, watching the screen. Siobhan watching Lyssa.

"The worm is not that big," Lyssa said dispassionately. "The camera is just that small. Ok, grab onto it, but don't try to pull yet."

Delphine positioned the camera under the attachment point, then she squeezed the handle of the laparoscope, opening a tiny grappling claw. Pressing the camera into the white fleshy body of the worm, she then released the handle, causing the claw to retract, grabbing the worm in the process.

"Now we get it to let go," Lyssa pointed to a small button attached to the handle. "The button is locked. Turn it counter clockwise to unlock it, then press and hold for 3 seconds. It delivers a small electric shock that stuns the worm. You have about 60 seconds after that to reel it in before it recovers and tries to grab on again."

"You are sure the worm will pass through the optic canal without becoming stuck?" Delphine's biggest concern was tearing the worm during the removal and releasing the poison they were trying to remove.

"That little bastard is extremely elastic. Even the micro circuitry is designed to compress and contort. The original designer of the organic portion created it to work its way through the brain to otherwise inoperable locations delivering chemo or radiation treatments to tumors. Trust me, it will slide right out with no problem."

Delphine turned the button and depressed it for the required 3 seconds. She gave a gentle pull, feeling very little resistance as more of the thin wire was pulled from the incision in Krystal's eyelid. In a matter of seconds a small bulge appeared at the opening. Delphine carefully worked the body of the worm out of the incision, dropping it into a small container.

Picking up a small bottle of surgical glue, she used it to close the small opening they had created for the procedure. She removed the tape from Krystal's eye, but, to keep pressure off of the wound, she placed a gauze pad over the eye and taped it in place instead. She shut off the I.V. and gave Krystal an injection to start reviving her from the anesthesia. She would be groggy, but Delphine wanted her awake and able to move. Now that the worm was removed, they could take her to the safe house and finish bringing her up to date on what was happening. She sighed with relief as Krystal began to stir.

"It looks like that all went well, yeah?" Sarah asked.

"Yes. As soon as she is a bit more awake, I suggest she be taken to our other location," Delphine was mindful not to offer up any details of the safe house.

"Alright. Felix, it looks like you will be playing chauffeur. Cos, I really do think it would be good for you to go with her. You seem to be a calming influence on her."

"I'm not leaving until Delphine does." Her tone was calm but firm.

"Cosima," Delphine started, a slight warning to her tone.

"Strictly backing you up," Cosima argued. "Not getting in your way."

"If something were going to happen, it would have happened by now," Delphine tried to argue.

"Then there's no reason for me not to stay too."

"Except for Krystal needing a friendly face," Mrs. S added gently. "I think we have seen that Felix's face does not apply."

"Some people just have no sense of humor about having their identity stolen," Felix complained. "Who'da thunk it?"

Cosima looked guiltily at the woman lying in front of her. Krystal opened her eyes and began looking around in a daze, finally finding Cosima's. "It wasn't a dream was it?" Her words were slightly slurred.

"No," Cosima sighed as she took Krystal's hand. "Not a dream. But the good news is, you are going to be just fine now. The brain bug is gone."

"What happened to my eye?" Krystal reached a hand up before Delphine intercepted it.

"It is just a bandage. It will only need to be on for a day or so."

"And now Felix and I are going to get you out of here," Cosima met Delphine's grateful look for a moment before continuing. "We'll take you somewhere safe."

They helped her up from the table. Propping her up on her feet between the two of them, they maneuvered her out the small office door and towards the car Felix had left parked in the alley behind the building.

Sarah looked after them before turning to Mrs. S. "I should check in with Helena and the others."

"Alright. I'll stay here and keep an eye on things for this next round," she answered.

Sarah nodded and headed out the door as well.

Delphine turned back to Lyssa. "It really is quite a simple procedure. And this equipment," she picked up the scope, dropping the worm into a waiting container for Cal to evaluate. "I have never seen anything quite like it." Closing the container, she slid it into her pocket.

"I made it. Stealing shamelessly from existing designs of course."

"Yes, but still…." Delphine did not trust Lyssa, not at all. But it was obvious she was just as brilliant and multi-talented as she claimed to be. That made Delphine even more uncomfortable with the woman. "Shall we sterilize the equipment and take care of your little problem now?" Delphine wanted nothing more than to be done with this, so they could send this dangerous woman on her way.

"Yes, let's," Lyssa gave her a knowing look.

Delphine began the task of cleaning the surgical tools she had brought, leaving the scope to Lyssa. "Why did you insist on me for this?"

"A number of reasons."

"Provide me with one," Delphine challenged.

"If someone is going to be digging in my brain, I want it to be someone who wants something more out of my head than a worm. That would be you."

"I don't understand. What would I want from you?"

"I have the complete and unabridged works of Dr. Ethan Duncan's version of the Island of Dr. Moreau, all stored up here," she tapped her own head.

Siobhan snorted. "Oh, you're a good one, aren't you?"

Lyssa narrowed her eyes at the woman. "None of your people would have cared one way or another about that. But she does," Lyssa indicated an incredulous Delphine. "Photographic memory. Don't scramble my brain during this little procedure and I will write down all the translated notes on his synthetic sequences. With that and the Leda original genetic materials, you should be able to isolate the defect with little problem. You'll have all the puzzle pieces you need to figure out how to fix it. What do you say?"

"I say yes, of course," shocked, Delphine could offer no other answer. "But I would have kept my word and helped you anyway."

"Maybe. But I like the extra insurance against an accidental slip."

Sarah waited until she was far enough away from the office door that she would not be heard before she put her hand up to ear, pressing the earbud there more firmly into place. She watched as Felix and Cosima opened the outer door and maneuvered Krystal through it into the alley where his car was waiting.

"Helena, have you been listening?"

"Yes, sestra. So far everything is silent here. Perhaps it is not a trap?"

"Yeah, maybe. But if it is, now would be the time to spring it, so stay alert."

"Yes, I will do this."

In a building on the other side of Helena's vantage point a different call went out.

"Tac leader to all tac teams. Go. Repeat again, go, go, go."

Sarah headed for the door Felix and Cosima had just exited, planning on seeing if she could help get Krystal settled in the car and see them off.

"Sarah!" Helena's voice rang out in her ear. "They are here! Get Felix and sestras inside!"

"Company!" Sarah yelled to all in the building as she ran for the door. "Fe, Cos get back in here, now!"

Felix cursed and he reached into the car, roughly jerking a confused Krystal back up out of the seat they had just deposited her into. "Cosima, hurry!" Together, they rushed Krystal back to the door just as Sarah reached it from the other side. She and Felix pulled Cosima and Krystal behind a stack of construction supplies near the door.

Sarah looked across the room to the office that had been turned into their makeshift operating room, waiting.

At Sarah's yell, Siobhan's gun had come up instantly. She grabbed Delphine by the back of her shirt and pushed her towards the door, covering Lyssa as she did so.

Lyssa reached down for a bag on the floor by her feet, but froze when the older woman offered a loud, "No!"

The Helen clones expression held no emotion or surprise as she stared again at the older woman. "Your company are not friends of mine. I haven't had time to call any. But without this equipment, I can't get this thing out of my head, so if we are running I'm not leaving it." Her voice never rose nor did any emotion enter her expression. But she began gathering the equipment and quickly pushed it into the bag.

"You are not coming with us," Siobhan put her back against a struggling Delphine and pushed her out the door.

"Yes, she is," Delphine disagreed. "The information she has could make the difference, Siobhan!"

"Then we'll find her again later. Come on!"

"Lyssa, hurry," Delphine called as Siobhan dragged her across the large expanse of room towards where Sarah and the others were hiding.

Across the street and several stories up, Helena stood behind a tripod holding her sniper rifle. Usually she preferred to be sitting or laying down, more stable positions for hitting single targets. But the area she was required to cover in this instance was too large. She had to be able to swivel to cover the two sides of the building she could see from her sniper nest. That was why she had not seen the enemy spotters, they had chosen their lookout location on one of her blind sides. As she assessed the situation, Helena realized that error had cost them precious seconds of reaction time.

She had issued her warning to Sarah as she watched several SUVs pull up on multiple sides of the building. They were all depositing armed teams that moved as single units. Alison sat stiffly at her side holding a cell phone tightly in both hands.

"What now?" Alison asked tightly, but Helena did not respond right away.

Two of the enemy units were now working their way down the alley to where Felix's car sat. Helena followed them with her rifle scope, before calmly saying to Alison, "Speed dial 2."

Alison looked quickly down at the cell phone she held and pressed the 2 button, holding it down for several seconds to activate the call.

"Fire in the hole!" she yelled as the call connected with the detonators attached to the explosive charges Helena, Alison, and Donnie had lined the alley with before the others had arrived with their new frenemy.

Inside the building, only Sarah could hear Helena and Alison's communications. "Everyone down, now!"

Sarah and Felix pulled the other two in tight behind the shelter they had erected earlier to protect them from an alley-side blast, but both she and Cosima had kept their eyes on the two women still making their way across the room when the concussion from the explosion hit the building. Glass, wood, and other building materials exploded inward, mostly blocked by the office doors Mrs. S had been made sure to keep closed for just such a circumstance. But not all the doors held and neither did the ceiling. Sarah had seen Mrs. S pull Delphine down before the explosion had hit, but they had both disappeared behind the cloud of dust and debris that cascaded down as the floor above partially collapsed, closing off the two sides of the large room below.


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Slightly shorter chapter, but I found a good break point and decided not to keep you all in suspense over my last cliff hanger.

Thank-you's going out to (again, in order of appearance in the reviews): Guest (no idea if you are one of the same "Guests" as before, if not welcome and enjoy!), Maritexxam (your request was taken under advisement :), Spoooookkkyyyyyyy (Yes it is!), CkBenzo (the wait is over!), First Movement (LOL, I knew you would like a cliff hanger; also thank you again for the questions!), Cophine1 (ROFL! When I hit the lottery...), and CdnGirl (Ok, this is my fastest response to a "please post again soon", as Ch 14 is going up only 19 hours after your request... Ta-da!)

New disclaimer: also NOT a doctor!

Violence warnings: Helena is going to kick some ass as requested by multiple parties. Thank you SpookyCJ for the added encouragement there!

Chapter 14

Cosima watched as Delphine disappear behind the wall of ruin that now lay in the middle of the room. She wanted to scream out her name, but she could not seem to draw in a breath, her chest paralyzed. She used what little air was in her lungs to whisper it. "Delphine."

Sarah seemed to have no such handicap. Running for the pile of debris cutting the room in two, she stopped well short, wary of more tumbling down from above. "Siobhan!" she yelled loudly. "Delphine! Say something!"

Cosima stumbled after her listening intently.

"We're here!" Delphine's voice called out, followed by coughing.

Suddenly Cosima could breathe. "Are you ok?"

"S?" Sarah added.

Siobhan's voice came back first, sounding out of breath, coughing from the dust floating in the air. "We're both fine, but we aren't getting through this mess. Delphine's car is on this side. We'll take it and meet up with you later."

On the other side of the wall, Siobhan, face pinched with pain, held a finger to her lips to stop Delphine from responding. Delphine saw the motion, but she was busy pulling a shoelace out of the older woman's boot to use as a tourniquet for the leg that was pinned under sharp, twisted sheet metal weighed down by the wreckage on top. Delphine was unable to see the extent of the injuries themselves, but the growing pool of blood meant she would need to get Siobhan out of there fast.

Sarah hesitated, not liking being split up, but seeing no way around it. "Yeah. Burner phone 2 is yours if you need it. Three is ours for same."

Of the three burner phones that had been left on the kitchen table in the safe the house, the first one had already been destroyed after Sarah's call to Delphine and Cosima. When planning this adventure, they had assumed Lyssa's story was a lie, designed to trap them, and planned accordingly. Deciding they could not risk the possibility that one of the phones they were carrying might be cloned and outbound call numbers traced, they had all memorized the 3 burner phone numbers. Those phones were single use only and then destroyed. That meant they had to be judicious in their decision to contact one of the two remaining burner phones at the safe house.

"Understood. Safe trip, love."

"You too." Sarah grabbed Cosima's hand, pulling her reluctantly away.

"Delphine?" Cosima's voice was tight as she resisted Sarah's pull.

Delphine looked up from Siobhan's leg, where the tourniquet was now tied off above the knee. "I will see you later, Cosima," she called back calmly, looking the older woman in the eye and hoping it was not a lie. Siobhan nodded to her.

Sarah was insistent. "We have to go, Cos! Helena? Can you hear me?"

. . . . . .

From her perch in the nearby building Helena was using her scope to scan the bodies littering the far side of the alley. Only one was moving, trying to rise. She felt a tightness in her chest as she realized she could not let that enemy up. Her family would have to leave through that alley. She brought the crosshairs of her scope to center on his head and gently squeezed the trigger. A quiet cough of the muzzle, and the body fell back to the ground, unmoving.

She heard Sarah call through the earpiece as her eyes flickered at the still body in her scope. Her voice was flat when she answered. "Yes, sestra. I hear. Donnie, the alley is clear. Go now."

Helena swiveled her rifle to sight the other side of the building she could see from her vantage point. She began calmly picking targets, the ones closest to the door by Delphine's escape car first. Each time the rifle coughed the muzzle moved slightly, centering the next target. She tried not to think of the sestras she had killed as she squeezed the trigger and the nameless, faceless bodies fell.

. . . . . . . .

A minivan came roaring around the corner and sped up the alley, occasionally veering to avoid obstacles. The blast had thrown everything against the far side, but some small debris had bounced back. Donnie brought the car to a screeching stop in front of the door where Felix's car had been parked. It was now a burning wreckage blocking the far end of the alley.

Sarah opened the door through which Felix and Cosima rushed a still groggy Krystal. They all piled into the car slamming doors a fraction of a second before Donnie burned a layer of rubber off the tires in reverse, backing the minivan out the way he had entered.

When the minivan exited the alley back onto the main street, Helena swiveled in their direction, making sure there were no vehicles in a position to follow them. Once assured of their escape, she returned her scope and attention to the building. Two of the members of the enemy unit she had been picking off had realized the shots were coming from behind them and had taken cover behind the car. Once they isolated her position, they would communicate her location to the others.

Helena held her fire, waiting until it would do the most good before giving away exactly where they were. She knew she and Alison had already overstayed their welcome, but she was not going to leave until Mrs. S and the Doctor came out.

"Alison, they will find us quickly now. Go to our exit point, I will be there soon."

Alison looked at the cold profile, considering. "Do you want me to detonate the other charges?"

"No, Mrs. S and Doctor are near this side, we do not know where yet."

"Then I'll wait here with you until we know," she nodded her head sharply, as if agreeing with herself on this decision, but her eyes were wide.

Helena looked away from her rifle scope, pinning Alison with a cold, expressionless stare. "Be ready. We will have to move quickly." As she turned back to her targets, the door she had been trying to clear burst open.

"Sarah, can you still hear me?"

"Yeah, Helena. What's wrong?"

"The crazy clone has Delphine," she answered flatly, watching as the dark haired woman dragged a fighting Delphine out the door and towards the car. "Mrs. S is not with them."

. . . . . . . . . .

The moment Cosima and Sarah had left them, Delphine had begun a frantic evaluation of the rubble pinning Siobhan's leg. She was afraid to try to shift any of the weight for fear it would drive the sharp edges of the metal deeper, but she knew she had to do something quickly. Searching the ground nearby she found a long length of pipe she could use as a lever. Finding a good fulcrum point she carefully slid the end of the pipe past Siobhan's leg, trying to find a path of least resistance through the wreckage.

"Don't worry about careful now," the older woman ordered. "Speed's the thing. Hurry!"

"I think that is as far as it goes," she met Siobhan's eyes. "Ready?" At the woman's nod, Delphine threw all of weight against the lever. Siobhan's groan was the only indication there had been any movement, the pile had not shifted much at all.

"I need a longer lever."

"You need to put on a bit more weight, young lady," Siobhan laughed breathlessly, but she sobered quickly, giving Delphine a serious look. "They need you. You have to go, now."

Delphine shook her head, but before she could voice her refusal, a side door nearby exploded inward and small metal canisters bounced across the floor spewing white smoke. Delphine threw herself to the ground next to Siobhan, putting herself between the woman and where the door had been before a curtain of smoke had obscured it. She pulled the neck of her shirt up to cover her nose and mouth and waited for the people she knew were coming through the haze for them.

"Run Delphine," Siobhan whispered, insistent. "It's nothing but open floor space between us and the far door. You can still make it if you go now before they spread out. Go!"

Delphine ignored her, eyes trying to see through the wall of white to where she knew their adversary approached. She would not leave Siobhan trapped here alone when they arrived. She heard the scuff of a boot in one direction, then silence again, before a muffled sound that might have been an impact from bumping into something. It took only moments for two forms to materialize out of the mist, guns held in front of them. One was taller, the shorter one obviously a woman. A small woman. Delphine's eyes narrowed as the two figures moved out of the smoke completely. Lyssa, she thought initially, before the short cropped hair registered. Another Helen clone, but not Lyssa.

The man with her wore dark colored clothing, military in style, and a clear facemask to protect him from the smoke. The woman took her mask off, the smoke not as thick near the wall of debris. "We've got two," she said into a headset.

"We are unarmed," Delphine said quickly, showing her empty hands. "And she is injured and trapped."

"Good. That makes this easy." The woman's eyes glittered with a rage that made her voice shake. "This is for Papa Nealon and Shay." She pointed the gun at the center of Delphine's chest.

Before she could pull the trigger, the inside of the clear plastic face mask her partner still wore suddenly exploded with blood. He fell to the ground, writhing, with a long length of splintered wood protruding out from his neck, having being driven upward at a sharp angle from the opposite side. The new Helen clone jumped away, trying to swing her gun around to face the new threat, but another body slammed into her, driving them both to the ground.

Lyssa rolled up from the ground, pinning her likeness beneath her. They both had a grip on the gun, elongated by a silencer, but the new Helen clone froze when she focused on her adversary. Lyssa took the advantage, punching the other woman in the jaw and gaining sole control of the gun. Placing the barrel under the other woman's chin, she smiled her shark-toothed smile down at her likeness.

"Hello Zia. It's good to see you back at work again."

"You?" Zia looked shocked, confused.

"Me. How did you find us?" Lyssa pressed the gun barrel more firmly under Zia's jaw. "Through the worms? Secondary tracer?"

The new clone's confusion evaporated, anger replacing it. "You turn traitor and all you have to say is 'how did we find you'?" Zia scoffed, incredulous. "Momma D has had an observation team on you ever since that major screw-up. Apparently she didn't trust your remote monitor would be enough to keep you in line after that. They saw your new friends removing what they thought was your body from the apartment and followed them here. That act of yours was very convincing."

"Momma D knowing I'm still among the living was not a part of my plan. As long as that's fucked…." Turning Zia's face to the side so she could look directly into her left eye, Lyssa leaned down. "One day, old woman, we are going to be standing in the same room together once more. One of us dies then." She gave her coldest smile. "If it were today, I wouldn't give myself good odds. By the time that day does get here, they will be much better."

She straightened slowly, turning Zia's face back up. The hard edge in Lyssa's voice disappeared when she spoke. "I'm glad to see you're up and around again," her eyes searched the other clone's face as she spoke. "No permanent brain damage from our last little adventure together?"

Delphine watched as Zia's expression turned from angry to suspicious at Lyssa's seemingly genuine question. "It took a while, but no lasting effects."

Lyssa gave her a slight smile, her expression softening, and her voice, when she spoke again sent a cold shiver down Delphine's back.

"I'm glad," Lyssa said quietly, looking down with concern at her mirror image, who now appeared uncertain, questioning. Lyssa's gun hand flashed out and back so quickly it was just a blur to Delphine as she slammed it into the side of Zia's head, knocking her out. "Let's try again," she said, her tone empty of emotion once more. She turned the now unconscious woman's head once more and peeled her left eyelid back. "Her reflexes are a bit little slow, Susan. You might want to recheck that. On the plus side, she's still her gullible old self."

Lyssa got up, putting the gun with the silencer under her belt in the back. She moving quickly to the body of the man she had killed and scooped up his hand gun as well, leaving the assault rifle that was still secured around his body with a strap.

"Time to leave." She took Delphine's wrist and pulled her towards the far exit.

Delphine's skin crawled where Lyssa gripped her arm. Suddenly her head echoed with the many memories of Shay doing the same. When handcuffing her to the wall next to the cot in the storeroom, or unlocking her from the handcuffs to go the bathroom, or changing her IV. All of those echoes were suddenly drowned out by the sensation of Shay's hand brushing across the bare skin of her chest and up her chained arm, Cosima watching in helpless horror. Shay grasped her arm just above the wrist, forcing it up and out. Delphine felt the skin around her incision pulling tight against the stitches trying to hold the ragged edges together, almost to the tear point. But it is the pain in the underlying tissues causing the fiery agony she is clenching her jaw against. She will not cry out, she will not go!

Delphine planted her feet and pulled back with all of her strength, breaking herself away from both the memory and from Lyssa's grip. She was shaking and breathing hard. She knew that it showed, her fear, but she could not stop herself. She had been unnerved by the brief personality shift Lyssa had used to distract the new Helen clone. For those brief seconds she had acted like Shay, sounded like Shay, had been Shay. And when she had touched Delphine, Delphine's memories had brought Shay out to play.

Unsteady on her feet, she returned to Siobhan's side. Catching her breath, she steadied her voice. "I won't leave without Siobhan."

Lyssa stared back at her, hard eyes unblinking, saying nothing.

Siobhan was looking up at Delphine with concerned speculation. "Now you listen to me…. You don't have to trust her, you don't even have to go with her, but you do have to go."

"They're not taking prisoners, Siobhan!"

"Exactly! Stop arguing with me and get out of here."

While they were arguing, Lyssa retrieved the pipe Delphine had used as a lever. She drove the end of the pipe at a low angle into the debris near Siobhan's leg. Siobhan cried out in pain as the pipe scraped against her trapped foot in the process.

"Oh, suck it up," was the pitiless response from the clone. Instead of throwing her weight onto the end of the pipe Lyssa ducked down and put her shoulder under it, lifting with her legs and body, pressing the pipe upwards. Nothing happened at first, the only visible movement being the shaking of Lyssa's legs and arms as she pushed against the weight. Then the pile shifted, and rose just enough for Siobhan to use her good leg to push her body away from the pile, sliding her damaged leg out from under it.

Dropping the weight she had been holding with a loud thud and clang of the pipe, she walked up to Delphine, not stopping until her angry eyes were less than a hands breadth from Delphine's own. Her voice was chipped ice when she asked, "Can we go now?"

Without waiting for an answer she grabbed Delphine's wrist again, not breaking eye contact. Delphine tried to pull out of her grip again, but this time her hold was like a vise, so tight Delphine could tell the blood flow to her had was significantly impaired. After letting Delphine struggle for a few seconds, Lyssa blinked, turned, and began pulling her across the room.

"What about Siobhan?!"

Lyssa surprised her by stopping of her own accord and looking back at the woman on the ground. "Get your ass to the door and I'll help you. Slow us down and I leave you."

"Fair enough," Siobhan glared back at the woman, angry at her callousness with Delphine, but grateful she was getting Delphine out. Perhaps she was not responsible for this trap after all, but Siobhan would not trust to that. She rolled onto her knees and rose up on her good leg, using the discarded pipe as a crutch.

The grudging agreement between the two women did not stop Delphine from trying to fight against Lyssa's hold. This time she had it firmly in her mind that it was Lyssa, and did not seem in any danger of another flashback. But after the weeks she had spent resisting Shay's mental and physical tortures, it was second nature to resist Lyssa's unwelcome contact, despite the fact that she appeared to be trying to help in her cold, unyielding way. Delphine fought her all the way to the door and beyond it.

. . . . . . .

"Helena," Sarah's voice came back through the ear bud. "Is there anything you can do to help them?"

Helena sighted the cross hairs in her scope on the small, dark head attached to the body dragging Delphine forcibly away from the building. "Not Mrs. S," she replied quietly, as her finger tightened on the trigger. "But I can help Doctor."

Before she could finish the slow squeeze of the trigger, the crazy clone brought her gun up and fired two bullets in rapid succession. The two enemy gunmen who had been using the car as a shield from Helena's fire had nothing to protect them from the fire coming from behind them. They fell soundlessly and did not move again.

Helena released the pressure she had on the trigger, but continued to sight through her scope. "Sarah, it appears crazy clone is helping, but I am not sure. She shoots Neolution soldiers, but Delphine tries to get away from her. Do I shoot her?"

Sarah thought quickly, terrified of what Mrs. S's absence might mean, but knowing at any moment they might drive out of range of the ear bud transmitters. "No, let her go. Help them get away if you can, but get yourself out of there too, Helena," she finished with a worried tone. "Come home."

Helena closed her eyes briefly at the last words, torn by the conflicting emotions that rose up in her. But she still had responsibilities to her family here. Opening her eyes again, she swung the rifle away from the car and sighted in on an enemy unit who had taken cover away from the building. They had opened fire on the crazy clone after seeing her take out the last members of their first unit. But by that time, Lyssa had dragged Delphine behind the car, using the same cover the two enemy soldiers had used. They would be able to get into the car from the driver side, away from the direction of gunfire, and escape. She would only have to distract the gunmen for a few seconds to let them drive away.

But they were not getting in the car. They appeared to be arguing, crouched low for cover from the bullets pelting the car, with Delphine motioning back towards the building. Helena could not help with their disagreement, but she could draw some of the fire away from them.

"Alison, you need to leave now. Leave the phone. Do not wait for me. Go now."

"I can't leave without you," she argued. "Sarah would never forgive me!"

"She will understand," Helena punctuated her short sentence with a squeeze of the trigger, dropping a target. "I will be fine, Alison," another trigger squeeze, and another body fell. But now they knew where the fire was originating. They shifted to take cover from her angle of fire. "This is what I do. You do not. You must leave now." Helena's next shot targeted the wall of the building behind the enemy location, letting them know she was still there, encouraging them to stay down.

She took her eyes off of her targets to see the crazy clone looking up in her direction. Lyssa pushed the gun she was carrying into Delphine's hands and ran back towards the building.

"Alison, go now!" Helena yelled, hoping the woman's actions meant what she thought. Returning her attention to the soldiers she began shooting to provide cover. She smiled to herself, it would be interesting to meet this crazy clone one day. Once Lyssa made it through the door, Helena turned to see that Alison had followed her orders and was gone. She took a few seconds to switch out the almost empty clip in her rifle for a new one.

Before she could refocus on her targets, Lyssa reappeared, supporting a hobbling Mrs. S. Blood could be seen covering the lower part of her right pant leg, explaining her inability to support her own weight on it. Helena reengaged the enemy, covering the much slower return of Lyssa to the car.

Seeing them approach, Delphine moved from her crouched position behind the car to get into the driver's seat and started the vehicle. Lyssa opened the back door and climbed in, dragging Mrs. S behind her. In a matter of seconds they were away.

Helena did not even pause to break down her gun. She left it where it sat on the tripod as she scooped up her phone and ran for the stairs at the far end of the hall. When she hit the door to the stairwell, she pressed and held the 3 key on the cell phone, activating the detonators attached to the explosives hidden along the side of the abandoned building facing her former perch. The vibrations from the explosion almost knocked her off her feet as she ran down the 6 flights to the lowest level of the parking structure.

She charged out of the stairwell door at the bottom and into the side of a car sitting only a few steps away. Alison looked out the window at her, wide eyed but relieved at seeing her. Yanking open the door Helena hopped in, glaring at her sestra for not already being gone.

"What?" Alison asked defensively as she put the car in gear. "I left."

. . . . . . .

Delphine's foot stayed on the accelerator of the car until she was sure no one was following. She made several random turns, changing the direction of their escape from a straight line to a less predictable one. She was not sure where she was going, other than away. She could not go back to the safe house with their new guest, but Siobhan's injuries needed to be addressed. When she was sure she could spare the attention without killing them all she glance into the back seat.

"Siobhan? How are you doing?"

"I could use a rest," she replied tiredly, her voice weaker than it had been in the building. That could be the effects of the shock or blood loss or both.

"You know you have to stay awake, Siobhan. No sleeping yet."

"Yeah, yeah…."

The older woman was laid across the seat, with Lyssa kneeling on the floorboards, inspecting her injuries. "I loosened the tourniquet to allow some blood flow to the tissue. No major arteries affected but I'll tighten it again in a few seconds. We need someplace to get this mess sewn back together."

"What is today? Is it Sunday?"

"Yes," Lyssa answered. "Why?"

"I know where we can go," Delphine made another turn, this time with a solid destination in mind.

. . . . . . . . .

"What do you mean Lyssa has her?" Cosima's voice was raised and accusing as she glared at Helena. Helena and Alison had arrived back at the house only a few minutes behind Donnie and his passengers.

"I do not believe she is hostage," Helena answered calmly. "Lyssa give her a gun when she goes back for Mrs. S. This is not enemy behavior."

"And Mrs. S is hurt," Sarah added. "How bad?"

"Leg. Much blood. But she is awake when they get to car. Delphine is doctor, she will be fine." In Helena's mind, she was simply stating facts, but as Sarah relaxed, she realized her sestra took them as comfort.

Cosima turned to Sarah. "Delphine will bring them here, right?"

"No she won't," Sarah replied reasonably, "and you know it. She won't risk coming back here until she's rid of Lyssa and Lyssa won't go until Delphine takes that thing out of her head."

Cosima started to pace. "We can't leave her with Lyssa, we can't!"

"Hey," Sarah stepped into her path, trying to sooth. "It looks like Lyssa was helping, at least until she gets what she wants. And there's nothing I saw to say she'd do anything to hurt Delphine once she does get what she wants. It seems obvious from her behaviors she's running from the Neos too."

"First of all, you can't know that. How did they find us if it wasn't her? And second, that's not my only worry for Delphine being with her." Cosima stopped in her rant, not wanting to betray a confidence, but wanting her sister to understand why they had to find them. "Delphine has nightmares about Shay… she has flashbacks when a strong enough trigger is present. Being with a mirror image of her will mess with Delphine's head even if Lyssa doesn't do anything to intentionally aggravate the situation. And from what we've both seen of her personality, do you really think she won't pick at Delphine's psychological weaknesses?"

Sarah could not argue that last point. Lyssa had seemed quite fond of trying to make Delphine uncomfortable during their vid chat and first meeting. But once they had gone to work on Krystal, she had seemed to forget all of that, focusing on the procedure. She had said she liked new things, sciency-type things, Sarah thought to herself, giving her and Delphine something in common. But without something to focus her attention, there was no reason to assume she would not go back to taunting Delphine, picking at her weaknesses as Cosima had said.

Sarah sighed. "I don't think there's anything we can do about that now, but trust that Delphine is smart enough and strong enough to hold her own. Mrs. S may be hurt, but she's there. They'll take care of each other. All we can do is wait for the phone to ring."

Everyone's eyes went to phones sitting silent on the kitchen table.

. . . . . . .

Delphine had driven them to a less-than-reputable part of the city, pulling into an alley behind a small health care clinic that was obviously closed for the day. She got out of the car and opened the back door to assess Siobhan's condition herself, intentionally not looking at Lyssa. Lyssa got out of the car on the opposite side and walked towards the back door of the clinic.

"Do you know how to pick a lock," Delphine asked her, not raising her eyes from Siobhan's leg.

"Yes," came the reply, seconds before the single cough of the silencer of Lyssa's gun. She kicked the door where the lock, now with a 9 millimeter hole in it, was still holding it closed. The door flew inwards. "It's open." Lyssa disappeared into the building.

Delphine helped Siobhan maneuver her leg out of the car and was preparing to support her weight when Lyssa came back out pushing a wheelchair. Delphine looked up at her, starting to thank her, but froze at the blue eyes looking back at her. Shay's eyes. Eyes that now held no particular emotion but had, just a short while ago projected the same false concerned, caring look Shay had used as a constant mask. Delphine's words caught in her throat, but she managed a nod in thanks and looked away, hoping the other woman had not seen anything she might perceive as weakness. That had been a magnet for Shay's cruelty. It was not unreasonable to assume the same might be true for Lyssa, even if her reactions to those weaknesses might differ. A small part of Delphine worried at the fear she had not been able to hide from Lyssa earlier.

She helped Siobhan to stand briefly as they moved her the short distance to the chair. Wheeling her inside the building, Delphine took her directly to the large exam room she knew to be in the center of the treatment area. Lyssa began opening cabinets looking for supplies as Delphine helped Siobhan onto the exam table. Delphine was moving around the table to the far side when a figure appeared in the doorway.

"Delphine?"

Delphine swung around at the familiar voice. "Bryce," she felt the numbness of shock flow through her at seeing her former lover. Her shock seemed to be reflected back at her in his expression as well.

Lyssa's gun came up, centered on the man standing in the doorway.

NO!" Delphine placed herself between the startled doctor and Lyssa. "Put it down! We get what we need and we leave. No one else gets hurt!" She was starting to sound desperate, but the flat look in Lyssa's eyes had not wavered, nor had her aim. "He doesn't know anything! There is no point to killing him!"

Lyssa still appeared unmoved. Delphine resorted to a tactic she had used with Shay, letting the emotion drain out of her expression and voice. "There is only so much I am willing to do for your extortion."

Lyssa smiled at that. "You're willing to let your current girlfriend die to protect a former boyfriend? Interesting."

"No," she responded, not letting the anger response from the adrenaline flowing in her veins show in her tone. "I'm not willing to let either of them die. I have a chance to save her without you, although what you offer would improve our odds."

Lyssa lowered the gun slightly as she shifted her gaze to the stunned man Delphine was shielding from her. "You be a good boy," she warned softly, "or what she wants won't matter for shit."

Bryce had only begun to realize he needed to be afraid of the small woman before the danger had passed. But he turned a disbelieving stare on Delphine. "Delphine?" he asked again, his eyes searching hers before quickly scanning her up and down. "You're ok?"

Delphine did not have time to explain to him. "Yes. Help me," she asked, as she moved back to the table where Siobhan lay, using the injured woman as her explanation for being here. "We cannot get her medical attention through conventional means. I knew your clinic would be closed and, I thought, empty," she added by way of an apology. She bent down to remove the woman's boot and rip open the bloody pant leg before feeling her way along the leg searching for any obvious breaks.

Bryce glanced at the small woman with the gun who was watching him very closely before pulling keys out of his pants pocket to unlock the main cabinet in the room. Replacing his keys in his pocket, he began removing supplies. Placing them on a mobile tray he moved it next to Delphine with a terse, "Suture kits."

He addressed Lyssa when he continued. "I don't do x-rays here, but I have started stocking a few units of O-neg for emergency walk-ins. Seems to come in handy in this neighborhood. She probably doesn't have to have it, but it wouldn't hurt. May I go get a bag?"

Lyssa nodded but followed him out of the room. They were back within moments, Bryce moving to the other side of the exam table from Delphine to start the IV for the transfusion.

Delphine looked up from her work long enough to give him a heart-felt "Thank you!" Her expression turned guilty as she saw Lyssa take up her guard position again. "I really didn't think anyone would be here."

"I fell behind in my patient charts this week. I was catching up."

Delphine smiled slightly and went back to work on Siobhan's leg. "So nothing has changed with you."

"A lot has changed with me," he looked up from the needle he had just secured in Siobhan's arm, his expression uncertain. "It sounds like a lot has changed with you, too."

"Yes, it has."

"Girlfriend?"

Delphine looked up at Lyssa briefly in mild frustration despite her discomfort with the woman, "That was not helpful."

"Not in my job description," she responded blandly.

"You could help us here," Delphine knew Lyssa had medical expertise.

"There are two of you in there already. Besides, I'm not feeling terribly helpful towards my former guard." She allowed her gaze to shift from Bryce to the now unconscious Siobhan.

"Girlfriend?" he asked again.

"Yes," Delphine replied, returning to her examination of Siobhan's leg. "No obvious breaks, but multiple lacerations." She began the task of cleaning the wounds. "Can we do this later?"

"Yeah, of course. Sorry."

They worked quietly, efficiently, falling into comfortable patterns they had shared years before. As Delphine was closing up the last of the wounds, Bryce sat back watching her. He wanted explanations, but the less than friendly dynamic between Delphine and the woman with the gun made him hesitate to ask. He decided to stay with safer topics for now. "The leg may not be broken, but that ankle probably is. She should have x-rays of both, but blood flow looks good."

"She will get them, just not here or now. Getting the bleeding stopped was the most important thing, the rest can wait a day or two. I will need to take antibiotics and pain medications from you. Sorry."

Bryce looked over at the dangerous woman who had remained fully focused on him while they worked. He decided to press the issue…gently. "What kind of trouble are you into that you can't go to a hospital or the police?"

"Trouble I don't wish to share with you. After we leave here, you need to call the police yourself. Tell them everything. That we used a gun to force you to help us. Tell them it was me, give them my name. Don't try to hide anything, or you may put yourself… and your wife in danger."

"You heard I got married," he made it a statement.

"We do still have some of the same acquaintances."

"Yes, except I call them friends," his comment was pointed.

"And I did not. I know," Delphine admitted tiredly, refusing to be drawn into outdated arguments that were no longer relevant. She finished tying off the last stitch, stripping off the gloves she was wearing and throwing them in the trash, before sitting down next to Siobhan and taking her hand with a sigh. Now that Siobhan was stabilized and treated, Delphine felt drained of energy, a reaction to the faded adrenaline rush.

Bryce watched her for a moment before asking, "Is it her?"

Delphine laughed at the assumption and his persistence. "No, but they are related."

"Mother?"

"Aunt and niece," Delphine could not help smiling at the truth she knew was also a lie in how it would be perceived. She even heard a quiet snort of amusement from Lyssa. "Siobhan helped save my life recently," Delphine's eyes shifted to Lyssa before she could stop them and then away again. "They have become…," the tears suddenly rising up inside her were a surprise to both of them, "my family."

"That is a big change for you," his tone softened at her emotional reaction. "I'm guessing that's thanks to this new woman in your life?" Delphine nodded. "What's she like?"

"She's wonderful. Intelligent… sweet…She is a free spirit with a scientist's mind. A study in contradiction," Delphine shook her head in bemusement. "And she has a natural innocence I find myself envying sometimes."

"And you love her."

"Yes," Delphine could not help the soft smile, although it was tinged with regret for his sake. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's what I wanted for you," his smile was rueful. "Even if my pride's a little wounded. I did move on too. We're expecting our first child in a few months."

Delphine smile was genuine, "I always said you would make a great father. Congratulations, Bryce."

She was happy for him, but there was a part of her that was hurt, maybe a little envious. He was living out the life they had once planned together, a life she had wanted. She would not trade what she had now for that life, at least not with Bryce, for that part of it would have been a lie, hurting both of them. But seeing him living it….

Somewhere, without realizing it, she had stopped believing that she would ever have the quiet, happily ever after, with a mortgage and bills to pay, having children and watching them grow up… growing old together. It was a life she wanted with Cosima. But their violent encounters with Neolution, Cosima's illness, having to hide from various factions trying to capture or kill them, all of these proved the odds that either of them would survive to live it were slim. While giving up was not an option either, planning or even hoping for that future was a distraction she could not afford. So she would be happy for Bryce, she thought wistfully, that he could still have it.

Bryce nodded at Lyssa. "So, is she a part of this new family of yours?"

"Definitely not." Delphine dared a glance at the woman in question. She realized suddenly that she was searching for any hint of the Shay mannerisms Lyssa had used with Zia.

Something had been very…off… about the exchange between Lyssa and Zia. Why would Lyssa even have used the ploy? Had she wanted to try and convince Zia that she was Shay? And why had it worked? When Zia had been about to shoot them, she had said it was for Nealon and Shay, nothing about Lyssa, though Zia had obviously thought she was dead too. So perhaps Zia and Shay had been close? And Lyssa had wanted her to think… what? That she was Shay? Or to at least raise the doubt in the other woman's mind to get the upper hand before knocking her unconscious.

There was something that bothered her about Zia as well, but Delphine was not able to pinpoint exactly what it was. Perhaps the brain damage that had been alluded to, something subtle that Delphine's subconscious had noticed. The questions were troubling, but not as troubling as how convincing Lyssa had been at imitating Shay, even for that brief instant.

"And that is all you need to know about her, for your own good," Delphine brought herself back to the current discussion.

Bryce searched her face, trying to find clues to questions she would not answer if he asked them. He knew from experience how good she was at keeping things to herself. He debated doing the same, before realizing how childish and petty that sounded even in his own head.

"Your father called me a couple weeks ago," he started tentatively, evaluating her reaction to this news. At her blank look he continued. "The company you work for called him and told him there had been a lab accident. He thinks you're dead."

"What?" Delphine felt the shock burn through the tiredness she had just been feeling. She closed her eyes. "Of course, they would have called my parents. There was no one else to officially notify."

"So it wasn't a mistake?"

"A bullet fired at close range into my liver is not a mistake," she answered coldly before she could think better of it. Her right arm crossed her body, protecting the point of injury out of muscle memory alone, most of the actual pain faded now. She only felt discomfort from it during physical activity such as climbing stairs or being dragged around by sociopathic clones.

"What?" Bryce stood up and moved towards her, stopping only when Delphine shook her head.

"Do I need to remind you again to stay out of my troubles? The people who are after us have no problem killing," she glanced at Lyssa again, "and collateral damage does not matter to them at all."

Bryce just stared at her, not knowing what to say. He did not doubt her story. Now that he knew to look, he could see signs of a prolonged illness or injury. Underweight, even for her, her face still held a pinched look around the eyes from residual pain or the memory of it, and she carried herself differently, carefully. All the signs were subtle now, but unmistakable. He also knew from them that she was physically recovered enough there was nothing for him to do to help, but that knowledge only frustrated the desire to be able to do something to help her. The need was old habit, the frustration familiar, both reminders of the unhappy end to their relationship. He moved back to his chair, choosing to let the urge and the past go. Delphine would always hold a place in his heart, but she was in his past, and she was telling him, in no uncertain terms, to leave her there.

He cleared his throat before speaking again. "I know you don't get along with them, but you should at least let them know you're still alive."

"No. They need to keep thinking I am dead. My father has enough resources to actually try to interfere," she was thinking furiously through the possibilities, none of them good, "and to think it would make a difference. It would only get him killed. Don't tell him, Bryce." She shook her head in confusion. "But you will still have to tell the police it was me, otherwise the people looking for us will think you are holding something back. I'll just have to hope word does not reach him."

"We need to get on with it," Lyssa interjected flatly. "Still things to do." Her comment was vague, but Delphine knew she wanted her side of their arrangement fulfilled. Now.

Delphine looked apologetic. "I need access to your drug cabinet."

Bryce did not look surprised. "You held a gun on me," he replied calmly. "What else could I do but open my drug cabinet for you."

He led them to the dispensary and unlocked it for them. Delphine quickly removed the antibiotics and pain medications they would need for Siobhan until she could get her back to the safe house.

"What medications will you need?" she asked Lyssa.

Browsing the rows of bottles she settled on one label, but pulled two vials off the shelf. "This will work nicely." Finding a syringe, she filled it and handed it to Delphine. "This one's for him."

Delphine looked at the syringe momentarily and then nodded.

"Now wait a minute," Bryce started to argue.

"No. This makes sense. It will give us time to get away and explain why you did not call for help sooner."

Lyssa held up her gun, unsmiling. "And I insist."

Bryce looked at Delphine, evaluating. "Are you safe with her?"

Delphine shook her head. "Not at all. But right now, we each need something from the other. Temporary allies."

Bryce rolled up his sleeve, but Delphine took his hand and pulled him to an empty exam room. "You should be laying down when I give this to you."

He reclined on the exam table, staring at her uncertainly. "Be safe, Delphine."

She gave him the injection, depositing the syringe in a red sharps container, before returning to his side. "I will. Oh, one last thing…." She reached into his pants pocket.

He laughed feeling the drug started to take hold. "Hey….What would your girlfriend think about this?"

Delphine smiled down at him as she retrieved an item from his pocket. "She would be very amused," she jangled the keys gently above his face, "that I am stealing your car."

"Not my car?" his tone sounded disbelieving and a little hurt as he started to drift. "I thought you said she was sweet and innocent?"

"And a study in contradiction," Delphine finished softly, reminding him of the fine print. "Happy life, Bryce."

"You too…." Delphine waited until she was sure the drug had taken a firm hold before leaving the room.

Lyssa met her outside the door. "That will be agonizing."

"What?" Delphine was suddenly anxious at the implication there would be pain for Bryce. And that they were the only two people in the hallway.

"Photographic memory," Lyssa made the statement as if the conclusion were obvious. "I will never be able to forget a second of any of that drivel. Ever. Ready to do me?" she asked with a suggestive arch to her eyebrow as she held up the second vial.

Delphine brushed by her and kept walking until she was in the original treatment room where Siobhan was resting before answering. "No."

"What do you mean, no?" While Lyssa did not raise her voice, a dangerous edge entered it.

"I can't get Siobhan to the car with you drugged," she explained calmly. "I also can't trust you to keep your part of our agreement after the worm is removed. So, we take what we need and find a motel. I make arrangements for transportation while you write out Duncan's notes. When the notes are done, I perform the procedure and leave you in the motel room to recover. We go our separate ways."

"The whole point of offering you the notes was as insurance so you don't scramble my brain while digging for worm." Lyssa's response was equally calm but her glare and her tone were becoming less so. "Our agreement was for me to show you how to save Krystal and you sa-," she stopped herself from finishing that sentence. "You repeat the procedure for me. The notes are a bonus for after the work is safely done, otherwise, it doesn't work as insurance, does it?"

Delphine busied herself checking Siobhan's pulse before removing the IV from her arm, giving her time to think. If she performed the procedure here, she would only have two options. Either wait here for Lyssa to recover enough to leave with them and find someplace for her to transcribe the notes, which required trusting that she would, or leave her here with an unconscious Bryce and without Duncan's notes. Neither were good options in her mind.

"Are you changing our deal, Dr. Cormier?" Lyssa now looked like she was about to smile, a look that combined with her hard eyes to make it look like she was about to pounce on prey. "Before you answer, perhaps you should try to wake Siobhan for emotional support… or protection."

Delphine tried to interpret the look Lyssa offered with the words, not quite able to match the two together, unless….

Delphine bent over Siobhan and peeled back one eyelid, then the other, inspecting the pupillary response. "Siobhan?" Delphine managed to keep the panic welling up inside her out of her voice. "Wake up, Siobhan."

"I gave her the rest of your little doctor friend's trank dose while you were saying your goodbyes. She said she wanted a rest." The smile that had been threatening to appear spread slowly across her face, not touching her eyes. "We are alone at last, Delphine. What shall we do with this unique opportunity?"

. . . . . . . . .

Authors note: (insert evil laugh here), oh yes I did...


	15. Chapter 15

Authors Note:

Ok, this chapter could probably have used A LOT more editing and word smithing, but it has been far longer than I intended since my last update and the followers are getting restless :::glaring at Cophine1:::: You are soooooo paying for that window :) I will add that I retain the right to come back later and comPLETEly rewrite this chapter.

Thank yous (in order of review appearance):

Maritexxam! HUGE, HUGE thank you for the cover art! That was so awesomely unexpected and abso perfect! I seriously have no left over creativity for either cover art or titles (apologies now for the uninspiring story title. I might explain how that came about later :)

Sapphic Punk, omg I still love the name! It brings to mind Zia's short spiky hair (just sayin'!) I am glad you are liking the story. I hope I can keep meeting that bar :)

Spppoooooookkkkyyyyyyy: Thank you for the therapy... Over and over again :) I'm still trying to think of a way to work fish-shite into the story line. It's just not coming to me yet!

First Movement: LOL, you KNOW every cliff hanger is juuuuusssssttttt for you, right?

Cdngirl: Sorry about the lightning not striking twice! Let's see what Delphine can do about Lyssa, shall we?

Cophine1: Thank you for the encouragement and the expansion into Archive! Oh, and the extra air conditioning... it's still freakin' hot here!

Guest and Guest: So sorry for the long lag! Here you go!

. . . . . . . . .

Chapter 15

Delphine stared back at Lyssa, trying to hide her growing terror at being trapped. She could not run. Lyssa was still standing in the doorway and Delphine would not leave Siobhan and Bryce even she could get away. She also knew she would lose a physical altercation with the woman were one to occur. That left only one option.

Lyssa was still watching her, a cat watching a mouse, waiting to see what action her prey would take. Looking down at Siobhan, she steeled her expression, hiding her fear with anger and outrage, before looking back up at Lyssa.

"Perhaps you could explain this?" she asked accusingly, indicating Siobhan's unconscious condition. She had to stay on the verbal offensive, show the woman she would stand up to her despite her tenuous situation. "Or you could explain why Professor Duncan would have someone following you, because I don't believe it, that you had nothing to do with them finding us." Delphine lowered her voice to an angry growl, "Or why you acted like Shay with Zia and how you could be so convincing with it that you succeeded in distracting even her?" Delphine watched Lyssa closely for her reaction as she cast her last net, "Or you could tell me why you seem to hate Cosima so much if you have never met her before." But there was nothing, just an unblinking stare that seemed to be trying to bore a hole into her head to see what was inside.

When Lyssa refused to fill the silence with a response, Delphine continued. "Since I first walked into that office building, there have been nothing but questions raised by events and your actions. I still suspect that this is all just an elaborate trap, and you have no intention of keeping your word," she placed a hand on Siobhan's shoulder, "now more than ever."

Lyssa narrowed her eyes at Delphine. "So we should wait until you trust me?" she asked rhetorically. "We both know that will never happen no matter what I do or say. Even if it were possible, I'm not willing to wait that long. So why would I answer any of your questions? That would be giving you information for free, when you haven't paid up on our last agreement yet. In fact, you seem to be backing out of it… after I did my part. That makes you the one who's not trustworthy, not me."

"I am not backing out. Simply… seeking additional assurances."

"You want assurances?" Lyssa's tone was angry again. "None of my answers to any of your questions will make you feel more secure with me. But ok, let's try it out once and see how it goes," her tone turned challenging, indicating she had no confidence it was going to turn out well.

"I am not the person who shot you, or tortured you, or raped you. But I do look like her… and I can be her." Without even blinking, the hardness in Lyssa's eyes drained away, the muscles of her face relaxing, giving her a sad but sensual, almost pleading look, and her voice was Shay's softer timbre when she continued.

"I have been her, whenever the assignment called for it." Her complete transition to Shay, that soft look of concern she directed at Delphine, was not a caricature, not an exaggeration in any part. Even Sarah's imitation of her sisters, which Delphine had witnessed several times, was never so precise.

The impact on Delphine was immediate. She clenched her jaw on the bile rising in her throat, swallowing hard to keep it down. She knew the other woman was toying with her now, could see her fear, but she could not shut down her reaction to it any more than she could stop her own heart just by thinking about it. And her heart reverberated in her chest, pounding as the woman straightened from her position leaning on the doorframe and began a slow walk towards Delphine, her movements an equally precise copy of the woman who still walked in Delphine's nightmares. A small, rational part of her brain noted the term the Helen clones used for each other was extremely appropriate. Except for Lyssa's dark hair, a mirror image of Shay was slowly approaching her, looking so harmless and concerned… and quietly seductive despite the circumstances.

"When we replace another mirror on assignment, we have to know all of the details of what's happened before, so we can slide into their role smoothly. Before the worms, we had to fill out meticulously detailed after-action reports on each contact with our targets, verbatim conversations, tone of voice, sights, smells, sounds… the whole deal. When going in to mirror one of our own, we would first have to go through all of those reports for the details required to be convincing as a replacement. Now that the monitors are looking out of our own eyes, yes, there's video. Before I took over the role of Shay with Krystal, I was required to watch every second of it, every conversation, every action she took. With Cosima, Krystal, Sarah, … and of course, you." Shay's expression shifted to one of remorse, her voice sounding genuinely sympathetic with that last admission.

Delphine did not realize she had moved until her back met the wall behind her. Shay was standing inches from her – no! It was Lyssa! It could not be Shay! Shay was dead! She had to be! Lyssa was in front of her, looking up at her sadly, so close Delphine could smell the delicate perfume the other woman wore. Delphine pressed into the wall, feeling a hardness there. She wanted to move further away, but was trapped in the corner of the room. She turned her face away and closed her eyes, fighting the images and memories of Shay being stirred in her mind by Lyssa's cruelly accurate imitation of her. But she could not close her ears.

"Shay doesn't exist anymore," the soft, hated voice continued, sounding as if she had come even closer to Delphine. "Not because she's physically in pieces," Shay paused in her sentence for a brief second, to make sure she had Delphine's attention, "but because she's just a persona… a complete personality we all learned to mirror perfectly. You see, it was much easier to teach us to mimic entire personalities than it was to try to integrate false individual behaviors and emotional reactions into our own. Shay is a construct we all use when our assignment includes seduction. Since that was always the plan for Helen clones, even when we were in the design phase of our creation, right this minute, scattered all over the world, there are probably a dozen of us being Shay, exactly like I am now. We even use her name when we're in that role."

"What?" Delphine gasped, shaking, and opened her eyes at that revelation. She turned her head trying to meet Shay's…Lyssa's gaze, trying to see through the act and see if the woman was lying. Not one Shay, but all of them Shay? A character they all played perfectly. It explained why Shay, the one who had kept her prisoner, had seemed to have a limited list of expressions. She had stayed in character, even when she was inflicting pain.

Lyssa reached a hand up to gently stroke Delphine's cheek, a slow and sensual movement of fingertips lightly brushing her skin, that combined seamlessly with the soft, compassionate and yet still seductive look she was giving Delphine. Nothing about the gesture or the look seemed feigned. Delphine's body shuddered at the memories that touch brought back, a physical reaction they could both feel and neither could mistake for anything but revulsion.

Lyssa searched her eyes, the perfect picture of a lover looking for 'yes' as her fingertips traced the curve of Delphine's jaw to her chin. She stayed in character as she asked, "Does my answer to your question about why I can be so convincing as Shay make you feel… reassured… Delphine?"

Delphine knew the woman was playing on her fear, something she and Shay, the other Shay, obviously had in common. Delphine made no effort to hide her fear and loathing now, that was beyond her now. She shifted, moving into the corner so that her back was not pressed against the flat of the wall. It did not allow her an escape, but it did give her a small amount of space with the corner directly behind her. She was not surprised when Lyssa used her slight retreat to draw even closer, almost, but not quite touching. Shay would have been drawn by the seeming retreat as well. Lyssa put a hand on each wall of the corner, so close she was resting the entire length of her forearms against them as well as the palms of her hands, making it impossible for Delphine to move without physically making contact with her.

The soft blue eyes looking up at her did not change expression or appear surprised when Delphine pressed the barrel of the gun into Lyssa's side and answered her question. "Not at all," her voice shook as she answered, but a burning anger was growing, mixing with the fear, diluting it. "But this does."

She cocked the hammer on the gun, letting Lyssa know the safety was off. When the other woman tried to step back, Delphine used her free hand to grab her jacket, keeping her close despite the revulsion she felt. She did not want to allow Lyssa to open any space between them that she might use to take the gun away from her.

"Did your photographic memory forget you gave me this gun?" She did not try to hide the growing anger in her own tone.

Lyssa still did not change expressions, holding to the Shay personality as she answered. "Not at all," she used Delphine's own words. "But based on your reaction to me at the office building, I calculated that by now you would be on the floor in the fetal position, surrounded by an expanding pool of your own piss." She gave a soft smile that did not break character and lowered her voice to almost a whisper, giving her seductive persona an even more subtle intimacy as she added, "My mistake."

The anger Delphine had been feeling eclipsed the fear, burning the last of it away. Lyssa had tried to break her, had known exactly what she was doing by bringing her face to face with Shay. She could feel the small muscles in her own face twitch as her rage began to take over. She tried not to lose control, tried not to let it build into the fury the animal part of her brain wanted to embrace. That part of her wanted to release all control of her emotions, to be able to say she was not in control of herself when she killed Lyssa in the image of Shay. But the other, still rational part of her mind, the part that recognized the razor thin line she had reached but not yet crossed, would always know the truth. It would be a choice, rage or no, to step over that line, to give up that control of herself and give her fury free reign in the pursuit of revenge. Lyssa was cruel but, despite the perfect mirror she made, she could not be Shay. Since the revelation that Helen clones existed, Delphine had played that day's memories over in her mind and in her nightmares. That woman had to be dead, nothing else made sense. Although it now seemed her name had probably not been Shay either. Identifying Helen clones who all perfectly mimicked the same personalities would make telling them apart more complicated. At least for now, Lyssa's hair was different from the Helen clone in her memories.

Her breath slowed and the shaking steadied as she worked through the logic, using it to push back her rage to a simmering boil. "I think…," she paused for her own effect, leaning into Lyssa and not hiding any of the anger she was still feeling, "I think I am ready to perform your procedure now."

She was unprepared for Lyssa's response as the woman slowly raised her hands from the walls indicating a lack of threat and laughed. It was not a part of the Shay persona's repertoire of emotional responses, at least not that she had seen. Nothing in the laugh was soft or intimate, designed to seduce. Nor was it the cold sardonic laugh of Lyssa. Her eyes crinkled in seemingly genuine humor and the laugh seemed an honest expression of mirth. Was this the real Lyssa or another persona she was drawing upon to trick Delphine into relaxing her guard? Delphine realized she would never know, would never be able to trust the impressions of someone trained from birth to lie about everything they were.

When Lyssa's laugh ended she cocked her head slightly up at Delphine. "It occurs to me that we're only one day into my 4 day safety buffer before the worm in my head self-destructs and takes me with it. I think maybe I can afford one more day to let you cool off first."

The Shay persona was gone, but while the hardness of Lyssa's usual expression was back, it was not a complete reversion. There was a hint of something else as well. Residual humor at Delphine's response? A hint of respect perhaps? Delphine was not sure, but she did know, whatever it was, it showed she had somehow prevailed in this contest. She hid the relief as she had her fear, behind a cold, angry expression of her own. It was one win, but there might be more challenges to come. She did not want Lyssa to think she was reveling in her defeat. That would be sure to result in another conflict.

"Shall we get Siobhan to your boyfriend's car before someone else shows up and I have to kill them?"

Her tone and expression sounded calm and reasonable, so Delphine released her jacket, allowing Lyssa to step away from the corner and the gun still pressed to her side. Delphine did not lower the gun as Lyssa backed up to the center of the small room and stood there waiting for a response. Realizing she would have to put it away again, would have to trust, at least to that small degree, if there was any chance of getting the information Lyssa offered, she found herself considering alternatives.

Shoot Lyssa, give Siobhan a stimulant to wake her up long enough to get to the car, and get back to the safe house and Cosima. And hope they could find a cure before she died, without needing the information on the synthetic sequences. Lyssa was still staring at her, waiting. But there was something in her stance that said she knew what Delphine was considering… and was ready to react.

Delphine lowered the gun, letting out a slow breath. "Yes, we should do that," she flipped the safety on the gun before tucking it in the back of her waistband under her jacket once more. "If you ever use that… Shay persona… with me again I will shoot you."

Lyssa's demeanor seemed to relax at that as she smiled her shark's smile once more. "Yes, ma'am."

Despite the smile, she still managed to make it sound flirtatious, much to Delphine's annoyance. At least she was not acting like Shay anymore.

. . . . . . . . . .

Lyssa helped her move Siobhan from the exam room to the wheel chair and then, almost single handedly, moved her from the wheel chair into the back seat of Bryce's car. This time, Delphine had the presence of mind to observe the woman's strength in the action. She had not remembered Lyssa pausing before using the pipe to lift the debris off of Siobhan's leg, but she did so now.

Placing one arm behind the unconscious woman's shoulders and one under her knees, Lyssa closed her eyes, appearing to concentrate before the exertion, like a weightlifter about to attempt a heavy lift. Exactly like that, she thought, as Lyssa opened her eyes and lifted the unconscious woman out of the chair, quickly shifting her to the seat of the car, with Delphine doing nothing more than guiding Siobhan's head so it did not hit the door frame.

Once the unconscious woman was laid across the seat, Delphine folded the wheelchair and placed it in the trunk, her eyes constantly going back to Lyssa, watching for anything suspicious in her movements. As she reached a hand up to close the trunk, she looked down into the well and was instantly transposed. She felt split into two pieces, one part of her looking down into the dark recess of the trunk, while the other looked up out of it, into crystal blue eyes. She felt frozen in the moment, muscles locked in place.

The trunk slammed down suddenly, Lyssa standing at the side of it, both hands pressed to the surface. "Nothing in there but a chair," she glared at Delphine. "Right?"

Delphine stared back, Lyssa's dark hair a confusing overlay to the blond image of Shay that had just been looking down on her as she lay bleeding in that other car. "What else would there be?" she asked numbly, staring into those same blue eyes, but for the hardness in them now. She turned to walk to the passenger side of the car, trying to recover from the shock of that flash of memory and of the image she had seen inside the trunk. It had not been a wheel chair, but instead her own body, dark eyes losing focus as she looked up… into soft blue eyes looking down at her… into her own vacant stare. Back and forth, a closed circuit… an infinite loop between death and fear. She felt the images growing stronger again, her mind swirling with them, pulling her under. She could not let them take over again, not with Lyssa here… not with those soft blue eyes watching her die, and the hard blue eyes waiting for her to make a mistake.

Instead of reaching for the handle of the passenger door, she turned her back to it, leaning against it while she gathered the slithering threads of her thoughts together once more, trying to find solid ground in her own mind. Cosima. Just the thought of her calmed Delphine, cutting through the sine wave of past memories tied to present realities with the sharp edge of a suddenly longed for future. Seeing Bryce again had reminded her of an old dream, one made new with dreadlocks and tattoos, with an open heart and engaging grin, with eyes of ignited amber when moved by passion. She was alive, they were both alive. As long as that was true, Delphine had a chance, slim though it was, to try to win that future. She would face any monsters, real or imagined, to try to ensure it. Lyssa would not break her, her memories of the other Helen clone, the one who had been Shay would not break her. They were fears to be faced and left behind. She would find a way to do that, to not carry them with her like an anchor around her heart, as she had done before. They would not steal her future this time.

She felt the car rock slightly with the motion of Lyssa getting into the driver seat, then it shook with the impact of the closing door. Delphine released a breath, resolute in her path as well as her destination. She would remove Lyssa's monitor as quickly as possible and see if the woman would keep her word. With the memories beaten back for now, she turned and got into the passenger seat of the car.

They had agreed Lyssa would drive, as long as their destination was one selected by Delphine, a compromise that made both of them feel more secure. They each still had their respective handguns, but with Lyssa driving, Delphine felt she had an edge should the other woman decide to take them in an unapproved direction. She hoped.

After fastening her seatbelt, she looked up into the ice blue eyes watching her. "What?" she snapped, expecting the woman to ask her where she wanted to go.

"You do know most of what she did to you was about Cosima, right?" She continued, not waiting for an answer. "Certainly the rape was, despite you taunting her."

Delphine stiffened, anger flaring again. She had realized that, eventually, but only after Sarah had done what she asked and disconnected the video feed, leaving Delphine alone with Shay. But the camera in Shay's head had never turned off, so Lyssa knew everything that happened after that. She suspected Lyssa was trying to unsettle her again, testing her defenses with deliberate insensitivity and a conversational tone, looking for weaknesses she could exploit, whether for Neolution or for sport. But the healing there was already started, thanks to Cosima's love and support and to Felix's more blunt forms of therapy. She would not be intimidated again by this woman, would not engage her games. Instead she steadied her voice and asked her own question, to change the direction of the discussion.

"What about my killing Nealon?"

Lyssa snorted. "She could have cared less about that asshole," her smile at Delphine was almost friendly as she added, "and neither did I. All I would have asked, had I been consulted, was that you make him suffer a lot more than you did."

Delphine shook her head in confusion. "You called him papa?" Delphine asked in question.

"Some of us. When we got smart enough," she replied cryptically and turned to start the engine, ending their conversation herself. "Where to?"

Delphine shook her head. "Not yet." She pulled a cell phone out of her pocket. When she and Cosima had gone to the office building, Delphine had not had a cell phone with her. After her confrontation with Lyssa, she had gone to Bryce's office and found his cell phone charging on his desk. She had scooped it up and hurried back to Siobhan, not wanting to leave her alone with Lyssa.

She knew she could not take the phone with her, since it could be traced, but she could make a call and then drop the phone in the alley before they drove off. She had memorized the burner phone numbers at the safe house, but she hesitated. Once she made that call to Sarah, the burner would be destroyed, reducing her communication avenues to the others. She also knew Cosima would demand to know where she was, and that she come home. But she could not do that until her business with Lyssa was concluded, one way or another.

Lyssa cocked her head, waiting.

Delphine made a decision, and entered a phone number.

. . . . . . . .

Cosima stared at the phone on the table in front of her, willing it to ring. They were a somber group, quietly worrying through dinner. Felix pointed his fork at her.

"You do realize that staring at a phone waiting for a girl to call is rather pathetic, don't you?

Cosima gave him a half-hearted smile, not rising to the bait. "They should have called by now, right?"

"Not necessarily," Sarah put her own fork down. "But we'll all feel better when they do."

Alison was still looking at Cosima sympathetically. "I'm sure that Delphine is just fine. Mrs. S too," she shifted her gaze to Sarah and Felix. "Worrying won't help."

Krystal had been unusually quiet, still fuzzy from whatever they had used to knock her out. They said the bug was gone and that there would not be a scar or anything, but she was nervous about what she looked like under the bandage. Oh! And? They still had not explained much of anything to her when they all said that they would. But since that French doctor and old lady went missing after things got blown up, she thought it might be rude to whine about it just yet. Instead she was listening and trying to figure things out for herself.

"Ok, so wait," she mumbled tiredly into the silence. "The older woman, Mrs. S? She's your mom," she pointed at Sarah and Félix, pausing until they nodded. "And Dr. Delphine is your friend?" She finished by pointing at Cosima.

Cosima hesitated to answer her question, not because she was worried about how Krystal would react to her being a lesbian, but because the term 'girlfriend' was just as inadequate a word for how they felt about each other as the word 'friend'. Their currently platonic relationship did not negate the depths of those feelings.

"Delphine is my lover," she gave Krystal the other half of the smile she had given Felix before returning her eyes to the phone on the table.

"Wait!" Felix was dismayed. "You two are finally and physically an item again and I'm just now hearing about it?" He threw down his own fork with a clatter, crossed his arms with a glare at Cosima before looking away to pout.

"No, not physically," Cosima put her hand on his arm, trying to soothe his hurt feelings. There just wasn't an appropriate label, and the closest she could get had hurt Félix's feelings without her intending it. "She's not ready for that yet. But its how we both feel."

Felix's anger melted away instantly. "Of course it is, darling. And I know it is for her too," he hugged her tight before pushing her out to arm's length with a serious look. "But I had better not be the last to hear about it when things change in the physicality department." He raised a comically threatening eyebrow.

"Wait… you're gay?" Krystal was still trying to process the conversation, but she was quickly waking up now. Gossip fueled the world and it seemed she was way behind! And were they trying to convert Dr. Delphine?

At Cosima's nod, Krystal raised a finger and then pointed it at Cosima. "Ok, wait…. I thought gay is, like, in your genes or something. So if we're clones, why are you gay? Or why aren't we all gay? I mean, I'll admit I've jumped the fence a few times, but I always come back to dick," she threw up her hands in frustration. "Not that I've had much luck with that either, but still…."

"Oh don't get her started on nature vs. nurture again." Sarah tried to jump in.

"Biologically we all started out the same," Cosima started to explain.

"Too late," Felix muttered with an eye roll. "There she goes." But everyone at the table was smiling to varying degrees, knowing that Cosima's attention had been captured by the question, temporarily drawing her away from her worries.

Cosima cast both Sarah and Félix a look, but kept explaining. "And it's not completely genetic. From development in the womb we would have started to diverge, to have different things influence us and change us… from the types of food our mothers ate while carrying us, to our different experiences growing up. We all developed differently. Mine…gay."

Exclusively?

Eh, I've jumped the fence a few times too." Cosima offered a mischievous grin as she continued. "But I always come back to-"

"Cosima!" Alison interjected, suspecting she was about to compete with Krystal's anatomical comment using one of her own. She cast her own wide-eyed glance at the kids as a reminder for Cosima to watch her language.

"What? I was going to say women," Cosima answered with a grin, leaving no doubt in anyone's mind that she had definitely not been going to say 'women'.

"So you and Doctor Delphine?" Krystal asked.

"Yeah," the worry was bleeding back in her expression.

"Well, she is smokin' hot."

"I know, right?" Cosima laughed, her smile reigniting despite her worry.

"Ok," Krystal returned her attention to Sarah. She was finally starting to feel like her old self, and she wanted the story now. "So you were going to tell me how all of this happened?"

"Yeah," Sarah sighed. "It all started with Beth." She was interrupted by the ringing of a phone.

Cosima's eyes went instantly to the two burner phones in the middle of the table, the ones expressly set aside as a cutout in case their plan to get Krystal had gone sideways. But neither of them were ringing. It was Sarah's phone.

Looking at the display and then quickly at Cosima she offered a curt, "It's Art."

Cosima felt the bottom drop out of her stomach. If Art was calling Sarah and the burner phones were silent, that had to mean something had gone horribly wrong. She saw the same thought in Sarah's stony face as she answered the call. She hesitated for a second, looking at Cosima, before putting the phone on speaker and setting it down.

"You're on speaker, Art," Sarah tried to keep her tone conversational. "What's the news today?"

"Well, let's see," he started out sarcastically. "There's a pile of rubble on the south side that used to be a building. All units were called to the scene following reports of a gun battle…no, more like an all-out war taking place outside of it, before it was demolished by a series of bombs. The media is calling it a possible terrorist attack. Please tell me that wasn't you.

They all winced at his tone. "Well,… that might have been us," Felix offered tentatively.

"And Mrs. S was injured," Art finished flatly.

Sarah's heart dropped. "How did you….," but she stopped herself and finished with the important question. "Is she ok? We haven't gotten any word."

"I don't have any details, but I think so, yes." Art's tone softened at the evidence of Sarah's worry. "I received… well, I'm calling it an anonymous tip… that a health clinic on the west side had been broken into. The perps were gone by the time I got there, but my anonymous tipster was a woman with a French accent."

"Delphine!" Cosima came up out of her chair, stopping herself from scooping up the phone. "What did she say?"

"She told me Mrs. S had needed medical attention, so she took them to a clinic she knew about. While treating Siobhan, they were interrupted by the doctor who runs the clinic… a Dr. Bryce Hayes. They treated Siobhan's leg injuries and then sedated him before they left. She was worried about leaving him there in that neighborhood, unconscious and with a busted in door. He's still unconscious and on his way to University Hospital. I won't be able to get any details out of him until he wakes up."

Cosima sat back down in her chair, relieved that Delphine had gotten away, was not hurt or kidnapped. But…. "Bryce," she mumbled. "Of course he would be a doctor, saving lives."

"Who's this?" Felix's curiosity was peaked at the introduction of a new player and Cosima's reaction to him.

"Um… just one of Delphine's exs," Cosima tried to brush it off as unimportant, but Felix was on the scent of a juicy story.

"Oooohhhhhhhhh," he drew out the word with a catty, salacious tone, ending the comment with a knowing lift of his eyebrows. "One of those. Was he the rich one left her this place? And does he like…," taking in Alison's still pinched look of disapproval, he finished with, "… Richard…," he cast a quick glance to Krystal, indicating he meant 'dick', "... too. Krystal just looked confused, but Cosima got it.

"No," Cosima looked down at her untouched dinner, feeling guilty that her worry for Delphine seemed to have shifted towards insecurity and a touch of jealousy that she had run to the only former lover Delphine had seemed to care anything about. "He came after…." She let her voice trail off, not wanting to say out loud that he had not been a… financially beneficial ex.

Felix got the message, his second "Oh," nothing more than a short, single, disappointed syllable. But a closer look at Cosima's expression brought the word from him a third time with a third inflection. "Oh," he said softer this time. "Sorry." He moved closer to put an arm around her. "But look at the bright side… she knocked him out before she left."

"Well, apparently she's not the one that did that part," Art added. "I'm guessing you have a new sister by the name of Lyssa in the game?"

"Not a sister, no," Sarah answered grimly. "But definitely a player. We're not sure what team she's on. Definitely not ours, but maybe not Neolution's either. Not sure on that score, since our first meeting did not go smoothly and Neo goons showed up."

"Great," Art sounded tired. "Like the score card wasn't already confusing."

"But Delphine said Mrs. S was ok?"

"Yes, she said Siobhan was resting comfortably but that they needed to find a safe place to spend the night and conclude some business. I offered to help her with that, but she said she didn't want anyone else getting involved until this business, whatever it is, was concluded. She did ask me to call you and let you know she and Siobhan are ok and she'll get back to you as soon as she can."

"Thank you, Art," Sarah let out a breath. "Are things ok with you?"

"You mean other than the mountain of paperwork I have now thanks to your adventures?" Despite the rhetorical question, he sounded amused. "I could retire before I finish it all."

"Admit it," Felix piled on. "Without us your life would be dreadfully dull."

"I look forward to finding that out one day... soon!"

. . . . . . . . . . .

Delphine and Lyssa found a small motel that appeared as if the management would be happy to take a cash payment and would make an effort to avoid noticing anything unusual. Getting a room in the back of the building, out of sight of the main road, they unloaded Siobhan from the car and into the room in much the same way as before.

"Hey!" Delphine yelled as Lyssa roughly deposited Siobhan's body on the nearest bed to the door by dropping her on it. Delphine immediately went to inspect the bandages on her leg, looking for damage.

"What?" the other woman demanded. "She's heavy!"

"You Helen clones seem quite hard on stitches!" Delphine snapped, glaring up from her task.

Lyssa sat down on the only chair in the room and closed her eyes. Delphine briefly wondered if she was trying to keep her temper. Lyssa's tone when she opened her eyes and spoke was dismissive.

"She's fine," she stood up from the chair and moved towards the door. "I need to leave for a while. I'll be back in a few hours."

"No, I don't think so," Delphine stood up and moved to intercept her at the door. "We stay together until our business is concluded. Then you can go where ever you wish."

"Fine," she bit off the word. "In that case, I'm headed to that grease pit pretending to be a restaurant across the street if you care to join me."

At Delphine's glance towards Siobhan, Lyssa added, "She won't wake up until morning with the dose I gave her." The hard edge returned to her smile as she added, "Don't you want to keep an eye on me so I don't call Susan and tell her where you are?"

Delphine glared at her, knowing the woman was manipulating her once more. She smoothed her expression as she responded. "A meal of grease sounds lovely, thank you," she responded sweetly, leaving the sarcasm in her words, not in her tone. "You are paying."

Lyssa's smile shifted subtly once again, Delphine could not tell if it was genuine humor or not. "I have no doubt of that," she agreed, no hint of sarcasm in her own voice.

Across the street, they settled into a booth with a sticky table top. When the waitress came over to take their drink order, Lyssa began ordering food without looking at a menu. The waitress started writing, her eyes getting wider as the order continued to grow. Only after she had ordered the equivalent of at least 3 meals did Lyssa look across the booth to Delphine and asked what she wanted to order.

Delphine ordered an iced tea and asked for time to look over the menu, smiling slightly at Lyssa's eye roll. She knew she would order something unhealthy and deep fried, the temperature of the oil being the only thing she trusted to kill any germs the questionable restaurant food might have. But knowing she was also delaying Lyssa's order was surprisingly satisfying.

"I get cranky when I'm hungry," Lyssa said with a flat look.

"I don't care," Delphine answered back with a smile.

When the waitress brought the drinks and Delphine still had not decided on a meal, Lyssa told her to start bringing the food as it became ready, glaring at Delphine as she did so. Silence ruled the table, neither woman caring to offer any small talk.

As Delphine decided, with great trepidation, on the fried fish basket she looked up to see Lyssa organizing the condiments on the table, moving the salt and pepper shaker together and finally, sorting the small paper sweetener packets by color. She noticed Lyssa hands shook slightly as she very precisely placed her silver ware and paper napkin on the table in front of her.

"I assume they were strict about order in your upbringing?" She asked, interested despite herself.

"Something like that," Lyssa glared back at her.

In the silence following the terse response, Delphine contemplated the large food order Lyssa had given and her shaking hands.

"Sarah mentioned your high tolerance to drugs when she called and gave me the list of items you needed us to bring to the office building." She paused as the waitress set down multiple plates of food, all Lyssa's order. Only after she left did Delphine continue speaking.

"It's because of a higher than normal metabolism, isn't it?" She asked. If these Shay clones were out there, she wanted to find out everything she could about them. Lyssa was not the only one who could find weaknesses in her opponents.

"Yes," Lyssa admitted grudgingly. "And I've already waited longer than I should have without feeding it, but circumstances prevented that, as you know." She briefly glanced down at the empty space in front of Delphine where a plate should have been before picking up a hamburger and biting into it.

Unable to think of a follow-up question subtle enough to determine how long was too long without calories, Delphine let the silence grow. She could not help thinking of the image of Shay standing over her, any time she looked across the table at Lyssa.

"What…," she stopped to consider her question before continuing. Yes, she did want to know. "What was her real name… Shay? I…. You said you all use the name when you use the persona…. So Shay was probably not her real name?" Delphine felt uncomfortable asking, not sure why she wanted to know.

Lyssa looked up from her plate, evaluating Delphine's expression. She resumed chewing, considering her answer in the delay.

"That's something that felt odd when I first started filling in Sarah and your friends. I had never had the need to discuss us with others. Names are a bit confusing, since we take on the names of the persona we are using. The only time we use our real names is when we are sent to take out targets cleanly, without interrogation in any of its forms," she gave a sardonic smile before continuing. So yes, all of us have used the name Shay… off and on. We have ID tags like the Leda's but it's too cumbersome to use those. Somewhere along the line, our unit numbers… our birth order… became a surrogate for names. I'm 74. She," Lyssa stressed the pronoun with a slight pause after, "was 115. It makes for easier communication."

"It is dehumanizing," Delphine added.

Lyssa shrugged. "We aren't human."

"You don't really believe that do you?" Delphine never had, not after meeting her first Leda clone. They were human, synthetic modifications or not.

"It's what we were raised to believe. I also think the numbers helped them to believe it, made it easier to use us on assignments or kill us when we failed a major evaluation. But even Susan had… soft spots. Subtle emotional vulnerabilities that could be manipulated if you spotted them and were smart enough to use them."

"Was calling her 'Momma' a soft spot?" Delphine guessed, recalling their earlier conversation.

"Sometimes," Lyssa smiled her sharks smile, confirming Delphine's guess, before returning her attention to her meal.

Delphine allowed the silence to last until her food arrived and the waitress departed again.

After picking at her unappetizing dinner for a few minutes, she sighed and put her fork down and crossed her arms.

"Why are you hostile towards Cosima?"

Lyssa snorted again. "I'm not paying for something as insignificant as dinner with that answer. Try another."

"Zia's injury then," Delphine readily changed topics, even though the answer to the one being abandoned was the most critical to her. She wanted to keep Lyssa talking, to get as much information as she could, while the woman was willing to participate. "What was it, and why were you looking for brain damage in her reactions?"

"I got into a little trouble for that one," Lyssa seemed surprised, perhaps uncomfortable answering her replacement question. "I was on an assignment in Columbia when I spotted a rogue Pollux clone. This was just before we all got our brain bugs. When I called it in, they told me to terminate my assignment and take him down. They sent Zia to help me, since she was the closest geographically. It did not go well. He got away and Zia had part of her scull crushed."

"There is a rogue Pollux clone out there?" Delphine dropped her voice despite the surprise she felt.

"There are several," Lyssa continued to eat, filling in her side of the conversation between swallows. "Our designers made some fundamental errors in planning their line, resulting in them being … uncontrollable. The entire line, minus a few, was ordered purged before the oldest of them reached 17, but word leaked and they fought back. Most of them didn't make it out of their crèches alive, but some did." Lyssa offered a cold smile in her pause. "And they made their keepers pay. Neolution has a few Pollux clones they kept out of the purge, those that did not demonstrate the negative effects of their design flaws. They are kept on a very short leash, and only brought out for special assignments. That's how I knew I had spotted a rogue in Columbia."

"And Zia?" Delphine was still trying to discern why the short haired Helen clone had… disturbed her. Apart from the obvious.

"What about her? She was hurt, she recovered, and I used our history together to distract her with some sweet talk. The end."

"Sweet talk…," Delphine's attention was captured by those words. They implied emotional manipulation was possible, or Lyssa would not have bothered trying. Then she remembered the fury in Zia's face when she had been about to shoot Delphine, a fury she suddenly realized, was born of loss. "She is not sociopathic like the rest of the Helen clones is she?"

"Psychopathic," Lyssa corrected. "And no, she falls in the normal emotional range, despite our upbringing. She's an Emp, a feeler… our slang growing up for an empathetic mirror."

Delphine sat back in her seat, surprised again. Suddenly she had so many more questions, she was unsure what to ask next. She picked at her food quietly for a few minutes before choosing to change to a more benign topic for a time. "Psychology does not differentiate between psychopathy and sociopathy," she kept her tone curious. "The two terms are generally used interchangeably."

"Yes, but there is a small faction within that community that disagree. Helen clones are a perfect justification for their argument to differentiate. The causes of dissocial personality disorders vary, but fall into two main categories. Genetic and environmental. Being a geneticist yourself, you are well aware that genetic predisposition by itself does not assure DPD, nor does a lack of it ensure an emotionally well-balanced individual. But a predisposition combined with an upbringing tailored to… encourage it… virtually guarantees you will get a psychopath. Zia was born without the predisposition, as was about 12% of the Helen clones. But the way we were raised…," Lyssa's tone did not change, but Delphine sensed a shift, "Our training was enough of an environmental influence to push most of those over the edge into sociopathy. To distinguish between the populations, we are very specific in our uses of the two terms."

Delphine was uncomfortable with Lyssa's implications of their upbringing, choosing to avoid the specifics of the process by asking a question regarding the result. "And Zia is neither?"

Lyssa did not look up from her plate when she answered, suddenly appearing reticent. "No. She's just really pissed off."

Delphine sat back again, arms crossed, watching Lyssa's subtle body language. A new, very specific question suddenly mushroomed in her brain. "Are you a psychopath or a sociopath then?"

Lyssa's eyes rose from her plate to lock onto Delphine with an icy glare. "Sociopath.

She folded up her napkin, very precisely, and tucked it under her plate, never taking her eyes from Delphine's. Then she stood up, removing some money from a pocket and placing it on the table while offering up a cold smile. "I believe I have more than paid for dinner now." She turned and walked away.

Delphine drew a large breath into her lungs as Lyssa walked out the door. Yes, she had. The most common environmental cause of sociopathy was systematic abuse during childhood, physical and psychological. If Lyssa had not been born with the genetic modifications to shut down her ability to feel for others, then it was likely she had been broken by Neolution at an early age.

The waitress approached the table with the check, having noted Lyssa's departure. Picking up the money, she riffled through it, counting.

"Despite your girlfriend being a good tipper," she lightly touched Delphine's arm, just above the purpling skin on her wrist where Lyssa's iron grip had fastened on her in the office building, "You don't need this kind of friend."

Delphine rewarded her concern with a smile. "I know." But she did need her. For now. She stood up and followed Lyssa out the door.

. . . . . . ..

Delphine caught up with her outside the hotel room door. She used her key to open the door, moving to check on Siobhan before turning to evaluate Lyssa. Delphine felt frustrated at herself. There was more to know here, she was sure of it. Lyssa had given her answers, puzzle pieces. But she knew she was still missing large pictures of the puzzle, and she suspected some of the pieces did not fit together as they should yet. The other woman seemed willing to answer most questions, except the one Delphine feared the answer to the most. She moved to the single chair in the room and made herself as comfortable as she could in it.

"What will you do after our arrangement is concluded?"

Lyssa had moved to the second bed while Delphine had been checking Siobhan's pulse, laying down on it with her hands laced behind her head. "I had a plan. One that involves another party, who shall remain nameless," she let out a sigh. "But those plans relied on Susan and Neolution thinking I was dead. Now? I'm still trying to work out a plan B. I was hoping to talk to my contact earlier tonight, see if we could work out another agreement," she raised her head slightly, smiling softly at Delphine, "but you wanted to keep me close to you for the evening."

It was definitely a Shay smile, but without the intensity of the persona she had used before. Lyssa held the flirtatious look for a few more seconds, but when Delphine did not react to her, she dropped her head back to the pillow and let the look fade to nothing. No anger or sarcasm. She was not trying to be Shay, but it also did not seem that she was trying to be Lyssa anymore either. She seemed empty of emotion… or empty of an identity? Was Lyssa just another character, like Shay? Was the empty woman here with her now a blank slate, completely devoid of personality until she put one on… a designer identity, worn like Delphine would wear a suit? She was uncomfortable with that thought, but did not want to examine the reason for her discomfort too closely.

Delphine hesitated, uncertain. "I will do the procedure for you…." She watched for a reaction. "Tonight if you wish."

Lyssa blinked and rolled her head on the pillow to look over at Delphine. "You won't insist on the decoded notes first? Because I was about to cave on that one."

Delphine doubted the truth of her second statement, but no matter. "Sometimes, we just have to trust," she spoke softly, meeting Lyssa's gaze steadily. "Don't we?"

Lyssa stared back, unblinking. She stood up without speaking and walked slowly over to Delphine, watching her expression the entire time, until she was standing directly in front of the blond woman.

Delphine's seated position gave the other woman the advantage of height in their staring contest. Delphine stayed seated, despite a strong desire to stand up, either to move away or to regain a position of power in whatever mental contest the woman seemed to be initiating now. Games of power and intimidation… that is what they all were.

Delphine did not flinch or look away as Lyssa stared down at her. Lyssa gave a light snort. "Can you? Trust me?"

"Not enough to sleep tonight," she admitted. "But enough to remove your monitor and hope you will keep your word and give me Ethan's notes."

Suddenly Lyssa seemed to relax, her eyes taking on that subtle look of humor. "Trust…. All right." Lyssa backed up to the bed, sitting down on it facing Delphine. "Despite my making it sound like a favor I would do for you… I need you to have those notes. That defect is one of the genetic problems Nealon gave me to try and solve… when I wasn't on other assignments that is. I've been working on it off and on for almost 2 years now with little success. You and I have each come into possession of new pieces to the puzzle the other does not have. I have the science behind the synthetic sequences, you have access to the only unmodified DNA for comparison. And since I don't imagine you will give me a sample of Kendal's DNA for fear I'm really still a Neo, giving you Ethan's data is the only way for anyone to safely have all the pieces."

"Now that you are out of Neolution, if you really are, why would you care about finding a cure? You no longer have to take any assignments from them, and by your own admissions what happens to others is of little interest to… oh," Delphine cut herself off, realizing she already knew the answer.

Lyssa smiled slightly. "The same faulty science made me as made your Ledas. The Helen line has the same defect, it even expresses itself in the same way. I'm not symptomatic yet, but a few of the first batch of Helen's are. Eventually, it will kill me too if I don't find a cure. So you see, I'll give you the notes because I have to. While I know you won't give me Kendal's DNA, I do believe you would share the cure if you found it."

Delphine snorted in disbelief bordering on frustration. "Why didn't you just say so?"

"Because you were never going to trust me anyway. Because a defective synthetic sequence is not going to kill me in 4 days, well 3 now. This fucking worm is. Priorities. "And since I needed you to have the information on the sequences anyhow, offering it up as a valuable piece of information I would unhappily part with in exchange for you not scrambling my brain for my own safety was a way to ensure you would accept it and use it. And I was amused at the idea of getting you removing my worm and then rewarding you by tricking you into helping me with my other problem without knowing it."

"You seem to have terrible judgement for what motivates people."

"I go with what I know. And I know from experience that fear, pain, and basic self-interest work very well. Besides those things, there is only one other that I trust to motivate you." Lyssa's shark smile was suddenly back in full evidence. It was almost a shock after the flatter, quieter, Lyssa.

"And what is that?" Delphine asked, growing tense again.

"Cosima," she seemed to be making an effort not to spit the name out, "and your empathy." Her last word was said with the same emphasis as the first, her contempt implied for both evident.

Delphine was once again tempted to ask why she hated Cosima, but before she could form the question Lyssa shook her head. "No. That information really is too valuable to trade in bulk for what we have already agreed upon."

"And you would prefer to keep me on the defensive, off-balance," Delphine countered, trying to keep the conversation going. Each discussion with Lyssa provided new insights, new data to formulate new hypotheses which could be tested with new questions. Eventually, she would learn why the woman had such animosity towards the sweetest person Delphine knew. "That is why you keep pushing me, using those intimidation tactics, and triggers? Yet when I was about to lose myself in the alley at the medical clinic, you broke me out of it. That was intentional. You chose to help me fight my memories, the same ones you were trying to trigger when we were inside the clinic."

"Inside the clinic I was pissed off. Our tentative alliance seemed to be unspooling and you wanted answers to questions that weren't going to improve that situation. So there didn't seem to be any reason not to mind-fuck you with your own questions. By the time we were leaving, it looked like we might be back on track. You falling apart then would have been inconvenient for me."

"But then in the car," Delphine countered, "you seemed to be trying again."

"Is that what I was doing?" Lyssa seemed relaxed, almost patronizing.

Delphine gave a frustrated snort, "Trying to get me off-balance again now? Am I getting uncomfortably close to some truth you don't want me to know?"

"Like what?" Lyssa smiled sweetly.

"Like maybe, not having been born with the genetic predispositions towards emotional vacuum, you have exaggerated your sociopathy? Maybe you are a… feeler… like Zia?"

The hint of cat-and-mouse playfulness disappeared from Lyssa's expression as she once more glared across the small space at Delphine. She leaned forward, ensuring she had Delphine's undivided attention.

"Allow me to provide you with a cautionary tale to disabuse you of that thought right now, both in regard to me and to almost every Helen clone out there. If there had been one mirror that I might have called "sister" it would have been Zia. We were… close… growing up. She was brought to my crèche later, when she was 6 years old, the youngest of all of us. She was the last Helen clone born after the explosion, at least, the last one to make it out of infancy alive. That made her special to Susan and Nealon, although I don't think even they realized just how much at the time. Psychologically, Zia was the baby… their baby, and not just scientifically speaking. They kept her separate, for the first few years of her life, raising her differently… actually raising her, to hear her tell the details. And then, when she was 6, they dropped her into the piranha tank with us. Her differences... how she was raised, the kinder way our keepers seemed to treat her even in the crèche, along with Zia's birth defect of being a feeler… She was particularly reviled by the rest of us… a favorite target."

Lyssa paused, her eyes losing focus slightly in the memories. When she continued, her voice was more musing. "Our training had not reached the really brutal stages at that point. So maybe I was still capable of feeling something then…." She brought her focus back to Delphine as she waved a dismissive hand. "I did try to protect Zia from the others… not always successfully. As children, I let her think we were friends, that it was us against all of the others. I got the shit kicked out of me trying to protect her from the other mirrors more than once. And I picked up the pieces when they kicked the shit out of her when I wasn't around. It's a good thing we're more resilient and heal faster than you normals. But my protecting her was never a selfless act. I recognized Susan and Nealon's treatment of her for what it was… that soft spot, a weakness in them. My actions then were strictly to position myself in order to use Zia against them later." Lyssa's cold smile chilled Delphine. "And I did use her later… as the opportunities arose. I was subtle at first, more ruthless later. I'm the one who convinced Zia to start calling Susan and Nealon, mama and papa, fanning that spark of parental feelings in them I believed was already there. I started using the nicknames too, later, once she had established them. A few of the other mirrors picked them up too, eventually, but I don't think they realized where the names had come from or why.

"That was the first time I used her. Like I said, subtle, minor, something even she didn't recognize. But later, with the more ruthless things I did…. I kept thinking, with each one, that she had figured me out. But I would do little things to try to make up for it after… to explain away what I had done, that there was a reason… and she would always come back around. Desperate to have one real emotional connection, no matter how twisted. The Neos were right about empathy. It is a weakness. One I used on her again at the office building earlier today. Pathetic."

"Not pathetic, human… for both you and Zia. There is nothing about that story that would prove you are a sociopath."

Lyssa cocked her head, with an air of pretending to be confused, followed by an equally fake dawning revelation. "Oh, not that part of the story," her smile was almost as sweet as Shay's when she continued. "I meant the part where I crushed Zia's skull to get what I wante when we were in Columbia." She held the soft smile as she watched her message hit home with Delphine. "Yeah," she ducked her head bashfully, looking up through her eyelashes at Delphine. "That was all me."

Suddenly the coy act disappeared and Lyssa's cold smile was back. "Trust that I will do what I promise. That part is true enough. But know the second our best interests are no longer aligned, all bets are off. That is your last warning."

. . . . . . . . .


	16. Chapter 16

Authors Note: Ok, I'm back! Sorry for the long delay, but had to step away from the story for a few months when real life angst got in the way. Getting back into the rhythm of writing took another few months, but I'm slowly getting back into the flow.

Thank you to all the reviewers who keep encouraging me along the way! Special mention to my Beta readers (Spooky, Cophine1, Maritexam, and Elsa.)

No warnings or disclaimers for this chapter.

Chapter 16

Cosima jerked awake, panicked. She sat up quickly, reaching for the two phones on the table near the sofa where she had fallen asleep. Neither of the displays showed a missed call. Her heart rate slowed as she caught her breath. How could she have fallen asleep? She might have missed Delphine's call.

Looking at the time on the display of one of the phones, she noticed it was early morning. Twenty-four hours ago Sarah had called on the third phone, interrupting one of the best mornings Cosima could remember in forever. And now… not knowing if Delphine was safe was driving her insane. No one doubted Lyssa had ulterior motives in insisting she would accept only Delphine's help with removing her creepy monitor worm. Now Delphine was with her and had not called. The message from Art had indicated she might not be home for a day or more. Time for the procedure plus time for Lyssa to write out the notes…. Or murder Delphine and Siobhan and dispose of their bodies. Anything could be happening to Delphine right now, while she was sitting here… or while she had slept. Like the last time… Delphine dying while she went obliviously about her life.

She rubbed her face with both hands to wake herself up, and then stopped, holding her hands out in front of her. The trembling in them was noticeable. She had been feeling weak and short of breath last night, had hoped it was just the lack of sleep from the following evening combined with the stress of not knowing what was happening with Delphine. But the weakness, the shaking was still there now. Another step in the progression of her illness.

She felt an impotent anger welling up inside her. Delphine was in danger and not only could she do nothing about it, but she was growing weaker. Helena's theory of there being meaning in this sprang to her mind followed quickly by a raging denial. This was proof that her sister was wrong. Only a world ruled by the cold, objective, uncaring rules of science and randomness would allow something like this to happen, would separate them when they each needed the other most.

"Please be ok," she whispered, trying not to think of all the things that could be happening to Delphine and Siobhan right now.

She stood up slowly, waiting with a hand on the arm of the sofa until the brief dizziness passed before walking to the kitchen to sit at the table, the two phones still clutched in her hands. She would have to load up her pockets with tissues, might even have to break out an oxygen tank. She concentrated on catching her breath after the short walk from the sofa. It was going to be a bad day.

The basement door opened. Helena crossed the kitchen quietly, sitting down in a chair across from Cosima without saying anything. Cosima could not even bring herself to offer up a fake-happy good morning. After a few minutes, Helena stood up.

"You like coffee, yes?" She spoke quietly, waiting for Cosima's tired nod. "I will make for you."

"Thank you."

Helena abruptly stopped mid-step, cocking her head to listen. Cosima noticed and did the same. A few seconds of silence and they both heard the car. Cosima ran for the front door, reaching it just before Helena pulled her back and exited first, trying to keep Cosima behind her.

The car was unfamiliar, but the driver was not. Cosima's relief was overwhelming as Delphine stepped out of the car, she felt as if the ground under her feet shifted slightly. "Do not faint," she thought to herself as she walked as steadily as she could towards Delphine. She hoped she had not said it out loud, her breath coming faster from exertion and emotion. Focus on her face and don't let the sparkles at the periphery of your vision take over or you're going down.

Delphine stood unmoving at the open door of the car, her wide eyes held a look of shock that Cosima could only interpret as fear. She slowed to a stop in font of Delphine, suddenly afraid to touch her without an indication from Delphine that it was ok, that she was ok.

Delphine closed the distance instantly and pulled Cosima close. The second they touched, Cosima's vision cleared, the solid form of Delphine in her arms seeming to firm up the ground under her feet. She buried her face in the crook of Delphine's neck and held her tightly, not speaking as she absorbed the woman's presence. She knew she was shaking and breathing so heavily she might have just finished a marathon, but she thought she could feel a tremble from Delphine as well.

When she felt like she could once more speak without losing it she offered, "Remind me…," she stopped to inhale, trying to catch her breath, "…to yell at you later… for scaring the shit out of me."

"Ok," Delphine replied, making no move to release her hold on Cosima. "By then you and Sarah will have a lot more to yell at me about." The front door opened and Sarah came running out.

"S?" Sarah rushed out the front door to the passenger side of the car where the dark haired woman leaned against the window, apparently unconscious. Sarah's heart rate jumped when she saw blood on the jacket through the window as she cautiously opened the door, reaching in to steady her body before opening the door all the way.

"I've got you, Siobhan," she said softly.

"Sorry to disappoint you, sunshine," Lyssa hard voice shocked her. "The old lady didn't make it."

Sarah jerked back at the shock, feeling her blood freeze at the voice and the message and the ice blue eyes locked on hers before Delphine interjected.

"Sarah, Siobhan is with Art. But you need to call him right now. Tell him he is either being followed or tracked. He needs to take precautions to get her somewhere safe."

Instead of acting on Delphine's message Sarah reached in to grab Lyssa's jacket, pulling it open. Lyssa groaned in pain at the rough motion as Sarah surveyed the bullet hole in her shoulder. "Nothing serious," Lyssa ground out through clenched teeth. "Thank you for your concern."

"You brought her here?" Sarah glared across the roof of the car at Delphine. Delphine reluctantly released Cosima to make her way around the car as she spoke.

"I had to. I was out of options," Delphine sounded both adamant and defensive. She shifted Sarah away from the door. "We can discuss it later, but right now I need to take care of her wound and you need to call Art." She held Sarah's glare, trying to convey the urgency of her message with her own expression.

Sarah turned away, stalking towards the house. She stopped in front of Helena. "Do not let her out of your sight," she indicated Lyssa. "Shoot her if she sneezes."

"I understand."

"You need a gun." Sarah's anger was palpable.

Raising a hand that already had a weapon in it, Helena gave her a smile that did not reach her eyes. "I always have gun." Helena shifted her gaze to look through the windshield and met the eyes of the crazy clone. "I will watch," she tilted her head slowly to the side as she stared down Lyssa. "Find Mrs. S."

Cosima had followed Delphine around the car, unable to let the distance between them grow too great. Lyssa levered herself up out of the passenger seat with Delphine's assistance, her face pinched with pain until she spotted Cosima.

Her expression froze, forgetting her injury. "Keep her away from me," she growled.

Delphine cast a surprised glance at Cosima. She had been trying to remain calm at Cosima's proximity to Lyssa, worried about the hostility the Helen clone had for her. But now, it almost seemed as if Lyssa were afraid of her. "Why?"

Lyssa did not answer, her face pinched with pain, once more.

"Perhaps I would if I had that answer," Delphine continued. "But I want her close to me," Delphine could not hide the quiver in her voice at the admission.

Cosima's heart constricted in her chest at the tremor they could all hear. She wanted nothing but to take Delphine inside, wrap her in a blanket, and hold her until she knew she was safe again. That was not possible at the moment. Instead, she reached out tentatively to lace her fingers through Delphine's, winning a grateful glance from those beautiful eyes.

Delphine's gaze held Cosima's for a moment, searching. She tightened her hold on Cosima's hand and turned to address Lyssa once more. "I want her with me," her tone was steady once more, "and I need to treat your wounds, so you will simply have to deal with her presence."

"Just give me the medical supplies and I can take care of myself," she spat back, eyes hard and angry.

"The bullet went through the shoulder. You can treat the entrance wound, but you can't reach the exit wound. You need my help."

"Only to remove my brain bug."

"Which I have already done!" Delphine paused, reigning in the anger that had risen at the Helen clone's confrontational attitude and tried to regain her clinical calm. "Now you owe me those notes, but only if you do not bleed to death or die from infection first."

At Delphine's words Cosima noticed the skin around Lyssa's left eye was bruised looking, the eyelid slightly puffy. The eye itself was bloodshot, but there was no bandage over it, and both of her eyes were locked onto Delphine's with open hostility. Cosima inched forward, trying to put herself slightly in front of Delphine without appearing obvious about it.

The second she moved, Lyssa's eyes swiveled to lock onto her, the heat that had been in them while staring down Delphine turned to ice. "Back the fuck up!"

"I can't. I'm afraid you're going to try to hurt her," Cosima shifted closer to Delphine, not looking away from the angry woman in front of her. "I'm not going anywhere."

Helena moved to the opposite side of the open passenger door to back up her sestra, an audible click heard by all as she flipped the safety off the gun in her hand.

Lyssa's eyes flickered, but never left Cosima's as a shudder tore through her body.

"Enough of this! All of you," Delphine had to release Cosima's hand when she pushed forward again, hoping her time with Lyssa had formed some small bond of trust as she took the woman's uninjured arm and began to guide her towards their makeshift hospital. "We need to get you inside and take care of this. Even your strength appears to be reaching its limits."

Cosima felt instantly ashamed. Assuming Lyssa was dangerous was one thing, getting in the way of medical treatment for her was another. Still, she bristled at the sight of her, emotionally unable to separate her from Shay.

Delphine was home. All the terror and uncertainty Cosima had awoken to this morning evaporated the instant Delphine had held her, convinced her she was not just a vision from Cosima's own imagination. Still, Cosima could not dismiss that look of fear Delphine had shown when she first arrived, would not risk Lyssa hurting her. The helplessness she had felt upon waking was suddenly replaced with a soaring purpose. She followed them to the garage, staying close to Delphine all the way.

. . . . . . . . . .

Delphine finished securing the bandage around Lyssa's shoulder. When she had first started to clean the wound, she had been shocked to discover the bleeding had almost completely stopped already. Of course, as she cleaned the wound to remove any contaminants from the bullet track, the bleeding had started again. Curious, Delphine had taken her time between the end of the cleaning and the start of bandaging, watching the rate of flow closely. It had slowed significantly before she applied the large gauze pad and started to tape it.

"How quickly do you heal?" She was fascinated by the evidence of this new aspect of the Helen clones.

"Not fast enough for it not to hurt like a son of a bitch," she complained. "It will be closed up in a day or two. Full mobility a few days after it's fully closed. But it will be painful for weeks." Lyssa offered her a slight smile, "I'm sure you remember what that's like."

Delphine gave an exaggerated sigh at her dig. "The pain must truly be excruciating if that is the best barb you have to hurl at me."

Lyssa's smile turned into a smirk, leaving Delphine feeling she had missed something significant.

"Oh it isn't the best," her smirk shifted to a look of distaste as her eyes moved to take in Cosima standing behind Delphine. "But you did just patch me up, so I'm on my best behavior."

"I can give you something for the pain and-," Delphine started to offer.

"Don't bother," Lyssa interrupted her. "My body would burn through it in an hour or two. The pain is always worse when it comes back. Antibiotics are much the same, but not to worry, we have a high resistance to infection."

Delphine nodded. "Food?"

"Lots." Lyssa's one word response held the merest hint of gratitude for Delphine's offer and perhaps assistance.

Delphine shifted to move away from the hospital bed Lyssa was sitting on, only to find Cosima standing so close behind her, she almost brushed against her with the simple act of turning. She was not surprised. Despite their not touching while she worked on Lyssa, Delphine had felt her there the entire time, a radiating warmth having nothing to do with the physical senses. Her eyes roamed Cosima's face once more, searching, before smiling slightly.

"I'm ok… you can stop worrying now."

Cosima had been searching Delphine's face as well, but her gaze shifted to the woman sitting on the hospital bed behind her. "I will believe that when you and I are alone and you tell me again."

Delphine gave a soft laugh. "Then let's go," she smiled. Her smile slipped as she spotted Helena standing further back and out to the side, maintaining a clear line of sight to Lyssa. It was all too familiar. Mrs. S guarding Lyssa at the office complex, Lyssa guarding Bryce at the clinic, and now Helena guarding Lyssa at their….

Delphine turned to Lyssa. "This is my home… our home. I would like to treat you as a guest and not a prisoner," she paused as Lyssa's eyes drifted over her shoulder to where Helena was standing. Delphine nodded, acknowledging the unspoken comment. "I am sure you understand their distrust. They are afraid of you. As am I… a fear you have gone out of your way to encourage," she tilted her head, challenging Lyssa to deny it.

When it became obvious from the silence no denial was forthcoming, Delphine continued. "You and I have managed a… passable truce in our time together. I would like to see that extended. Let me talk to Sarah and the others before you come up with any inventive ways to leave?"

Lyssa's stare was flat and cool as she appeared to consider Delphine's offer. "There are things I would appreciate you not sharing with Sarah and the others?" Lyssa ended her statement as a question, a deal being offered in exchange for her patience.

Always a deal with this one. Delphine considered her offer, expression troubled. She had a long history of keeping things from the Leda's, the Clone Club, but she had left that behind in the ashes of her old life, her old self.

"I won't keep secrets that pose a risk to my family," she kept Lyssa's hardening gaze, her own expression unyielding. "But I will protect those that pose a risk to yours."

Lyssa continued to stare at her before nodding slightly. Delphine nodded back, an agreement reached. "Please stay on the hospital side until I come back."

"Bring food."

Delphine snorted. "Scott?" She turned to the silent man working on the lab side. She knew he had been paying attention to everything that was said. "This is Lyssa. Lyssa," she turned to the woman on the bed, "this is Scott. He is a critical part of our team so please don't play your little mind games with him." She turned back to Scott. "Don't let her bully you while I'm gone, and don't let her near the research or any of the samples." That last was said more for Helena's benefit than Scott's, but when she shifted her look it was to take in Lyssa once more. "Please?"

In response, Lyssa eased her back onto the slope of the hospital bed, reclining as if to rest. "He doesn't look like much of a challenge in the mind-fuck department," she closed her eyes, tone dismissive.

Delphine heaved a sigh that was part frustration and part relief. She took Cosima's hand and pulled her towards the door, pausing briefly next to Helena. "Please try not to shoot her," and then towards the hospital bed, intentionally imitating Lyssa's dismissive tone, "…unless you must."

Lyssa smiled slightly at the parting shot without opening her eyes, as Delphine and Cosima walked out the door.

. . . . . . . .

Delphine kept Cosima's hand as they exited the garage and moved towards the house. The cool morning air instantly soaked into her blouse, reminding her she had shed her coat to treat her newest patient. She had forgotten it in her haste to get Cosima away from Lyssa. Well, she was not going back for it now. They had only covered half the distance to the house, going slow so Cosima would not lose her limited breath, before she felt resistance from their joined hands.

Cosima did not wait for their motion to stop before demanding, "Now tell me you're ok."

Delphine turned, smiling, assuming she was joking until Cosima's expression registered. "I am," she soothed. She knew she needed to talk to Sarah, to tell her what had happened and to find out what was happening with Siobhan. Looking into worried hazel eyes, she could not put off Cosima's concerns, or her own.

The constant state of tension she had been under in Lyssa's company had faded more and more the closer she had driven to the house and Cosima, despite her worry at bringing the dangerous woman with her. The sense of relief left her feeling almost giddy as she pulled up to the house… until Cosima stepped out onto the porch, looking exactly as she had the day she had collapsed at Dyad. Delphine's heart had clinched at the obvious signs of decline that had appeared in just one day. It was long overdue, based on the calculations she had made before she had been shot, but she had kept that particular worry pushed to the periphery, avoided considering its implications. Based on the historical trend data, Cosima should already be dead. There, she had allowed the thought into her conscious mind. If she had thought too long on that before now, she was sure the terror of it would have paralyzed her. With that first look at Cosima as she stumbled out of the house this morning, Delphine had felt a searing fear that they had run out of time.

Standing in the yard now, she raised her hand to Cosima's cheek, disguising her effort to check the woman's temperature as a caress, trying to read with her eyes the extent of the degradation in her physical condition. Cosima felt a little warm. She allowed the caress to trail down Cosima's to neck, sliding her fingers behind the curtain of dreadlocks. Definitely feverish. But she did seem to be faring better now than when Delphine had first arrived.

Cosima sighed, tilting her head back at the sensation of those wonderfully cool fingers on the back of her neck. As she turned her face to place a kiss on the wrist next to her cheek, a flash of color caught her attention. She gently pulled Delphine's hand away, pushing the sleeve of her shirt slightly higher to see the dark purple bruise that completely circled the wrist of the hand she was holding.

Cosima's eyes shot up, fearful and questioning. "Did she hurt you?"

Delphine was unprepared for the question. She cocked her head to the side, unsure exactly how to answer it. Certainly Lyssa had not hurt her physically, but psychologically? She had tried. Had she succeeded at all? That was a more difficult question to answer.

Cosima misread her hesitation, pulling back further so she could look Delphine up and down for injury. She wanted to run her hands over the woman to search for injury, but she was suddenly afraid to touch Delphine in so intimate a manner.

"No, Cosima," Delphine tried to reassure her. "She did not hurt me."

"Did she do this?" Cosima indicated the darkly bruised wrist. She was instantly furious, wanting to run back into the garage and smash that smug Shay-face in. She knew it would be for her own satisfaction at this point, Delphine obviously not needing her protection in the current moment, but the need to be able to actually do something, anything, was almost overwhelming. The only thing stopping her was the thought Delphine might need her support now.

Delphine did not avoid her gaze as she answered. "I was on the verge of being hysterical in the office building with her. She was making a point in an overly physical way. Perhaps not the best way, but she did save my life. She saved it again this morning." Delphine squeezed her hand. "She does scare me…and not only because she…," Delphine's voice trailed off as she broke eye contact.

Cosima nodded, finishing her thought. "Looks like Shay and is an admitted pycho."

Delphine looked up at her and then towards the house, unsure how much to tell Cosima, or Sarah and the others. She needed to convince them, now more than ever, to try to get Lyssa's help with the cure. Her knowledge of the cloning process and the other clone lines' DNA would be invaluable. If there was even a possibility she could help them find a cure faster, Delphine was willing to take the risk of trusting her. But she was too emotionally tied to the problem. While she was willing to risk her own life, she could not risk the rest of the family. Sarah would have to approve. And she would have to tell Sarah enough of what had happened to make an informed decision. But everything?

"She has a cruel streak," Delphine looked back up, giving Cosima a wry smile. "She seems to enjoy testing my limits, but this morning…. I had already removed the worm. She could have left me, she was angry enough with me. I do not understand much of what motivates her inconsistent behaviors."

Delphine turned her wrist, her hand still held in Cosima's. "The only time she touched me was when she dragged me to safety out of the office building." That was true enough. She never actually touched Delphine at the clinic. "The psychological stress she intentionally created," Delphine paused and ran her free hand through her hair. "I'm not sure. I was not willing to close my eyes the entire time I was with her, so I am exhausted. But… I think I'm ok," she felt surprised at her the truth in her own admission. "I feel… more balanced… solid." She had stood up to Lyssa, faced every terrifying confrontation without crumbling. She had not been helpless, despite being alone and had defended herself against the sharp memories their time together had stirred in her mind.

She gave a more genuine smile, "Or perhaps it is being back here with you that makes me feel this way."

Cosima's anger receded as Delphine talked, comforted by the absence of the doubt that had seemed to haunt her before. Cosima still wanted to punch Lyssa in the face, and not just because she looked like Shay. Ok, mostly because she looked like Shay, Cosima felt another flash of guilt as she admitted it to herself. But also because of whatever Delphine meant by psychological stress.

"As long as you're ok," Cosima allowed, not entirely sounding like she meant it.

Delphine's smile faded, her expression becoming serious, worried. "But you're not ok," she stated softly.

"I am now that you're here."

"Would another round of tests confirm that?"

Cosima did not answer her challenge, looking down at the hand she still held, trying to hide the response they both knew was in her expression.

Delphine drew her into a hug, pulling her tight. "There's still time," Cosima murmured into her neck. While not a lie, Delphine knew that time had been reduced in her mind from units measured in days and hours to the number of samples they could test before Cosima was lost. Two more samples? Three? Unless they could extend her time again. Kira…. Her thoughts trailed off. Cosima would not consider that alternative and so she would try not to dwell on that idea… for now.

She sighed. "I need to speak with Sarah, tell her what has happened."

"Yeah, I'd like to know the details too."

. . . . . . . . . . .

Delphine and Cosima found the rest of the family, now including Krystal, in the combined living/kitchen area. Sarah's anger had cooled, replaced with a worried look.

Delphine asked in a concerned tone, "Siobhan?"

"I called Art and told him to keep moving. Then I called Benjamin. He's setting up an airlock for Mrs. S, to lose anyone following. Once he has her somewhere safe he'll call."

"He should also arrange to have her leg and ankle X-rayed for breaks. I was able to clean and close the wounds, but we lacked access to X-ray equipment when we were running."

Sarah nodded. "I'll tell him when he calls." Remembering her anger at Delphine from earlier, she shifted uncomfortably. Bringing Lyssa here was a big mistake, but still…. "Thanks for taking care of her."

"You don't need to thank me for that. She took very good care of me when I needed it," Delphine met her gaze seriously. "You all did."

Sarah nodded uncomfortably at the implied thank you Delphine offered in turn. She took a deep breath and released it, making sure her tone held no hint of accusation as she asked, "So, what happened? Start from when the building collapsed."

Delphine settled back in her chair, considering how much detail to include in her story. "Siobhan's leg was pinned under the debris when it came down. She did not want you to know, afraid you would not leave if you knew she was trapped…."

She filled them in on her adventures, leaving nothing out until she reached the point of her confrontation with Lyssa at Bryce's clinic. "So, while I was giving Bryce the tranquilizer, Lyssa left the room and gave one to Siobhan without my knowledge."

She felt Cosima stiffen next to her, but her attention was on Sarah's hardening gaze. Her telling of the events did not seem to be endearing Lyssa to Sarah, or anyone else, despite the Helen clone's assistance getting Siobhan out of the collapsed building. The details of her encounter with 'Shay' at the clinic would not be helpful in convincing Sarah to forge a working relationship with the woman, and Cosima's reaction would be… not good.

Delphine felt more desperate every time she looked at Cosima's pale complexion or heard her pause in the middle of sentence to take an extra breath. She looked down at the hand she was holding, running her thumb over Cosima's knuckle, unable to ignore the tinge of blue under her unpainted fingernails.

Delphine was surprise when the silence in her paused story was filled, not by Sarah, but by Krystal, her anger obvious. "She seems to do that a lot. Knock people out."

Delphine sent her an apologetic smile, having to disagree with her sentiment and defend Lyssa to put her in a more positive light. "Yes, but since she seems to be very comfortable killing people as well, I am grateful for her restraint."

Krystal crossed her arms, expressing her opinion in a huff of breath. "She's also good at lying. I mean, I knew Sha-," Krystal stopped, looking guiltily at Delphine.

Delphine felt her defenses rising. Krystal had stopped herself from using Shay's name in front of her. How much had they told her?

"I'm so sorry," Krystal was distraught at her own slip. "I know someone who looks like her shot you. But now we know there are a lot of people who look like her. Including that... that… kidnapping needle-stabber!" Krystal's eyes flashed. "Maybe it was Lyssa being her, you know? I mean, she convinced me she was… her… and we knew each other from freakin' high school." Krystal looked hopefully at Delphine.

Delphine was touched at Krystal's efforts to avoid using Shay's name on her behalf. She was also sad for Krystal. She had no idea just how true her statement was about a woman she had thought a friend.

"I have considered that," she offered sadly. "What matters to me is that the person who hurt me is dead. Of that, I am sure. For your sake, I hope it was not the person you once considered a friend."

Krystal's face became pinched, eyes shining with unshed tears. She turned away and was quiet.

Delphine felt Cosima's fingers squeeze hers gently. "What happened after she sedated Siobhan?"

Delphine turned to look into the concerned eyes next to her. She knew any details she gave of what had happened would only raise more concerns about Lyssa. She would not lie to Cosima, not anymore. But she was willing to leave out the little details for now. Thanks to Krystal, they had already been reminded that Lyssa could imitate Shay, so there was no need to recount her doing so with Delphine, skipping over the highly personal incident.

"We had a… confrontation," she paused to squeeze Cosima's hand back. "She wanted me to perform her procedure. I didn't want to do it at Bryce's clinic, so I told her no. She accused me of going back on our agreement and then tried to intimidate me," she shifted her focus to Sarah. "I pulled a gun and threatened to shoot her, which did not seem to concern her at all. But she did agree to leave the clinic."

Delphine had seen the shift in Cosima's expression when she had mentioned intimidation, but there was no interruption as she told them about finding the motel and about their conversation in the restaurant. In this part of the telling, she held back no details. While they already knew Lyssa could pass herself off as Shay, they did not know the distinction Neolution made between psychopaths and sociopaths.

"Oh shit," Cosima uttered, with a dawning look of dismay.

"What?" Sarah asked.

Delphine knew from Cosima reaction she had some understanding of how the Helen clones had to have been raised. But Sarah had not yet made that leap.

"Without a genetic predisposition, or even with it, the most effective way to create sociopathic behavior is to desensitize them," Delphine filled in. "They would have been exposed to violent situations, both towards them and by them towards others… frequently, and starting when they were very young." Delphine maintained her clinical voice as she explained, but the horror she had not let herself feel in the restaurant with Lyssa was bleeding into her awareness now that she was in a safe environment once more. "The emotional reactions become numbed over time. They stop feeling them, or the ability to feel them never fully develops."

"Like Helena before you won her over from the dark side," Cosima offered quietly. Her anger towards Lyssa did not lessen, but for the first time it felt uncomfortable, mixing with something else. Sympathy? She tried to mentally push that idea away, but cause and effect were built into her thought process. Helena had murdered sisters, women Cosima had never met, sure, but sisters nonetheless. Cosima had chosen to think of her as a victim rather than as a killer. She had chosen to focus on the cause, and minimize the effect. Why was Lyssa different? Similar cause, similar effect. Was it because she was not a sister? Or because someone with her face had hurt Delphine? If she looked solely at Lyssa's actions, forcing herself to separate them from Shay's, could she justify feeling differently towards her than she did towards Helena?

Sarah stared at Delphine, processing her words and trying not to react to them. "What happened next?"

Delphine described the rest of their conversation in the restaurant and how she had followed Lyssa back to the hotel. She told them of the revelation that the Helen and Pollux clones suffered from the same defective sequence as the Leda and Castor lines. She briefly debated leaving out Lyssa's story of crushing Zia's scull, worried it would tip the scales in Sarah's mind against asking her to stay and help with the cure. But this was evidence of the risks inherent in trusting Lyssa, or any Helen clone. She could not hide that from them.

Cosima's expression soured at Delphine's detailed retelling of Lyssa's story. The brief hint of sympathy she had been feeling evaporated. Helena might have killed her sisters, but she did not make light of it, had turned a corner where she found her own actions reprehensible now. Lyssa had no such redeeming qualities. Cosima felt a brief flicker of relief, abashed to realize she wanted to hold onto the simmering anger at the woman, did not want to afford her any benefit of doubt.

"I decided I had to keep my promise and trust that she would keep hers about Ethan's notes. My biggest concern was what would happen when she woke up from the procedure. I knew I would have to stay to get the notes, but I did not want Siobhan to be at her mercy if Lyssa chose to betray our deal. I sedated her and removed the worm. But instead of waking her after, I gave her another injection to keep her unconscious and went across the street to the restaurant to borrow the waitress's phone. I called Art to come and pick up Siobhan while Lyssa was still unconscious. After he left with her, the hotel phone rang, and a man's voice on the other end said Neolution knew where we were and to get out quickly. I gave Lyssa a stimulant to wake her and told her what I had done. She was furious, but she got us both out of there… barely. She was shot in the process."

Delphine sighed tiredly. "With Lyssa injured, Siobhan and Art being tracked by Neolution, and me without a cell phone to warn them…. Coming here was the only solution that came to my mind." Delphine felt a twinge of guilt. She had skipped a lot of detail in this last part. She did not think any of it would help Sarah, but it felt like a step backward.

Sarah shook her head. "That phone call is too convenient."

"Lyssa has people outside of Neolution. She said she had not been able to contact them after you disabled the worm. Something about an agreement that Susan had to believe she was dead before she could join them. I think that is who warned us."

"Or it was Neolution, playing you to get you to bring her here."

"Perhaps," but Delphine allowed her voice to convey her doubt. "I think she is working towards her own interests. What all of those are I do not know, but that's not the same as working for them. I do know she wants to kill Susan, slowly, and that she is interested in the cure for herself. I do not believe she holds any particular desire to help us, but I also do not think she would betray us unless she has something to gain from it."

Delphine took a moment before continuing. "I want to ask Lyssa for help finding the cure," she rushed to finish her argument before Sarah could interrupt. "She has knowledge beyond Duncan's notes. The defect in the synthetic sequence of the Leda and Castor clones is also shared with the Helen and Pollux clones. She has studied all 4 genomes. That gives her twice the knowledge that we have about the problem, and it is all memorized in her brain! The one thing she does not have is Kendall's original sequence. With that, she might be able to find the defect in… days, not weeks or months! We need her help."

Sarah was quiet for several minutes, staring at Delphine and thinking hard. She had not failed to notice Cosima sitting next to Delphine on the sofa. She was pale and seemed to be constantly short of breath today. She was getting worse. Sarah was sure Delphine was grasping at straws. But trusting their safe house to Lyssa? She could not help a worried glance at Cosima.

Finally, Sarah sighed. "One step at a time. I'll invite her to the house for a chat over breakfast." Sarah leaned forward to emphasize her next words. "You know we have to assume the worst, right?"

Delphine nodded. She did know that, but they could also hope for the best. She needed hope now.

. . . . . . . . . . .  
Sarah made her way across the yard to the garage. Delphine had offered to join her on her walk to see Lyssa, but when Cosima had insisted she would come as well, Delphine had quickly changed her mind, wanting to keep Cosima from exerting herself. But the doctor had given Sarah a note for Scott.

When she entered the garage, her first stop was Helena, standing close to the door. A curt nod from her twin told her there had been no problems in the intervening time. Lyssa was laying on one of the two hospital beds, eyes closed.

She then crossed to Scott and gave him the note. "Delphine says she needs this list of things brought to the house when you come over."

Opening the single sheet of paper, Scott scanned it before looking up guiltily and nodding. "I should have done this yesterday."

Sarah shrugged. "She says it's just to keep ahead of things."

Scott did not bother answering, instead walking quickly to the back store room to gather the requested items.

When she turned to look at their unwelcome guest, Lyssa's eyes were open and watching her. They stared at each other a few moments before Sarah tipped her head towards the door. "Well, come on. Breakfast is being served in the kitchen. You are not an honored guest and I'm thinking you can walk."

Lyssa, left arm secured in a sling, stood without a word and followed her out of the garage, Helena shadowing her several steps behind.

. . . . . . . . .

When Sarah had left the house to retrieve Lyssa, Delphine realized the coming conversation would have to take place at the kitchen table. Not trusting the Helen clone's strong reactions to Cosima's presence, she wanted Cosima as far from their new guest as she could get her. She subtly arranged that by getting up herself and moving to sit on the sofa in the living area. Cosima instantly followed, taking a seat next to her and curling her legs underneath her on the sofa. The sofa was close enough to the kitchen table in the combined kitchen and living room to be able to include themselves in the conversation, but, Delphine hoped, far enough away not to strain whatever issue Lyssa had with Cosima.

Wrapping an arm around Cosima's shoulder, Delphine pulled her closer. Cosima sighed softly as she settled against Delphine's side and wrapped an arm around her waist. With the other hand, she hooked one side of her glasses and pulled them off, dropping her hand to her lap. She pressed her face into the side of Delphine's neck, nuzzling gently for the sheer pleasure of the sensation, the joy of touching, of being close.

Feeling both of their bodies relaxing at the contact, Delphine gave in to a moment of exhaustion, allowing her head to rest on the back of the sofa and exposing more of her neck. She was rewarded with a broader sweep of Cosima's face and the press of soft lips on the plane of her collarbone. Cosima's breathing was faster than normal, but Delphine could tell it was more from the exertion of moving to the couch and getting settled than it was from excitement. Today she was battling for breath. Tomorrow, or one day soon, it would be blood loss and after that... It was still today. But while they would have to live in today's battles, but she also knew it was time to start preparing for tomorrow as well. She was convinced they needed Lyssa to win this war.

Alison hid a small, satisfied smile at the women curled up on the couch together from her vantage in the kitchen. She was managing breakfast in Siobhan's absence and had already fed those who had an interest in a morning meal. Now, she was busy scrambling up eggs for their uninvited guest. Donnie had taken the children down to the basement for morning lessons and to keep them away from whatever threat Lyssa might pose.

When Lyssa entered, following Sarah in, she spared Delphine and Cosima the briefest of glances before sitting down at the empty table and looking towards Alison at the stove. Cosima raised her head at the woman's entrance and slid her glasses back onto her face to better observe the meeting.

After placing a glass of water in front of Lyssa, Sarah settled into a chair at the head of the table, cradling her coffee mug in both hands. Felix leaned against a counter behind Sarah, watching the confessed psycho through narrowed eyes and over crossed arms.

Alison set a plate of food in front of Lyssa at the kitchen table, receiving a surprisingly polite and quiet "thank you" before Lyssa attacked her food, ignoring the watchers.

"Alison," Delphine was unsure why she felt the need to be a good host, but she continued. "Lyssa has a very high metabolism. She will likely need 3 times that amount of food, especially with her injury."

Alison looked from Delphine to Lyssa, chin slightly upturned and eyes narrowed, evaluating the smaller clone suspiciously before pivoting on her toes towards to the kitchen. "Fine," she sniffed, not wanting to appear too accepting of their new acquaintance until Sarah had her say.

Lyssa spared Delphine a small nod of thanks before returning her attention to her food.

"So," Sarah started, not waiting for the woman to finish eating. "Delphine has been telling us of your adventures."

"Am I a prisoner or a guest?" Lyssa interrupted, trying to take control of the situation.

"Undecided. How should we treat you?"

Lyssa expression was serious, her answer direct. "You should get Ethan's notes from me and then kill me. It's the only way to protect yourselves."

"Not exactly our style is it?" Sarah gave a lopsided smile.

"That's why you are all going to die." Lyssa's tone was calm, matter-of-fact. They might have been discussing the weather. "You care too much about right and wrong… about being fair. It's why I knew you'd come for Krystal and that you would honor our deal," she cast a look at Delphine, "eventually."

"So we should be like you? Give a shit about no one and leave a trail of innocent bodies behind us as we go?"

"I'm not innocent. And yes, if it's in your best interests. But you won't. Even if you caught me trying to sell you out you wouldn't." She took a bite of eggs before shrugging. "Well," she allowed, nodding at Helena with a hint of respect, "she would."

Sarah gave Lyssa a few minutes to eat before starting again. "Who called the motel to warn you the Neos had found you?"

Lyssa looked pointedly at Delphine. "How would I know? I was unconscious."

Delphine rolled her eyes. "You were using Siobhan as another bargaining chip, like Krystal. I didn't want you threatening her safety to get what you wanted from me."

"Her safety? Do you even know her?" Lyssa snorted in disbelief. "She's another one who would leave a trail of bodies behind. I wanted you to remove the worm, but there was no way I was leaving her awake while I was out. Beyond that, I could have cared less."

Felix narrowed his eyes. "Whoever called you had to be Neolution to know they were coming for you at the motel."

Lyssa ignored him, continuing to eat.

"Ok," Sarah sighed. "Prisoner it is."

It was not until Krystal sat down at the table opposite her with a sense of purpose that Lyssa looked up from her food again.

"When did you replace the original Shay?"

Lyssa made a show of choking on her food at the question. "Original?" She asked sarcastically after swallowing. "Scarecrow, there have been 4 Helen clones over the years who have sat in and played 'Shay' with you. Can you pick each of us out? Can you pick any of us out? At least I came in with different hair color than my predecessor and a joke about wanting to get back to my roots," she pointed at Krystal. "You laughed."

Krystal sat back, a hurt look flashing. Lyssa's expression turned cold. "You are the only one in this room who ever really met the original and it was a long time ago. But don't get all nostalgic and think she was better than the rest of us. She did all the same evil things and felt next to nothing doing them. You got conned from day one."

Lyssa stabbed at the food on her plate, pointedly ignoring Krystal until she got up and left the room. Conversation lagged until Alison dropped off a second plate, this one with larger portions.

Scooping up a forkful of scrambled eggs, Lyssa started to raise it to her mouth before lowering it again to the plate with a put-upon sigh.

"He's not in Neolution… the caller."

"So who is he?"

"A friend," Lyssa slid Delphine another look. "From Columbia."

"The Pollux clone?" Delphine was surprised.

"I had been planning my departure from Neolution, trying to get out before my deadline to get the worm functional. I needed equipment and supplies that I couldn't get on my own while I was still inside. He needed to not be killed when we cornered him in Bogota. We cut a deal."

"So," Sarah tipped her head, eyes narrowed. "You cracked your sister's head open and let him go so you could have a bigger toy box?"

"Yes," Lyssa showed no sign of guilt. "If it makes you feel any better, Zia's the one who shot me at the hotel," she used her free hand to point at her arm held tightly in a sling. "We all know the score with each other."

Sarah shook her head in bewilderment that Lyssa did not seem concerned about the violence between she and her sister clone, proof of their lack of empathy. "The Pollux clone… you told me a lot of them got away when the Neos went to purge them. Are they with him too? Hidden, like us?"

Lyssa gave a short laugh. "None of the Zeus clones play well with others, including within their own lines. Helen clones are only civil with each other because of Neolution's control. Pollux clones don't have that social constraint. A group of them around a kitchen table like this would lead to a bloodbath inside of 10 minutes. They scattered once they got free, partly to get away from each other and partly to protect themselves from Neolution. If Susan finds one, she can't use him to find the rest."

Felix stirred. "So if you don't play well with each other, why would he call to warn you? And how would he know they were coming for you in the first place?"

"We've had a distant working relationship since Columbia, at least until the worm. After that, things got difficult. I did manage to send him messages from time to time, letting him know some of what Susan was up to in exchange for other assistance. The motel thing tells me he has someone else inside. We were supposed to connect once I got rid of my worm, but only if everyone thought I was dead. Otherwise, having Neolution chasing me might lead to him. I didn't know Susan had put a follow-team on me," she looked momentarily annoyed. "I should have."

Lyssa pushed her plate back. "So," she locked eyes with Sarah once more. "Prisoner or guest?"

Sarah sat up in her chair. "If I say prisoner, you'll feel obligated to try and escape."

Lyssa gave a small smile, not denying the statement.

"If I say guest, you'll take advantage, one way or another, maybe sell us out to Susan if you could find an angle in it."

Lyssa's smile disappeared. "No. I won't sell you out to her. If she catches me, that might be a different story. There's only so long a person can resist torture."

Cosima could not resist commenting. "Delphine did."

Lyssa turned a cold stare towards her. "She was never asked any questions. The biggest mistake an interrogator can make is not knowing the right question to ask, or assuming a target is strictly in one category, like leverage, when they could also fall into another, like information. We assumed wherever you were hiding, it had been arranged by Mrs. Sadler and that Delphine was far enough outside your sphere of trust that she would not know the location. Those assumptions plus her injuries let her off easy."

Delphine closed her arms around Cosima to keep her from erupting off the sofa. "Easy?! You think-!"

Delphine cut her off. "Stop," she said sharply to a thrashing Cosima, trying to stop her from reaching a woman who could kill her with no effort at all. "She's right. I was never asked for any information."

"I don't care," Cosima managed to spit out, choked with the instant fury that filled her at Lyssa's off-handed treatment of Delphine's suffering. Her breath was coming in gasps, the copper tang of blood in her mouth, but still she tried to break free.

"Please, stop," Delphine asked quietly against her ear, trying not to be overheard by Lyssa.

The edge of fear in Delphine's whisper cut through Cosima's rage. She stopped fighting arms that pulled her back, settled her once more against Delphine's side. Delphine's eyes were dark and worried, but calm as she waited until Cosima's attention was fully captured. Cosima could not get enough air into her lungs.

"Concentrate on your breathing," Delphine said calmly, rubbing Cosima's back slowly.

Felix ran over with a box of tissues, but Cosima did not see the concern etched in his face. She could not look away from the dark, confident eyes, telling her to slow her breaths, demonstrating the pace with each slow circle of her hand on Cosima's back. Cosima made an effort to match the rate of her indrawn breath to one circle of the hand, and pace the exhale to the next circle. Focus. Breath in, one slow circle. Breath out, one slow circle. By her fifth breath, she was no longer gasping. By her tenth breath, Delphine's calmness melted into relief, her face softening.

The back door opened, admitting Scott struggling with a piece of equipment and several smaller items in his hands. Alison went to help him with the smaller things, allowing him to set the large piece of wheeled equipment on the floor and push it over to the sofa where Delphine and Cosima were sitting.

"Perfect timing," Delphine gave him a nod as she stood up to help. Cosima took the box of tissues from Felix and began to clean herself up, looking on as Delphine and Scott set up the contraption and attached hoses to it. "A concentrator?"

"Yes," Delphine paused in setting the airflow dial to look up. "It's time you had the extra help, and this is easier than oxygen tanks in the house." She flipped the power switch, introducing a low mechanical hum and slight hiss of airflow to the background noise of the house.

Scott set the nasal cannula in place under Cosima's nose and ran the tubing over her ears, tightening the slide to secure it. Once they were done, Cosima leaned her head against the back of the sofa tiredly, wishing Delphine would sit down again so it could be her instead of the furniture she was leaning against.

Instead Delphine went to stand in front of Sarah, asking Sarah without words, to let her pursue a working arrangement with Lyssa.

Sarah got up and retrieved a notebook and pen from a drawer, dropping them in front of Lyssa. "We need a middle ground between prisoner and guest. Delphine has proposed inviting you to join them in their scientific quest for a cure, since it's something in your best interests as well. I'm not convinced I want to share information on Kendal's DNA with you." She watched Lyssa closely, seeing surprised interest flare in her eyes. So, she was interested in the science side of things. Perhaps a bargain could be reached.

Sarah pointed at the notebook. "Ethan's notes first. That's already paid for," she arched an eyebrow at Lyssa, waiting for agreement.

"And then what," Lyssa asked calmly.

"I want 3 days to see how well you fit in here. For those 3 days, you'll be treated more like a prisoner. Someone with a gun guarding you during the day, lock you into a room at night to sleep. For these three days, you write out the notes, heal, don't try to escape, and don't cause problems." Sarah gave particular emphasis to that last requirement. Lyssa's unexplained issue with Cosima was a problem. She wanted to demand an answer, but without something to trade, she knew she would not get one.

"When the 3 days are up, assuming you haven't created any new problems here," she gave Lyssa a hard look, "with anyone… you change over to guest… no guard, no lockup. At that time the lab rats can share information with you. You will not, under any circumstances, be allowed to have access to Kendal's blood or tissue samples," Sarah turned her look on Delphine, waiting for her nodded agreement before turning back. "But they can share printouts or show you test results or whatever. Agreed?"

Lyssa was still, staring at Sarah as she considered the offer for several quiet seconds. The hum and hiss of the new equipment running in the room seemed loud to everyone as they waited. Finally, Lyssa shifted in her seat.

"I have one demand in the meantime." Her eyes were unyielding.

Sarah felt her stomach tighten, hoping Helena was ready. "Yeah? What's that?"

"Get me a cup of fucking coffee. Me suffering from caffeine withdrawal could result in a psychotic break. That would definitely cause problems."

Sarah did not smile at the comment, but she did relax. "You're not funny," she tossed over her shoulder as she went to fill a clean cup from the coffee pot.

"I have a day job to fall back on."


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Ok, it has been a long time since I updated so I hope the Cophine in this chapter makes up for it :)
> 
> Warning for sexy shenanigans: Gratuitous sex scenes are not my thing, but I will admit to having three versions of this chapter: the less explicit, the more explicit, and this one (which leans towards the less explicit primarily because I decided to save a little something for the next chapter... stay tuned!). My beta readers had different takes on the first two versions and both versions had great feedback, so I went for middle of the road to try to pull the best of the other two versions together. Of course, the risk with going middle of the road is the watering down of the two extremes and ending up with nothing but mush. So, as always, I reserve the right to revisit and rewrite once I have the next few chapters out!
> 
> Special thanks to Cophine1 and SpookyCJ for letting me pester them with multiple versions of this one due to my innate insecurities :)

Chapter 17

Delphine still stood at the kitchen table, watching Lyssa scratching out Ethan's translation into the notebook Sarah had thrown down in front of her. There was no hesitation in her writing, no stopping to try to remember the writings in the original book. If the notes were genuine, her recall was phenomenal.

"I have a copy of the book, if that would help," she offered, trying to add a layer of cooperation into the strained transition they were struggling with now.

"No need," Lyssa responded without looking up from her writing. "But I can add page numbers to my translation so you know which pages they came from."

Delphine nodded, then added a "Thank you" when she realized Lyssa could not see her gesture, not having taken her eyes from her work.

Delphine then turned her attention to the room at large, and the 4 Leda clones still in it. She wished briefly that Krystal had stayed for this next part. She would have to ask the newest sister later.

"I need to ask a favor of the rest of you," she looked at Cosima briefly, before returning her gaze to Sarah. "Cosima's health is reaching a point that she will need extra assistance. Right now, it is just oxygen. At some point, in the near future, she will need blood." Delphine did not glance back at Cosima, unsure how she might be responding to Delphine's entreaty to the sisters without asking her first. Better to ask forgiveness than permission.

Lyssa stopped scribbling, looking up at her with surprising intensity. Delphine looked away, making eye contact with Alison in the kitchen to include her in the request.

"That was the one thing I could not store in advance, having such a short shelf life. Being her clones, you are all perfect matches and so the best possible donors. If you are willing, I would like to collect a supply from all of you, just in case."

Alison was the first to respond. "Oh God, yes! Finally, something I can do to help Cosima." Somewhat embarrassed at the admission of helplessness once it was out, she looked over to Cosima.

Her sister's expression was in the process of changing from one of disagreement with Delphine to one of dawning realization as she saw Alison's concern and genuine desire to help. It was mirrored in Sarah's nod and Helena's firm "Yes" to the request.

Cosima knew she could not refuse this small offer to help her, despite the sneaky way Delphine had gone about it. She turned a pained smile on her lover before raising an eyebrow in amusement. "I see I still have a lot to learn."

Delphine's smile was unapologetic. "You were warned."

Cosima laughed, "Well, today, I think I would give you anything you asked." Cosima turned to her sisters, "And thank you, all of you."

"Well," Delphine interjected, "not Helena." At Helena's downturned brow, she hurried to explain. "Your body is already supporting an extra life."

"Hey," Cosima added, drawing her sister's attention. "My new niece or nephew needs everything you've got right now."

Helena placed a protective hand on her belly, before looking back at Delphine. "This I understand."

Delphine gave her a reassuring smile. "With my brief adventure, I missed our appointment yesterday. We can run those tests for you today if you still want them. I appear to have an opening in my schedule right now?"

Helena ducked her head before looking up again and nodding.

"Not you!" Delphine's rebuke was directed at Cosima as she started to unfold herself from her seat on the sofa. Delphine softened her tone and went to sit next to Cosima. "Your system has been overly stressed. You need to stay still and let the extra oxygen help you recover."

Cosima's first impulse was to argue, insist they stay together, close. But the only threat to Delphine now was in this room, and would not be following her out to their makeshift hospital. She settled herself back into the sofa with a suspicious look at Lyssa. "Ok. I'll stay here."

Delphine did not fail to notice her focus, but she was less worried about leaving Cosima in the house with Lyssa than she was about the stubborn woman stressing her weakened body with another trek across the yard. Lyssa would abide by their new agreement until something better came along. Still, she paused to look at their new guest as well.

Lyssa smiled her shark's smile at them both. "I won't bite."

"I can go get a muzzle to insure it if you'd like?" Felix's offer was less arch than his usual quips.

"Try it, Princess," Lyssa turned a glare on Felix, exactly as he had planned, his reminder to Delphine that Cosima would not be alone while she saw to her new patient.

Delphine gave him a quick, humorless smile before turning to give Cosima a serious look, choosing to ignore Lyssa. "I will be back around lunchtime," she kept Cosima's gaze until the woman nodded. "Alison, I will send Helena back after her tests to have you come out for a blood draw if that's alright?"

Alison nodded. "I'll be ready."

Sarah pulled a chair well away from the table before sitting down in it again, giving herself some space to react should their guest become unruly. Lyssa gave her a dismissive look before returning to her writing. After the back door clicked closed behind Delphine and Helena, the scratching of her pen was the only sound in the room.

Cosima watched her adversary closely. She looked like Shay, but nothing in her personality resonated with Cosima's memories of the other Helen clone. Even Lyssa's expression while doing a mundane task like writing was different than Shay's had been, her face not as soft and relaxed. Of course, that might be due to the current circumstances. Cosima continued to watch her, looking for any hint of familiarity, beyond the obvious.

Lyssa turned to a fresh page in the notebook, scribbling a number at the top. "This would be easier without all of you staring."

Alison shook herself from her fascination with the new clone and turned to clean the breakfast dishes, returning a semblance of normal background noise to the house. Sarah ignored Lyssa's comment, continuing to watch her closely. Felix wandered over to sit beside Cosima. She spared him a brief smile before returning her stare to Lyssa, waiting.

She waited while Lyssa completed another page. She waited while Lyssa turned to another blank sheet. She waited until Lyssa had scribbled a few more lines on the clean page. When she could not wait any longer, Cosima asked the question she had not been able to bring herself to ask Delphine.

"What did you do to Delphine at the clinic?"

Lyssa stopped writing but did not look up from the page, her expression smoothing from the pinched look of concentration to a studied non-expression. The water in the kitchen shut off and silence returned to the room as Alison, rubber-gloved hands held out in front of her like a surgeon turned to wait for the answer.

Sarah shifted uncomfortably at the question. She also knew Delphine had skipped over something significant in her telling of the events, but she had suspected it was to save Cosima from the unpleasant details so she had not asked Delphine any questions about the gaps. It seemed her sestra had not missed the implication and was going to insist on filling in the blanks. As always. She waited for Lyssa's response, wondering how the next few moments would change the already tenuous relationship.

"I'm sure she already told you what happened," Lyssa replied calmly, seeming unconcerned. Her stillness was at odds with the calm tone, a fact she seemed to realize and covered by resuming her writing.

"No. She was very detailed when telling us what happened before the clinic and with what happened after. But when she told us about what happened in the clinic itself, she kept things very vague, generic. What did you do that she won't tell me?"

Lyssa put the pen in her hand down in the binding of the notebook and slowly sat back in her chair, wrapping her free arm around the one in the sling. Her calm eyes shifted to Sarah, evaluating her position on the conversation. When Sarah made it obvious she was waiting for the answer as well, Lyssa tipped her head slightly before finally looking directly at Cosima.

"I didn't hurt Delphine at the clinic."

"I don't know that I believe that. She said you didn't touch her, but there are a lot of ways to hurt someone without physical contact. All she would say is that you tried to intimidate her, but nothing specific as to how." Cosima's gaze hardened. "So… How?"

Cosima could not see any change in Lyssa's expression as they attempted to stare each other down, but she had the distinct impression something shifted behind the other woman's eyes, something sensed rather than seen.

"If she won't tell you, perhaps it's best if you leave it alone. Or you could ask her."

"Avoidance," Cosima noted about the lack of response. "For a normal person, I would say it was a sign of guilt, maybe regret. But your kind doesn't feel guilt, right? I mean, that's the point of making you what you are. So why turn shy now?"

Sarah tensed as the calm in Lyssa's eyes iced over at the challenge. Lyssa once again looked her way, giving her the opportunity to step in and stop this line of questioning. Sarah kept her expression inquisitive, waiting. If she was going to be the final decision maker in what happened with Lyssa, she wanted the answer to Cosima's question as well. Delphine was one of hers now and she would not fail her again. Sarah let her silence answer for her.

Lyssa's eyes hardened once more as she turned back to Cosima. "I put on my best Shay impression and made a pass at her. Aggressively." Lyssa waited, letting her answer sink in before continuing. "I wasn't serious about it, just wanted to pay her back for… making things difficult for me." Lyssa suddenly looked speculative and gave Cosima a sly smile. "Although I must say, when she pulled her gun and threatened to shoot me, it was kind of a turn on. I could have happily fucked with more than just her mind at that point."

"That's enough!" Sarah interjected, but Lyssa was ignoring her now, focused solely on Cosima.

"And I did touch her once… I caressed her cheek after I had backed her into a corner." Lyssa's tone softened, sounding exactly like Shay, but her expression was challenging. "I couldn't help stroking such a lovely piece of… art."

Cosima breath was suddenly gasping. She could not seem to get enough oxygen, even with the concentrator, as the anger stole her breath once more.

Felix was holding onto her, taking Delphine's role of keeping Cosima in her seat, preventing her from standing, or charging. But Cosima could not even try to stand, her body having reached the limits of its energy reserves with her last outburst. Her rage was overwhelmed with poignant dread. Delphine had been alone and vulnerable, not even remotely recovered emotionally from what Shay had done to her. Lyssa had use it all against her, making her face Shay in a sexual confrontation. If she had been able to stand up, Cosima was not sure which instinct would win, the one that wanted to kill Lyssa or the one that wanted to comfort Delphine. She could only sit there gasping, spots obscuring her vision as her lungs fought to absorb the oxygen being dragged into them and then exhaled too quickly.

She concentrated on her breathing just long enough to get it back under control before glaring back at Lyssa. "I wonder if I will hate all Helen clones as much as I do the two I've actually met."

Lyssa tipped her head slightly, seeming to consider the comment seriously. When she answered, her tone was hers once more. "You might like Zia."

"She's the one who shot you?" Cosima's voice shook as she struggled for a conversational tone. Lyssa nodded slightly. "Yep, I might like her a lot."

"Delphine handled things just fine without you, hero." Lyssa seemed almost amused. "Don't go making her any more weepy and codependent on you before you kick off."

"Oi!" Sarah had heard enough to have her answer and was not going to allow Lyssa toy with Cosima, especially about her mortality. "I'm starting to like this Zia person my own self."

Lyssa smirked before picking up the pen and resuming her writing, leaving the rest of them to their own devices.

Sarah debated inviting her to continue her writing in one of the new downstairs bedrooms that locked from the outside, but rejected the idea almost as soon as it was formed. While that was where Lyssa would be sleeping at night, the next three days needed to be a testing ground, a transition period. That could not happen if she was kept separate from the group the entire time. It was obvious from this first exchange it was going to be a rocky road. She did not like this arrangement at all.

Alison went back to the dishes, scrubbing them in the soapy water as she puzzled over their newest guest.

Cosima leaned her head back on the couch and closed her eyes, forcing herself to slow her breathing even more, giving her stressed lungs time to absorb oxygen from the air she fed them before she expelled it again. Her anger at Lyssa was a low roar in the back of her head as thoughts bounced around like Ping-Pong balls. Lyssa was an evil, insensitive asshole. But that last comment was vying with Cosima's emotions for her attention in a way she wanted to ignore. In the end, she could not dismiss the message her brain had heard.

From her own conversations with Delphine it was obvious she had come through her encounter with Lyssa's Shay-by-proxy just fine, even while alone and vulnerable. So, was the anger and sympathy Cosima felt really for Delphine? Or was it for herself, something she was trying to project onto Delphine? Lyssa had called her out on it more directly with her comment about codependence, but Delphine herself had expressed similar concerns when Cosima had wanted her to stay home, protected, instead of allowing Lyssa's ultimatum to draw her away from the safehouse. Cosima had wanted to prioritize Delphine's safety over the life of a sister, even against Delphine's own wishes. When things had not gone perfectly and Delphine had been separated from the rest of them, from her, Cosima had used that to reinforce her original position, in her own mind at least. She had been right, Delphine should have stayed home, stayed safe, stayed with her. But now….

Delphine had faced difficulties, many created by the woman sitting across the room from her now, and seemed stronger for it. All of it without Cosima. Was that the real root of the conflict raging inside of Cosima? She should be thrilled that Delphine was strong enough to face these difficulties without her, especially, as Lyssa so eloquently put it, she might 'kick off' in the near future.

She shook her head in frustration. No. She was thrilled that Delphine was healing, and while she might want to be a part of it, she was not so petty that she would resent it happening without her. There was nothing wrong with being angry towards an evil, insensitive asshole when they had treated a loved one so horribly. But how she reacted to it, especially with Delphine… that would matter. Don't over-react, she told herself. Don't make it about you and try and wrap her up in tissue paper to keep her safe just because you would feel better doing it. Listen to Delphine and what she needs. And if Delphine no longer needed Cosima to wrap her up in a blanket and fight the demons for her while she slept, well, she would just have to resist her own longing to do so. Somehow.

Cosima did not open her eyes or lift her head from the back of the sofa when she said, "I really hate you."

There was no break in the scratching sound of pen on paper so she knew Lyssa had not bothered to look up from her writing when she answered, "Back at you, sweetheart." Then there was a pause in the sound. "You do know she deserves better than you, right?" She waited, head cocked, for Cosima's reaction.

Cosima kept her eyes closed, trying not to react, gritting her teeth with the effort to keep her temper. Lyssa had not physically attacked, but she had found a weakness to exploit none the less. "Yes, she does," Cosima managed to sound civil, even through clenched teeth. "But it's me she's chosen." They all heard the unstated follow-up. Not you. Felix's expression turned to a catty smirk, proud of Cosima's arrow to the heart of things.

Sarah watched the exchange, trying to gage Lyssa's motives. Was she jealous towards Cosima? Her lack of reaction to Cosima's rejoinder argued against it. The Helen clone did not even appear annoyed. Instead she smiled.

"Yes she did," Lyssa paused pretending to consider. "Why is that do you think?" Her tone implied she already knew.

Sarah decided to intervene. "This is you not making trouble?"

Lyssa curled her lip in a smile. "Everyone should have a hobby."

Cosima returned her concentration to her breathing, trying to keep it from getting away from her again.

. . . . . . . . .

It was well into the afternoon when Delphine returned from the lab, ultrasound and amniocentesis completed for Helena and blood collected from the other sisters for future emergencies. She immediately went to Cosima and sat beside her once more.

Cosima put aside the laptop she had been using to read some promising research on new vectors in gene therapy so she could take Delphine's hand.

"How are you feeling?" Delphine asked, resisting the temptation to feel her forehead.

"Better. The oxygen is helping." Cosima cast a pinched look across the room, but did not offer further comment.

"What?" Delphine looked over to Lyssa, the target of Cosima's look, and sighed. "What did you do?"

Lyssa looked up from her writing. "Why do you assume I did anything?"

Delphine tilted her head, saying nothing, waiting. Finally Lyssa offered a slight smile. "They had questions."

Delphine rolled her eyes towards the ceiling. "And since helpfulness is not in your job description, you answered in your typical style."

"I do hate to disappoint. I think Cosima is a bit jealous of our make-out session at the clinic."

Delphine felt Cosima stiffen next to her. "Jealousy is the wrong word. Murderous rage at you terrorizing Delphine would be more accurate."

Delphine squeezed her hand. "She was testing for weakness. It's what she does with everyone she meets, I think." She returned her regard to Lyssa and cocked her head once more. "I am fairly sure I passed."

Lyssa did not smile, but there was a sense of amusement in her expression. "Jury's still out on Cosima." She made a show of closing the notebook and pushing her chair back. "That's one third of the translation." Her statement was for the room at large, but her eyes moved to Sarah. "You said three days, right?"

Sarah stared back, but did not rise to the challenge. There was no need to add more fuel to the fires they were already fighting. "That sounds fair. A third each day."

Delphine stood up and retrieved the notebook, "Thank you." It was a reflex, being polite, but she thought she saw a small look of surprise from Lyssa before the clone looked away, back to Sarah. "I could use a place to rest, unless you have more questions for me?"

Delphine took a closer look at the clone. "I'm sorry I didn't think sooner to offer. Being unconscious for the procedure I did is not the same as restful sleep."

"We have a room for you," Sarah stood up. "I'll show you where it is."

As they took the stairs leading down to the basement, Delphine turned to look at Cosima, waving the notebook slightly. "We need to start reviewing Duncan's notes, but I haven't slept in two days. You don't look like you have had much rest either. If you give me a few minutes to take this out to Scott so at least he can get a start on it, I say we get some sleep before dinner?"

Cosima nodded, relieved that the evil clone had left the room. "Sounds like a solid idea."

. . . . . . . .

Delphine returned from dropping the notebook off with Scott feeling a lightness to her step that was at odds with her exhaustion. She was looking forward to having Cosima to herself for a while, curled up together in the bedroom, with nothing and no one to worry about for at least a few hours while they both got some sleep. Her thoughts hiccupped, anticipation crumbling, when she saw Cosima sitting on the sofa with a pillow and her sleeping bag.

She knew her sudden disappointment showed when doubt flashed from Cosima's upturned face.

"I wasn't sure…," she drifted off uncertainly.

Delphine moved to stand next to her, looking down into eyes that seemed so young and unsure. How could someone with Cosima's confidence and intelligence have this sweet innocence to her?

Delphine hinted at a smile as she looked down at Cosima, but the younger woman saw the sparkle in tired eyes. "Well, as your personal physician, I don't think a dozen steps is close enough given the new developments. I think direct monitoring is called for." She reached down and took Cosima's hand, tugging gently until the now smiling woman stood.

Cosima chuckled, "Oh, is that it?" At Delphine's overly innocent nod, Cosima smile once more before giving a questioning look to her new mechanical ball and chain. "Is the hose long enough to reach the bedroom?"

Delphine released her hand to unplug the concentrator. "Yes, but I would rather have it in the bedroom." She did not continue her thought out loud, that she did not trust leaving any of Cosima's medical equipment where their new guest might be tempted to tamper with it. Lyssa's tendency to test for weaknesses might extend to the physical and not just the psychological.

"It is easy enough to move," she finished, pushing the unit on its wheels into the bedroom and plugging it back in. Once the unit was humming and hissing once more, she took Cosima's hand and pulled her over the threshold of the doorway.

"You're sure about this?"

"Positive," Delphine smiled tiredly. "We will both be asleep the instant our heads contact the pillows."

"I know," Cosima grinned back at her. But her grin faded. "I just don't want to trigger anymore bad memories tonight. I know spending time with her had to have been hard."

Delphine looked up from the act of pulling the covers down, expression serious. "It was. But if she did not trigger memories of Shay, even when she was trying, I am confident that you won't." She laid down on the far side of the bed, patting the open space on the side Cosima preferred.

Cosima dropped her glasses on the bedside table before climbing to the middle of the bed and laying down beside Delphine. She gave a contented sigh as she pressed close to Delphine's side and wrapped an arm around her waist.

Delphine waited until they were settled, Cosima's head resting on her shoulder, arms wrapped around each other, before continuing. "I need this," she whispered, allowing herself a moment to feel the physical contact resonate deep inside her soul. She matched Cosima's sigh. "Right now. Just holding you. And sleep," she laughed softly. "I need that too."

Cosima raised her head, smiling eyes sparkling. "This I can do. Easily and happily." She put her head back down on Delphine's shoulder, making a show of burrowing her face against Delphine's neck and making her laugh again at the clone's antics.

Cosima resettled the nasal cannula that had been displaced during her snuggle attack and laid her head back on Delphine's shoulder, this time settling in to sleep.

Delphine felt Cosima drift off in her arms, but her own exhaustion was complete, the kind that left a buzzing in her ears loud enough to keep her awake even over the soft background hiss and hum of the concentrator. She briefly wished she had brought a glass of wine to bed to quiet the noise in her head and let her fall into a deeply needed sleep. She was not tempted to go and get one now. She rather enjoyed having this moment to watch Cosima sleep, to hold her close and feel the rise and fall of her breathing.

She tentatively ran a hand across the slumbering woman's cheek, ready to withdraw if the touch disturbed her. Cosima's breathing remained deep and steady, soundly asleep. Delphine smiled softly and repeated the gesture more confidently, knowing she would not wake her love up with the gentle touch. She still marveled that what she had originally approached as an assignment, just a job, had turned into the most consequential aspect of her life, had turned into to love.

Before Cosima, she had been convinced that love was just a label given to the sensations created by chemical receptors in the brain reacting to a strong physical attraction. She was too logical a person to be susceptible to the biologically created delusions most of the human race experienced at one time or another. She smiled at her former arrogance on that subject. She knew the precise moment that arrogance evaporated into nothingness. The memory of the turmoil she felt on that day dimmed her smile. She had approached Cosima's flat, intent on seduction, with a sense of dread.

When she made the decision to have sex with Cosima, she had been unconcerned about the physical aspects, despite her lack of experience in that regard. Delphine knew what worked for her and had already extrapolated that, while individual preferences might vary, basic physiology did not. No, that part did not concern her overly much. The source of her distraction was the woman herself.

She was acutely aware her feelings towards Cosima had become far less clinical and objective over the course of the assignment. It was not surprising, she rationalized at the time, that she had developed a fondness for the other woman, drawn into a real friendship while trying to create a fictional one. The formation of this deepening friendship, highly unusual for her with anyone much less a test subject, was the result of having to get close to Cosima in order to observe her. She had planned each of her early encounters with the clone to draw her closer to Delphine. But that required sharing some of who she was, as a person, in order to project herself as a friend. Sharing personal aspects of herself had never come easily to her before, but Cosima had been so open and engaging, even in their dance around the truth of their clone/monitor reality. Delphine would reach the end of each contact and realize she had shared more of herself than ever intended, drawn out by that beautifully expressive face that spoke of wanting to know it all, the face that could not lie. Every time.

She found herself waking up each morning with a sense of anticipation towards seeing Cosima in whatever meeting she had managed to arrange for the day. She had not realized right away that the joy she felt had little to do with the excitement of scientific discovery implicit in her assignment, and had everything to do with discovering more about the woman Cosima was. Every encounter with her in those early days revealed a new and surprising way she viewed and reacted to the world around her. She was so uniquely different in personality and emotional expressiveness from anyone Delphine had ever met before, and yet, she was completely familiar when it came to the logic and structure and love of science. Cosima personified both what Delphine was and what she secretly wanted, on some level, to be. Delphine was not blind to that, could admit she was attracted to both of those things… as a friend, she had told herself yet again, even as she approached Cosima's apartment with the intent of initiating a sexual relationship.

But that was the precipitator for the guilt. She knew from Cosima's perspective it would be a romantic entanglement, both physical and emotional, for the woman did nothing without involving her heart… not science, not hobbies, and definitely not relationships, sexual or not. Delphine was very much the opposite in that regard, her approach being to remain aloof and uninvested, even in her friendships. It made it easy to walk away when the inevitable disappointments arose. Delphine's strong immunity to emotional connections had not been enough to protect her against Cosima's infectious nature. But, while she may not have been able to remain unfettered in her feelings for the woman, they did not extend to the romantic, regardless of the need for Delphine to promote their relationship to a sexual one. In fact, she justified to herself, it made the next step easier. Why not have a physical relationship with someone she had so much in common with, respected, and liked. A lot. And Leekie had insisted Cosima's life was in danger, that Delphine needed to get close very quickly. So Delphine had pushed the guilt into the back of her mind as she raised her hand to knock on Cosima's door, mentally preparing herself to manipulate her friend with the very trait Delphine found so wonderfully appealing, her ability to feel so strongly for other people. She was going to have to imitate it, to let Cosima think she felt the same way. Which, of course, she did not.

Delphine pulled herself from her musings to stroke her sleeping lover's cheek once more and offer a soft, rueful snort. She had been the naïve one that day, seducing herself with Cosima. She should have known she was lying to herself the instant the door had opened.

The progression of visual emotions from Cosima when she opened the door transitioned from recognition in her eyes to a flash of delight that spread over her entire expression, before being subdued by rueful embarrassment. In response, Delphine had felt her own emotions soar at the flash of joy and then plummet at the reminder she was there to take ruthless advantage of Cosima's feelings for her. She had been focused on the knowledge Cosima would be hurt by it, would see it as a betrayal should she learn of it later. What she had not considered at the time was the visceral pleasure she had felt just before that, when Cosima opened the door looking so unconsciously sensual in her casual, dressed down attire, radiating joy at Delphine's presence.

Delphine rolled one of Cosima's dreadlocks idly between her fingers, a soft smile returning to her lips as she remembered what had come next. Her ignorance of the truth in her own feelings had not lasted the evening. She closed her eyes, wrapping her arms more securely around the sleeping woman. Her focus on this particular past event had muted the buzzing in her ears, allowing her to relax. She felt sleep pulling at her, but now she was unwilling to let go, feeling a muted swirl of arousal at the combination of Cosima's warm body resting against hers and her memories of their first time, of kissing Cosima, peeling each other's clothes off, and stumbling towards the bedroom. It had been the first time she could honestly say she had made love with another human being. Sex was not the same, a pale shadow in comparison. That had been another, among many, dawning realizations from that day.

Delphine's early experiences had taught her that sex was about power. It was a truth she kept in mind any time she slept with someone, especially someone new. She always watched for it, that shifting moment when her partner would let slip whatever pretexts they brought with them and show the avarice hidden behind it. That moment when their focus was reduced to their own desire for release, she became nothing more than a body being used towards that end. Their eyes would glaze, or close, shutting her out. In those moments, she could have been anyone else under them. She, as herself, ceased to matter. Objectively, she understood. Sex was a biological imperative for any species, and so there would always be a small primal component. It was all quite natural, expecting sexual gratification from sex. But perspective was everything, and hers had been shaped through brutal introduction. So she watched for it, that moment of taking, and it always, inevitably, appeared.

She knew she liked the clone, her intelligence, her sweetness, her… distinctiveness. But with sex, when it came to that primal moment, the external façade would be stripped away, for that one instant she would see the real person behind that innocent exterior. Aside from the guilt at her deception, if she had any concerns walking into Cosima's apartment that day, it was rooted in an expectation of loss, of disappointment when that moment arrived. She knew she would see Cosima differently afterward, less… special.

That was as far as her thinking had gone about the affair until they had fallen into bed together, clothing strewn behind them in a trail from the small apartment living room to the bedroom. By unspoken consent, Cosima had rolled to the top, a logical choice given the differences in their past experiences. It was a position of dominance that Delphine understood. The similarities ended there. The feel of Cosima, the softness and heat of her skin along the entire length of Delphine's body was not the same. The weight of her was different, her scent was different, and there was no sensation of a stiffening erection pressing against her.

The cognitive dissonance between the familiar and the unfamiliar stirred confusion, but the arousal created by the physical contact with Cosima's body built a sensual need in Delphine, a need she communicated with a slow, rhythmic roll of her hips and body under Cosima's weight and a quiet moan escaping through the fiery kiss they were sharing. Cosima had pulled away from their heated kiss to look into her eyes, seeking her own assurances. Delphine had locked her gaze with those pools of burnt amber, searching deeply into eyes that could not lie, waiting for the hint of 'take' to enter Cosima's expression and not finding it. Yet. Her body was still stirring, hips still moving slowly under Cosima as they regarded each other. Cosima seemed reassured by what saw. She smiled softly before lowering her lips once more to kiss Delphine, this time slowly, more deliberately.

Cosima had kissed a slow path down her body, giving due time to each breast along the way, pausing whenever she found other particularly sensitive spots to explore. She took the time, that first time, to learn the secrets of Delphine's body, dwelling on her likes, quickly discarding any location or technique that did not elicit a positive reaction until, finally, the warmth of Cosima's mouth had enveloped her pulsing center.

They watched each other, across the length of Delphine's body, as Cosima took physical control of their shared intimacy. Control. Despite the physical arousal she was experiencing, another discordant tone had sounded in her mind. Who was dominant in this act, at this moment? Was it Cosima, because she was the one in the active role, creating the stimuli to Delphine's response? Or was it Delphine, because she was the one being pleasured, taking pleasure from Cosima's stroking tongue? When she had done this for men, she had never felt like the dominant partner in the act, her body relegated once more to the role of pleasure provider. In those rare circumstances when men had done this for her, it was usually a precursor for sex, foreplay designed to ready her for more traditional forms, where they were dominant once more. But this….

That sensation, that first touch of heat and soft, was so distinctly unique, so meltingly perfect, Delphine's body stilled all motion. Her mind and body were entirely focused, absorbing the contact, the moment, the first tender stroke of Cosima's tongue, not willing to move for fear of losing that sensation. By the third, the fourth slow pass, Delphine could already feel the need in her building, could not stay still any longer. Her hips rolled in a small, tight pattern, staying close to the glorious, radiating stimuli. Cosima responded to her unspoken request, pressing her lips around the small nub of flesh that was pulsing Delphine's arousal, gently pulling with warm pressure before swirling her tongue over the sensitive peak. Delphine could not have stopped the low moan that escaped her when Cosima's lips had pulled her in, even if she had been prepared for it. She did nothing to try to hold back her gasping pleasure at the tighter and tighter circles Cosima was drawing with her tongue around the small bundle of nerves where internal pressure was building to the point of release.

All the while, her body coaxed higher and higher, Delphine's eyes remained fastened on Cosima's, waiting, looking for that shift from considerate lover to taker. It never came. Instead she watched in amazement as passion rose higher in Cosima's eyes, her body writhing in slow circles synchronized with Delphine's own, hips pressing into the mattress. Cosima was rising towards her own release as well, but her attention was fully focused on Delphine. She was making love to Delphine, the person, not having sex with Delphine the body, for that is what shone from her eyes.

Waves of pleasure rolled over her, radiating out from a point held lovingly beneath Cosima's lips. She felt Cosima stiffen as well, but there was no hesitation, no delay in the attentions she was giving Delphine, body and person. Her eyes never left Delphine's, never closed to enjoy her own pleasure and shut Delphine out. All thought towards her confused comparisons were abandoned in that moment, washed away in the light shining from eyes that shouted their message without words. This was no act of power in sex, it was an act of sharing in love.

As the last ripple of orgasm played over her body, she felt the walls she had built to protect herself, the barriers that kept people from getting close enough to betray her, fail completely. There was no sense of them shattering, crumbling under the force of an impact. Instead it was as if Cosima had passed through them like air, permeating every crack and pore in her defenses until she stood on the other side with Delphine, the person... the Delphine kept hidden from the world by old hurts and old fears.

When that instant had passed, when the realization had been fully formed of just how deeply Cosima had affected her, how important this woman had become to her, when Delphine was able to draw that next breath, Cosima was the oxygen in it. She had known then that she was lost. She was lost in a way she had never been before, a way that insisted she had been found while trying to hide. The barriers that had protected her for so long from having to trust dissolved into nothingness, leaving her to stand, truly bare, before Cosima. She could never remember feeling so vulnerable. She mentally struggled to stop it, to back away, to reassemble the walls and pull the tattered remnants of her internal protections tightly around her once more. But a part of her that had been hidden away behind those walls, that frightened little girl at her core who was so tired of the cold isolation, who yearned for someone to find her in that lonely place, that part of her wanted to reach out to what Cosima represented, to reach out and be comforted in a way she had never known.

And after, when she did not have the passion to hide behind any longer, when her breathing had calmed, she had known her heart was caught. Overwhelmed with emotion, love and terror, she had not been able to prevent the tears that had risen. Cosima had, of course, noticed her distress, so she had diverted her with a request for ice cream. With the click of the closing door, Delphine had pulled Cosima's robe over her shoulders, and with it, the mantle of monitor once more. She knew she was hiding, diverting her focus from emotions she was afraid to face to something more immediate as she searched Cosima's flat. She would find a way to address her feelings for Cosima later.

Remembering it now, on the other side of all the lies, deception, and self-delusions, she felt regret for a missed moment in time that might have changed everything. If she had not been so terrified of her own feelings, she could have shared them then and, maybe, avoided some of what had happened after. But there was no going back, only forward. The gentle stir of arousal she had been feeling at revisiting that memory began to fade as she considered their current situation.

Cosima's health was beginning to fail again, the reprieve from her remission over. Was she missing other moments with Cosima now? The decline in her condition was probably a month if not two overdue. She was unsure which, since she had not bothered to reacquaint herself with a calendar after her escape and convalescence. That did not matter now either, only the cure did.

Delphine felt it then, sitting like a coiled snake, a tight ball in the back her brain. That thing she had steadfastly avoided looking at, avoided thinking about. She had ignored it for as long as she could, and now, now she felt it uncoiling, spreading out and sending tendrils of cold throughout her brain. Helplessness. She felt helpless to stop what was happening to Cosima.

Every sample they loaded into the sequencer left them with time they could only fill with possibilities. Those possibilities branched into others that branched into yet more possibilities. Different vectors, different synthesis techniques, so many factors, and each combination their own possibility. With every failure their time grew shorter, but the list of possibilities continued to grow longer. She felt overwhelmed by them. If one of those options was the real one, how would they ever know it in time to save Cosima? Delphine could lose her, the only person who had been able to find her, locked away inside herself with chains she had woven from her own fears. The others, Felix, Sara, Alison, they were family now, true, but Cosima was her home. If she died, Delphine would be bereft, lost again to that cold and lonely place, without the light of a loving heart and quick grin to show her the way back into the world once more.

That was the reason she was willing to take the extreme risk of trusting Lyssa. Not that she believed the Helen clone would support them, but that, in the short term, she might provide that one idea, that one option, that would help them narrow down all the potential paths to something more likely to succeed.

In the meantime, however, Cosima would get worse. Cosima, who made love with her heart as much as with her body, whose eyes would melt from dark hazel to glowing amber when passion overtook her, the woman who insisted on seeing the good in people first, she would wither a little more each day, until her light was taken away.

A new resolve began to form in Delphine, a glowing thought that pushed the doubt and the helplessness back into its place. She wanted to make love with Cosima once more, to touch her, to taste her, to revel in her. She wanted to watch her lover's eyes ignite with molten fire, drawn out by Delphine's own hands and mouth and heart. She would not fill any more of the dreadful idle time during sequencer runs with more debilitating possibilities, instead she would fill it with Cosima.

She had let her experience with Shay make her afraid to share herself again with Cosima, afraid memories of Shay would intrude. It was a thought that was ridiculous on the face of it. Even if they did, Cosima would be there, her beacon in the darkness, showing her the way back again, as she had done the first time. Cosima had always been her cure for fear. She was done repeating her mistakes of the past, hiding in fear of her own emotions. No more waiting. If Cosima's health would allow it, Delphine would make love with her again, every chance she could, in whatever time they had left.

She pressed a kiss to Cosima's forehead, feeling almost giddy with relief and anticipation of her new decision. With the fear receding, her exhaustion returned. Lulled by the white noise of the concentrator, she finally joined Cosima in sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: I am done apologizing for the long delays, they are what they are. I do promise with my next story I will wait to publish until it is done (and it won't be nearly this long... I hope.) I have not abandoned and won't without converting the story to "complete", I promise! I also have a WayHaught story stuck in my head now that I will have to write down, so I may wrap up the Cophine portion of this story in the next chapter or two and then take a break to write that one.
> 
> You all know me by now with the angst warnings - buckle up! :) Also, with the completion of this chapter, I am definitely going to rewrite chapter 17, but not until I have chapter 19 done and published.
> 
> Thank you as always to SpookyCJ and Cophine1 for being my key beta readers.
> 
> I have not been keeping up with responses to people providing reviews/feedback! Bad Author! Bad, bad Author! I am so sorry if I did not respond to your review, but please know I appreciate each and every one!
> 
> Warnings: Moderately explicit lovemaking with integrated angst.

Delphine rose out of sleep slowly, aware enough to register Cosima still curled in her arms, but not fully awake. She tried to stay in the wonderful warmth of that moment, drifting but aware and fully content. She could hear murmurs from the living room, the disadvantage to the downstairs bedroom. It was not a problem she had had before, never having had visitors or family to fill up the large spaces in the house. It was a problem she found herself liking, so different from the lonely quiet she knew so well.

She felt full consciousness seeping gradually into her brain, a curious numbing sensation compared to the unfettered vastness of a perfect moment. A deep breath filled her lungs, released with a quiet sigh. She knew moments of perfection were doomed to pass, the point being to enjoy them while they were there, and not try to hold to them in desperation. She trusted that more moments would come.

Cosima stirred in her arms, and then jerked awake, head instantly up and eyes locked onto Delphine before she sighed in relief. "You aren't a dream, are you?" she asked with the air of a jest to mask her original fear.

Delphine offered a sleepy smile before pulling her down in a kiss. She felt Cosima relax into her arms once more, lips softening as she did so, lingering in the feel of every contact point their bodies shared.

"Does that answer your question?" Delphine asked when they finally drew apart.

"I don't know," Cosima responded with a feigned air of uncertainty. "Can you do that again just so I can be certain?"

Delphine laughed and did as requested, pulling Cosima to her and rolling onto her back, so that Cosima lay fully on top of her. She deepened their kiss with a gentle tease of her tongue to Cosima's bottom lip, but when Cosima's mouth opened to her, she waited, her own lips parted but not breaking their contact. Cosima did not immediately accept her silent offer. Wanting to be sure of her invitation, she explored Delphine's lips with gentle strokes of her tongue before easing deeper.

Delphine was still fuzzy from sleep, not ready to move into something more serious, but she was enjoying the intimacy of the kiss none-the-less. She ran a hand under Cosima's dreadlocks, curling her fingers gently around the back of her neck. Her temperature was back in the normal range, pulse steady and strong. Delphine slowly withdrew from the kiss, smiling sleepily up at Cosima.

"We should get up. We may have already missed dinner."

"I don't care," Cosima looked happy. "I could stay here forever."

Delphine rolled Cosima slightly so they were both on their sides once more. She smiled to herself, knowing how to get Cosima up. "Well, I need to get up," she ran a gentle hand over Cosima's forehead, allowing a frown to crease her brow. "But if you are not feeling well, perhaps you should stay in bed. I can bring you something to eat if you need more rest."

"Nope, I'm feeling fine," Cosima filled in quickly, rolling over and out of the bed. There was no way she letting Delphine out of her sight with Lyssa in the house. "And I do know what you just did there," she looked back over her shoulder with an arch expression Felix would have been proud of as she slid her glasses onto her nose.

Delphine laughed as she levered herself up from the bed. "You need to eat, and we need to check in with Scott about the translations and the latest sample."

Cosima smiled at her as she removed the tubing from her face and turned off the concentrator. As the machine's humming ceased she offered up a grateful sigh. "I appreciate the oxygen, but that thing is obnoxiously loud and annoying."

Delphine frowned at her, not happy about her abandoning the breathing machine.

Cosima countered with a shrug. "I feel great now, and I'd rather my body didn't become accustomed to the extra oxygen when it doesn't need it."

Delphine nodded, agreeing in principle, as a physician, but worrying as a lover. Then again, if Cosima really was feeling better…. Her eyes dropped to Cosima's hips when she turned and walked to the bedroom door.

She was quick to bring her gaze back up as Cosima turned to her with a grin. "And I get the bathroom first." In a blink Cosima was across the hall, closing the bathroom door before Delphine could get out of bed.

. . . . . . .

Felix eyed them when they emerged from the hall. Rumpled clothes, obviously slept in, no look of preening satisfaction from either of them. He rolled his eyes, the silly girls must have actually slept.

They had missed dinner, but there was plenty put away that was quickly removed and reheated. They approached the kitchen table uncomfortably before sitting down across from Lyssa and Scott. The notebook was open in front of them, and a heated discussion was taking place over the interpretation of one of Ethan's messages. Delphine and Cosima listened while they ate, quickly getting caught up in the discussion.

Lyssa seemed fine including both of them in the conversation, any animosity she might have felt subjugated by the topic. Their attention was only pulled away from the notes when Sarah's phone rang and Felix gave a hearty "It's about time!"

Sarah answered the phone with a quick, "Yeah?" and then a smile. "Ok." She hung up again, turning to the room.

"Benjamin is about to pull up to the front of the house with Mrs. S. He didn't want any misunderstandings."

With the exception of Lyssa and Helena, everyone rushed to the door just as a car pulled up, headlights glaring. Sarah and Felix helped Siobhan out of the car, while Benjamin retrieved crutches from the backseat for her. She hobbled into the house, accepting well wishes and hugs from everyone.

"Siobhan," Delphine smiled in relief as she gave her a half hug, trying not to get in the way of the crutches. "How is your leg? Were you able to get it X-rayed?"

"Yes, Doctor," the older woman laughed. "There are no breaks and your sutures are holding nicely. It is badly swollen and a bit of a sprain. Nothing serious thanks to you." She gave their new guest a look before adding a bit more flatly, "And you."

Lyssa sent her a smirk. "I needed her," she nodded at Delphine. "And she wasn't coming without you. At least not without a fight."

"I seem to recall she did fight a bit," Siobhan settled herself into one of the oversized chairs and gingerly put her leg up on an ottoman. "And I did not appreciate the sedation."

"You were looking for a way to kill me. I decided not to let it get that far."

The older woman did not respond to the comment, instead asking, "So how many opportunities have you noticed to escape since you got here this morning?"

"Four."

"There were five," Helena interrupted.

"The last one was an obvious set up to see if I'd take it."

"I know. This is because you did not try with the other four."

Both women eyed each other respectfully before Sarah interrupted. "Which is why we needed you back Mrs. S, to help keep an eye on things. We're moving the kids and Krystal upstairs. Me and Felix get the night shift in the basement with Helena and our guest. You take the day shift with some help from the rest of us?" She made the last a question.

The older woman nodded, giving Lyssa an evaluating stare as she answered, "Glad to help."

"First class treatment," Lyssa commented. "My own butler on call 24-7. I would have thought the locked room would be enough." She did not sound insulted, instead making eye contact with Scott. "So, are we done with the notebook for the evening?"

"Uh, yeah," he did not sound sure. "Or we could go to the lab?"

"No," Sarah corrected him. "Lab is off limits to her for 2 more days."

Lyssa tipped her head, accepting the boundary as part of their agreement.

Cosima looked around. "So where's Benjamin? Is he coming inside for a bit?"

"He couldn't stay," Siobhan shared a knowing look with Sarah. "He had other business to attend to."

Lyssa stood up, causing everyone in the room to tense. "I can see you have things to discuss without me around." Her tone was noncommittal. "It's late enough for me to turn in and leave you to them."

She led the way to the basement door, Helena following several paces behind.

"Well, Scott," Delphine decided to follow Lyssa's lead. "You and I can head out to the lab to check the latest sample and you can catch me up on what we missed from your discussions with Lyssa earlier on the notebook."

"Us," Cosima corrected her firmly. "I'm going too."

Delphine did not want her exerting herself with the walk and the cold air, but Cosima had the look that said she would not be persuaded to stay. Delphine relented with a crooked smile. "Us." They were also heading towards their own little medical clinic, which included oxygen tanks if needed.

Cosima smiled back at her and then turned her grin on the others, "So, the rest of you can plot in peace."

. . . . . . . .

It was after midnight before Delphine and Cosima left Scott in the lab. Delphine was quiet, disheartened and trying to hide it. The latest sample had failed to produce the desired results, leading to another round of discussion of what to try next. The new notes from Lyssa played a prominent role in that discussion. After her conviction to no longer let the multitude of possibilities paralyze her, they were once again adding to them with the translated notes.

She supposed that part of her promise to herself was bound to be broken, but what of the other? Cosima had managed the evening without assistance from an oxygen tank. They raised their collars against the cold and started across the darkened yard toward the one bulb of light burning on the porch.

Cosima laced her fingers through Delphine's as they walked, bumping her shoulder gently and offering a contented smile. Unlike Delphine, she seemed in good spirits despite the failed test. Delphine felt her mood lifting in response.

She had to ask. "How can you be so happy right now?"

Cosima laughed self-consciously. "Well – and please don't think I'm a stalker – but in a few minutes, I get to be curled up next to you for an entire…," she paused to take an exaggerated look at her watch, "7 hours or so, and I don't have to share you with anyone else in the world. I'm considering staying up all night again, just so that I can watch you sleep," she admitted with a grin.

Delphine smiled at her innocent joy before allowing her eyebrows to knit in teasing suspicion. "Stalker."

Cosima laughed. "It does sound creepy, doesn't it?"

Delphine shook her head, smiling but serious. "No it doesn't. We have been through a lot and may have more to go. But tonight is a moment of peace we can share, just the two of us."

Delphine stopped, tugging her closer with their linked hands until she could wrap her arms around the smaller woman's waist, hugging her tightly, the silence of a cold night drifting around them.

Cosima closed her arms around Delphine's neck, laying her cheek on the taller woman's shoulder. She began to sway, moving her body slowly to the music welling in her heart. Delphine felt the motion and followed her lead, turning a hug into a slow dance.

Cosima smiled into the collar of Delphine's coat when she felt the other woman moving with her. Any other night, holding her like this, bodies swaying would have turned her on. Tonight, while their slow dance might be sensual, was sensual, she corrected herself internally, there was nothing more in the world she wanted than exactly what she had at this moment.

Delphine's thoughts were on a different path. Despite the bulky coats they were wearing, the press of their bodies was enough to reigniting the desire she had felt before their nap. She was in a better place with her emotional recovery, Cosima was feeling better, and everyone in the house was asleep. She tightened her hold on Cosima's waist, keeping their hips pressed tightly together as they moved, but she leaned back slightly, waiting until Cosima raised her head to look up, eyes questioning. Delphine tilted her head, bringing their lips together in a soft kiss that matched the pace of their dance. Pulling back, she opened her eyes to a quiet, muted desire shining in the dark depths looking back at her.

Cosima waited, hoping Delphine could not hear the increased pace of her heart beat. Had she really just been thinking she didn't need anything more tonight? One kiss was all it had taken to open up her want for more.

Delphine saw the hint of hope that Cosima tried to hide for her sake. She leaned in again, gently pulling at Cosima's upper lip before running her tongue along it, granted permission before she was even done asking. Delphine senses absorbed the heat of her mouth, questing gently and then deeply. The sway of their hips changed from sensual to sultry while keeping the same slow pace.

When Delphine withdrew from the kiss, she was breathing hard. Decision made.

"Take me inside," she whispered, eyes half closed to look down into that wonderfully shocked expression of disbelief.

Cosima was not sure she was hearing correctly, the pulse in her ears drowning out everything except the pulse that had fired up lower. She just waited, sure that Delphine would provide additional information to clarify those three words. Something like, "Take me inside, *I'm tired*" or "Take me inside, *My toes are cold*" or, more likely, "Take me inside, *You need your rest*." She was preparing herself for something like that, all the while hoping for it not to be a misunderstanding.

"I don't think I can lay next to you tonight and not want to touch you," she lowered her lips, stopping just short of touching them to Cosima's. "All of you," she whispered, making sure she had Cosima's complete attention before kissing her with the lightest of touches, a complete contrast to their last one. "I want to remember the taste of your skin," she let out a breathy sigh, "all the different flavors of you."

Ok, Cosima thought to herself. That's clarity. Definitely a "Take me inside, *Now!*" She was breathing hard from that last teasing kiss and the words that shot heat all through her body. She made herself take a long look at Delphine, evaluating.

Delphine's lips were parted, steam from her breath passing through them and into the air they shared, mouths close enough to kiss again. Her breath was coming in unsteady bursts as well, eyes half closed looking down into Cosima's with a clear message of need. There was only one answer possible.

. . . . . . . .

They staggered in the side door closest to Delphine's bedroom, bodies still pressed together and dancing in slow circles while they kissed. They were not in any hurry. It was late, everyone sure to be in bed by now. They had all night.

At the opposite end of the hallway in the living room, three heads leaned back on the sofa for a clearer look down the hallway. There was a muffled thump and giggle as Delphine tried and failed to turn the door knob while her lips were firmly locked onto Cosima's and they were both struggling to shed their coats. She pulled back from the kiss, raising one hand to cup Cosima's face, as she turned the doorknob at Cosima's back. She lowered her mouth to Cosima's once more as they disappeared from view, never once noticing their audience.

Felix was the first to turn away from the empty hallway, "Well, it's-"

He was interrupted by Siobhan's hand clamping across his mouth and his sister turning to him and pointed a finger in his face. He uttered a muffled "mWhah?"

"Not one word," his mum said quietly in his ear.

He threw his arms across his chest in an exaggerated pout, but kept quiet. It didn't matter anyways, he knew his work was done. And at least someone in this house was finally getting some.

Mrs. S raised her eyebrows and smiled, whispering, "I do think that concludes our chat. You'd best be heading downstairs to relieve Helena and let her sleep."

"What?" Felix whispered back with a naughty smile, even as they stood up to leave. "And miss the entertainment portion of the evening?" He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, unplugging the earbuds he had been using to listen to music before Siobhan's arrival and handing them to her. "I think you might need these if you want any sleep tonight. Those two have a long dry spell to make up for."

Siobhan gave him a playful swat to the bum to send him on his way. Her leg made it hard to manage stairs, so a bed had been made on the sofa for her. She suspected, given the age of the house, she would be grateful for the earbuds. She smiled as she dug into her pack for her own phone, already considering which playlists might do best.

. . . . . . .

The coats were the first casualties of the evening, flung to the floor the second the bedroom door had closed. They instantly came back together, finally able to feel the heat of each other's bodies without the bulk of material between them. They resumed their dance, not kissing, just watching each other, their bodies pressed close, moving together in a slow circle, a preamble to what they really wanted.

They had to separate, momentarily to remove their boots. Cosima's were pulled off her feet in seconds and added to the coat pile, but Delphine had to work the laces of hers to loosen them. She had just straightened up from pulling off the second boot when Cosima stepped behind her, molding her body to Delphine's and sliding her hands around her waist.

Cosima rested her cheek against Delphine's back, enjoying the fit of their bodies, as she teased her hands underneath Delphine's shirt in the front, caressing the soft skin of her belly and teasing at the waistband of her slacks with her fingertips.

Delphine stiffened in her arms as the sensation of a loving touch was shredded by the memory of hard, hateful hands coming around her from behind, sliding under her clothing. Delphine's skin crawled, but her consciousness stayed in the room with Cosima instead of drifting back to the time of that memory. She stepped away, needing to separate herself physically from Cosima to shed the memory.

Cosima took a step back, instantly sensitive to Delphine's withdrawal. "We can stop, Delphine. We don't need to-"

"No!" Delphine was breathing hard, trying not to lash out at Cosima with her whipsawed emotions. "If I stop every time I'm struck by a fear of moving forward, I will never move."

"Well, moving forward doesn't have to mean all the way, right? Just, you know... farther than before. Progress can happen in small steps."

Delphine snorted, her frustration obvious in her sarcastic tone. "Heavy petting, with our clothes on?"

Cosima tried to keep the hurt from her expression, but Delphine saw it anyway, as always, and was instantly contrite. "I'm sorry." The anger flowed out of her, leaving frustration in its place.

Cosima nodded. Forgiveness was easy given the circumstances. "What can we do to move forward?" Neither of them said anything into the ensuing silence.

Delphine sat heavily on the foot of the bed, raising her face to the ceiling and releasing a breath. She knew where she was, she knew she was safe, but the arousal she had felt moments before had evaporated with the tang of fear Cosima's innocent touch had ignited in her memory.

Cosima sat down next to her, cautiously taking Delphine's hand and lacing their fingers together. They sat in silence, Delphine mentally castigating herself for not simply ignoring the unpleasant memories. She could have hidden the fact that she was remembering, not let it get in the way of sex with Cosima. It would not be ideal, but with time the bad memories would dull and their relationship would move forward. If they waited much longer for her to be ready for this next step, Cosima's health…. She refused to finish the thought but her eyes drifted to the currently idle concentrator waiting in the corner.

Cosima's mind had been filling the same silence with memories of Delphine's flashback in the lab. The fiery, forceful passion Delphine had experienced afterwards and her explanation of unhealthy control issues were giving rise to an idea.

"Can I try something?" She was hesitant to explain first, afraid Delphine would say no.

At Delphine's tentative nod, Cosima stood up and moved to stand in front of her. Making sure Delphine's eyes were on her, she slowly began undressing. First peeling off the shirt she was wearing, the wide neck easily clearing her glasses, she then reached behind to undo the hooks of her bra. Delphine watched her face, taking in the softness in the expression, the desire seeming to light her eyes from within.

As Cosima let the bra drop to the floor, Delphine lowered her eyes taking in the curve of her waist, the tautness of her abdomen, and the perfect swell of breasts, nipples tightening as she watched. Cosima's body was as beautiful as she had remembered. Delphine's desire stirred again. She wanted to lean forward, to pull Cosima closer so she could take one of those buds in her mouth and roll her tongue over it. But the old patterns of their sexual relationship had them both undressing together, naked together, vulnerable together. Feeling the pull of reciprocity, Delphine raised her gaze to meet Cosima's and began to unbutton her own shirt, her apprehension competing with the passion, creating an uncomfortable clash in both mind and body.

Cosima could see her anxiety clearly. "No," she said gently, stopping Delphine with the one word, "just watch me now." Delphine hesitated before dropping her hands from the buttons of her own blouse, her unease falling away with them.

Cosima undressed slowly, watching Delphine's every reaction. She had seen the look when her bra was cast aside, that hint of green in eyes fastened on her nipple. Though they had not touched, Cosima was sure she felt the heat of Delphine's mouth close on the peak of her sensitive breast, causing the skin to pucker and tighten, along with other parts of Cosima's body. So too, did she feel a curl of heat roll down her legs, drawn by the sweep of a smoldering gaze, as she slowly slid her jeans to the floor and kicked them aside. She tilted her head and gave a slightly preening smile at the complete focus Delphine gave her fingers when she curled them under the thin wisps of material at the sides of her hips and began to slide her panties off. She stopped short of a full reveal and waited until Delphine, swallowing hard, looked up at her.

Cosima had been prepared to tease a little, to add a little levity in the hopes of extinguishing the last of Delphine's fear. But the sensual haze in Delphine's eyes pulled her in, wrapping her soul in a blanket of desire so thick and deep, the weight of it almost took Cosima to her knees. She felt her breath leave her body in a rush, gasping to draw it back in, all thoughts of teasing fled.

Delphine's attention sharpened at the uncontrolled intake of breath, but Cosima shook her head. "No… you just…," Cosima took a slow breath, unable to look away. "You literally took my breath away."

Delphine's mouth opened slightly in surprise as she searched Cosima's expression, thinking her explanation was a deflection from her poor health. But there was no hint of a lie there, and a small smile took over her eyes and lips as Cosima's sincere words reminded her of her own thoughts on how completely Cosima had affected her in their first sexual encounter.

"I'm still overdressed," Cosima offered with a slight smile of her own, her breathing still coming faster than normal. Delphine's eyes instantly dropped to her hips as Cosima eased the material away from her body and far enough down her thighs to allow the material fall away to the floor. With the last of her clothing discarded, Cosima closed the distance between them to stand in front of Delphine once more.

"What do you need, Delphine?" Cosima was aching for the woman to touch her, to hold her, to run those gentle hands over her heated skin. As much as she wanted to feel Delphine's bare skin against her own, their bodies moving together, for now she would let Delphine take whatever she needed, trusting that she would not take too much.

Delphine searched her expression, looking for doubt or disquiet or embarrassment. There was only that gentle, trusting, wanton look as she offered her lover complete control.

Delphine had to clench her fingers into fists to keep from reaching out to the sensual woman standing so close, to keep herself from taking the control so obviously and freely offered. A part of her wanted to, to have the same power that had been taken from her, to take what she wanted, without having to make herself vulnerable in the process. Cosima had not been the one to take control from her, but she was offering it back anyway. It was a powerful gesture, made from a position of love and trust, and one that Delphine knew she would never betray by pushing too far. But….

What Cosima was offering would be between consenting adults, but Delphine knew it was the result of her inability to share herself, to make herself vulnerable, even with the one person she trusted most of all. It was an appealing crutch, one that would let her satisfy her sexual wants and avoid facing her fears. Would that truly be a step forward or would it just be another way to hide, creating a new dynamic between them based on yet another power inequity?

She uncurled the fingers of one hand, reaching out to rest it on Cosima's bare hip. She felt a shiver pass through the other woman, desire flooding Cosima's expression at the touch, chin lifting at the same time her eyes partially closed, her body shifting closer. Delphine's eyes drifted down the lovely body being offered to her, coming back to rest on Cosima's breast, the tightly budded nipple rising and falling with every breath. She could see herself cupping the delicate swell in her hand, closing her lips over it and curling her tongue around that rosy peak. She would pull Cosima onto her lap and…. Delphine closed her eyes and swallowed.

Felix was right, sex was a little bit about power. But love was not. Love was about trust. That was what had made her relationship with Bryce a lie. Delphine had not been able to trust enough to let him in completely… merely physically. Her distrust was what had strengthened her barriers, what had kept her apart. Until Cosima. If she accepted what Cosima was offering now, did not allow herself to be vulnerable with the only person she had ever trusted completely, it would be a step backwards, not forwards. It would be sex, but that is all it would be.

Delphine felt her body relax, the decision made. She did not want sex. She wanted the package deal… that magical something extra, beyond the physical, that came with the complete investment of the heart and mind, not just the body. She already knew what it felt like, having experienced it before with Cosima, and missed it with an ache deeper than any physical sensation. She would accept nothing less now. It was time to face her fears in the safest place she could think of… Cosima's arms.

With a gentle pressure of her hand on Cosima's hip, her love stepped back, allowing Delphine to stand and face her. Before the confusion in Cosima's expression could fully form, Delphine answered the question she had been asked.

"What I need… is for you to finish unbuttoning my shirt. I want you to undress me as slowly as you just did yourself," she whispered, her eyes dark, molten pools with a hint green. "And if my fear rises up again, I want you to hold me until it is gone and we can continue."

Cosima moved closer, sliding her arms around Delphine's waist as she smiled softly up at her. "I can do that."

Cosima felt Delphine's hands close on the bare skin of her back, pulling them together for a lingering kiss. She raised her hands to the buttons of Delphine's shirt, distracting her attention by kissing and nibbling at the taller woman's jaw line and then her neck as she worked her way through the buttons. She separated the edges of the shirt by slowly running her hands up the center of Delphine's chest and over her shoulders. Delphine dropped her hands to her sides to allow the shirt to fall to the floor. Cosima's kisses moved to Delphine's shoulder, following the line of her collar bone until a bra strap interfered. She pulled it gently aside, letting the strap slide down Delphine's arm as her lips finish their path along the shoulder that had supported it. Her next kiss found the swell of breast above material that still cupped Delphine as she eased the strap off the opposite shoulder. Cosima pressed closer, reaching around her back to undo the hooks of the lace bra.

Delphine's body was thrumming to the caress of lips and fingers brushing her skin. She was unconcerned as she felt the tension in the material around her release, the bra falling away. They had been here before, many times. She watched Cosima move lower, slowly laying a trail of kisses down the center of Delphine's chest and torso as she guided the straps of the bra down long arms, before discarding it among the other clothing items on the floor behind her. Yes, Delphine thought, this was exactly what she wanted, exactly what they had had before. The only thing that was new was…

Delphine's right hand rose to cover the scar, hiding it from view before the thought had finished forming. Cosima opened her eyes as her knees reached the floor, looking up the length of Delphine's body to her face. Without speaking she pressed a light kiss to the still bruised abdomen, the skin mottled greens and yellows now.

Delphine felt compelled to comment. "It doesn't hurt at all…. It will take some time before the residual…." She trailed off as Cosima kissed the back of the hand that was hiding her wound, recognizing the unspoken request.

"It is ugly," the catch in Delphine's voice as she spoke them did more to convey her feelings than the words.

Cosima did not answer right away, instead meeting Delphine's eyes as she gently kissed the hand again, not looking away.

"There is nothing about you that is ugly," she kissed the lowest knuckle, "not physically," another kiss, this one on the next knuckle higher, "not emotionally," another kiss, moving up to the next digit, "not psychologically."

Having run out of digits to kiss with that last denial, she simply rested her cheek against the hand Delphine was using to hide the still red and angry scar. So much for claiming it as a badge won in battle, Delphine thought to herself. Cosima ran light fingers slowly up and down the backs of both of her arms, patiently waiting while she worked through her unease. Delphine felt suddenly foolish looking into eyes that loved her unconditionally. It was only a badge won if she claimed it as such. A symbol of the strength required to survive, not one of defeat dealt by a stronger foe. She had believed that yesterday, and she knew Cosima believed it now, was waiting for her doubts to evaporate before continuing, exactly as she had asked. Delphine slid her hand out from under Cosima's cheek, dropping it to her side. She nodded her willingness to let Cosima explore this external symbol of the horrors she had survived.

When Delphine's hand moved, Cosima had pressed her cheek to the skin it had been covering, never looking away from her eyes. At Delphine's nod, she rubbed her cheek along the raised surface before turning to kiss the mangled skin. She ran an index finger gently down the length of it, tracing the ridges and valleys of the puckered edge of the now closed incision.

"I can have it reduced, cosmetically... later perhaps," Delphine offered hesitantly.

"If you want," Cosima answered quietly. "But it's a part of you now." She turned to kiss a portion of the scar that was still red and angry. Delphine could feel the gentle stroke of her tongue drawing up that small length of uneven skin before she pulled back, looking up once more to capture Delphine's eyes, letting her see the sincerity of what was in her heart right this moment. "And I love all of you. Even the darkest parts of you."

The last of Delphine's anxiety melted away, with the totality of Cosima's message. There were no more reservations, no more concerns about what memories might be triggered or what might result from them. The look Cosima was giving her said they would face it and move past it together, without judgement, without shame, driving out the shadows with the light of the love reflected there.

Her voice was husky for an entirely different reason as she moved her hand to the back of Cosima's neck, pulling her back to the scar. "Then do that again… with your tongue…."

Cosima complied. The heat of her mouth and the sensation of her wet tongue slowly traveling over the sensitive skin was a tease to what they both knew was Cosima's ultimate objective. Their passions rose with each slow stroke and gentle press of lips.

Cosima continued her exploration of Delphine's scar as she unbuttoned and unzipped the slacks the other woman still wore, sliding the material off of her hips and slowly drawing them down legs than seemed to extend for lovely miles.

The sensation of Cosima's fingers gently coasting across the backs of her legs, easing the fabric on its journey to the floor combined with the heat of her mouth and stroke of her tongue, making Delphine feel as if her skin was singing, vibrating at a pitch in resonance with Cosima's touch, everywhere she touched. Cosima moved with the sway of Delphine's body, one hand going to the small of her back to steady her as she shifted to step out of the pants. When Cosima pushed the garment aside with her free hand, Delphine took the opportunity to resume a slightly wider stance in front of her. She felt the smaller woman smile into the kiss she was still pressing into Delphine's healing side before pulling back slightly, looking up with a soft, sexy smile.

Her eyes took on a familiar sparkle as she tilted her head at an exaggerated sideways angle. "I sense some anticipation."

Delphine offered her a heavy lidded look and a hint of a smile in return. She knew her accelerating respiratory rate was causing her breath to come faster through her slightly open mouth, easily conveying how aroused she was by Cosima's attentions.

"Yes," she whispered. "But I am enjoying the journey very much. I would not mind if it takes a little longer to reach any…," she raised an eyebrow slightly, "conclusions?" She finished with a hint of question at the euphemism.

Cosima's smile turned into a grin. She wrapped both arms around Delphine's hips and pressed her upward-turned chin into Delphine's belly, before sending slowly caressing hands up and down the standing woman's spine. "Oh, I have learned my lesson there with you. There will be no jumping to conclusions…. Only after a complete and total review of all data and facts," she raised an eyebrow, "not to mention suggestions, hints, and intimations, will any… conclusions… be drawn from you... I mean about you."

Delphine laughed at Cosima's quick wit, cupping her face in both hands she ran her thumbs over the raised surface of grinning cheeks. "Je t'aime," she whispered quietly.

Cosima's teasing grin softened into a tender smile at the words but her eyes turned much more serious. "You are my heart… the one that exists outside my own body, but keeps me alive as surely as the one beating inside of it."

Cosima did not break eye contact as she lowered her chin to kiss the belly it had been resting upon, looking up the long length of Delphine's standing body. Her splayed fingers drifted along Delphine's back, starting at her shoulder blades, skimming down the smooth planes of skin and muscle, until they reached Delphine's hips. Cosima gently curled her fingers around the waistband of Delphine's panties, the only garment her lover still wore and stopped, waiting, asking permission with her eyes to continue.

Delphine would be completely naked after this, losing the last physical layer of protection between herself and her memories of being helpless. But that was incorrect. Cosima's intuitive understanding of the monumental significance of this last, small step in a lingering seduction was the proof. There would still be protection here, in the glowing gaze looking up at her, in the gentle hands caressing her, in the sweetly innocent spirit that longed to give, more than to take. There was no doubt in her heart when she offered her answer, voice husky with desire. "Yes, Cosima."

Cosima pulled the material off Delphine's hips and began to slide it down her legs, pressing a kiss to Delphine's belly. The fabric had barely reached the tops of Delphine's thighs when Cosima blew a blast of air through her lips against her skin, causing Delphine to laugh and pull back at the sudden sensations.

Cosima looked up, shushing her. "You'll wake everyone in the house" she whispered, grinning and unrepentant.

"You know I am very ticklish there!" she whispered back still smiling at Cosima's playful and yes, sometimes childish side. In this instance the reason for it was definitely not childish, and it had worked. She stood naked before Cosima for the first time since... Since. There was no anxiety, the fear banished with a kiss and a grin, a reminder that was all Cosima.

As she stepped out of the last of her clothes, Cosima pushed them to the side, out of the way. She sat back on her heels, looking up at Delphine's eyes, as she ran her hands slowly up the backs of Delphine's calves, up to the bend in her knees. She rose onto her own knees as her hands moved slowly higher, along the backs of Delphine's thighs and hips. As her hands traveled up Delphine's back, Cosima's chin came to rest at the same spot on her belly she had blown her raspberry. Delphine tensed the muscles there, expecting another blast of ticklish cheekiness. But the playfulness was gone now, a look of heavy-lidded desire taking its place as Cosima's hands reached as far up Delphine's back as she could reach without standing. She drew her hands over Delphine's upper arms, then slowly moved her caress down, her fingers brushing the sides of Delphine's breasts before moving lower, over her rib cage, stopping at Delphine's waist, on either side of her own face as she looked up the length of Delphine's body.

She lowered her mouth to press a kiss firmly to the peak of Delphine's pelvic bone, then, taking a deep breath in through her nose, opened her mouth to exhale the breath, letting it out as slowly as her lungs would allow. The sensation of moist, heated air moving between her legs caused an instant tightening of the muscles in Delphine's abdomen, a clenching of muscles much lower, and an overwhelming need to shift her feet, widening her stance even further. Her breath caught in her throat as she steadied herself, placing both hands on Cosima's shoulders, and tilting her hips forward to accept the silent offer being made.

There was no doubting the desire in her own body's responses and she was not surprised to see Cosima look up at her, a slow and sexy smile taking over her face as she took another deep breath and repeated the process, this time not removing her gaze from Delphine's, watching as the other woman's desire rose higher still at the sensations she was creating.

Delphine's scent was a heady perfume, calling to her. But she did not want to be done with her teasing just yet, wanted to delay the moment she finally tasted Delphine once more, wanted to dance on this precipice a few seconds more before making love to her again. Despite the frustrated groan from Delphine as she shifted, Cosima moved her lips to the right, kissing the top of a thigh as she ran her hands down the backs of Delphine's legs once more. She kissed a path lower along Delphine's thigh, shifting her own knees closer, taking advantage of the extra space Delphine had made for her. She kissed a fading bruise as she debated whether to encourage Delphine to step back a pace and sit on the edge of the bed before continuing. Another small round bruise next to the first caught her attention. She kissed it as well. But now, her brain had begun to recognize a pattern to the small, circular bruises, totaling 4 on Delphine's thigh. The sensual fog began to evaporate as recognition seeped into her consciousness like an icy wisp of a breeze sliding under a door, uninvited and unwelcome. She brought her hand back up to caress the bruised area, the reason for the pattern coming into full bloom as her own finger tips came to rest atop each of the small, fading yellow spots. Cosima knew there would be another set of bruises, in the same location, on Delphine's other leg.

A surge of emotion took her then, rolling over everything else she had been feeling. She had forgotten for a moment, in her sexual haze, that Shay had been the last one to touch Delphine in this way. No. Not this way, not with love. She tried to push down the anger, to keep it from boiling over into an impotent rage at someone she could never make pay for it. She tried, as she had many times over the last week, to bring her focus back to Delphine, whose love was so much more important than Cosima's own anger or desire for revenge on a dead woman. But Delphine had been watching Cosima's slow and sensual exploration of her body. She had not missed the flash of awareness as the fading bruises registered, or the look of anger and pain that followed it.

Delphine had not seen this pain before, or if she had, it had not registered to her as she fought her own demons. When she had been afraid or angry, when she had been in pain, when she had cried, Cosima had soothed her and held her, projecting her love through her expressions and her actions. That love had overshadowed this pain, had hidden it from Delphine.

She ran her fingers over the crinkled skin of Cosima's brow, trying to caress away the evidence of her distress, before it registered that that was what she was doing. Hiding the evidence was not enough. She had spent half of her life trying that approach and had learned it only prolonged the misery. She could not allow Cosima to languish in her own agony in silence. She felt suddenly guilty, realizing she should have seen this long before now.

Lowering herself to her knees in front of her lover she took both of Cosima's hands in her own and rested them on their touching knees.

Cosima avoided her gaze, looking down and away. "I'm sorry. I'll try not to..." She trailed off, unsure what to say.

"No, I'm the one who is sorry. I didn't realize…." Delphine trailed off as well.

"Realize what?" Cosima's tone tried to convey a lack of concern, but her unwillingness to make eye contact spoke to the lie they both knew was hidden there.

"This entire time, I have been under the mistaken impression that because I have been through this before, I know what to expect, how to react. It's not the same at all. I wasn't in love with anyone the first time, had never been in love with anyone. I didn't realize that when you love someone who loves you in return, when your soul is damaged, so is theirs. This didn't just happen to me. It happened to us… and your pain is just as real and valid as my own." She gave a rueful smile that Cosima could not see. "Of course, I may forget that from time to time when I am absorbed in my own."

Cosima's chin shot up. "You have every right to be! My issues aren't important in the scheme of things. You don't have to worry about me, I can…."

"Cosima, you apologized to me not long ago about having made things in our past all about you because of your illness, remember?" Delphine paused as her question and meaning registered. "I have just realized I am making that same mistake. This is why we must pause for a bit, until this is addressed… at least for now… and we can continue without it.

Cosima groaned her own frustration at the proposed delay.

Delphine laughed. "I do not mean for another day." She reached up and ran a thumb over Cosima's forehead, still wrinkled in concern and distress. "I want your complete attention on me, here and now, when we continue… not thinking about what was done to me in the past."

"She'll always be here between us, won't she," Cosima asked, unable to hide the tears that threatened.

"No," Delphine answered calmly. The heat of a moment ago had receded but her body still vibrated from the physical effects Cosima had created in her. "Not her. This is about us, you and me. That includes the effects her actions have had on us both, but it is still just you and me and what we carry with us that is coming between us, not her. She's gone. The effects left behind on us, those will be with us occasionally… more so tonight than tomorrow...less so in a week or a month or a year. They are remnants that will fade over time." Delphine left out the inconvenient fact that those remnants would flare up occasionally, unpredictably and at inopportune times, even years later.

"But for now, so soon after... those effects are being felt more strongly."

Cosima's expression was pinched, uncertain. "So what do we do?"

"I think the best way to defeat them is to face them each time they come up, make a conscious and unapologetic choice to discuss them and how they make us feel. Maybe then, we can set them aside, try to let them go and move forward, until they come up again. Each time we do, I think they will fade a little more and they will surface less frequently, until those effects are no longer a part of us."

Cosima looked so fragile, huddled on the floor across from her. Delphine brought her hands up to cup Cosima's face, looking her directly in the eyes, her chest tightening as she offered up what was inside her heart. "I feel guilty. I'm so sorry Cosima… I'm sorry for not recognizing your pain, being too wrapped up in my own."

Cosima shook her head, ready to defend Delphine against her own recriminations, but Delphine stopped her. "Right or wrong, it is what I feel," she gave Cosima a gentle smile with the reminder. "You have taken care of me these last weeks. Let me try to help you now? Tell me what you are feeling, seeing those bruises?"

Cosima twitched at the question, tried to turn away. Instead of withdrawing, Delphine drew Cosima to her, pulling them both up on their knees from their seated positions on the floor and gathering her into her arms, pressing their bodies tightly together. The sensation of their skin coming together along the length of their bodies might have been a sexual one just a few moments earlier. But now, while still peripherally sensual, it was comfort that translated into her from the sensation of skin on skin and Delphine holding her tightly. Delphine's apology and the challenge in her question were awaiting her response.

"I have never wanted to murder another human being, ever, until her," Cosima's body shook in the circle of Delphine's embrace as she allowed the anger to rise up again, giving it free reign in her head and heart. "I've met my share of not-nice people in my life, and I've never…." Cosima swallowed, her own arms tightening around Delphine. "I've always been able to step back… well, maybe after being pissy for a while… and accept that maybe there was something going on in their lives that I knew nothing about that might explain it. I didn't have to know what it was and I didn't have to go looking, I just accepted that there probably was something that could explain it. That's how I could let go of whatever anger other people in my life made me feel, the thought that maybe they had problems worse than any of mine."

Cosima took in a shaky breath. "But with her… I can't. The anger, rage really, just… it just roils in me. I wish I could raise her from the dead so that I could be the one to drain the life out of her for hurting you. And I feel guilty too. Guilty that I'm the one that brought her into our lives and that she hurt you because of me…"

Delphine felt Cosima's body stiffen in her arms, even as her words trailed off. Like her love, she wanted to counter Cosima's guilt with objective facts. Neolution would have come, with or without Shay. But this discussion was not about facts, it was about feelings, things that just…were. "What else," she coaxed softly. "What is it really?"

Cosima snorted, of course Delphine would know she was holding back, even without being able to see her face. "I want to hate her, I don't want to let it go. In a twisted way, it feels… good. I mean, not good-good, but self-righteously good. I can hate her and want to kill her slowly and no one will judge me harshly for it. It's easy and ok and I want to keep it that way because of what she did to you when she couldn't get to me… when I couldn't protect you from her. I can kill her a million times in my head and not feel guilty, even knowing they probably-" Cosima cut herself off.

Delphine knew. It was not hard, with what Lyssa had told them, to explain Shay's actions. "It is easier to do to others what has been done to you," she said quietly in Cosima's ear, not letting her avoid a truth she had obviously reached as well. There was little doubt that sexual abuse was a part their conditioning, to desensitize the Helen clones physically and psychologically towards the task expected of them. Cosima, who felt so deeply about everything, would normally be the first to feel sympathy for the Helen clones, had the damage done by Shay not cut so deeply to the quick. She was not built to hold such hate.

Delphine drew a deep breath, running a hand in slow circles over Cosima's back, soothing before pulling back to look into her eyes. "I found myself feeling… pity for Lyssa, when I was with her, even though she terrifies me. There was a moment in our adventures, when she appeared completely devoid of any emotion. It was the most… comfortable… I have ever seen her. I think I understand her on an emotional level. I shut down parts of my feeling self because I did not know of any other way to survive at the time, and I am sure what I lived through is nothing compared to what they endured."

"I don't care what they went through," Cosima erupted. "I don't! I know I should, and I feel terrible that I don't, but that's it! I would happily see them all dead!"

She kept her head up, meeting Delphine's searching gaze defiantly. Delphine smiled sadly. "No you wouldn't," she gathered Cosima close once more. "You are right that no one else will judge you for hating her and wanting her dead. No one except you."

Tears of frustration built behind Cosima's eyes. They had been good for a few minutes, loving, sexy, whole… and in a second it had all changed and gone to shit again because of that… she gasped out a sob, unable to grace that monster with the label of 'woman' in her mind, unwilling to allow any implied clemency, even in death. Would it always be this way? Rationally, she knew it would not, but right now it felt... Another sob broke free, the power of it rocking her body, transmitting its energy into Delphine through the arms holding her so tightly, protectively. The weight of the emotion trying to push its way out seemed to prevent her from drawing breath for a few seconds… and then she did.

There was no stopping the torrent of tears as all of the emotion she had tried to hold back for Delphine's sake, when she had been fragile and needed Cosima to be strong, came rolling out of her in waves of tears and wracking sobs. Delphine held her, absorbing the tumult of her emotional release, whispering small phrases to her in French that she did not recognize yet needed no translation.

When her tears subsided enough for her to breathe without gasping, Delphine drew her up and led her to the bed, covering them both with the heavy bedding before curling her longer limbs protectively around Cosima's body. Neither of them were tired but the room had taken on a chill as their passion had cooled.

"Please tell me it won't always be like this?" Cosima's voice was barely above a whisper.

"It won't," Delphine assured her with quiet confidence.

Cosima sighed and then shifted her head from its resting place on Delphine's chest to lay on the pillow, allowing them to look at one another once more.

"I have this horrible thought in my head that I can't get out," she admitted tiredly.

"What?"

"I don't want to say it out loud. It's a historical fact neither of us can change." Delphine waited patiently, running her fingers in slow, sweeping patterns on Cosima's arm. "The bruises on your legs… they're a reminder," she paused watching Delphine's reaction to where she was taking the conversation. Delphine's expression remained relaxed, her hand continuing its slow path up and down Cosima's arm. She gave a slight nod for Cosima to continue.

"It's just… the last person to…to," she felt her throat tighten with emotion, but forced herself to say the rest. "… to touch you… was the same last person to touch me."

Cosima's face twisted at her own bitter words, but her worry about Delphine's response evaporated as the woman merely looked thoughtful, propping her head up on her hand, elbow next to Cosima's pillow. "You didn't know."

"It was the same night you were almost killed!"

"You didn't know," Delphine insisted again, quietly calm. "We have addressed this already."

Delphine waited for Cosima's halfhearted nod. They had addressed it earlier. But it had been the factual situation they had addressed, as if it were just a meaningless fling when they had been temporarily separated. But the emotional ramifications of who it had been with and the horrors that followed were lingering. Delphine knew the fading signs still on her body were not a help. Cosima had not been put off by the jagged scar or the massive bruising on her abdomen, but four barely visible marks on her legs had frozen her in place. The less life threatening injuries carrying the most psychological weight.

She ran a thumb along Cosima's cheek, trying to remain present as she felt another memory surfacing. Unlike before, Delphine was unafraid of where it might take her. Cosima was here, holding her. Whatever the memory might be, she knew she would not be lost to it.

She remembered the pain, not through the reliving of it as her in her last flashback, but as a blunted, filtered memory. She let the event play out in her mind, allowed the words that had been spoken to repeat themselves, listening to them in a more objective, removed way than she had been capable of then. She pondered on the words as her thumb completed its caress. She loved the contour of that lovely cheekbone, the soft skin of her rounded cheek. She let her fingers glide down Cosima's neck, coming to rest on Cosima's chest.

The weight of Delphine's hand felt heavier to Cosima than she thought it should. But Delphine's eyes were focused inward as she began to speak. "I asked her, before she shot me, what would happen to you." Delphine's expression was that of someone trying to work out a math problem in their head. "When she answered, she told me she was going to use the card I gave her to seduce you. She seemed to imply that it would in some way negate everything that you and I had shared."

Delphine gave a light snort, barely an exhalation, but it spoke volumes of her opinion of that possibility. "That if she touched you, as I once had, it would undo all of it, all of us." Delphine's eyes refocused on Cosima, confident in the answer her next question would receive. "Was she right?"

"No," Cosima answered instantly. "If anything I love you more, unconditionally."

"You don't feel differently about me, knowing she has touched me?" Delphine asked seriously.

"God, no!"

"Then why do you feel differently about you, that she touched you?"

"Consent," Cosima answered simply. "I consented to that monster."

"You did not consent to her lying to you about who and what she was," Delphine shifted, settling her cheek more comfortably in the hand propped up on her elbow. "And if she had not lied, you would not have consented to sex. Therefore, you did not consent to sex with a monster, but with a pretty girl who didn't really exist."

Cosima cocked her head at Delphine in one half of a head shake. "That's a stretch."

Delphine shook her head back. "You can only judge your actions based on what you knew to be true, whether it was or not."

Delphine paused, a flicker of concern rising. "Do you think…," she stopped, not wanting to trigger more doubt in the younger woman. If she did not ask, it would be a betrayal of their new relationship, not trusting to the soundness of its foundation. "Lyssa's reaction towards you… do you think…?"

Cosima heaved a sigh, rolling onto her back to stare at the ceiling. "I don't know," she said it quietly, but her tone was angry, tinged with frustration. "It would explain why she hates me, if she was the one who seduced me initially. But you seem pretty confident it wasn't her who hurt you, so she would have had to have been replaced before that."

"I am sure that wasn't her," Delphine assured her. "But maybe before?" So, they had both been harboring the same thoughts on Lyssa's behavior.

Delphine took advantage of Cosima's change in position to settle herself along the length of the smaller body, laying her head on Cosima's shoulder. "It doesn't fit. It doesn't explain her reaction to you."

"Does it matter if it was?"

Delphine was lost in thought, replaying the scene at the car when she first brought Lyssa to the house. Her hand began to move from its resting place on Cosima's chest, fingers brushing inattentive circles on the skin beneath before aimlessly drifting out in wider and wider circles.

"Her initial reaction to you when I first brought her here… she seemed more… afraid, and trying to cover it with anger." Delphine's fingers swept slowly over Cosima's ribs.

"I don't think I want to talk about them anymore tonight," Cosima asked, voice shaking for entirely different reasons. "What about us? I mean tonight. I'm sure I was… kind of a mood killer for you."

Delphine brought her attention back to her love. It had been an emotional evening. "Would you rather we wait for another night?"

"God, no!" Cosima blurted out before she could edit her thoughts, then she blushed at her heart-felt denial. "But if you need to…." She trailed off, waiting.

"Then we are going to make love tonight, Cosima," she smiled softly at the promise. "To reclaim that last piece of myself, yes, but also to show you I am still here, and whole again, so that you might find it easier to let go of your anger. Because I've learned something over my many years of avoidance, something it took Lyssa to reminded me of. We can't always control what other people do to us. But once a physical attack is over, the only thing the attacker can continue to take from us is what we choose to let them take. Holding onto your anger, living my life in fear of trusting, those are the ways we let them continue to take from us. And I am done letting my ghosts take from me. I am reclaiming my life, as free of their effects as I can make it, no matter how long that takes. You have to find a way to let go of your anger as well." She gave Cosima a sad smile. "Because that is you, letting her hurt you, because you love me." Delphine returned Cosima's own words to her from the night of the magical snow. "You are the only one who can control that."

"Those sound like very wise words", she allowed.

Delphine gave a small laugh. "They are. A very wise friend once said something similar to me."

"Yeah?" She sniffed, perversely wanting to deny the reason in Delphine's argument and hold onto her anger anyway. "Well your friend sucks."

"Yes, well," she smiled slyly, "I thought so too until we got distracted. I think I missed out on that part earlier." Delphine's aimlessly wandering fingers suddenly seemed to find a purpose as they swept back up her body to gently cup Cosima's breast, thumb rolling slowly, back and forth, over the peak.

Cosima laughed softly. "The night is a long way from being over."

"Yes," the look Delphine gave her turned serious. "We have all night to explore and relearn how to be with each other again. It is a little like starting over."

Her hand moved from Cosima's breast, raising a finger to slowly run over the younger woman's eyebrow, around her temple, circling to the cheek below it, a wordless reminder of the reason for their current pause. Delphine kissed her gently, lingering in the sensation of softness of Cosima's lips until she felt the other woman respond. Only then did she deepen it, running her tongue along Cosima's upper lip once more. Cosima could not hold back a moan as her tongue danced with Delphine's, to a slow, silent beat their bodies seemed to know instinctively. Delphine's breathing was ragged as she pulled back from the kiss to look into Cosima's eyes. The anger and pain that had flashed across Cosima's face when she had seen the fading bruises was gone now, replaced by the passion Delphine so loved to see in them.

"Are you sure you're ready?" Cosima asked in concern.

In answer, Delphine took Cosima's hand in her own, sliding it down her body. Drawing her knee up Cosima's thigh, opening herself, she placed Cosima's hand between her legs.

"Do I feel like I am ready?" She did not try to prevent the quiet gasp of desire as Cosima found her, found the proof of a woman's desire, of Delphine's desire. Despite the urge to close her eyes and concentrate on the physical sensations, Delphine kept them open, hiding nothing from Cosima, allowing herself to be completely vulnerable to the only person in her life she had ever trusted with her heart.

"Cosima." The name was transported on a sigh, as a benediction. She watched Cosima's expression while the woman completed a slow, sensual exploration, reacquainting herself with Delphine's body. Her breath caught, a small moan escaping when Cosima's soft finger tips finally closed on the stiffened peak of her clitoris, gently working it between them. Delphine's eyes narrowed, stopping short of closing. The internal fight to keep her eyes open caused her expression to turn softly pleading.

Cosima's pulse was pounding in her ears, in her body, her desire burning hotter as she watched Delphine's passion rising higher with each slow stroke, each soft caress. She watched Delphine's eyes start to lose focus, start to close, and then they had come back to her. She realized what it meant, that Delphine needed to know, to see who was with her, loving her, but also that she was choosing to let Cosima see her emotions evolving while at her most vulnerable.

It was one of the most breathtakingly beautiful processes she had ever witnessed, those eyes turning from swirling browns to burning greens as Delphine lost the breath to speak, telling Cosima better than any words could, that her trust was complete. Cosima felt herself filling with a joy that was equally matched with humility. Elation at the trust that allowed her to make love with Delphine, to connect with her in the oldest, deepest way known to time, while at the same time humbled by the thought that this beautiful, intelligent, courageous and amazing woman had chosen her to love. Elation again that it was she who was drawing Delphine's passion higher. If there were miracles in the world, watching Delphine rising to this crest was one of them, one powerful enough to pull Cosima's own body along in its wake, drawing her up with Delphine as it had many times before. Cosima felt the muscles around her core tightening with each gasp, each curl of Delphine's body into her hand.

Delphine moaned again as Cosima rediscovered her body's preferences after so long an absence. She felt herself building to climax on the sweep of Cosima's touch and the look of love and passion in her eyes. Those alone would be enough tonight, her heart involved as much in the act as her body. But she needed more. In their past, Cosima would not have hesitated to enter her, adding that other dimension of sensation. This time, she showed no intention of doing so. But in making love with her, Cosima was helping her take herself back, the only person she trusted to do so, and she wanted all of herself back.

"Cosima…I need you…inside…," she managed between gasps, "your fingers…."

Her eyes had not left Cosima's since they had laid down together, so she could not miss the shift in the younger woman's expression from passion and wonder to concern. She faltered momentarily, resuming after Delphine's protesting groan. The look of concern did not leave her eyes, but Delphine felt her shift slightly, moving lower.

Delphine wanted to school her own expression, to be ready to hide what she was feeling if this turned out to be too much, too close in time to those terrible memories. But that would be a betrayal itself, hiding herself again under the lie of protecting Cosima, when it was her own fears and insecurity she was trying to hide. She would not do that. Their intimacy required sharing, completely, the good and the bad. The sensation of Cosima filling her drew a gasp and a low moan.

Cosima moved slowly, watching Delphine's expression for any sign of distress. Without lifting her head from the pillow it shared with Cosima, Delphine moved her free hand back down between them to grip her wrist as she shifted her leg higher on Cosima's hip, opening herself further. Using the other arm that was wrapped around Cosima for leverage, she pushed her body lower onto Cosima's fingers, before moving slightly higher, then lower again. Cosima responded by drawing her knee up between Delphine's legs to rest against the back of her own hand, providing extra leverage. She met the slow rise and fall of Delphine's body more confidently, diving deeper as the passion in Delphine's expression took on an added urgency.

Delphine watched as the doubt fell away in Cosima's eyes, the passion and wonder returning to them. She felt her own heart and body respond, opening and filling with the love shining back at her. She tried to slow her own movements again, to draw out the moment, the sensations of Cosima making love with her suddenly seeming more important than the impending orgasm. But her body was not to be denied any longer. Releasing Cosima's wrist, she pulled her closer, still moving her body in time to Cosima's strokes, watching as the realization dawned in Cosima's eyes that she was drawing near to release.

As Delphine's body began to tighten around her fingers Cosima's eyes flared with a heat of their own. Her body curled into Delphine's in answer, gasping as her muscles contracted uncontrollably in her own release as Delphine moaned, long and low, pressing her body down, down, and then froze, locked in place as she shook with the power of her orgasm, eyes fighting not to close as it washed over her, trying to hold Cosima's burning gaze through to the end. She needed Cosima to see the truth of her passion and of her love.

So she let everything show, in her face, in her eyes, in the movements and responses of her body, hiding nothing from the woman who had healed her soul so effortlessly with her love once before, and now again. Love seemed too small and insignificant a word for this. If such a word did exist, one to describe all that she felt for this woman, she did not know it. But lacking a descriptor did not change the existence of it, and it was theirs, together, as if it had been made just for them.

Cosima watched the emotion play over Delphine's expressions as the tide of her own orgasm ebbed and flowed out, leaving her breathless in body and heart. Watching the evolution and climax of her passion, there was no hint of fear, or shame in her eyes, only love and complete trust. Any lingering doubts she might have had about Delphine's sexual interest in her evaporated with Delphine's final, whispered, "Cosima," as her body succumbed.

Delphine's eyes stayed locked on Cosima's as she continued to draw and release one shaking, shuddering breath after another, Cosima doing the same. Their foreheads pressed together, their lips close enough to brush as they each gasped to try to catch their breath. Finally, when they could breathe without gasping, Delphine kissed her, gently, sweetly, eyes wide open, as they had been the very first time they had kissed.

Cosima continued her gentle ministrations, fingers moving slightly, slowly curling and pressing upward inside of Delphine as her thumb gently circled her clitoris on the outside, applying slightly more downward pressure. The counter pressure of the two sensations caused her abdominal muscles to tighten and ripples of aftershocks to fan out from her core each time Cosima's thumb circled and pressed. Delphine's body shuddered in pleasure and she released the kiss with a gasp.

"If you keep doing that, you will get me going again," she paused to gasp again as Cosima responded with another slow, firm stroke of her thumb.

"There's absolutely nothing wrong with that," was her throaty response. But her voice broke on the last word and Delphine's eyes widened as she watched a tear roll down the bridge of Cosima's nose and drop to the pillow they shared.

"Mon amour, what's wrong?" Delphine's reigniting passion was suddenly banked at the signs of distress from Cosima.

Cosima smiled, tempted to say she cried after sex with boys, too. But this wasn't the time for levity, it was time for honesty. She gently withdrew her fingers from Delphine, replacing her hand with her thigh and wrapping her arm around the other woman's waist, pulling her closer.

"You just … overwhelmed me." She refused to hide the tears, because that would be a denial of everything she was feeling for this amazing woman. "When I thought you were dead, something broke in me. It was one of those moments where you know nothing will ever be the same after. And even when you were back…." Delphine nodded as she trailed off, understanding what she was trying to say. "I never thought we would finally be in this place. This place where everything feels like it's where it's supposed to be. With you." She found herself laughing at the towering joy she felt, as she cried with the anguish of memory. And then the laughter deserted her and leaving the tears to serve both emotions.

Delphine pulled her closer, using the leg wrapped around Cosima to rotate them both so that Cosima rested slightly on her right side. She pulled the smaller woman's face into the crook of her neck, hand to the back of her head, rocking her gently.

"Mon coeur," she murmured soothingly. "Why do you think I cried our first time? I spent years lost and alone, despite the physical presence of others… an empty life until you came to fill it. We are here now, this is all that matters."

Cosima's tears calmed at the words and she raised her head to look down at the angel whose body was wrapped around her own.

Delphine felt the pull of those amber pools on her heart. She rose up, gently rolling until Cosima was on her back, underneath her. Propping herself up on one elbow so she would not put weight on Cosima's chest, she used her other hand to gently wipe away Cosima's tears, and the tears that followed those until there were no more.

"You are so beautiful, so very special." She ran her thumb over Cosima's cheek, down the curve of her jaw and under her chin, to finish the journey by tracing her lower lip. Her breathing became shallow as she saw the smoldering need rise up in the eyes below her once more. She had missed this, missed bringing that look into Cosima's eyes. She had missed making love with her. She lowered her lips once more, her tongue dancing and gliding, dipping in and stroking only to retreat once more before diving in again.

Cosima knew this dance, understood the new promise being made. She was not surprised when Delphine's kisses moved along her jaw and slowly down her neck, pausing at the all the sensitive places on Cosima's skin that she had known well from before. Cosima could not control a shiver as Delphine drew her teeth gently over one particularly sensitive spot at the base of her neck, before continuing her journey lower. She felt Delphine's right hand traveling over her skin, starting from her hip, running slowly up her stomach and abdomen, along her ribs, to gently cup the breast she was working down towards with her lips.

Delphine used her thumb and index finger to encourage Cosima's nipple to pebble as she shifted her weight to move her body lower. Gazing up at the hazy expression of need looking back, Delphine lowered her mouth slowly, grazing the rounded nipple with the tip of her tongue before taking it lightly between her teeth. Cosima could not stop her body from twisting, arching to the hard beat of desire pounding in her veins as Delphine gently pulled at her nipple with her teeth, creating and releasing tension, stroking the nub held between her teeth with the flat of her tongue between cycles.

Delphine felt the heat rising up in herself again as Cosima arched her body up, offering more and demanding more with her need. In their past love making, Delphine would have moved to the opposite breast to repeat her attentions there, drawing out the teasing. But each breath Cosima released, perfectly timed with a tug on that sensitive peak, contained a quiet whimper of urgency. Delphine changed tactics, realizing Cosima was not going to last as long as her original plans would require. Without releasing her hold on Cosima's breast she reached down to brush her fingernails lightly up the smaller woman's inner thigh. Cosima opened instantly.

Delphine timed the penetration with the next gentle pull of her teeth. Even with Delphine's weight resting on the lower half of her body, Cosima was able to lift her hips off of the bed, raising both of them up and moaning loudly as her body curled to meet the long fingers questing deep inside her. Each thrust was timed to a tug at her nipple, each withdrawal matched to the stroke of Delphine's tongue when the tension released. Cosima's body was a bowstring, tightening and releasing to the beat and counter beat of Delphine's teeth and tongue, drawn by her fingers over and over again until orgasm flashed through her body like a lightning strike followed by wave after rolling wave of thunder. Cosima was left gasping and jolting with her own aftershocks.

Delphine watched in a renewed sensual haze of her own. While it still surprised her how often they both peaked together, this time Cosima had been a little too fast for her to keep up. Her fingers were locked in place, held by Cosima's still twitching, twisting body, but she released the pebbled nipple from her teeth, taking it fully into her mouth to bathe it soothingly with her tongue as Cosima's body slowly unwound and relaxed back into the bed.

The heat and the wet gripping her fingers was calling to her tongue. Delphine wanted to taste her now, tease her, draw her back up until she was ready and then carry her through again. She made herself wait until Cosima's muscles relaxed around her fingers, so that she could begin a new dance, a gentle stroke, sliding in and out as slowly as she could manage. She raised her head from Cosima's breast and rested her chin lightly in the center of her chest, watching lovingly as the reaction to her continued touch grew in Cosima's expression once more.

When she was confident her lover truly was ready to go again, she turned her attention to the breast she had ignored when her previous foreplay had proven a bit too effective. Only when Cosima was once more grinding her hips slowly beneath her did Delphine release the nipple she was teasing and resumed kissing a slow path down the center of Cosima's body.

Cosima was writhing once more with desire, insatiable now that the dam had burst, but as Delphine's weight moved off of her, moving lower, she missed the physical sensation of connection that weight had provided and was torn. She wanted Delphine's mouth on her. Oh God, yes she did. But she could also feel a sense of frustration growing in her the lower Delphine went. She stopped her, hands on Delphine's arms, applying gentle resistance until beautiful dark eyes, hazy with a need of their own, looked up at her in question.

"I need… I need to feel your body against mine, your skin and…" she didn't know how to express what she needed. Her body was throbbing, reverberating with the gentle pull of Delphine's teeth on the breasts she had already abandoned, ghost sensations her nerve endings refused to release, sending a matching pulse to her clitoris.

She knew physically her body was quite happy with everything Delphine was doing, but she needed something more. She needed to feel the weight of her, the pull of gravity on Delphine's body through her own, the solidity and reality of her. She needed to be able to wrap her arms around Delphine and pull her even closer than that, crushingly tight. Now that they had crossed this line, she needed the physical reassurance of Delphine's presence. If she could phase her body just slightly out of the physical realm and meld it with Delphine's, that might bring them close enough to sooth that part of her that had broken when she thought Delphine dead, that part of her that was terrified of the potential of some unknown future taking her away again, leaving Cosima bereft once more.

Delphine recognized something of the need in her eyes and immediately forgot her own plans for her lover. She brought her body back up next to Cosima's, putting all of her weight on her elbows, suspending her body slightly above. Her right side ached with the unaccustomed strain on her still weak abdominal muscles, but it was not enough to distract her from Cosima's need. Watching Cosima's face for any hint of discomfort or difficulty breathing, she slowly lowered her weight, thigh sliding over thigh, belly pressing into belly, breast melding into breast, until her weight was almost fully on the smaller woman beneath her, pressing her into the mattress. When most of her weight was resting on Cosima, Delphine's attention went from watching for physical discomfort to noticing Cosima's emotions. She could see the desire there, very clearly. But something deeper showed, a fear she could not place.

Delphine lowered her head until her hair fell forward curtaining Cosima's face, blond strands falling to mix with rolls of darker dreadlocks on the pillow beneath them. Delphine still held a slight amount of her own weight on her left elbow, taking some the stress off of her weaker side and freeing her right hand to drift up, under the fall of her own hair, to Cosima's cheek once more.

Cosima sighed as Delphine's body came to rest fully on her own, gazing up into eyes she knew could see her arousal and her fear in equal measure. She brought her hands to Delphine's hips and ran them slowly up her back, taking the time to feel the contours of muscles along her spine, her ribs, the rounded peaks of her shoulder blades, the bunching of muscles across the back of her shoulders, then sliding through the strands of hair resting on her back.

The insistent arousal had not fled, but it had eased. This was more important, allowing the reality of Delphine, alive and safe and here, to sink into her body and into her soul. She reversed the movement of her hands, slowly running them down Delphine's back once more, the light press of her fingers sliding over the smooth skin until her left hand encountered a slight imperfection. This was something new, something not from before. She played her fingers over the small indention, her expression shifting again when its location registered. The exit wound. Exit scar now. There had been no corresponding incision on her back, so this wound had been allowed to heal unimpeded. A bullet had passed completely through Delphine's body, tearing through flesh and ripping through organs at a velocity of over 1000 feet per second, exploding out from this small indention.

"It's ok," Delphine whispered at the look in Cosima's eyes.

"No it isn't. Because I know now that something as small in mass as a single bullet can take everything away from us."

"It can. But it didn't."

"This time," Cosima finished, her fingers still circling slowly over the scar tissue. "I dreamed of you, when I would sleep… When I thought you were dead. They were so vivid. I could feel you, smell your perfume, taste you… hold you exactly like this. But then I would wake up and you were gone…dead.

"When I first brought you here, that first night, I couldn't sleep. I was afraid it was another dream and I would wake up and you would still be lost to me forever. I still have a hard time going to sleep at night. I know what it's like to lose you now. It's not something I can forget, always with me."

Delphine allowed the words the time they deserved, considering, before she answered the statement with a question. "Do you remember what it is like to make love with me now?" She moved her gaze from Cosima's eyes to her mouth. "To kiss me, and to hold me?" She raised her eyes again, projecting the utter sense of peace she felt in this moment. "To talk and to laugh and to cry with me? To comfort each other when one or both of us are having difficulty finding solace on our own? These are the things I hold onto when I am fighting the fear of their loss."

Delphine dropped her eyes to Cosima's lips. "So kiss me now," she touched a feather light kiss to Cosima's mouth, barely touching. "Hold me now…. Be here with me now. We can worry for each other again tomorrow."

Delphine's mouth was so tantalizingly close, Cosima could have closed the distance with a slight lift of her chin. Instead she waited, allowing her fingers to move away from the new mark on Delphine's body, hands once more sliding up the smooth skin, closing over rounded shoulders and then sweeping up her neck, scooping the hair on both sides of Delphine's face up and back. Holding the golden tresses out of the way, she applied a gentle pressure, pulling Delphine down into a kiss, opening to her, inviting her to resume her exploration.

They still had hours before morning interrupted.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note: So welcome to Chapter 19! All Cophine, a little loving, and a lot of family time.
> 
> Shout outs to those who sent me comments on chapter 18 on both Fanfic and Archive of Our Own: SpookyCJ, Cophine1, Maritexxam, Mia, CoS1M4, Jesszz, Noir, EskimaPieAddict, 2LisaB9, trylonandperiosphere, and Guests and Anonymouses..es.
> 
> Extra special thanks to my beta/pre-readers: Cophine(Uno!), SpoooookyCJ, and Maritexxam for the extra encouragement along the way.

Chapter 19

For the second time in under 24 hours, Delphine awoke to the contented feel of Cosima in her arms. This time they were naked, wrapped in each other's bodies as much as the blanket they rescued from the tangle of bedding on the floor before falling asleep. Delphine opened her eyes to the light of a morning sunrise turning the room a warm, golden color. It was why she loved this room best, the way the growing light made it glow, a cheery welcome to the day.

Delphine resisted the urge to move, to stretch, even to take a deep breath and yawn. She did not want to wake Cosima, wanting her to get as much rest as possible after their energetic night. She smiled at that descriptor. For her part, Delphine felt a warm, contented lethargy, the result of not enough sleep and left over endorphins combining with the cheery light in the room. With Cosima sleeping in her arms, her head laying on Delphine's chest and dreadlocks spilling everywhere, everything felt amazingly right.

She was sure she had done nothing to disturb the sleeping woman in her arms, but Cosima shifted, lifting her head up from under Delphine's chin and opening sleepy eyes to smile at her as if Delphine had called her from her dreams. Cosima brushed a stray lock of blonde hair back over Delphine's ear before kissing her lightly on the lips. She released the kiss with a sigh and moved to lay her head on the pillow Delphine was using.

Nose to nose, Cosima was struggling not to close her eyes and go back to sleep. Her conflicting desires were to stay in this shared moment of satiated awareness and to sink back into the warmth of Delphine's arms and body and drift in sleepy contentment.

"Good morning, ma cherie," Delphine offered with a sleepy smile of her own, noting the struggle Cosima was having keeping her eyes open. This was the Morning Cosima she remembered, fighting an early start to the day. Delphine reached out to cup her cheek, using her amusement to secretly check the other woman's temperature. Cosima seemed a little warm, but she had just woken up. If she was running a fever, it was low grade. Delphine made a conscious effort to not be overly concerned yet.

When she raised her head, rolling to look at the clock on the nightstand behind her, Cosima made a sound of protest, pulling her back and burying her face in the crook of Delphine's neck with a piteous groan. Getting out of bed was not factored into either of her preferred outcomes for the next hour at least.

"It can't be morning yet. We just went to sleep."

"We have had a few hours of sleep. Do you regret the activities that kept us awake?" she asked, humor coloring her voice.

Cosima did not raise her head when she answered, instead wriggling closer. "Nope. Not for a second. Not ever."

Delphine was happy to note the calm, slow awakening Cosima was having this morning, in contrast to her frightened one from the previous afternoon's nap. Signs of progress for both of them, although she knew it would be an ongoing battle. Still, last night was a shining victory, she thought to herself. And maybe this morning?

A bubble of delight was growing in her as she ran a slow hand up and down Cosima's side, enjoying the feel of skin moving under her fingertips. Cosima did not seem to mind when her hand moved lower, over the curve of her hip before changing directions and gliding lightly up Cosima's back. She made it a repeating, circular loop, seeing how lightly she could glide over the delicate skin and still keep contact. Soon she noticed Cosima's breathing had shift, deepening, not in sleep but in growing desire, evidenced by the slowly increasing press of her body into Delphine's own.

Yes, mornings waking Cosima in this way were another pleasure she had missed in their months apart. All thoughts of Cosima returning to sleep were banished for both of them when the smaller woman used the advantage in leverage their mutual positions gave her to slowly roll Delphine the rest of the way over onto her back, making sure not to interfere with those wonderful skimming fingers on her own skin.

Cosima looked down into the softly smiling face, the sunlight in the room igniting the green highlights in the warm browns of her eyes, making them radiant. It was just like…. Her thought went uncompleted, forgotten the instant Delphine caught her lower lip between her own teeth, her expression shifting to one of passion as Cosima's weight settled on her.

Delphine released her lip as Cosima moved in to kiss her, only to be surprised when Cosima gently bit the same lip, taking it between her teeth in the exact same spot and then releasing it. "I love it when you do that," the smaller woman whispered, her eyes glowing. "There's something so sexy and needy in it."

Delphine gave her a slow smile. "I am definitely needing you right now." She shifted her hips under Cosima's weight, moving the pressure points slightly, settling them where her need was greatest. "Are you awake enough to deliver the assistance I need?"

Cosima's grin emerged, accompanied by a low laugh of delight. "Oh, I think you just woke me the total hells up. All over." She lowered her lips once more, barely starting the kiss when there was a loud pounding on the door.

"Are you two bunnies decent?" Felix yelled from the other side of it. "Oh please, God, do NOT be decent or I may never forgive either of you! Hello?!" Felix pounded on the door again for emphasis.

Delphine groaned. "I think I hate him now."

"No you don't," Cosima pulled back with a laugh.

"No I don't," she agreed. "But can I hate him for just a few minutes?"

"Yes you can," Cosima agreed, amiably. "I will even join you … for a few minutes."

"You don't have to come out," Felix continued to yell loudly from the other side of the door. "But you do have to bring in this breakfast tray we've all made for you."

Cosima grinned at Delphine, slightly embarrassed. "Looks like we're busted. I told you you'd wake the whole house."

"Me?" Delphine asked in denial and counter accusation. "You're the one who-."

She was interrupted by Cosima kissing her quickly and then rolling out of the bed grinning. "I'll get it."

She turned to the door and yelled back a "Just a minute" as the pounding started up again. She dug an oversized shirt out of Delphine's dresser and pulled it on over her head. Before turning the doorknob to open it she looked back at the bed.

Delphine was sitting up, the blanket pulled up under her arms, which were then wrapped around her tented knees, all critical portions covered. She had pulled her fingers through her hair in an effort to neaten it, causing it to fall in gentle waves over her bare shoulders and back. She looked magical like that, lit by the golden light of morning sun through the thin window coverings. Cosima felt a swell of love rise to fill her, tempting her to leave the door closed and return to that magical glow. But Felix's limited patience had been reached and he pounded again.

When Cosima opened the door, there was an explosion of applause and cheers from the living room and kitchen area down the hall. She peaked around the doorframe to see everyone smiling back at her, Sarah raising her coffee mug in a salute that Cosima returned with a half wave and a bashful grin before withdrawing to the doorway again. Felix stood behind a small wheeled cart bearing a mix of breakfast items, looking like a room service delivery at a fancy hotel.

"As you can see," he sniffed, sounding bored and intentionally unconvincing, "no one had the slightest idea the two of you were getting back together. But we just happened to have on hand a bottle of chilled champagne, with orange juice should you prefer a mixer. Croissants," he emphasized the word with an over-exaggerated French accent before lowering his eyelids suggestively, "with a side of honey. There are also strawberries with cream…do try dipping them, darling," he added slyly.

Cosima cocked her head at a sharp angle to look up at him mockingly. "This is not my first science fair, buddy."

"Good girl. And of course, there is coffee to feed your second addiction, for when you are done with all of…," he used a circling finger to indicate both the tray and Delphine, "that. When you are ready for a real meal, Alison says she will make you something special since Mrs. S is playing the woman of leisure with her ouchy and her Glock."

"Oh, and Scott has the lab covered for the day, Alison, Donny and the kids are going on a supply run in a few minutes, and the rest of us will be listening to very loud music out here." He gave her a conspiratorial smile. "Bon appetite!"

He looked over her shoulder at the bed, allowing his expression to fade into one of feigned indifference, raising his nose up slightly and arching an eyebrow. "Delphine," was all he said to her, his tone slightly snobbish, but twinkle showed in his eyes.

Delphine was amused at the resumption of his old method of greeting her at this particular occasion. She exchanged the smile on her face for a more neutral expression of her own.

She tipped her head to him slightly. "Felix," she responded, equally blandly. But her eyes still smiled at him, knowing the friendship that had grown between them belied any coolness in their old exchange of greetings.

With a muffled "humph", he turned to look back down the hallway and walked out of sight, saying in a voice loud enough it was meant to be heard by all, "She's had to've made a deal with the devil, that one! No one should look that good after thrashing around in bed all night." After a pause filled with laughter he added in a plaintive tone, "Also, I'm not completely sure I'm still gay now."

Cosima was left to pull the cart inside the bedroom, as Delphine laughed at the exchange. Family. That was what she had now with Cosima and these other wonderful people.

Cosima closed the door, leaning back against it as she once more took in the beautiful tableaux that was Delphine, smiling with obvious joy. "He's right," the reverence in her voice was unmistakable. "You are stunningly gorgeous right now."

Delphine dropped her chin for the express purpose of being able to look up through her lashes at her adoring audience. "That is another one of those perspective things that perhaps you and I do not see in the same way." Her eyes sparkled when she added, "Come show me how beautiful you believe me to be."

"Oh, did you just throw down a sexually manipulative gauntlet?" she asked, sounding happily incredulous.

"Since it appears we have been given the morning to ourselves, yes, I did."

Cosima pushed herself off the door, moving to stand at the foot of the bed to smile at the vision before her. "Thank goodness it's not a misunderstanding on my part."

She peeled off the T-shirt she was wearing to stand naked before Delphine once more, gratified when dark eyes dropped to run down her body like a soft caress she could feel on her skin. She waited until Delphine's eyes came back up, desire shining out from them once more, before reaching down to grasp the fabric of the blanket and drawing it slowly towards her until the slack was gone, the resistance of Delphine's body pulling it taut.

Delphine unfolded her arms from around her knees, but not before grasping her end of the blanket, holding it to her chest to prevent it from falling away from her body before she was ready. She leaned back, sliding down to lay on the sheets once more without ever taking her eyes from the amber, glowing ones looking back at her. She folded her free arm behind her head, propping it up so she could watch Cosima's seduction, before releasing her hold on the blanket with the other hand.

Cosima watched as Delphine's newly freed hand found a resting place along the top of the pillow behind her head, unquestioningly giving up control of the fabric covering her body. The blanket rose and fell with each breath she took, nothing but desire in Delphine's eyes as Cosima slowly pulled the blanket lower.

The sensation of fabric sliding over suddenly sensitive breasts tightened her nipples, accentuating the feel of friction the woven cotton created against her skin before the hem of the blanket slid down the smooth slope of pale skin and continued its journey over her ribs.

Cosima was secretly proud of her restraint, keeping the pace of the blanket's retreat steady and slow despite the sudden ache in her body that was insisting on a speedier unveiling. The colorful area of bruising and the scar were revealed next, but Cosima could see the contour of Delphine's body underneath it, the flat expanse of abdomen she would happily spend hours kissing and caressing.

Delphine pressed her right leg into the mattress, keeping her left knee slightly bent and tented over the right as the blanket moved lower. It was a surprisingly coy pose when contrasted against the open access she gave Cosima's eyes to rest of her body. In addition to being teasingly provocative, it served to hide the fading bruises on her thighs as the blanket slid down to reveal the rest of her. They would not be a surprise to Cosima this time, but Delphine wanted to give her a few extra moments before facing them again.

Cosima dropped the blanket to the floor and climbed onto the bed, crawling just far enough to kiss the peak of the bent knee before resting her weight on Delphine's lower legs. Circumstances last night had not lent themselves to her tasting Delphine, denying her desire to make love to her in that way. She intended to make up for it right now. Since starting at the top and working down was prone to too many distractions, she would try starting from the bottom and work her way up.

She ran a hand up the back of Delphine's exposed thigh, using a light brush of finger nails to raise goose bumps on the return stroke. Delphine would have opened to her then, but the position of Cosima's body on her legs prevented it. Cosima moved to place a kiss on the spot where her legs came together to hide the tell-tale bruises before shifting her weight to remove the restriction. Their eyes met in understanding, another step in their journey lay in front of them.

Delphine shifted her leg, watching Cosima's expression as the bruises came into view. Cosima moved to lay between Delphine's parted legs, sliding her hands under the long, lovely thighs, wrapping them around so that her fingertips came to rest near the fading marks. She made herself look at them, running her fingers gently over them. In a few days, a week max, they would be gone, but the lingering effects Delphine had spoken of last night would last far longer for both of them. They both knew that. The bruises themselves meant little in that context.

She found herself feeling grateful, in a weird way, that they were still there… had been there last night to create a discussion they might never have had otherwise. Last night the marks symbolized violence done to Delphine. This morning they symbolized a healing process both of them were undergoing together.

Cosima had grown enough to realize some hurts would never fully heal, and that perhaps this was one of them. But those hurts could be survived and, on days of strength, faced head on and made smaller over time. Each of them would help the other through those days where strength was fleeting. As long as the advances in their internal emotional wars outweighed the retreats, they would both be fine.

Her mouth turned up in a soft smile as she caught Delphine's scent. She placed a soft kiss on the fading bruises, shifting to the other leg to do the same before moving higher. It was time to advance once more.

In the living room, everyone was settling down, the Hendricks family closing the door behind them, off on their shopping trip.

Helena, leaving Mrs. S to guard their guest, opted to take a break, disappearing out the side door, presumably to check the property.

Lyssa had been conveniently sent to the corner of the living room where she could not be seen from the hallway when they had surprised the happy couple with the breakfast tray. She was no longer wearing the sling for her arm, and was even moving the shoulder in a circular motion, tentatively stretching the healing muscles. Sarah held up the notebook by the kitchen table, wordlessly calling her over to continue her translations.

Mrs. S, gun near to hand and leg propped up, sat with an unimpeded view of the kitchen table. Lyssa moved to the table and sat down, holding out her hand for the notebook and pen. Instead, Sarah handed her a sheet of paper with a list of names on it.

"This is a list of everyone Delphine could name in Topside. We need to know which of them are also Neolution."

Lyssa returned her look silently before nodding and taking the paper and pen. Sarah watched closely as the tip of the pen moved down the list, putting a mark next to the occasional name. The pen paused next to one name in particular, the delay noticeable before it continued moving down the list, leaving it unchecked. Once Lyssa reached the end of the list, she began writing additional names.

But Sarah had noted the delay. "And Marion Bowles?"

Lyssa finished writing out the additional names before returning the tip of the pen to Marion's name, drawing a line through it. Her expression empty of any emotion Sarah could read when she finally looked back up from the paper. "Sorry about your contact. She became a problem when she aligned with you. She's no longer with anyone anymore."

"Damn."

"It was a warning as much as it was the termination of a problem. I doubt you'll find any more allies in the Topside ranks."

"And Charlotte?" Sarah felt her heart sink, wondering if Neolution would kill a child for Marion's sins.

"Susan has her," Lyssa answered flatly. "Not an ideal place for a child, but since she's a Leda and not a Helen, I am guessing she will be treated reasonably well."

"Reasonably?" Siobhan's voice reminded them they were not the only two in the room. She had volunteered Felix to do clean up after the morning meal, with Krystal offering to help. Both were listening from their positions at the sink drying dishes.

"Who's Charlotte," Krystal whispered to Felix, trying to listen to his answer and to the discussion still taking place at the kitchen table.

"Susan's not known for her maternal instincts," Lyssa answered Siobhan's question. "And if she's being kept at the base, she's surrounded by Helen clones coming in and out. Most of us live there between assignments." There was no sense of sarcasm in her voice when she added, "We're not good with kids either."

A chill moved down Sarah's spine at her cold words. "Can we get her out?"

"No."

"But what if-," Sarah was cut off immediately.

"No." Lyssa tone was unyielding. "She's either already dead, or Susan has a plan for her and will keep her safe for that purpose. I won't help you, and I won't tell you where she is. The end."

"A little girl?" Krystal said loudly, turning from a sink full of suds in angry accusation. "You're not going to help a kidnapped little girl surrounded by monsters like you?"

Lyssa's expression iced over as she swung around in her seat to stare at the newest Leda.

"No. I'm not. If you had any idea what you were talking about, what was at stake, you wouldn't either. But you don't, because as usual, you choose to have no clue. Sometimes the terrible choices are still the right ones. You wouldn't know about that, raised in your little bubble of privilege to believe the world is a fair place because it's always been nice to you."

Lyssa turned back to Sarah, once more holding out her hand for the notebook, eyes boring into Sarah's in challenge.

Sarah stared back at her wanting to argue the point as well. Leaving Charlotte in Neolution's hands with whatever plans Susan might have twisted her stomach. But Lyssa was dug in on the issue, refusing to consider any options. Arguing the point now would be useless. She would wait until she had a stronger hand and trust in the meantime that Lyssa was correct about Charlotte's safety. She handed over the notebook, taking the sheet of paper back.

Lyssa flipped the notebook open to the first blank page and resumed writing. No one spoke for several minutes, until the Helen clone offered up an offhand comment.

"You should probably turn on that music now."

"What," Felix asked. "They gave you superhuman hearing too?"

"No, but they did provide me with the training to be constantly aware of my immediate surroundings. The background noise has changed slightly."

Felix made no additional comment, instead starting up a playlist he had cued up before delivering the breakfast tray. The music covered the scribbling sound of Lyssa's pen as everyone returned to their tasks or to their thoughts.

Sarah opened her laptop and started typing up the names to send to Cal. The information on which were Topside and which were Neos would help him with his digging.

Delphine's body shivered with a final surge of passion before relaxing back into the bed. Cosima did not move away immediately, wanting to be sure Delphine's pleasure had run its course to the end. She was rewarded with one last, tightening of muscles before the body beneath her mouth melted into boneless languor.

Even then, Cosima continued her intimate stokes and swirls, hoping to draw her up again. But after their long night of lovemaking and this most recent replay, Delphine's body needed a longer recovery time. Still, Delphine was enjoying the intimacy and the silken softness of Cosima's caresses as, eyes closed, she brought her breathing back under control. At some point, while they had been too preoccupied to notice, music with a dance beat had turned on in the main room. Delphine was not sure how loud she had been, wrapped up in the sensations Cosima had created, but she did not think she had cried out. At least, not loud enough to be heard through the walls. She hoped.

Cosima released Delphine with a final, lingering, press of her lips, moving away briefly to retrieve the blanket from the floor. Delphine felt the loss of heat at her core, replaced with the cool air of the room, before Cosima returned to cover her with her own body, pulling the blanket over both of them. She sighed in relief when the heat from Cosima's body on top of her chased the sudden chill away.

Cosima let her weight rest fully on Delphine, but instead of kissing the upturned face she propped her chin on an elbow placed to the side of Delphine's pillow. She had given her face a quick swipe with the blanket before climbing back on the bed, but she was not sure if Delphine wanted a kiss now, her own scent still on Cosima's lips.

The taller woman wondered at the reserved look in Cosima's eyes, searching until she realized the cause. She smiled, eyes lighting at the seemingly never ending flashes of innocence from the younger woman. She grasped Cosima face with both hands, pulling her close. Delphine enveloped Cosima's lower lip, making a point to bathe it completely with her mouth and tongue before repeating the action with the upper one. Before she was done, Cosima was smiling helplessly, making Delphine's efforts to clean her own essence from Cosima's mouth more difficult. They both dissolved into giggles.

"I wasn't sure if that had changed, if it might bother you now," Cosima explained when their giggling at Delphine's antics subsided.

"Not that," Delphine smiled up at her. "But you should not worry about what has or has not changed in sexual intimacy with me. Just love me, the way you always have, the way you want. And when we stumble on the things that have changed, we will adjust."

Delphine's smile twisted, turning regretful. "As an example, it would perhaps be wise to avoid putting your arms around me from behind for a while."

Cosima gave a small nod of her head, her smile fading into a serious, searching expression. But Delphine was calm, her statement driven by fact not emotion. Cosima relaxed her vigilance, a sad semblance of her smile returning as she agreed.

"Yeah, that's definitely off the table now."

Delphine kissed her, a real kiss with none of the exaggeration of the last one, unwilling to allow the brightness of their morning together to be dimmed any further.

"Not forever," she promised after the kiss ended. "In fact," she allowed a slow smile to take over her features, "I can see us trying some very specific and intimate experiments to banish that particular memory."

She was rewarded for her efforts when the sparkle returned to Cosima's eyes. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yes, definitely. Just, maybe, not now… not until more time has passed and we adjust to the newness of us?"

"As long as you need," Cosima responded to the question with her words and expression, her love and joy spilling out to eclipse the glow of sunlight in the room.

"It seems to me," Delphine countered, "that this was one of those rare times where you did not achieve your needs when I did?" Delphine asked, sure that Cosima had not climaxed during their most recent love making.

"I'm just fine," Cosima promised with a contented smile of her own.

"Yes, you are. But we have been given a gift of the morning by your… our family and friends. We should both be able to take our enjoyment from this time?" Delphine asked with a promise in her smile.

"Oh, trust me," Cosima was adamant. "I may not have gotten off myself, but I enjoyed every second of making love with you. Besides," she finished, "a little anticipation building for tonight is not a bad thing. It will leave me something to look forward to all day."

"No," Delphine insisted. "No more putting off what we need for later. Not when we have come so close to not having any more tomorrows." She emphasized her words by rolling them both over, putting Cosima under her once more.

Delphine lowered her lips, stopping just short of touching Cosima's to whisper, "And I need to make love to you now." She turned her head, lightly brushing the side of Cosima's nose with her own.

"I want to feel your body rising under mine," she lowered her cheek to rub it gently against Cosima's before lowering her lips to rest against the other woman's ear. "I want to hear your breath catch whenever I tease a sensitive location on your body."

Delphine took Cosima's ear lobe between her teeth, pulling gently, creating a visceral reminder of how she had wonderfully tormented Cosima to distraction the previous night. She closed her lips on the captured earlobe and stroked the small gold stud it held with her tongue before releasing it and breathing a longing sigh.

Her words were spoken quietly, but so close to Cosima's ear they created tickling vibrations in the tympanic membrane, sending shivers through the smaller woman at both the sensations and the arousing message being delivered through them.

Lips still pressed close to Cosima's ear, she continued her list of desired sensory experiences. "I want to inhale the scent of you, with the taste of you on my tongue. I want to feel the heat of you closing on my fingers and hear your moans as I caress you… inside and out."

Delphine felt Cosima's body rise up beneath her, pressing into hers with an uncontrolled contraction of muscles in response to her words, providing her with the first wish on her list.

"I want to hear you cry out in passion and watch your body arch in release," Delphine nibbled her earlobe again, breathing hard at the image she was creating for both of them. "And again." She gave another tug at Cosima's earlobe, adding a whimper of her own. "And maybe another."

Delphine relinquished her hold on Cosima's earlobe to lightly rub her cheek against that of the squirming woman under her before bringing them nose to nose once more.

"I need to immerse all of my senses in you… now, not later." Cosima's eyes were burning amber orbs, her breath coming in gasps at the images and sensations. Delphine felt the pull of their mutual desire like an undertow in a crashing surf.

It was with great difficulty that she pulled herself back, a twinkle entering her eye as she offered, "Or we could wait until tonight if you prefer the anticipation?"

She was not surprised when two firm hands gripped her face and pulled her down into a heated, demanding kiss. She smiled into the kiss for a second… two… before their mutual desire overtook her amusement.

Tonight was a lifetime away. No more opportunities would be missed, no more needs neglected.

In the lull of the playlist changing songs a muffled moan of passion was heard from beyond the wall separating bedroom from living area. Everyone paused in what they were doing, smiles of varying intensity met raised eyebrows as the next song started, covering any other sounds being generated in the neighboring room. The lack of comment extended until Felix could stand it no more.

"So…. Delphine or Cosima," he asked with a sly smile.

"Cosima," the answer came from multiple sources at the same time, all of them Leda clones… except one.

Felix's humor evaporated as he turned to Lyssa. Sarah and Krystal had responded, perhaps recognizing something in themselves in the sound. But the psycho-clone….

Lyssa rolled her eyes. "She's a screamer."

"What?" Felix asked with an edge to his tone. "You didn't know that already?"

Lyssa smirked at him. "Nice try, Princess. Yes, I did know that already. The real question is, do I know it from firsthand experience or from the required research on her before coming in as a replacement mirror?" Lyssa tapped the pen against her bottom lip several times as if contemplating the question herself. "Hmmm."

Without answering her own rhetorical question, she resumed writing.

Sarah and Felix shared a look, knowing they were not the only ones wondering if that explained Lyssa's reaction to Cosima. They also knew the time for Lyssa avoiding answering their questions was coming to an end soon. Decisions had been reached.

When Cosima and Delphine finally emerged, the living room was suspiciously empty. They could hear muffled voices over the music still playing in the room. It seemed everyone had decided to relocate out to the porch.

The two women looked at each other, saying in unison, "It was you."

It started a round of good natured arguing of who had been louder as they crossed the hall to the bathroom.

When everyone came back inside they found the two women reclined on the sofa, Cosima leaning back against Delphine's chest, both of them using hand towels to dry her dreadlocks.

"I still think you should not have washed your hair," Delphine was saying while rolling one of the dreadlocks in a towel to remove excess moisture from it.

"It was overdue," Cosima insisted, doing the same with another lock on the other side. "And I'm not going out in the cold, so there will be plenty of time for it to dry."

"Hey," Sarah interrupted their discussion, thinking it odd to see Cosima with her hair down… in more ways than one. Her sister looked very relaxed and happy, even arguing with Delphine about something as mundane as hair.

She smiled at the couple as Felix commented, "I didn't think you had to wash dreadlocks."

"They would get gross and smell if I didn't," Cosima smiled up at him. "But when I do wash them I also have to make sure they get completely dry or they turn into organic petri dishes. Equally gross."

Alison and Donnie were with them, having arrived home with the kids to find the rest of the residents sitting outside debating how long until it would be safe to re-enter the house.

"So, how are you feeling?" Alison kept her smile from showing as she asked the question.

Cosima glowed. "Call Scott over and tell him he can shut down the lab. I'm pretty sure I'm cured!"

"So it seems." Sarah laughed with the rest of them.

"Yeah," Felix added with a sly smile. "Even the music couldn't cover just how cured you were getting."

Cosima laughed, not at all upset at the teasing.

Delphine looked down at her with a raised eyebrow. "Are you sure you want me to administer that cure to all of your sisters?"

"Uh…," Cosima turned back to Sarah. "Tell Scott to stay where he is! We're on our way to help now!"

"Not until your hair is dry," Delphine corrected her, pulling her more tightly to her chest before separating the next dreadlock for drying. "Scott can manage on his own an extra hour or two for that."

Alison perked up at that. "I was wondering… if you do find a way to fix our DNA, would it also correct our… um… well, our infertility?" She looked hopeful.

Some of the sparkle left Delphine's eyes, but she answered without hesitation. "It is possible, yes."

Cosima tilted her head to look back at Delphine, recognizing a change in her voice. She gave a sad smile before adding what the other woman had been unwilling to share without her approval. "Unless the disease has progressed far enough to cause the more severe symptoms. Like with me." She gave Alison a twisted smile. "The scar tissue in my uterus makes it unlikely I will ever be able to carry a fetus to term."

"Oh Cosima," Alison's face reflected her sorrow at that news. "I'm so sorry."

"No worries," Cosima's expression smoothed over as she turned her head once more to look at the woman she was resting against. "I'm working on a backup plan."

Sarah recognized her effort to move the conversation back to a positive light. "Do we hear the potential pitter pat of little blonde haired babies with French accents?"

Delphine smiled, quite willing to have the focus shifted to her and off of Cosima's heartbreak on that topic. She was reminded of the moment at Bryce's clinic when she had realized that future she had once planned with him was one she secretly wanted with Cosima. It was not something they had ever discussed, but it seemed as if Cosima might want the same one.

Felix interrupted anything she might have said then. "Oh, I don't think so!" He turned a knowing look on her and pointed a finger in her direction. "I know you're not a real blonde!"

"So do I," Cosima added, with sly smile and an entirely different tone.

Delphine gasped, "Cheeky!" she accused, not able to believe Cosima had said that, but still not able to help laughing.

"I meant from those old pictures I found of you," she added innocently, not fooling Delphine a bit.

"What?" Cosima asked, looking around at her clone club family in mock confusion. "What did you think I meant?"

Delphine pulled her back against her chest, wrapping a firm arm around her waist and settling more comfortably into the sofa. "We all know exactly what you meant. Your nose is growing."

Cosima grinned before putting a coy finger to the tip of her nose. "Hey, that might come in handy, now that I think of it."

Delphine blushed and ducked her head to place a teasing bite on a particularly ticklish spot she knew of on Cosima's neck. Cosima ducked her head and pulled away laughing.

Everyone laughed, including Delphine, even as she shook her head. "You do not know when to stop do you?"

"Not when I can make you laugh," she answered softly. There was no hint of teasing in her tone, but her eyes still twinkled with joy.

"Oh, God," Felix exclaimed. "You two are positively nauseating with your new found coupledom.

"I think they're positively sweet," Krystal added her opinion to the mix, still not sure where she fit in with this group.

"Does anyone have any insulin to spare?" Felix quipped back with a smile to take any sting out of his teasing.

Cosima's laugh turned into a small cough, which in turn led to harder coughing. She covered her mouth with the small towel she had been using to dry her dreads. She pulled it away, discretely closing her fist on the towel and turning her hand, looking up to smile at Felix's caustic wit without missing a beat.

Delphine was not fooled, gently taking the back of her hand and turning it up, waiting until Cosima opened her fist, and the towel, to reveal the splash of red there. The laughter in the room drifted away to an uncomfortable silence.

"Hey," Delphine leaned out so she could catch Cosima's eye, waiting until they both registered the serious and worried expression of the other. She then narrowed her eyes in exaggerated suspicion before asking, "How many?"

"How…? Oh," Cosima caught on to the question and the offered deflection. "Um... six?" was the hopeful response. Delphine gave her a withering look. "Ok, how about 2? An heir and a spare?"

"I have always liked the idea of 3," Delphine countered.

"I could keep up with 3," Cosima smiled back, agreeing. The thought of them having children together spoke to the optimism of the moment. She was more than willing to ignore the realities of now and give that thought the moment of joy it deserved. She could picture Delphine pregnant and glowing… and maybe cranky and muttering cuss words in French so she could not understand any of it except for the occasional 'merde'. She could picture herself doing everything she could to make things easier until the birth. And then, of course, the two of them would raise a little mini scientist, performing common experiments in the kitchen to demonstrate basic principles.

She was interrupted in her small day dreams by Helena approaching them, hesitant, a hand over her own swelling stomach.

"Hey," Cosima asked easily. "What's up?"

"I wish to know… about us? Why we are same, so why different? Sarah and me with our babies and Alison and you and others without them?"

"Yeah," Krystal chimed in. "That's still a little fuzzy for me too." She was looking at Delphine in question.

"Well," Delphine started slowly, unsure of how detailed to make her explanation. She looked at Helena, realizing the language barrier would pose just as large a gap in how detailed she could be as Krystal's… er… other comprehension deficits. She chose to focus on Helena as she answered, the original question having originated with her.

"You know that Kendall is the original," she waited for Helena to nod. She assumed neither of them were interested in the science behind how their existence was accomplished. "If we create an exact copy of Kendall, and then take one hair from her," she mimed, pulling one hair from Cosima's head, "and changed it, and then put it back," she mimed putting the hair back before wrapping both arms back around Cosima's waist and pulling her close. "That would be Cosima and all of the other Leda clones except you and Sarah. The differences in those small changes included infertility… no babies," Delphine looked apologetically at Alison, knowing this was likely a painful topic for those Leda's who had wanted children of their own and had been unable to conceive.

"For you and Sarah, we would have to take two hairs, change them, and put them back and that would be the difference between you and Kendall. But in those differences between you two and the rest of the Leda's, it seems that Susan Duncan altered the design, making additional changes which include allowing you to have children. Or perhaps that was accidental. The truth is, we don't know. But the changes that make you two different from the other Leda's were intended."

She glanced at the unusually quiet Lyssa, still being guarded by Siobhan, but no clarification came from the dark haired Helen clone. Lyssa was writing in the notebook once more, seeming to ignore them all.

Helena looked as if she was following that logic. "So there is only one hair difference between me and Cosima?"

Delphine smiled, "Essentially, yes."

"That is no difference at all."

"Well, those small changes are the difference between being able to have children and not. And between being sick and being well."

Helena nodded, thinking she had a grasp of it now. She turned and left the room, walking outside and closing the door behind her.

Krystal seemed lost in thought. "I never thought about having kids. It never seemed that important to me until you all told me we can't have them."

She looked at Lyssa, a new edge in her voice. "Can your kind have them?"

"No," Lyssa looked up from her writing, as if sensing something else in the question. "We have the same problems as you Ledas."

"You get sick, like Cosima?" Krystal cast a quick apologetic look to the couple on the sofa, quietly continuing to towel Cosima's dreadlocks. They were looking to the Helen clone for her answer too.

"Yes."

"Does it progress the same way?" Delphine asked, clinical interest piqued.

"Helen clones without accelerated healing react the same as the Ledas. Those of us with it seem to have a different curve on the timeline, but only because our bodies heal the damage the symptoms create before we notice it. It still progresses at the same rate, it's just not as noticeable until the middle stages when it has spread far enough to do damage in multiple organs simultaneously. Until then, our healing can keeps up with it, giving us more time on our feet before our bodies fail."

"Wait," Krystal interrupted. "You don't all have super powers? You aren't all the same?"

"No," Lyssa gave her a dismissive look. "They weren't sure how to make us exactly what they wanted, so they tweaked different batches of us, just a little, hoping for the best. Some of us don't heal any faster than normal, some aren't stronger, some don't have photographic memories. We are a mix of traits, and even in that mix, the traits aren't as strong in some as in others. Although most of the Norms were purged along the way, unable to keep up." She gave Krystal a sly look before clarifying. "Killed for being too slow, too weak, too emotional, or too stupid. Or all of the above." It was obvious she was including Krystal in that last assessment.

"And they didn't put you down for being too rude?" Krystal fired back.

Lyssa laughed. "That was a plus on their score card. I was top of the list in the genetic traits they were shooting for. I have all of them to one extent or another. Blue ribbon for best in show. I bet it burns Susan that I outsmarted her and got out."

The outside door opened, letting Helena back in and ending the current conversation. She seemed determined as she approached Cosima and Delphine once more. She spoke directly to Delphine.

"You protected sestras, even with your life. You are brave and honorable. I will protect sestras now, but…." She suddenly appeared uncertain, uncomfortable. She looked down at her feet and then back up, biting her lip before asking, "Will you take babies?"

Delphine was confused, looking quickly at Helena's growing belly and then back up again. Helena's tests had shown a single fetus, and Delphine was unwilling to share any of her test results with the family unless it was Helena's choice. "What babies?"

"Science babies. Bad doctor take eggs from me and make them babies. I put tank with babies in freezer in hospital." She still looked unsure.

"Embryos?" Cosima asked, eyes wide with surprise.

"That religious freak at the compound?" Sarah demanded clarification, equally surprised.

"Yes," Helena's eyes shifted from Cosima to her sestra, then back to Delphine again.

"Your embryos…your babies are in a tank in the lab?" Delphine tried to clarify. "You want me to keep them for you?"

"Not only mine. Babies are half me, half someone else. But half me is also half sestras except for one hair? If sestras cannot have their own babies," she looked down and back up again, "they can still have their own babies." A tentative speculation entered her eyes. "Cosima's babies?"

No one in the room seemed to even breathe as the magnitude of what she was offering fully registered. Delphine's arms tightened around Cosima reflexively, her eyes alight with joy. Cosima's dumfounded look morphed into a grin, which was then turned on Helena.

Helena turned to look across the room at another wide set of eyes. "And Alison's babies? If science does not fix?"

Helena's tentative hope bloomed into a smile as Cosima jumped up to wrap her in a hug, joined by Delphine and, a moment later, by Alison. This time, she was good. It was done correct. Correcter? Correctlier?

The room erupted in chatter, thank yous and congratulations and pats on the back.

Sarah was smiling, teasing Delphine by asking, "So, when am I going to be an aunt again?"

"Not today," she laughed back. "In fact, right now someone needs a meeting with a hair drier." She tugged Cosima's hand and pulled her towards the bathroom, unwilling to wait for her hair to dry naturally.

While she knew cold did not cause illness, it could reduce the body's ability to fight off infection if core body temperature was affected. It was not likely, true, but Cosima did not need the added risk factors now.


End file.
